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Thread: I did not know what to do

  1. #1
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    I did not know what to do

    Yesterday, my husband and I had a party, to celebrate meeting over the internet 10 years ago. Since it was going to be semi-formal, with a 5 course menu and all attending paraphenalia, I decided to enlist the help of MC, my mom's boarder/housekeeper, who is a 30 yr old woman who is helping my mom, while she finishes school, gets free room and board from my mom, and my mom pays for her everyday expenses. So far it's working, MC pampers my mom, cooks my mom's meals, walks the dog, and does other stuff around my mom's house.

    Anyways, yesterday at the party, she was helping with the cooking and when the guests started arriving, I introduced her, and we were having a nice time until my best friend (N) arrived, with her date(R), who is 7 years younger than N. R was Canadian, and, apparently R had a few drinks BEFORE the party and was slightly drunk.

    First he proceeded to hug me as if we were best pals, with kisses to my cheeks, and so with the other women present, and then he grabbed a chair and sat right next to MC. MC had her cellphone and he somehow maneuvered the convo as to where she was showing her the pictures in her phone, which requires the two people to be close together, so he put an arm around her and pulled her next to him, so they could see the pictures.

    I could see that N, my gf went . I pretended I needed help in the kitchen and asked MC to help me, to break the situation, but he followed us to the kitchen. Throughout the night he sat next to my friend just a fraction of the duration of the party. He would always try to sit or stand next to MC. At one point, N saw me frowning at MC and R, and saw that I was getting ready to say something to MC, but N said, don't worry, it's OK.

    Apart from that, R was friendly, fun to be with, and became even more fun as he became even more drunk. The men were enjoying his conversation (the men were two Canadians and 2 Americans) the women were all Panamanian.

    In the meantime Nick would leave the party every once in a while, go to the TV room to watch the Pacers/Nicks game, and sometimes let loose a few "S" and "F" words, top voice, if the game was going bad for the Pacers. Everybody laughed, my mom, just covered her ears and frowned, and people laughed even more at that.

    At the end, when everyone left, Nick said to me. I hope N dumps R soon, that was awful.

    Apart from that, the party went well, Nick and I even got a poem by one of our friends.
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  2. #2
    gorillagirl Guest
    I'm sue MC was super uncomfortable with the twisted situation. Just tell MC that, in the future, hang out with the girls. And yeh, N should dump R like immediately but you can't control that. All you can do is discuss it with MC in a way that doesn't blame her. Sounds like R was a stalker.

  3. #3
    Azureth is offline Banned
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    Quote Originally Posted by SheLikesKitties View Post
    Since it was going to be semi-formal, with a 5 course menu and all attending paraphernalia
    You're a bad bad OW SLK!

    EDIT: I should add I know she wasn't talking about drugs, but whenever I hear of paraphernalia I just think of drugs. And when I read that I imagined SLK toking it up which had me

  4. #4
    VenusDarkStarLA's Avatar
    VenusDarkStarLA is offline Senior Member
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    Well SLK.....you must be some kind of saint, because I would have said something, if only to start a conversation that might make any further flirtation uncomfortable. I would address "R", to divert his attention away from MC. But prior to that, I would have taken charge of the seating arrangement. Apparently "N" is accustomed to this lack of respect, but that doesn't mean he is entitled to bad behavior as a guest in your home, especially in consideration of the occasion. I'm with Nick on this....she needs to dump that clown.

    And congratulations on 10 years!
    SheLikesKitties likes this.

  5. #5
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    I received a phone call from N today, complaining about MC. According to N, MC was flirting with all the men, not just with hers. So I talked to my mom, who was also at the party, to get her input, and she confirmed N's observation. Apparently the "let's look at the phone pictures" was initiated by MC, and she repeated this act with the husband of another one of my gfs. I did not notice this because I was with another group.

    Anyways, now I learned that when my mom visits my office with MC, if I am not there, and MC sees Nick out the back smoking, she goes to the back to chat with Nick while he smokes. My mom is not an idiot, so she also goes to the back to make sure there are no shennanigans.

    I am not a jealous woman, but one thing is friendly talk, another thing is out and out flirting. It's disrespectful.

    _________

    Note:
    Nick works at my office all day teaching English
    My mom goes to the office almost every day to feed a squirrel and some birds that live in a tree out the back.
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  6. #6
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    I asked Nick and he said that MC was not flirting with anybody and that R was the one on top of her, as was my initial observation.

    Now I am
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  7. #7
    NY10's Avatar
    NY10 is offline Senior Member
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    People might interrupt things differently, from what your first post said R came drunk and was flirty and "outgoing" most of the night. I am sure MC ate it up and wasn't backing down. Bottom line, it seems that R put himself in a tough spot with MC and MC didn't back off.

    It's one thing to have a good time and some laughs, show pictures and have a good time but when things cross the line and people start to feel uncomfortable that's a problem.
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  8. #8
    VenusDarkStarLA's Avatar
    VenusDarkStarLA is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by SheLikesKitties View Post
    I asked Nick and he said that MC was not flirting with anybody and that R was the one on top of her, as was my initial observation.

    Now I am
    R may have been acting out of character since he was under the influence...not an excuse, of course. But what was MC's excuse?

    I dunno....It sounds as if BOTH of them behaved badly, and that would make me feel very uncomfortable to know that she needs supervision like a promiscuous brat. These kind of people are usually suffering from low self-esteem...but that is not your problem.

  9. #9
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    I talked to another of my gfs today and she was not happy about MC. Hmmm. Well, at least she said she liked the food.
    It seems MC upset every woman at the party.
    VenusDarkStarLA likes this.
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  10. #10
    debralee's Avatar
    debralee is offline Senior Member
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    It sounds as if your party was a success except for the behaviors of a couple of people. For me, that is what would matter. You and your husband celebrated a momentously happy occasion.

    You aren't responsible for the behavior and actions of others. In my world, it doesn't matter who initiated the situation or who encouraged it as long as my husband is not involved. I know that sounds selfish but that is my truth. And your husband was NOT involved at all. In fact, he was clearly disgusted with the actions of your friend's date.

    I think R behaved very disrespectfully to your friend, N. But that is for her to work through.

    And I have yet to be at a fairly large gathering where there wasn't at least one single woman who caused the wives and girlfriends to be uneasy. It is also my belief that it doesn't matter how "overly friendly" the woman appears to be, I expect my husband to conduct himself in a way that is respectful to me.

    So I don't hold MC as responsible for this as I do R. He came as the date for your friend, N. I think he exhibited great disrespect to her. It makes me think that if he would behave this way with Mc, he probably would with others.

    I know I sound simplistic but to me it comes down to this. You and your husband celebrated a happy occasion with friends and family. Your husband was attentive, loving and respectful to you.

    N's date did not behave well and maybe MC appeared to be overly flirtatious. However, everyone at your party was an adult and responsible for their own behavior. You are not responsible for what happened. They will all have to work out their own issues. Try not to let the behaviors and fears of others ruin your memories of this happy occasion.
    ​​"Life is an adventure, not a prison sentence."

  11. #11
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    Thank you very much Debra. To be honest, after 2 of my friends called me to tell me "thank you for the party but...", I was thinking that I failed as a hostess.
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  12. #12
    NY10's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SheLikesKitties View Post
    Thank you very much Debra. To be honest, after 2 of my friends called me to tell me "thank you for the party but...", I was thinking that I failed as a hostess.
    You aren't responsible for how people behave, we are only accountable for our own actions not those around us. I am sure that you didn't plan this or even expect it and it clearly upset you as much as your guests. It sounds like you held a great dinner party and despite the behaviors of some everyone enjoyed themselves.
    debralee likes this.

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