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Thread: After 10+ years, any changes i the public opinions?

  1. #1
    Odd Even's Avatar
    Odd Even is offline Senior Member
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    After 10+ years, any changes i the public opinions?

    Ageless has existed for 10+ years (I myself became a member 10 years ago).

    What do you say, you who like me have been here for a long time, has there been any changes in the public opinions about OW/YM relationships? Are these relationships more accepted today than 10 years ago? Or are they less accepted? Is there a difference in opinions between common people and intellectuals?

    I myself noticed that at least some feminist intellectuals did all the time hail OW/YM relationships as a step towards more equality, while OM/YW by many are viewed as unequal and patriarchal. But still, OW/YM realtionships among celebrities are more commented upon in media than OM/YW relationships, right?

    One change I noticed is that the words MILF and COUGAR are much more common today than 10 years ago. For what I remember, these words hardly existed back then. I know these words are disliked by many Ageless members, but I think they are here to stay.

    EDIT: It turns out that I became a member 10 years ago, on the day! I forgot that, and noticed it not before I checked my profile after I posted the original post.
    Last edited by Odd Even; 04-16-2013 at 12:34 PM.
    Odd Even

  2. #2
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    In my personal experience, for OW/YM, I think that small differences of under 6 years are totally accepted. It's like they are meaningless, in comparison to two or three decades ago where a 3 year difference was almost a taboo. As for large differences 8-10 years is considered amusing, and 15-20-30 years is considered disgusting. However in Panama, few people are willing to be rude and nasty and pretty much pretend they do not mind. For the almost 10 years of my relationship I thought that I lived in a very open minded country, until a famous female singer got beat up by her younger boyfriend and gee, you should see the cruel comments aimed at women who date younger men. The comments practically expressed that she deserved to be beaten. That totally opened my eyes to the prejudices against OW/YM.
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  3. #3
    trolleycar's Avatar
    trolleycar is offline I still play with trains
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    I have not been a member of Ageless for more then three years.
    I think a lot of the feelings against age-gap Relationships has to do with the make up of the people and the way they have been brought up and the traditions the regions where they live. As for my self I can not say I have heard one negative word about my Relationships with my girl friend . the only thing that slightly negative was from my girls mother was that I was older then she (her mother ) way. But when her mother met me ans was around me a bit. and saw how my GF and i are together and the way I treated my GF's mom she gave us her blessing. I do not know if this the way folk from the UK are or not.
    And the way the folks where live in the states have treated me then they hear about me relationship with a much younger woman. As I am twice my GF's age
    Most people tell me that they are happy for me. and that my GF is a very lucky girl to get me. And some of members of the Volunteer Fire Department tell be to please marry the girl as we are getting tired of hearing me stories of thinks that we have done and showing photos of her and her daughter.
    And my answer to the remark about the photos is . I have been a photographer for forty years . So her is standing still I take a photo of her and if her is moving I use a faster shutter speed. I can not say anything my family as I am the last of the clan. and other then My GF's mother I have not meet any of them yet as they live in Northen Scotland . I feel there are only two people that must be happy in a romance well in our case make that three my GF's daughter has to be included. No make that four I asked my mother in law to be is she would like to live near her daughter and granddaughter she was welcome to live with us in the apartment on the second floor where me business is located. As my best friend once said be careful what you wish for as you may just get it.

  4. #4
    BeachHut is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Odd Even View Post
    What do you say, you who like me have been here for a long time, has there been any changes in the public opinions about OW/YM relationships? Are these relationships more accepted today than 10 years ago? Or are they less accepted? Is there a difference in opinions between common people and intellectuals?
    I have only been here a few months, and this is interesting to me...
    I'm new to this, but it seems like May/December relationships [of either direction] are pretty discriminated against.
    See, I have a close friend who just came out as gay, and it's been a real eye-opener for me. Actually I've gotten a little bit grumpy, because a woman can love a woman, or a man can love a man, but if a 20-something year old wants to love a 50 year old, they get a LOT of negative reactions. I personally have dealt with everything from genuine concern to outright disdain and disgust. It's rather incongruous of our culture, don't you think? I mean, we've evolved a lot in the last 100 years... Finally it's legal for blacks to marry whites, Germans to marry Chinese, and men to marry men. But age-gap? While I realize it is, at least, legal, it's hugely frowned upon...

    Which is why I'm SOOOO glad to have discovered this forum
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  5. #5
    brinparker's Avatar
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    I have been here a few months and this site has been a godsend to me. I am 32 he is 19. We recently became public with our relationship. He is a sensei at a dojo so there were a lot of eyes watching. But I can say that I have not had one single negative reaction from anyone but my own family. people accept us and treat us like anyone else. Most people say 'good job" to him My father rejected me...as though being 32 and having four children still doesn't qualify me as an adult who can make decisions such as who I am with. I ill say this is the healthiest relationship I have ever had. One thing is that I am realizing there is no rhyme or reason to a successful relationship. My previous one was 12 years with a man 10 years older then me. we were a church going family with four children....he was a sex addicted porn addict who choose his addiction over his family for years and I said enough. I grew up seeing picture perfect relationships fall apart. I have come to understand age has nothing to do with it. It is the two people who count...not their age...not others opinions.
    In my experience 10 to 15 years is still an acceptable age difference. Much more then that tends to get judges quickly.
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  6. #6
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    I haven't been on the site for more than 10 years, but going on 15 years ago I was the OW in two different OW/YM relationships.

    I didn't notice/experience any "discrimination" against us as OW/YM couples. I experienced far more "difficulty" while married to a man who speaks with an accent (who is 4 years younger than I) and heard more rude/ignorant comments while involved with a man 19 years my senior than I did at age 29-30 while involved with YM who were 10+ years younger than me and, at the time, not yet 20. Even at that, it's not anything I include in the major issues of my life. To a letter, the rude comments came from men or women who were interested in dating me or the grumpy guy. They didn't know us personally, so they went for the most obvious target--the difference in our ages.

    Honestly, I think most people run into just about as much trouble as they expect to find. I didn't *expect* to find trouble by virtue of being in an AGR, so I didn't find it. Yeah, some folks do go out of their way to make things difficult for others. Everybody encounters one or two people like that every so often. Karma is pretty good in that aspect--eventually, their own behavior reveals them for the classless a-s-s-e-s they truly are. Meanwhile, in most instances we have the freedom to take our business elsewhere.

    MM
    "Our past is a story existing only in our minds. Look, analyze, understand, and forgive. Then, as quickly as possible, chuck it." ~ Marianne Williamson

  7. #7
    thatoneperson's Avatar
    thatoneperson is offline Senior Member
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    It wouldn't have been legal for me to be dating anyone older than me ten years ago I get crap about it, especially online (not here, obviously) but I just see it as something other people have to deal with, not me.
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  8. #8
    Odd Even's Avatar
    Odd Even is offline Senior Member
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    Ever heard about the Half-age-plus-seven rule?
    This rule has been around since at least 1951, and it says that for a relationship to be socially acceptable, the younger person's age must be at least half the older person's plus 7.

    Thus, according to this rule, a 40 years old cannot date anyone younger than 40/2 + 7 = 27. For a 50 years old, it is 50/2 + 7 = 33, etc.

    I don't know who invented this rule, or on which grounds. I think it is stupid and arbitrary. No such rules should be made up to judge people. If not else because if my parents had followed this rule, I would never have been born. (My father was 34 and my mother 21 at my birth. It is true that they got divorced when I was 14, though.)

    I know that some of you at ageless are in very happy agegap relationships which don't satisfy this rule. I think you should form a club: "To h**l with the Half-age-plus-seven rule Club", or something like that, to show these judgemental people that they are wrong and that you don't care.
    Odd Even

  9. #9
    Pickles's Avatar
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    Heard the "rule". >: (

    Over the years I see more acceptance in gaps where it is OW...
    but still society at least here in US, looks more favorable at an OM as long as the fem is over 20.
    Just look at the vile ugly comments soon as a famous ym/ow relationship crumbles.

    The larger amount of resistance is still usually in-family.


    I mean the question I ask myself with my own kids is do I trust how I raised them, do I trust their judgement for ANY realtionship.
    Heh..and my views were definitely tested..my 15 yr old son just got finished dating a 20yr old college student while his dad is having custody turn. I was worried not so much the gap but that she was willing to date someone not legal. He does after all have a sizeble trust fund. He has since parted with her for being vapid and shallow ("Don't worry mom , I said goodbye a lot nicer. She was just not for me")
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  10. #10
    Slow Worm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Odd Even View Post
    Ageless has existed for 10+ years ..... has there been any changes in the public opinions about OW/YM relationships? Are these relationships more accepted today than 10 years ago? Or are they less accepted?
    I've been in AGR's for 28 years, including 20 years with my wife, and have never experienced any expressions of disapproval or hostility either now or back then, with the solitary exception of a Christian acquaintance who objected to us getting married on the grounds that only those intending to have children should marry, which I suppose was only indirectly linked to our ages.

    SW
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  11. #11
    SummerBob is offline Super Moderator
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    Quote Originally Posted by Odd Even View Post
    Ever heard about the Half-age-plus-seven rule?
    This rule has been around since at least 1951, and it says that for a relationship to be socially acceptable, the younger person's age must be at least half the older person's plus 7.

    Thus, according to this rule, a 40 years old cannot date anyone younger than 40/2 + 7 = 27. For a 50 years old, it is 50/2 + 7 = 33, etc.

    I don't know who invented this rule, or on which grounds. I think it is stupid and arbitrary. No such rules should be made up to judge people. If not else because if my parents had followed this rule, I would never have been born. (My father was 34 and my mother 21 at my birth. It is true that they got divorced when I was 14, though.)

    I know that some of you at ageless are in very happy agegap relationships which don't satisfy this rule. I think you should form a club: "To h**l with the Half-age-plus-seven rule Club", or something like that, to show these judgemental people that they are wrong and that you don't care.
    I just stumbled on this thread and thought I'd add my 2.

    I had actually never heard of the "half your age + 7" rule during my single days when I struggled with AG fears. As soon as I started reading about AG on the Internet, though, that and other stupid rules reared their ugly heads.

    I actually once encountered a web site with an "acceptable age gap calculator". You enter your age and it tells you the oldest and youngest age person you can "acceptably" date. How ridiculous is that? I found the code for it and the formula is basically you age/ (2^0.5 power) < your age < your age * (2^0.5 power). Human intellect actually goes into this kind of thing?

    These rules are invented by bored people with too much time on their hands and nothing better to do than judge people.
    Last edited by SummerBob; 11-07-2015 at 02:36 PM.
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    Like Abraham Lincoln once said, "You can't believe everything you read on the Internet."

  12. #12
    Slow Worm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SummerBob View Post
    I actually once encountered a web site with an "acceptable age gap calculator". You enter your age and it tells you the oldest and youngest age person you can "acceptably" date. How ridiculous is that? I found the code for it and the formula is basically you age/ (2^0.5 power) < your age < your age * (2^0.5 power).
    It would be interesting to have the inventor of that give their reasoning and supporting evidence - but I don't suppose they could......


    SW
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  13. #13
    SummerBob is offline Super Moderator
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    No they couldn't. But they would sure beam with pride that they "know something" about binary logarithms... or that they downloaded someone's template and "wrote a web application".
    Like Abraham Lincoln once said, "You can't believe everything you read on the Internet."

  14. #14
    SummerBob is offline Super Moderator
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    It was around 2002. The web site was "something-something-flywheel.com" and the guy's name was "Jimmy the Road Rage Dog". I picture an office clique of a bunch of early 20-something recent IT graduates. They probably came up with it at happy hour and wrote the formula on a bar napkin.
    Like Abraham Lincoln once said, "You can't believe everything you read on the Internet."

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