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Thread: Age is nothing but a number

  1. #1
    whiterose's Avatar
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    Age is nothing but a number


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    theREALTrish is offline Senior Member
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    I've always disagreed with that statement. There are so many things that go into age, and so many things that go into an age gap relationship.
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    Hmm not necessarily. Of course we're talking two consenting adults in a relationship but there are many factors with age that can break a relationship. It really depend on the people involved, but a person at different life stages say a very young person 19 or 18 and someone in their 50s or 60s may have difficulties. It all depends on the maturity levels and life goals. The older person may have already had children, be set in a career and the younger person discovering what they want. They may not know if they want children but then know they do and if the other partner isn't on the same wavelength this can cause problems! Maturity matters a lot more than age but many people don't mature until they get older. For example, no older man or woman wants to be their special someone's parent. Some young people do not get a sense of independence for a while and figuring out what life is all about which includes the not so fun part of being an adult of paying bills, going to work, learning how to live with another person (good and bad), household chores, being responsible for rent or mortage payments, etc. I do not think age itself is a barrier (as long as both parties are legal age) so much as what both people want and maturity levels. Too often the other person being younger the older party lets things slide that shouldn't such as wanting to drink, party, not contribute, etc.
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  4. #4
    SummerBob is offline Super Moderator
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    When people say "age is just a number" they are mostly reacting to disapproval from others. While it's true that many factors go into the success or failure of an age-gapped relationship, and there are things that should be taken into consideration before entering the relationship, consenting adults should make their own choice. That doesn't mean every relationship is good or healthy or the right choice. It just means that age gaps are an individual thing, and it's up to individuals to determine their own comfort level and make a choice based on their own needs. They are the ones who will be in the relationship. Parents may play a role because they love their kids and want them to succeed, but good parents will ultimately let them make their own choice as long as there are no clear red flags. For everyone else it should be "just a number".
    Like Abraham Lincoln once said, "You can't believe everything you read on the Internet."

  5. #5
    gorillagirl Guest

    disagree completely

    disagree completely. my 50+ year old friends are so different from my 20-30 year old friends. no comparison. and i'm much more able to relate to peeps my own age. friends in my own peer group share more common history/interests/values AND are so much more reliable.

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    whiterose's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SummerBob View Post
    When people say "age is just a number" they are mostly reacting to disapproval from others. While it's true that many factors go into the success or failure of an age-gapped relationship, and there are things that should be taken into consideration before entering the relationship, consenting adults should make their own choice. That doesn't mean every relationship is good or healthy or the right choice. It just means that age gaps are an individual thing, and it's up to individuals to determine their own comfort level and make a choice based on their own needs. They are the ones who will be in the relationship. Parents may play a role because they love their kids and want them to succeed, but good parents will ultimately let them make their own choice as long as there are no clear red flags. For everyone else it should be "just a number".
    Exactly.

    Of course people of different ages are different. That isn't the point. The point is that if you love someone, the age of that person shouldn't matter. That's the premise of this site folks.

  7. #7
    truckman Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by whiterose View Post
    The point is that if you love someone, the age of that person shouldn't matter.
    Except it does. What matters is how we deal with it and in my mind, that's the premise of this site - discussing with others how to deal with it in a postive, healthy way - not to unilaterally say age doesn't matter.

    Feel free not to agree.

    Truckman
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    I totally agree, truck. It would be foolish, like in my case to say age doesn't matter. I'll be retiring, he's still progressing in his career. I've got more aches and pains, I can't physically do some of the things I did even when we got together 15 years ago. The point is how to deal with those issues in the context of these unique relationships, and still grow as a couple.

    That's the whole point of needing a support site. Where else could one go to discuss those kinds of issues and have anyone else who could identify with how it feels. I'm past the point, for now anyway, of needing support, but people just starting out sure aren't.

    That article irritates me as one of my pet peeves is calling it an age gap relationship just because it's the woman who's older. 4 years is not an age gap, just because the woman is older. My daughter is a year older than her fiancee, and has even had people call HER a cougar, for pete's sake. Ridiculous, and society needs to get over the assumption that the man HAS to be the older one.

    You can't say the age of the person doesn't matter, and in my opinion, that's not the premise of this site. The age DOES matter, but how to make it work anyway is the premise of this site, and always has been. Pretending the age doesn't matter doesn't make it go away. Having somewhere to go discuss things regarding age without having the response be, "well what do you expect" like it usually is out here in the world is important.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bella View Post
    I totally agree, truck. It would be foolish, like in my case to say age doesn't matter. I'll be retiring, he's still progressing in his career. I've got more aches and pains, I can't physically do some of the things I did even when we got together 15 years ago. The point is how to deal with those issues in the context of these unique relationships, and still grow as a couple.

    That's the whole point of needing a support site. Where else could one go to discuss those kinds of issues and have anyone else who could identify with how it feels. I'm past the point, for now anyway, of needing support, but people just starting out sure aren't.

    That article irritates me as one of my pet peeves is calling it an age gap relationship just because it's the woman who's older. 4 years is not an age gap, just because the woman is older. My daughter is a year older than her fiancee, and has even had people call HER a cougar, for pete's sake. Ridiculous, and society needs to get over the assumption that the man HAS to be the older one.

    You can't say the age of the person doesn't matter, and in my opinion, that's not the premise of this site. The age DOES matter, but how to make it work anyway is the premise of this site, and always has been. Pretending the age doesn't matter doesn't make it go away. Having somewhere to go discuss things regarding age without having the response be, "well what do you expect" like it usually is out here in the world is important.

    I agree as well. I say it matters in different ways. On one hand, it matters because there are challenges to being with someone that is much younger or older than you are depending upon the situations and circumstances of your relationship. On the other hand it does matter because the attraction you can have (as in my case), is deepened and enhanced BECAUSE of the age gap. It can be one, the other or both.
    "Two generations, One love!"


  10. #10
    SummerBob is offline Super Moderator
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    Except that "age doesn't matter" is really something meant to ward of un-called for disapproval of something you have a right to pursue because you're an individual seeking your own happiness, and the person with whom you're seeking happiness is a consenting adult seeking the same happiness.

    Of course no one takes "age doesn't matter" literally. It would be like saying "cancer doesn't matter" after you were just diagnosed. There are certain things you're going to go through no matter how ardently you deny it. If age really "didn't matter" we could all just claim it and live forever!

    The context of that statement is that no one has the right to judge you when you're doing nothing wrong.
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    Ah you worded it so much better than I would have Summerbob.

    When I have heard "age is a number" it is usually to defend the fact that yes, you are over 40 and not playing checkers on a porch or playing dead. Or if romances that oi vey you are not ready for teh convent yet!

    As a saying I treat it same as "Love is blind" "size doesn't matter""it's whats on the inside"..

    I personally find with my friends as well as my partnership, age matters far less than education, class, interests and upbringing. And chemistry of course ^_^
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  12. #12
    oldwargamer57 is offline Neophyte
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pickles View Post
    Ah you worded it so much better than I would have Summerbob.

    When I have heard "age is a number" it is usually to defend the fact that yes, you are over 40 and not playing checkers on a porch or playing dead. Or if romances that oi vey you are not ready for teh convent yet!

    As a saying I treat it same as "Love is blind" "size doesn't matter""it's whats on the inside"..

    I personally find with my friends as well as my partnership, age matters far less than education, class, interests and upbringing. And chemistry of course ^_^
    Does that mean size does matter! Boy am I outa luck!!

  13. #13
    SummerBob is offline Super Moderator
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pickles View Post
    Ah you worded it so much better than I would have Summerbob.

    When I have heard "age is a number" it is usually to defend the fact that yes, you are over 40 and not playing checkers on a porch or playing dead. Or if romances that oi vey you are not ready for teh convent yet!

    As a saying I treat it same as "Love is blind" "size doesn't matter""it's whats on the inside"..

    I personally find with my friends as well as my partnership, age matters far less than education, class, interests and upbringing. And chemistry of course ^_^
    Thanks, Pickles.

    I looked at the date of my comment and I wrote it soon after I had been diagnosed as a "high risk glaucoma suspect". That diagnosis threw me into a tailspin and I was not doing well at all. I started drinking more, eating more, not exercising, and just basically threw in the towel. It kind of fits with "age doesn't matter" being linked to "[you name the sickness] doesn't matter".

    Everything matters and everything doesn't. It's all how you handle it.
    Like Abraham Lincoln once said, "You can't believe everything you read on the Internet."

  14. #14
    ultimatelove is offline Neophyte
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    This is partly right and partly wrong. That is because it differs for different situations and different people. There are relationships where, there is a lot of age difference and it just doesn't matter because there is mutual love among them and that's because, there will be adjustments equally from both. Whereas, there are situations where, age difference matters a lot, primarily because they the age difference matters a lot and they are just not able to adjust with each other.
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  15. #15
    SummerBob is offline Super Moderator
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    My father used to say "life is what you make it".

    Well, age is what you make it.

    Years ago I read a touching story in Reader's Digest about a young couple about to get married. Well, touching for most people, for me is was kind of cliché-ish. They were both 25, engaged and head over heels in love. He was recently diagnosed with terminal cancer and they got married anyway. The story describes their honeymoon in Hawaii, making passionate love on the beach, and how she got pregnant with his "love child". At the end he dies and she goes on to raise his child alone.

    What if, instead of cancer, he was 80 years old? Gasp!!!!! But in reality they would have spent the same amount of time together and the logistics of their relationship would have been the same. If he was a healthy 80-year old they could have done the same things as in that story, maybe with the help of some Viagra.. LOL! Also, the story would have ended the same. I won't hold my breath waiting for Reader's Digest to print my version of the story. Somehow we have a different feeling about age in our society than we do about sickness... even if age is a natural process. Also people would have made assumptions about their motives. The words "gold digger" and "lecher" come to mind.
    Like Abraham Lincoln once said, "You can't believe everything you read on the Internet."

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