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Thread: Filmmaker needing help!

  1. #1
    amy_wendel Guest

    Filmmaker needing help!

    I am a filmmaker and am looking to interview older women in relationships with younger men. I have written a screenplay (romantic comedy) about an older woman and much younger man falling in love. While I've talked to several older women in relationships with younger men, I'd like to continue the research to make the script as authentic as possible.

    In particular I'm interested in knowing how the first few dates went: were there age issues that came up immediately (funny or not funny)? what was your biggest fear in the beginning? were those fears grounded or not? did you express these things right away or wait and see? did you hold off on going on a date in the first place due to age?

    I really appreciate any information you could give me. Thank you!

  2. #2
    whiterose's Avatar
    whiterose is offline Administrator
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    Amy, I moved your thread to an area where you might get more responses.

  3. #3
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    Quote Originally Posted by amy_wendel View Post
    I am a filmmaker and am looking to interview older women in relationships with younger men. I have written a screenplay (romantic comedy) about an older woman and much younger man falling in love.

    I really appreciate any information you could give me. Thank you!
    I do not know if some members have responded to you privately, but I see that there have been no replies in the forum. I have a few questions for you that may motivate members (including myself) to comment about our relationships.

    - What motivated you to write a comedy about love between an older woman and a much younger man?
    - Do you believe that the age difference has a great influence in the dynamics of the couple?
    - Have you ever been personally involved in a relationship with a younger man?
    - If not, why not, if yes, how did it go?


  4. #4
    amy_wendel Guest
    Hi SLK, thank you for your questions. I am happy to reply, and I certainly understand why some women might be hesitant to share with me for fear I'm portraying something farcical and inane for the sake of comedy. Nothing could be further from the truth, so it's nice to have the opportunity to respond.

    1. From my recent feature to my short films, my protagonists have always been female. It's important to me as a writer/director to convey authentically what women deal with exploring both their strengths and flaws. I became interested in a story about an older woman and much younger man when a cousin dated an older woman for many years. The parents were bothered by this, but us kids were left wondering, "what's the big deal?" The story took off from there. I interviewed several women (including the woman he dated) at the time, then created the circumstances around the main character. In essence it's about a woman in her mid-40s who's trying to resuscitate her life and the last thing she expects is to fall in love with a younger man. She denies this attraction (it doesn't bother him), and the more she does, the more trouble she creates. It's about her learning to live a life true to herself (which she, of course, does in the end). I also have to admit that presenting another dynamic to the more familiar OM/YW scenario is rewarding and important to me.

    2. I believe in love between two people regardless of age, sex, and race. What is taxing on a couple is society's reaction to those things.

    3. I have not personally been involved in a younger man. Only older man (by 20 years).

    4. The reason I have not been involved with a younger man? I guess because the opportunity never really presented itself. I met my husband at 27; we married at 32 and now I'm 43.

  5. #5
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    Quote Originally Posted by amy_wendel View Post
    In particular I'm interested in knowing how the first few dates went
    The first meetting went great, We met originally online, and the first time we were going to be together in real life, we both traveled to a city in the US. My family did not know that we were meeting, his family knew and the reactions were from cool about it (his dad), to fear that I was after him for a green card, to use him as a drug mule, or to steal a kidney from him (his grandma). I was 45 and he was 23.

    Since our time was limited, we had discussed to a T how everything was going to happen, and how the rule of not having sex on the first date, and take our time to know each other, was not practical. If things did not go well, he could stay at a friend's in that city, otherwise we were going to share a room. Needless to say, he did not see his friend at all.

    went: were there age issues that came up immediately (funny or not funny)?
    He thought I was lying about my age, because he thought I was in my early 30s. I was conscious for a little while, to the point of hiding in the closet when changing, but that went away soon.

    what was your biggest fear in the beginning?
    That he would not find me attractive. Please note that at the beginning we were not thinking about the future much, so fears like what will society say, and what our friends and family would say, did not come into the picture.

    were those fears grounded or not?
    Not at all.

    did you express these things right away or wait and see?
    We had already set up a sign, kiss me on the forehead if you do not find me attractive, kiss me on the lips if you find me attractive. He did not kiss me on the forehead, so that made me feel better.

    did you hold off on going on a date in the first place due to age?
    No. A month earlier I had found, in a person's drawer, a porn magazine devoted to older women. The youngest was in her 50s. This was a shock to me, I did not know such thing existed. Realizing that there are men who like older women, enough to buy a porn magazine about them, encourgaged me to organize our first meeting.

    P.S.
    All this was almost 10 years ago. I traveled to the US a few more times to meet him. I met his family, including his grandma, and they were warm and accepting, but he was a secret to my family and friends here. One day, he quit his job, and we decided that he would come to Panama to see if he liked it here. I had to tell my family, and I was almost disowned, my son was outraged, but they knew I was serious, and ended up supporting us. My friends were amused and thought the whole thing was just sexual. Fast forward to present day, we are happily married, living in Panama.

    PM me if you want more details.
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  6. #6
    kittylane's Avatar
    kittylane is offline Senior Member
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    I was 41, went thru a horrible divorce and had not dated in over a year. In that year, I lost the stress look on my face as well as around 20 pounds of just not caring for myself properly. I met my husband across a table, we were stranger's but had mutual aquaintances. I remember listening to him talk, my first responce was, he was very nice.

    I did not have a boyfriend at this time and had male friend's to accompany me to any social event I wished to see. All platonic, when my husband became part of that group, my cirlce of friends, I took NO notice.

    We began to talk, he asked me for countless opinions on his very gorgeous girlfriends. I gave him my thoughts. We really became friends. I did find it a bit odd I related so well to him but he was so sweet, so different from what I had known, I left him into my life and heart.

    I think we knew each other about a year when he spilled the beans he wanted something more from me........that did not go over well. We were in a parking lot, he was standing my window. I remember rudely sputtering some words about this being his fantasy was not mine, rolling up the windows and driving away, freaked out.

    He called me apologized and we tried to resume our relationship as normal. The lingering knowledge he looked at me differently than I did him did a number on my head. I knew I loved him as my friend. He is an awesome person but romantically took me some time to grasp. I initially put this as a birthday booty call way down the road..... turned out to be more, obviously.

    So there we were. Turned out to be the greatest love affair of my life. He went in the army, did his 4 years. Went thru war and all that means and are still together. We never had kid's. Never a concern of his, still is not. He is a really good guy still. We will be married 8 years in June.

    You touched on something in your response to SLK, this really is about a woman giving herself the freedom to follow her heart and live her life. It was freedom I never experienced, it was empowering but it really did come from allowing myself to love someone.

    There was ALOT of slack, family upset's. My daughter would not come to our wedding. His father threatened to disown him. Outside gossip. It was not easy for me but he took it in stride.

    It was harder for me to adjust.....the comments were like arrow's and I thought if they knew what I had they would be slow to sling them. That is what got me thru. My real friends and I have just a few, love us. My daughter did come around and his father sort of. Like SLK everyone thought this was a sexual thing. It was a heart thing.

    So in a nutshell. People fall in love and try to make the best of it because to be without each other just too painful. I think that is the case for all people who love each other. Agesless love to me MEANS..... Love is ageless, it does not care about the particular's of a body, you can't stop loving someone if you really love them in the first place. It just goes on. It comes into your life and it IS a God gift. I think we made the right choice. Wish you well with your research.

    Just remember, there are some of us out there are in these relationships for real and for the long run. It is not just a passing fancy. One more thing.....I never dated or married anyone younger than me.... This was a first and last for me. All the best......
    Last edited by kittylane; 03-23-2012 at 02:30 PM. Reason: spelling
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  7. #7
    legallyblonde Guest
    Over time, Ageless has had many requests by various types of people who have an interest in age gap. Mostly no one replies online if at all.

    Ali
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  8. #8
    trolleycar's Avatar
    trolleycar is offline I still play with trains
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    Ladies can one of you tell me why the family members are so set against a relationship between two folks that have a age gap. I can not see what is wrong with the familys don't they like the fact that two people that like being together and want to hopefully spend the rest of there Lives together. In my case there is a 35 year age gap between my girl friend and I. AS I have do not have any family left any more so I was not put though the problem to have my family getting up set over our relationship. and my girlfriend (fiancee) when she told her mother about me all her mom ask her did her really love him. and then one time I was talking to Debby. Debby told me that her mom wanted to talk to me. After about an hour of talking she gave us her blessing. And Just before we ended the call Debby's Daughter got on the phone and wanted to tell me something but I should not tell her mom the she told me. That her mom really loves me because I am all her mom talks about. and Angle wanted to know If I was coming to London to live.
    And I said no but you are coming to the States to live. You should have heard her scream. Well let me get back on track. I have had know one say a harsh word about Debby and I and all her family and friends have
    said they are happy for her. And on my side of the pond after I tell them that I finely met the girl of my dreams and we will be getting married every one says you are going to What? And after the shock wears off.
    Ever one tells me well good for you two. When she and her daughter gets to the states you have to bring them over the house so I can meet them and I want you all to have dinner with you.
    Now if I play my cards right we will not have to cook a meal for six month, No one that I know has said anything against us do to the fact of the age gap.
    Are we just very lucky or is it the fact that people are becoming more open minded about age gap relationship.

  9. #9
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    Quote Originally Posted by legallyblonde View Post
    Over time, Ageless has had many requests by various types of people who have an interest in age gap. Mostly no one replies online if at all.

    Ali
    Well, this filmmaker got two replies which she has not acknowledged. It kind of makes you not want to reply to these requests again. Maybe this is not what she wanted.

    Quote Originally Posted by trolleycar View Post
    Ladies can one of you tell me why the family members are so set against a relationship between two folks that have a age gap.
    I suspect that the (conscious or sub-conscious) disgust/dissapproval of AGRs is evolutionary. In the case of OW/YM, an OW is taking a young, fertile male out of the gene pool. OM/YW is more accepted, because biology allows men to breed longer.

    Leaving Darwin aside. My mother was raised and raised me to be prudent, traditional, conservative, and a good Catholic. Living in free-union with a man 21 years younger flew in the face of her principles and was an embarrassment to her as a mother. She threatened to disown me, she told me that she did not want to talk to me again. I told her that all my life I had been a good daughter, a good granddaughter, a good mother, a good student, a good wife, I was the perfect "good girl", and that I was willing to commit this one act of madness, and that if she was not willing to accept it, so be it. She thought about it -briefly- and she yielded... which I knew she would, because we are very close.
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  10. #10
    legallyblonde Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by SheLikesKitties View Post
    Well, this filmmaker got two replies which she has not acknowledged. It kind of makes you not want to reply to these requests again. Maybe this is not what she wanted.


    I suspect that the (conscious or sub-conscious) disgust/dissapproval of AGRs is evolutionary. In the case of OW/YM, an OW is taking a young, fertile male out of the gene pool. OM/YW is more accepted, because biology allows men to breed longer.

    Leaving Darwin aside. My mother was raised and raised me to be prudent, traditional, conservative, and a good Catholic. Living in free-union with a man 21 years younger flew in the face of her principles and was an embarrassment to her as a mother. She threatened to disown me, she told me that she did not want to talk to me again. I told her that all my life I had been a good daughter, a good granddaughter, a good mother, a good student, a good wife, I was the perfect "good girl", and that I was willing to commit this one act of madness, and that if she was not willing to accept it, so be it. She thought about it -briefly- and she yielded... which I knew she would, because we are very close.
    I have a couple of gal pals with sons who just hate the idea of age gap. i think there is some Oedipus out there in the mix of "I don't like age gap'ers." About the filmmaker, I think sometimes they have thinking about age gap and when they see something different in the replies they wonder what to do next. Or perhaps they expect a lot of detail and experiences told in their thread. They should really just read.

    Ali
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  11. #11
    kittylane's Avatar
    kittylane is offline Senior Member
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    What I truly believe is that entertainment is now centered on shock value. Dr. Phil..... he is an example of someone I would never subject myself too. He has it all laid out how life is supposed to happen.

    So, I don't think he would be much help if life became unconventional. Funny enough, we lead a pretty normal life and marriage and other than the age difference, there is not much hoopla.

    Of course we have had our hilarious moments. Mean spirited comments, the "GO GIRL" mentality which bothers me as much as the other stuff.

    GO GIRL? how stupid. I fell in love with a guy who was 22 and I was 42 and I was shocked, scared and pretty sure I had fallen off my rocker!

    I thought OK.... this is a fling that will be never mentioned in a few months..............

    11 years later, married 8. He makes me smile, because he is such a good person. Sounds dumb, I know but my man is really nice.

    He is decent. He is a part of my moral compass. Everything he has been thru, military awards for bravery and battle. Yet, I will follow his lead on how to treat a person. He is just a great person.

    I can be catty, bored, tired of strangers. Him not so much..... He makes me think. I like that, In my previous relationships I was considered the "kind" one. I like his take on people, situations. When I am throwing the towel in he gives me insight I dont normally have.

    Wouldnt it be nice to see a show or a book on love affairs that worked with age gap without the disgusting shock value crap? I dont watch those shows because most times I think the age gap people extremely weird for my tastes..... creepy and yucky to use my grandkids words.

  12. #12
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    Quote Originally Posted by kittylane View Post
    Wouldnt it be nice to see a show or a book on love affairs that worked with age gap without the disgusting shock value crap? I dont watch those shows because most times I think the age gap people extremely weird for my tastes..... creepy and yucky to use my grandkids words.
    I think that love affairs that work are boring (to outsiders). I like to be boring.
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  13. #13
    amy_wendel Guest

    Thank you kittylane and SLK

    Thank you kittylane and SLK for your heartfelt responses to my questions. I found them very moving and very helpful. I have not been on this site for some time due to a private matter. I appreciate your frankness and honesty. Your responses make a lot of sense to me and also make me feel like the screenplay I've written is truthful, in no way going for shock value and is about two people falling in love regardless of age. I've met with several women locally who share similar stories. I wasn't looking for any particular response. I earnestly wanted to hear what you had to say. Thank you again!!

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