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Thread: Cell Phone

  1. #1
    gwendolyn180 is offline Neophyte
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    Cell Phone

    I am new here this is the second forum I join but its more towards my situation.

    I have been married for 3 years and together about 5. Well for the last 2 years ever since we got the net on our phone. He is like always on that phone. Its not even funny even on our date night. I sometimes feel he is talking to some one but he says he is just on the net, Facebook, or a forum. Its just really annoying even on our alone time in the room. We are lying down and I am in one arm and the phone in the other. Am I right in getting mad because of it?

    A little inside...before that him being on his phone never really bothered me. I never asked if he was on the net or talking to someone. Well last year I had decided that i would close my Facebook for curtain reason plus I hardly ever used it. And i know he had offered to share with me before so i took him up on that. Well after i told him i would i login and as i was going to conversation i accidentally open the first conversation. It was a co-worker i guess all that was said was...hey what's your number....her (good morning then the number)...him (saved it)....her (cool..you at work?)....then it was it. So then that throw a flag up for me. I called him and asked him if he was talking to anyone. He said no he wasn't. Let me let you know he didn't know i had gone on his Facebook yet. So i went on it again when i had him on the phone he was at home. And it was deleted. So i told him what i had seen. So yes i made a thing about that what guy asks for a single females number because he is bored at home. Well we got into a big thing. Talked allot about our feeling and things came out i didn't expect and we have been working on things. He ended up deleting her number but not another co-worker which he has known longer and claims that she is like one of the guys in his unit. He dose the national guard thing. I didn't like it but i have to trust because he claims he hasn't cheated on me. But one thing i don't get is why hasn't he deleted her on Facebook yet. I am doing my best to trust he is not doing dumb things because he is bored. So yes i get curious when he is on his phone so i ask even when we are at home and i am in the room with him and he is on his phone. I don't tell him to get off i just ask on our dates. The last time we had gone to get pizza and were waiting for it. What is he doing on his phone well i was just sitting there. So i turned over and said when are you going to grow out of that. He didn't say nothing and just gave a blank look. He also sometime stays up really late on his computer. I ask not to long ago if he was happy and how he felt things were going with us. He said he was happy and things were more then just good. I think it's my right as his wife and partner to ask. Personally my self I leave the phone and computer second when I'm at home the family comes first.

    We talked this morning about it because I am just so done with the phone. He asked me if I thought we should be together since we are so different because of our age gap. I guess you can say I am more old fashion thinking then he is. Well I told him I just thought he needs to learn a couple of things since I am the longest relationship he has had. His longest is 3 months which is no time for anything plus that was as a teen. When we married I asked him if he was sure this is what he wanted because I knew he was young. He gave me his word. We have a 12 years gap.

  2. #2
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    Hello Gwendolyn, welcome.
    I have a problem with people and cellphones, when I am with someone I think it is very rude for that person to be texting or having a long convo on their cell. Once when I was with a gf at a nice restaurant, and she initiated a call for idle convo, with someone else, on her phone, I called the waiter to have my service moved to the next table. That was the last time she did that. When I go out with my husband or son, I ask them to put away their cell while they are with me. I am very firm about that. When we are all home though, pretty much everyone does what they want, including spending time in front of the computer or TV.

    Regarding numbers of co-workers, Facebook and other issues. I have checked my husband's cell and he has numbers of co-workers and even (adult) students (he is an ESL teacher). I was jealous for a while to the point of driving by his workplace to make sure he was there, but you know what... that was stupid. If a person wants to cheat, they will do it discretely if they want to. Also, a lot of that jealousy was the result of seeds planted by a gf of mine... she has since realized that I will not fall for that and quit. By the way, I also have in my cell numbers of co-workers and customers.

    I cannot tell you whether it looks like your husband is cheating on you or not. You are there, and you can tell whether other tale-tell signs are there, changes in behavior, changes in intercourse frequency, unexplained chunks of time when you do not know where he is, frequent petty fighting... or like my case with my ex... finding condoms in his car.

    If he says he is happy with you, take him at his word until he proves otherwise.
    debralee likes this.
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  3. #3
    debralee's Avatar
    debralee is offline Senior Member
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    Hello Gwendolyn,

    First I have to admit, I am relationship challenged. Like you, I would be concerned about the things you described. But that doesn't necessarily mean he is unhappy, bored or cheating. I see so many people consumed by the use of their phones now that is alarming to me.

    I was raised in the 60's so my impressionable years were obviously not inundated by accessible communication technology. It is not part of my internal culture. However, the generations that followed have become more and more familiar and now reliant on cell phones, ipads, social networks etc.

    The sense of feeling the need to be constantly connected to the online communication is now so entrenched in so many people that I feel it could be a developing preconditioned inner culture.

    So I guess my point is this: do you see signs that your husband could possibly be cheating or trying to wander off..or is he, like so many others of younger generations, exhibiting a culture that involves being constantly connected to online communication?

    It could be a cultural difference more than anything else.

    I get so annoyed with people who clutch their phones as if they were clutching a life preserver and are texting while they are talking to me. But that is how I view this thing because it isn't part of my internal system.

    I don't know...I am sorry I can't be of more help. I would not know how to begin to approach this. However, I am rooting for you and will watch for updates.

    Blessings and Hugs

  4. #4
    Azureth is offline Banned
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    Oh god yes, this also bugs the crap outta me! One thing I love about OW is (usually) they aren't constantly on their phones tweeting/facebooking/texting 24/7. You can have a good face to face convo
    SheLikesKitties likes this.

  5. #5
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    I agree with what has been said- watch out for suspicious behavior. But, if there has been no change in your husband's routine, I think it could definitely be a generational thing. I was practically raised with Internet in my crib. The fact that he's constantly on FB or texting on his phone doesn't mean that he's unhappy or bored with your relationship. I speak from experience, it does get addicting! There are moments in which my friends and I are together having lunch but we're all on our laptops or phones. It's not healthy, but it comes with the times. I think that telling him how much it bothers you that he uses his phone when he's having a conversation with you could be enough. With all the years you've been together, I doubt he'd say no to that.

    Greetings and welcome!

  6. #6
    chi77 Guest
    greetings and welcome

    i agree that the fact he's on his phone constantly doesn't mean he's cheating.

    however i think it's extremely rude to be on the phone when you two are on your date night or in your bedroom.

    you seem like a reasonable and tolerant person, but i would think you are right in drawing the line there.
    Last edited by chi77; 06-24-2012 at 09:29 PM.

  7. #7
    gorillagirl Guest
    addicted to technology doesn't mean cheating. it means addicted to technology. set boundaries on where/when/for how long.

  8. #8
    VenusDarkStar Guest
    I come from a generation that had one house phone and the only time I answered it was when my parents weren't home, so it was never a secret who called me. But now I often text the young Scot through Yahoo Messenger on my Blackberry while I'm on the train to work, and we are always in touch throughout the day. Go figure. I was always a technology bug.....before I had a cell phone, it was all the latest features on my land line.

    But when my friend is out with his friends or at work, college, watching a movie with his family etc, I never hear from him. He's only 19 and he has the courtesy to stay off the phone and give the people in his current social situation his undivided attention. That's one of many huge reasons we are friends....his respect for the time of others. OK, he's just an example.

    Sorry, but I would wig out if I was in a relationship and the guy has his cell phone in one hand and his other arm around me...or if he's texting someone while we're out on a date....unacceptable! This shouldn't be about cheating....to me, this is about manners. What he's doing is completely RUDE and DISRESPECTFUL to you. You only have 12 years gap between you? The generation excuse is invalid.

    Welcome to the forum! haha
    gorillagirl and laurad121 like this.

  9. #9
    laurad121 is offline Senior Member
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    I agree with Val. It is disrespectful and rude. My boyfriend is 13 years younger and hardly ever answers his phone or texts when we are out on dates. Additionally, I don't think he is cheating but I would keep an eye on it anyway just to be sure.

  10. #10
    joesbabygirl's Avatar
    joesbabygirl is offline Senior Member
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    I think this is a personal choice issue.

    The OP feels a certain way about her spouse using the phone. Personally, I dont care either way. Im more a believer that if he was doing something behind my back, that would bother me more than in my face. I know my husband got a text from a girl one night while we were out for dinner, he checked the text, and replied, having dinner, she texted back a sorry and we continued our meal. It probably wouldve bothered me if he had a conversation with her right then and there, but he didnt. So its a non issue. But my husbands phone rings off the hook, so maybe its just that Im used to it by now.
    On the other hand, if it rang and he left the room everytime, that would be more worrisome to me than anything else.
    I do believe that there is a time and a place for everything, that there are boundaries, but I think its personal choice. If my husbands phone goes off, and I dont care, then he probably doesnt either. But if it goes off, and I roll my eyes, or say something, then he needs to respect my feelings on it, but then again, hes a grown man, and hes entitled to talk to whomever whenever. I guess this issue is really about compromise just like anything else in a relationship.

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