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Thread: My Fairy Tale Is.....I don't know

  1. #1
    bmbr's Avatar
    bmbr is offline Neophyte
    Join Date
    Apr 2015

    My Fairy Tale Is.....I don't know

    Hello All,
    I must start with the fact I am heartbroken. The thing I wanted the least has happened. We have broken up.
    I knew going into this relationship is that this could be the outcome. I was happy. We were happy. We were building a beautiful life together.
    And then, in one day, our world was ripped into two.

    I have been through many break ups, this is the first one that has ever really affected me. This is the first man that I have never gotten tired of.

    He has reached the point in his life where he needs to figure himself out. God, the messages, the talks, the heartache on both sides. We are deeply, madly, in love with each other. We cannot stay away from each other, however he has things that he needs to work through. He needs to find his internal peace and direction. He wants me to stay in his life. We do not want to be without each other, but I don't know how I can do that.

    I keep telling myself he just needs his space and he will figure it out in time. He always comes back to me. I am home. I am his comfort. I am his support. He flies away only to return every single time. We are going on two weeks of being broken up. He still calls me, stops over, messages me....I get to a good place within myself only to nose dive when I see his name, hear his voice, or smell him. It is so incredibly painful. I don't know if it would be easier if we hated each other or if there were some big rift between us. We are breaking up only because he is not ready for where this relationship was heading.

    Maybe time will pass and we will reunite. I don't know. I don't know if I should hope or if I should just let it go and move on. It is an internal battle every single day. I miss him. I crave him. I know he feels the same because when we are in the same room, he can't help but touch me in one way or another. He still wants to be close to me but he is scared.

    I have declared next week as my week of silence. I need him to stay away. No calls, visits, messages....I need my wounds to scab over as I am still oozing. I really want to be normal. I want to be happy, I want to feel the joy that we had, but I have to let it go. I tell myself he is gone and there is nothing I can do to change that. I have to pick up my pieces and move forward, no matter how hard it is. I need my space to heal as well. I begged him last night to please let me have my silence. This weekend we can still be in contact as he has a few things to pick up from my place yet. I said to him that if he really loved me the way he says he does, he will respect my space and let me heal a little. I wanted to start with one week, I am certain I will need longer but I had to get him to commit to this one week of refraining to reach out to me.

    In talks, he says that he is afraid that I won't be here any more. And that is the risk he is taking. In messages he says he can't expect me to wait for him to be ready and come back, but then he will say he doesn't know if he will come back....only for more messages and talks to come my way.

    Please send me your positive energy to stay strong. I need to get myself together. I can't keep nose diving like this. If he can't stand to be away from me, the fact he is forcing himself to is mind boggling. The torture of having your true love tell you he wants to be with you but can't is just so.....

    But I know this will only make me stronger. And who knows what will happen. All I do know is that I am incredibly grateful for our time together. I have finally felt what real love is...the warmth, security, comfort. I am fortunate to have been able to feel these things, however the void in my soul is so vast and so deep. I only want it to fill, I want the emptiness to go away.

    I know, it has only been two weeks, I need to give myself time. I am just tired of feeling this way.

    Thank you for reading. Please do not think I regret one moment of him and our time together as I do not. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. So I guess that means the pain could be worse.....Love with all you have. You never know when you lose the ability to do so. It is so worth the price.

  2. #2
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    I think that the no-contact strategy is the best. I separated from my now husband for 9 months, but my message is not to tell you to keep hoping that one day you will be together again, but that you can indeed break up without contact. I would have a calendar where I would mark with an X the days with no contact, and the level of pain with teardrops. Sometimes it was a bunch of teardrops, sometimes only one. Then several days would go by without any tears at all. This helped me know I was healing.

    I gave away his clothes to charity, and put away all mementos. I set up an improvement plan of diet, excercise and self-finding.

    I think I would have been OK, and moved on.

    Good luck and be firm.
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

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