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Thread: Is he your husband?

  1. #1
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    Is he your husband?

    Today my mom, my son, his best friend Luis, and I went to the movies. (Iron Man 3). Nick stayed home, preparing class for next week.
    My son's friend, is white and his hair is light brown, I suppose that must have been the reason why a friend of my mother's, who we met at the theater, asked me if Luis was my husband when my mom introduced us. She probably heard I was married to a younger American.
    Luis and Nick are great friends (actually better than my son and Nick) so for Luis it was a bit awkward, to say the least.

    These AGRs sure put people in funny situations!
    Sophia likes this.
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  2. #2
    Azureth is offline Banned
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    At least you weren't asked if he were your son.

  3. #3
    MissMuffins's Avatar
    MissMuffins is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by SheLikesKitties View Post
    Today my mom, my son, his best friend Luis, and I went to the movies. (Iron Man 3). Nick stayed home, preparing class for next week.
    My son's friend, is white and his hair is light brown, I suppose that must have been the reason why a friend of my mother's, who we met at the theater, asked me if Luis was my husband when my mom introduced us. She probably heard I was married to a younger American.
    Luis and Nick are great friends (actually better than my son and Nick) so for Luis it was a bit awkward, to say the least.

    These AGRs sure put people in funny situations!
    It must be a regional or cultural thing, because I see it more as an issue of your mother's friend's bad manners than of you being in an AGR.

    Where I'm from, the person who put the group together is supposed to introduce everyone when the group meets and that introduction is supposed to include info about who's connected to whom and in what way, e.g. "Hello, Jeanne. You may recall my sister, Alice, and her husband, Lewis."

    In that scenario, it's equally acceptable for Alice to present Lewis to Jeanne. Dependent upon the situation, it may be considered forward at best and outright rude at worst for Lewis to introduce himself--particularly if by introducing himself, he is calling attention to someone else's oversight.

    It's generally considered a gaffe to ask someone directly about their relationship to another person (is that your coworker, friend, son/daughter, cousin, husband/boyfriend, etc.) and it's considered equally maladroit to assume.

    If the introductions don't happen and you don't know everyone, you're somewhat lost at sea for the duration of the event unless you can think of something quite disarming and clever. It's also okay to ask a third party while someone has excused himself from the group, or to ask whomever is acting as the host/hostess afterward.

    I don't know why it's okay to ask a third party what the relationship may be, but it's not okay to ask the person directly. It may be that by asking directly, you're publicly calling attention to the host/hostess's oversight.

    MM
    "Our past is a story existing only in our minds. Look, analyze, understand, and forgive. Then, as quickly as possible, chuck it." ~ Marianne Williamson

  4. #4
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    It was not that my mom's friend was part of our group, we were at the movies, in the pop-corn line, trying to get our order straight, while she was just standing a bit apart, waiting for her family to finish buying tickets, so everyone was paying more attention to their queue than to proper introductions.

    I was not introduced either as my mom's daughter, but we look alike.

    And I agree, it is not proper to assume someone else's relationship in the group.
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  5. #5
    MissMuffins's Avatar
    MissMuffins is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by SheLikesKitties View Post
    It was not that my mom's friend was part of our group, we were at the movies, in the pop-corn line, trying to get our order straight, while she was just standing a bit apart, waiting for her family to finish buying tickets, so everyone was paying more attention to their queue than to proper introductions.

    I was not introduced either as my mom's daughter, but we look alike.

    And I agree, it is not proper to assume someone else's relationship in the group.
    I always think of the good reply after the fact, but that may have been a good time to admit nothing, give your mother's friend a blank look and say "Why do you ask?"



    MM
    "Our past is a story existing only in our minds. Look, analyze, understand, and forgive. Then, as quickly as possible, chuck it." ~ Marianne Williamson

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    Sophia is offline Neophyte
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    Hehe that's really funny

    I used to get that with my dad... My dad is 10 years younger than my mom (funny... seems to be a family thing to go for younger men)... and he was only 20 when he had me.
    On several occasions I have been mistaken for his wife, especially when I was around 18 and he was 38, and I used to find it incredibly embarrassing!

  7. #7
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    Well, yesterday I was out with one of my best gfs, and this woman asked if we were sisters. We don't look alike at all.

    I wonder what's in the air?
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

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