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Thread: Adult Children in the Home. What are this decade's views...

  1. #1
    Pickles's Avatar
    Pickles is offline Senior Member
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    Adult Children in the Home. What are this decade's views...

    And out of curiosity has anyone had it impact their relations?


    I wonder if there is the income class and culture differences if any?





    Leaving Home in 15 Countries: How Old Are the Grown Children When They Leave and How Far Do They Go? | Single at Heart

    it doesn't have US, Canada or SA. The ages were all younger than previous study in 2007.
    CA 2011 census 42.3% of adults under 30 at home, mostly 20-24. Not sure about specific research.
    My knowledge for SA only applies to my family outside Sao Paulo, only one child as of yet has left the ranch and lived elsewhere.

    The census records of my genealogy researching show that most the adult children were in house for quite some time and young marriages were uncommon. But while I was growing up in Western 1970's US, mostly California; children that stayed to cramp the style of their Baby boom parents were "coddled" "losers" "ne'er do well" "no future". A huge stigma despite children leaving home in teens was not very common but for maybe a decade, so where did the stigma come from that the media and TV shows portray? Usually; to at least not hear insults directly; they had to be employed if not in school and even then were considered damaged goods. Especially sons.
    And that certainly helped color my judgement on what things I would accept in a man later when I was dating age. Later trend had my age and next generation living with grandparents.
    But I still have the bias ingrained. Any adult person that is not pulling weight or busy in study yet who lives with parents (yes there sometime are events that land them there like a foreclosure) is under the hairy eye from my direction.


    I don't foresee it as a deal breaker between my fiance and I if it ever happened, because he comes from an even more family oriented upbringing than I did.
    And my kids have no issue over him.
    Personally I would allow my adult child to come live with me on need. I enjoy their personalities. But.... the house rules. Mine adjust a little between teen and adult. But some remain steady. One loses a bit of their Independent adult concessions if under someone else's roof. They will be NO smoking in my home, no drunken displays ( I still have a young minor in house). No "Sleepovers". I wouldn't be too keen on frequent wee hour returns waking the household either. Not exactly curfew. Was a big problem with my younger sister. My kids actually have shown themselves more courteous and not really into the party crowds anyway, so all the previous mentioned are examples are moot with them.

    But it got me wondering (PS I am having proofread blindness. I am really sleepy so my thoughts are fuzzy. )


    PS. I left home while my mother was in Fl and moved to AZ at 19. I had graduated at 16 and already had 2 years of engineering. I stayed with my dad 2 weeks then got an apartment. My daughter got her apartment at 18. My son sadly wants out of his dad's so is delaying school to get out soon.
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  2. #2
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    My son lived with Nick and I until he was 20. Then he moved with my mom, when my dad died, and he lives across the hallway from us, (two apartments on the same floor).

    Has it affected our relationship? It did for a while. He dissapproved of Nick and not because of the age difference but because of Nick's volatile temper. And Nick dissapproved of my son's housekeeping habits. Now that it is out-of-sight-out-of mind, he is cool with us and viceversa.

    Here in Panama, people stay with their parents until they marry, specially women (it is not proper for single señoritas to live by themselves). In lower income families, because of a housing shortage, newlyweds sometimes add a room to the family home and live there. until they can afford a house of their own.
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  3. #3
    whiterose's Avatar
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    I think there are a lot of factors that can influence when a child leaves the parental home. In my family, most people tend to leave home by around 18, although my daughter still lives at home at age 22 for economic reasons while finishing college.

    But, her boyfriend, whose mother is from the Philippines, still lives at home at age 22 just because it is what his mother expects. She treats him like he is 14. She and I had a conversation once about this because last summer I had invited him to travel to northern Indiana to go with us to a wedding. I paid for him to have his own room. But, getting his mother's permission was like trying to break into Ft. Knox. She told me that it isn't unusual in her native country for children to remain at home a long time. I'm not sure if that's true, but if it is, then cultural differences must be considered.
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  4. #4
    Magnolia is offline Neophyte
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    Quote Originally Posted by whiterose View Post
    She told me that it isn't unusual in her native country for children to remain at home a long time. I'm not sure if that's true, but if it is, then cultural differences must be considered.
    In some countries it is very normal. In some countries married sons along with his wife and children live with their parents. But as their economy is improving social norm is changing there. Now they have bigger disposable income. Young married couple want to have their own place.

  5. #5
    SummerBob is offline Super Moderator
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    Parents are very attached to children in the Philippines, but there is also a responsibility kids have to their parents that is not implicit in American culture. Kids take care of parents and siblings, often sending them to college. It's not unusual for kids to sit out a few years while they work and help send brothers and sisters to college. By taking turns like this, it is not unusual to see kids still at home in their 20s, and dependent on the family. This may be part of what you're seeing with your daughter's boyfriend's family.

    However, that being said, there is no such thing as a "generic" Filipino, just like there is no generic American. People are all individuals, and families are individual. My wife is very tough on our kids and has high expectations of them. In response to strict discipline, they are both very high achievers. That is something you tend to see with Filipinos; we know several other families like that. However, she has another Filipino friend who is just the opposite. Her kids walk all over her, get lackluster grades in school, and she's even afraid of them. So it is counter productive and even dangerous to assume that "all people" of [ethnicity-x] are like this or that. People are different in every culture.
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    Last week I was in a rural pub in Somerset and got into conversation with someone there who was puzzled why the prices were cheaper than at other pubs in the area. Knowing the place, I was able to explain it was down to having no rent or mortgage to pay. The mortgage was paid off sometime in the 18th century and the house has changed hands only by inheritance ever since. On the sign over the door, it is possible to see where the current landlord's initials were painted in over his father's when he took over in the 1980's.

    My parents found the 60's / 70's concept of expecting children to have left home early on in life a bit hard to grasp, probably because they both came from the same tradition, dating back to low levels of home ownership and of moving home and and to hereditary tenancies. When they were teenagers in the 1940's, there was still an expectation that young people would leave the family home only due to either marrying or getting jobs far away. A single person in their early 20's moving out into a place of their own only a few miles away would be a local scandal, assumed to mean a disgraceful conflict had taken place in the household. In fact, my father left home when he joined the army and my mother at a later age when they married.
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  7. #7
    SummerBob is offline Super Moderator
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    Wow! It was paid off in the 18th century? That means that house being paid off could be older than the United States!

    Didn't they still have a hefty tax bill when turning over the house from generation to generation? I'm not that knowledgeable about real estate so I don't know.

    We've come full circle. I think the desire for kids to move out early and live on their own as single adults is to prepare them for the complexity and stresses of the modern world. However, as the economy got more and more inflated and costs higher and higher, it became impossible for most kids with normal credentials to move out at 21. Impossible at 18. So, starting in the 1970s or 80s we started seeing kids stay at home in their 20s for different reasons than they did in earlier times.
    Like Abraham Lincoln once said, "You can't believe everything you read on the Internet."

  8. #8
    Slow Worm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SummerBob View Post
    Wow! It was paid off in the 18th century? That means that house being paid off could be older than the United States!
    It's not all that old by local standards: there are some approx. 4200 to 4500 year old remains nearby. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Priddy_Circles
    For that matter, my local park here in a London suburb was established in 1519.

    Didn't they still have a hefty tax bill when turning over the house from generation to generation?
    Probably not: in the case of property owned by a married couple, inheritance tax is payable on values of over £650 000 (approx US$806 000). Since the premises have not been sold for over 250 years the tax authorities probably have considerable difficulty estimating it's likely value if it were to go on the market, but very few small rural pubs are worth that much.


    SW

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    SummerBob is offline Super Moderator
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    My great aunt in Santa Fe, New Mexico lived in an apartment building that was built in the 1500s. We stayed with her there when I was a little kid in the '60s. Originally an adobe structure, it was renovated over the years and today is concrete with an adobe facade like most buildings there. When we visited in 2003 it had been converted to a museum.



    My wife and son (then 8) in front of it.

    Last edited by SummerBob; 11-13-2016 at 01:56 PM.
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