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Thread: husband paid off the house but it's still in both our names. on to the divorce.

  1. #1
    gorillagirl Guest

    husband paid off the house but it's still in both our names. on to the divorce.

    to my surprise, my YM husband (separated almost 4 years) just payed off the house last week. it's still in both our names. i guess he will file for divorce this yearish and by a year from now, i should own my house outright. i still love him and wish we could reconcile even though we are so mismatched socially, sexually, intellectually (he's a silicon valley genius). we've been married since 1997 and he was always too stubborn for counseling. sucks. the booby prize is now owning 50% of a home that's paid off. i dread the next step. if the real estate market holds value, by the time the house is fully in my name, i will have had an 18- year failed greencard marriage (13 years living together) and be worth more than 1/2 a million dollars. i will lose my medical coverage though. ugh. if for some reason he changes his mind and wants to play hardball, we will sell the house and split 700k or so. then i will have to leave the san francisco area for certain cuz houses are near a million now. very unsettling. it's not over until it's over.

  2. #2
    christina923 is offline Senior Member
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    surprising! why do you think he decided to pay the house off??

    hope it works out well for you.

  3. #3
    NY10's Avatar
    NY10 is offline Senior Member
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    I remember you saying how he will continue to pay off the house and you live in it. I guess that is why it's paid off.

    It's a shame that things couldn't work out better for you guys, even though you don't have much in common and things were't great it's sad to see so much time invested in a relationship and have it all end. I know he's a workaholic and that was a major problem (among the other issues) but maybe with the time apart. Who knows, he might feel it will be better money wise for him to just stay your husband. It's not like he's been with anyone else and being the house is paid off it would just make sense to live in a place he paid all that money for.


    I guess you still have sometime to worry or think about the next step, I'm assuming if divorce does happen it's going to be him who files being you seem to loose out big on the deal, the home and insurance wise.

  4. #4
    gorillagirl Guest
    actually what's supposed to happen (what's been agreed upon 3.5+ years ago) is that he pays off the house in lieu of alimony and i get the house outright. if we go to court, a divorce court will likely award me over $240k in 10 years (like $2k per month). we agreed that if he just paid off the house and put it in my name, the payoff being 85k at the time he moved out), it would be a huge win/win. the down payment $ for the house was originally mine from my mom's suicide and the agreement was always that he pays the mortgage and i pay the property tax and he got his citizenship. if all goes as he promised almost 4 years ago when he split, i will own the house outright within a year or so (it will take him a while to process the divorce papers, i'm not pushing, i dig my medical insurance). hope that all makes sense. it's taken twice as long as he promised to pay the house off. since he's been gone, i've had roommates and i've put 13k into a new roof, 5k into replacing siding, new floors, new countertops, paint, etc...etc...now, i just need the **** thing in my name so i can use the equity to get a new car. my car has 182k miles on it and is rattling like crazy.....in the end, it will end up being that we each really paid about 50% for the house overall. i probably ended up paying more with all the huge repairs and property tax. he has no desire to move back here or take the house from me. he just wants to be generous and make sure i'm secure in my retirement. i feel so grateful. hopefully by xmas 2015 or spring 2016, i'll own this baby outright. by then, my car will be held together with duct tape. LOL.

    c923, thanks!

  5. #5
    soul is offline Senior Member
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    Although it sucks about the possible divorce GG, what a great blessing that you will own your house outright.

    I've had not a completely dissimilar thing happen last week. I had to call my mortgage company to an unrelated matter a week ago and for some reason I just thought to ask about when would my mortgage end. I was surprised to find out I've got less than a year left and then I own it outright and I'll be mortgage free in my 40's. I took this mortgage out in my very early 20's over 25 year period so will feel strange to have to not pay it. But boy will I be glad, it's been like a noose around my neck for way too long.

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  6. #6
    fiorinda's Avatar
    fiorinda is offline Senior Member
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    Your ex sounds incredibly reasonable!

    When I left my ex-husband after 21 years together (raising 2 kids to adulthood) and 14 years married, I got absolutely NOTHING. I never asked for any maintenance (alimony) even though I would have been entitled to it and most likely granted it if I'd gone to court. I had an advance on the equity in the house of 10,000. I left him living in the family home with our son who was taking a year out before he went away to University. So my ex was still partially supporting our son, and financially supported him through his subsequent 3 year degree course, paying his rent etc. My ex-husband threatened to turn our son against me if I tried to get any financial support from him (his take home pay is at least twice mine!). He had a friend's adult son move into the house and pay rent for a while, and we agreed between us he would give me half of that every month, on the 20th, which would mean I could still buy food to the end of the month. But he changed his mind and stopped doing that without bothering to tell me, leaving me more or less penniless with 10 days to go till payday that particular month, which pushed me over into a kind of mini-breakdown.

    If/when I see him these days (not often thank goodness) he always asks me about Lee's financial situation - like it's his business!! He thinks that he has financially supported our son single-handedly. I consider my contribution to have been me not getting any support for myself from him. He has absolutely NO idea how easy I made the whole thing for him - I even helped him fill in the divorce forms as we did it ourselves without solicitors, and we split the cost of it equally between us. I didn't want to make things unpleasant, because of our kids. I could have taken him to the cleaners, many women would have done!!

    You're very lucky!!
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  7. #7
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    It is a wait and see situation, seems like. Do you guys talk? Has he mentioned any plan? It seems like good news anyways.
    gorillagirl likes this.
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  8. #8
    NY10's Avatar
    NY10 is offline Senior Member
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    Well it does seem like a good deal in writing. I guess it's a big win win for both of you and things turned out good. Like SLK said have you had any communication since he left? I'm sure he will keep up his end of the deal, he has done everything he said he would thus far and he doesn't seem like a jerk who wants to do harm or play hardball. In the world of ex husbands I guess you got the best one LOL

  9. #9
    gorillagirl Guest
    we talk on email a bit. mostly send jokes and movie reviews back and forth. i think he's good to keep his promise. he earns at least 100k more per year than i do so i think it's gonna be ok. i hope once his awkwardness of the separation/divorce is over that we can be friends. he recently asked me if i would be "auntie" to any children he has in the future...and i imagine he'll be looking for help taking care of his mom when the time comes...as friends.
    SheLikesKitties and NY10 like this.

  10. #10
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    It seems that he cares for you too. Remaining friends is great. That is sweet.
    NY10 and gorillagirl like this.
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

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