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Thread: Is it unusual to worry about the passing of a parent?

  1. #1
    Azureth is offline Banned
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    Is it unusual to worry about the passing of a parent?

    Now most here are aware of me and my upbringing as well as what all my dad has done to help. Yet, ever since he turned 60 I have been thinking off and on again about my father passing. Not because he's sick or anything, just that he's done so much, and been the greatest father ever, I just don't know what I will do when the time comes. Now luckily people in his side live long (my grandparents are in their 90s and still get around pretty well, my grandfather still works doing odd jobs where my father works) but even if he lived to 100 it won't be any less sad at 67 than if he were to get in a car accident with me at 27.

    To that end, I have done a few things. I have told him I love him a lot more, and even though I don't particularly care for it I told him I would like to go fishing with him when he gets a chance and it cools down since he loves it.

    What makes matters worse is my mother has been gone for 10 years and my brother lives in Atlanta with a wife and 4 kids and has a HUGE temper so no one in my family gets along with him. Haven't even spoken to him in years. Heck, he was in the area a few months ago but didn't even bother to stop by to see either me or my dad. It's really sad. Other than him, I don't have much family.

    I definitely realize how lucky I am not to have gotten some deadbeat/mean/hateful/abusive father, which, for whatever reason, seems to make up the majority of men. As he's always been there for me, even when I got my DUI. And again, while there's nothing to indicate he could go (though when I was 10 he did get cancer and was expected to die but miraculously survived) it still has weighed heavily on my mind, making me sad.

    I just want to do what I can to spend more time with him as much as possible.

    So, is thinking like this unusual? Also, to those who were fortunate enough, like me, to have great loving parents that have passed: Do you ever really come to terms with it? Does it ever get easier?
    Last edited by Azureth; 07-19-2013 at 05:35 PM.

  2. #2
    LoisLane's Avatar
    LoisLane is offline Member
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    No, i think its natural to occasionally question our mortality and that of those we love. Don't get heavily bogged down in this thinking though as it could really get you down and as your dad sounds like he is in good health you are probably worrying unnecessarily. Instead try to think positively and continue to use these thoughts as a catalyst for getting closer to your dad, spending more time with him and having good and happy times together.
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  3. #3
    Azureth is offline Banned
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    Quote Originally Posted by LoisLane View Post
    No, i think its natural to occasionally question our mortality and that of those we love. Don't get heavily bogged down in this thinking though as it could really get you down and as your dad sounds like he is in good health you are probably worrying unnecessarily. Instead try to think positively and continue to use these thoughts as a catalyst for getting closer to your dad, spending more time with him and having good and happy times together.
    You're very right. I try not to. I honestly think I'll feel much better the more time I spend with him.

    It's also partly why I have made such a lifestyle change (ie exercising, quitting smoking, eating better, getting into school) because after all he's done, I want him to be proud of me. I would like for him to see me graduate and get a good job and one day get married and possibly kids. I'm willing to bet my brother (who is 10 years older) will regret not having better relations with him when the time comes.

    Of course, I am very happy that he met and married a nice woman and she's a great lady and she makes him very happy. He's always holding her hand, calling her "cute" names, leaving notes on her car etc. so at least he has that

  4. #4
    trolleycar's Avatar
    trolleycar is offline I still play with trains
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    Hi Azureth
    I think that you are unusual to worry about the passing of a parent And more so one that you really like. I lost me dad in 1996.
    He and I got along very well at times I would worry what I would do when he was gone. but I would only think about that for a short while.
    cause he was there. one thing I would do spent as much time with him as you can.
    and since I my dad has passed. I have found out I know very little about the family from my grand mother and grand father on back.
    I wish I had talk to dad more about the family history. If I were you start talking to your dad about the family.
    do you and your dad have ant interest like hobbies that you two can do. Try not to let your worrying about your dad get you to the point the you keep watching his in fear the something may happen.
    After my Mom and younger sister passed one morning I wok up and it droned on me I had no family any longer. and I was all by my self.
    So I know there you are coming from. If you want to talk PM my.

  5. #5
    legallyblonde Guest
    My dad had cancer for 18 years before he finally passed this May. I thought about the inevitability of losing a parent a lot during that time. Now that he's gone, I see it's something that happens naturally. Either we die young, or we watch them pass. That doesn't make it easy though. I changed some of my life to help him through and now that it's over, I have to get back to my life. And along the way I made so many changes, things that I really can't UNDO. So, a road once stood and had two forks, and I took one and the other is, well, you know....

    Ali

  6. #6
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    I have lost loved ones, and although it hurts very much, time heals wounds and you feel less pain. I would imagine that if one has been a good son/daughter/grandchild/nephew/niece, one at least does not have to deal with the guilt of having being an awful relative while they were still alive.
    Some of us believe in life after death, and although I do not have any specific beliefs regarding whether you will see your loved ones over there, at least one believes they are with God.
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  7. #7
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    theREALTrish is offline Senior Member
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    I don't think it's unusual to be concerned about the loss of a parent. I have two perspectives to offer you, Azureth. I know I've mentioned that my mother was killed in
    a car accident when I was nine years old. I remember a time when my dad was out for the evening, I had the phone number for where he was and I called him and begged
    him to come home. I think my grandfather, who I was very close to, came to me and comforted me. I guess, over the years, I stopped worrying about my dad. He died in
    1996, when I was 43.

    On the other hand, we lost my daughter's father in 1991 (he was shot to death in the convenience store that he owned.) She was four-years-old when her father was
    killed. She's always worried about me dying. She's 26 now. I'm 60 and I can't talk to her about my death.

    There really isn't an answer to your question. I'd suggest spending lots of great time with your dad. He sounds like an interesting man. Tell him how much you appreciate
    him. The important thing that I learned from my father was not to have any regrets, or things left unsaid, in my relationships with people.

  8. #8
    NY10's Avatar
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    There's nothing wrong with thinking about this. You have a very close relationship and that is something special and I wish I had that with my parents. You have the right idea about telling your dad often how you feel about him, letting him know the high standards he has set for you, that you honor and respect the man he is. I also love the idea of spending time with him, even though you might not like fishing he does and you and him out there for a few hours doing something that he loves is something that you will have to look back on in life and smile. I know that for me, I am very close to my grandparents. They helped raise me and take care of me. They loved me and supported me. I have spent many nights and times with them. I look back and remember my childhood with my grandpa and I smile, I look back to a few years ago with my other grandparents, taking them out to dinner, playing games, watching movies. Those are moments that I will forever cherish and wouldn't trade for the world. Since that time I have lost 2 grandparents and have those wonderful found memories. And even though I miss them and wish they were still here I can remember what they meant to me.

    The key is to always let the people we love know how we feel as often as possible, they can be taken away from us at any moment. To spend as much time with them as possible. No one is here forever and when they are gone, it's always a comfort to think back on the great times we shared with them and the wisdom and lessons they passed on to us.
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  9. #9
    soul is offline Senior Member
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    "He's lucky to have a daughter like you."


  10. #10
    Azureth is offline Banned
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    Quote Originally Posted by soul View Post
    "He's lucky to have a daughter like you."

    I noticed that LOIL.

  11. #11
    VenusDarkStarLA's Avatar
    VenusDarkStarLA is offline Senior Member
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    Azureth, at least you are enjoying your father as an adult and he is in the latter part of his life. I have a young friend, only 18, whose father died suddenly just yesterday morning. He was in a coma for days, following a severe head injury from a fall. Coincidentally, that's how my own mother passed 10 years ago, but at least I got to enjoy her for most of our lives, and she got to see me have children and experience life.

    It does get better with time. I was very close with my mother, and I was a wreck for years. I still get weepy when I think of her, but the difference is that now, I can smile through the tears. It always hurts to lose a parent, regardless of our relationship, but when we're very bonded, it's something we never fully recover from.

    Don't expect to "get over it". Embrace it, because those feelings are a direct reflection of the love you shared.
    Azureth likes this.

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