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Thread: Complaints from a VYM

  1. #1
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    Complaints from a VYM

    One of the young men working at my office, 22, complains that he likes older women (late 20s, early 30s) but that he constantly has to lie about his age, because if he tells his real age, women shoot him down. He was saying that apparently women do not like to date younger men, because of social norms... I was wondering if that's all there is to it, or if single women in that age bracket are trying to find a husband and this VYM, while mature, and educated, is not marriage material in the sort term.

    At present he has a LDR with a 26 yr old woman who thinks he is 28.
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  2. #2
    MissMuffins's Avatar
    MissMuffins is offline Senior Member
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    Unless he has an especially youthful appearance (I work with a man who is 25 and looks for all the world like he is 15), I think it probably has more to do with how he presents himself than the fact he is 22.

    Edit: It could be that his maturity at work doesn't carry over to his social life..."mature" people of any age generally don't lie about their ages, which in this instance is not too far removed from lying in order to get what one wants.

    Could be things are different now, but by the time *I* was twenty-something 20 years ago, my peers and I had moved past the stage in which "how old are you?" was one of the first questions we asked someone new.

    MM
    Last edited by MissMuffins; 12-15-2012 at 03:40 PM.
    "Our past is a story existing only in our minds. Look, analyze, understand, and forgive. Then, as quickly as possible, chuck it." ~ Marianne Williamson

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    pinkunicorn's Avatar
    pinkunicorn is offline Senior Member
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    Being a mature VYP (very young person) is very frustrating. I remember that well. Relationships, work, school, whatever...in my early 20's I was looked at as nothing but a punk kid because I was so young. Unfortunately it's a stereotype that emerging adults must deal with. Heck, even mid 20's people have to deal with it, like Azureth's problem with his partying roommate!

    I can't really offer any advice to your young friend, other than to let his actions speak for themselves. Any woman who is worth his time will care more about him and what he has to offer rather than focusing on his age.
    Never try to fit in when you are meant to stand out.


  4. #4
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    So considering that after a certain age people (specially women) are not taken too seriously either, then we better take advantage of our prime years.
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  5. #5
    Azureth is offline Banned
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    Quote Originally Posted by pinkunicorn View Post
    Being a mature VYP (very young person) is very frustrating. I remember that well. Relationships, work, school, whatever...in my early 20's I was looked at as nothing but a punk kid because I was so young. Unfortunately it's a stereotype that emerging adults must deal with. Heck, even mid 20's people have to deal with it, like Azureth's problem with his partying roommate!

    I can't really offer any advice to your young friend, other than to let his actions speak for themselves. Any woman who is worth his time will care more about him and what he has to offer rather than focusing on his age.
    Yeah, I just get so tired of feeling like I'm odd or weird for not wanting to party and do all kinds of random things. If I could, I'd gladly make myself 10 years older or so just so I wouldn't have to deal with this crap.
    titus2 likes this.

  6. #6
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    thatoneperson is offline Senior Member
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    It annoys me that my OM refers to people my age (and even older!) as "kids". I assume the same thing is happening to him.
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  7. #7
    pinkunicorn's Avatar
    pinkunicorn is offline Senior Member
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    One of my friends is dating a guy in his 60's. He called me "kiddo." Yeah...no. I made it quite clear to him that I am not a "kiddo."
    Redhead likes this.
    Never try to fit in when you are meant to stand out.


  8. #8
    MissMuffins's Avatar
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    Usually, I take "honey" or "kiddo" as a term of endearment. The guys who call me that wouldn't call me that if they didn't like me and look out for me because they have a great deal of respect for me.

    However, I am aware that those same nicknames can be used as put-downs. When that's the case, there's hell to pay.

    When I refer to someone in their mid-teens to mid-20's as a kid, it is not a term of respect. I don't know the context of his comment thatoneperson, but I would probably not let that slide.

    MM
    "Our past is a story existing only in our minds. Look, analyze, understand, and forgive. Then, as quickly as possible, chuck it." ~ Marianne Williamson

  9. #9
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    I don't think he's trying to be offensive. He complimented the "kids" who took care of him when he broke his finger this past weekend. I don't think he gets the connotations I have with people not taking me seriously because of my age. I've explained it to him before, but I think it just slips. He never refers to me as a kid, but I still get annoyed when he refers to young people as "kids".
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  10. #10
    MissMuffins's Avatar
    MissMuffins is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by thatoneperson View Post
    I don't think he's trying to be offensive. He complimented the "kids" who took care of him when he broke his finger this past weekend. I don't think he gets the connotations I have with people not taking me seriously because of my age. I've explained it to him before, but I think it just slips. He never refers to me as a kid, but I still get annoyed when he refers to young people as "kids".
    If he doesn't intend to be offensive, then probably the best thing to do is change your response to his use of the word "kid." Choose not to be annoyed by this, and save your annoyance for something else.

    When people don't take you seriously because of your age, that's another matter. If you're an equal, they should treat you like one. If you're better qualified than they are, more experienced, or regarded by your peers as being more talented, then they would be wise to defer to you. If you've worked there longer than they have, they should defer to your institutional knowledge. If they can't, deal with it through appropriate channels but be gracious about it--it says more about them than it does about you.

    OTOH, if you are a junior member of the team, while you should not be expected to act subservient, they will have certain expectations that they are "superiors" and you are a "subordinate." It chafes, but it's part of what we go through while becoming subject-matter-experts and/or earning seniority.

    MM
    Last edited by MissMuffins; 12-15-2012 at 03:41 PM.
    "Our past is a story existing only in our minds. Look, analyze, understand, and forgive. Then, as quickly as possible, chuck it." ~ Marianne Williamson

  11. #11
    trolleycar's Avatar
    trolleycar is offline I still play with trains
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    I agree with miss muffen
    In most cases people that call names Kiddo or in the fire service probie like you or they would not have any thing to with.
    If a person making general nasty remarks and call you disrespectful names is the type of person you wound not to have any thing to do with if you are smart
    I come From the school of what you see is what you get.
    In other words if you act like a dam fool the odds are good that you are a dam fool.
    The ones that worry me are the people that act like they are your best friend and when your back is turned will try to lift your wallet.
    Or try to put you in a bad light so the can climb over you to get head (this happens at work or some social groups
    one thing with me I know if I like person when I first meet them and I have been lucky to be right 99% of the time.
    I try to be respectful of everybody as I would much have a friend then someone that I have to wish I has eyes in the back of my head also.
    Went I sat a young kid around 13 YO and In Boys Scouts my nick name was mousey are I was a very small and thin kid. I found out if you did not let what
    others said about me it grove my detractors crazy. and my the time I was 14 YO I had started to grow and I was the tallest kid in the troop.
    I was no longer Mousey
    I think we all get our feelings hurt way to easily .
    With me my dad said when I was still mousey go with the flow and you will drive the ones the taunt you appositely crazy.
    And if you have to get in a fight always go after the leader as he is the biggest coward of the bunch.
    In most cases all he has is a big month. And it does not hurt to have a friend the was four or five older the you.
    As i did .
    Life is to short to let the little things bather you.
    As the old sane goes when you get lemons make lenon aid














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