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Thread: Here I Go Again

  1. #1
    Youthful Spirit is offline Neophyte
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    Here I Go Again

    It's been a while since I last visited this forum, and it was about a VYM I was struggling with. I'm not struggling with him anymore, and he's not why I'm here this time.

    I'm here now because it turns out that I am a MAGNET for much younger men lol. It's happening again with someone else.

    This time it's a guy named Chris who just turned 21. I am 51. He is my middle daughter's age. We met at work, where he's in the deli department and I'm at the front end.

    We first spoke because I offered to ring his food on his break separately, so he wouldn't waste his time waiting on line. He seemed appreciative and friendly. Then we started discussing boxing after I overheard him and his coworker talking about an upcoming match. We talked for a good 15 mins, if not more. After that, it was just waves hello and goodbye, until two days ago.

    I asked what the result of the match was and he described it at length. Then, somehow the subject got to music, my favorite topic. Turns out we're both passionate about the same stuff, the stuff I grew up on. He's a musician, and we were just enjoying our conversation. He actually mentioned a fairly obscure artist AND the specific song that i had JUST posted on Facebook only two hours before. I showed him on my phone. I was completely blown away and he just kept laughing, saying he's psychic.

    Since he's a freak who isn't on any social media at all, we exchanged email addresses for the purpose of sending each other YouTube links, which we started to. He sent me a list that same night, and later on, I sent him a few of mine along with reactions to his.

    We bumped into each other while coming and going into/out of work last night, but he stopped briefly to chat. I joked about how many I sent to him, and told him to take all the time he needs getting back to me. He hasn't yet, but I know he's working and it's a lot to sift through.

    But meanwhile, I'm so excited. There's definitely a strong connection and attraction happening, and it's obvious even to people around us that when we're talking, it's as if no one else exists. It doesn't matter what's happening around us, it's like a trance, where we've just locked eyes. It's so wild.

    I can't wait to see him again, and I'm hoping to see him outside of work. In fact, I innocently mentioned that at the close of my email; any time he wants, I'm up for it! (to discuss music, of course)

    I'm not sure if he's at all open to the possibility of getting close to a much older woman. He was shocked when I gave my age, which is a reaction I get all the time. I don't look or act it. I'm a Youthful Spirit, after all

    I guess I'm about to find out.

  2. #2
    Inamorata is offline Senior Member
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    Keep us posted! It sounds interesting.

    I too seem to attract mostly much younger men. But I'm older than you and I don't think I get guessed more than 10 or 15 years younger at the most so they definitely know I'm decades older when they ask.

    I hope this goes well for you. Sounds like you've got a lot in common.
    Youthful Spirit likes this.

  3. #3
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    Keep us posted and have fun. It is so nice to find an array of things to have in common with a person.
    Youthful Spirit likes this.
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  4. #4
    Youthful Spirit is offline Neophyte
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    Thank you, both!

    Well, it's been a few days, and we're talking more at work. Yesterday I stopped in a few hours before my start time and he looked very happy to see me. We chatted for a while until I felt it was time to part (don't want to overstay my welcome, you know). During my break once I started my shift, I went over and continued chit-chatting with him until I ended up extending my break for a significant chunk of time lol. Nobody noticed, so I was safe.

    During this conversation, he hinted about meeting up for karaoke. He told me that since he's only lived in our area for a year, he has no idea where to go. Said that any time he's asked women on campus out for a drink, they've politely declined, but he said he wouldn't know where to take them, anyway. He said all this in front of two nosey co-workers, who have no idea he and I have been emailing, so I assumed he was making it sound like he was asking my advice to take his dates, rather than to meet up with me at any of those places. To be safe, when I emailed him about it, I made sure to end with "unless you actually meant you wanted ideas to take other people instead of me, which would be understandable. Let me know". It hasn't been long enough yet to get a reply, so I don't know what to expect from here. I know I will be seeing him later tonight at work, though.

    I think it'll turn into something. I think we're both anxious and looking forward to it, but I think he's also a little cautious. It might be because that's how he is with new situations, new people. Or it could be the age gap issue. 30 years is a lot to take in, especially if he gets in deep enough with me that he feels he should tell his parents, siblings, or friends. So we'll see.

    I'm sure everybody here knows just how daunting that could be. I'm afraid of it, too, to be quite honest.
    Inamorata likes this.

  5. #5
    Inamorata is offline Senior Member
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    I'm so glad this is going well for you. I hope it works out if the two of you continue to find a common attraction to each other.

    As for the age thing, some guys really don't care and their parents/siblings/friends get over it once they meet you and see how happy you are together. In other cases, there is hostility, although that can also happen because of differences in religion, ethnicity, country of origin, etc. In that case, he'll have to make his choice. But I wouldn't worry about it for now. Just enjoy your time together and when/if you get serious, it will be time enough to talk it over and decide whether you're both ready to move ahead.

    Good luck!
    Youthful Spirit and Pickles like this.

  6. #6
    Youthful Spirit is offline Neophyte
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    Thank you! You make some good points there. I hope it doesn't turn out to be hostile, although from the way he talks about his mother, I'm pretty doubtful she'll welcome me with open arms.

    I'm going over to his place tomorrow night, and I just know there'll be some physical contact. The tension is tangible LOL. Last night at work I had to fight the overwhelming urge to hug him, and had I done that, I don't think I would've let go lol

    So yeah, we need to move this away from work at this point...

    I'm noticing some things about him, however, that really show his age. I'm discovering things that would irritate me on an ongoing basis, so I'm more hesitant than I was previously. I'm a bit more detached than I've been the past week or so. But I would encounter that with anybody new, anyway. I also think that these traits are a full reminder of how I was at his age, before time allowed me to mature out of them. They're all personal habits, such as smoking. I have no idea how anybody kissed me back when I smelled like that LOL, but oddly enough, I would still kiss him if he smelled like nicotine, even though it would be less pleasurable.

    Thank you for being there for me through this. I'll update later
    Inamorata likes this.

  7. #7
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    I hope that you had a good time. Starting a relationship. friendship or romance, is always fun. Just remember nobody is perfect. If he was a totally square dude he may never consider dating an older woman. Men who do have an adventurous side.
    Inamorata likes this.
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  8. #8
    Pickles's Avatar
    Pickles is offline Senior Member
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    Its hard to find the right combination of traits no matter what age.

    In my case, my YM is 25 years younger. Our biggest drags are the incredible distance causing rare face to face time and an aspect of our main personalities (he is Emo and sensitive... I am aggressive and usually optimistic). Nearly all my exes are younger to some degreee usually in same generation tho with exception of two. Pursuers on other han are often 10 to 20 years younger *sigh. Flattered yes... happy about it? not really, it is a pain.
    Daisypath Friendship tickers
    ............Unexpected pleasures are sweetest

  9. #9
    Youthful Spirit is offline Neophyte
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    Red face

    Thank you both for your feedback! Yeah, I'm sure I have plenty of annoying traits too LOL

    So here's an interesting update:

    Remember how I was so sure there'd be physical contact? Hmmm, not so much lol. I went over to Chris's house after work, and we talked almost all night. Things were really going great, until I felt bold (after a couple of Coronas - I'm not much of a drinker) and asked him where he saw "this" going. HAH! His entire demeanor changed, his face got this dark glower to it LOL, he held in his outrage as he explained to me there's zero attraction and he was "just being nice" by having me over, and after waiting an appropriate length of time after we finished discussing it, politely asked me to leave.

    That worked out well, though. And here's why.

    His coworker, Dan. Dan is 29, and I actually started talking to Dan first, when I first started working at the store. He was among the first people to acknowledge me and kept saying hi to me whenever he saw me. But Dan has a bit more of an abrasive personality at times, and he rubbed me the wrong way at one point. I'm laughing typing about this, looking back, because I didn't recognize what I was reacting to at the time as him wanting to get closer to me, but being OH so afraid of it, and resisting at the same time.

    Dan and I had a bit of a falling out just prior to me visiting Chris. In fact, I made up with Dan the night I went over to Chris's (they're friends, as well), and I told Chris about it as we walked from his car to his apartment. He had nice things to say about Dan, of course, because Dan's a great guy. When I approached him after icing him out for a few days, the first thing he did was apologize, instead of getting defensive. That won me over, that did it. Everything he had to say after his apology didn't matter as much, he was in lol

    Chris no longer works at the store; he quit for a better opportunity. That's fine, because ever since my faux pas, he barely talked to me, in fact he avoided me as much as he could LOL.

    But Dan and I have become closer.

    I made a similar mistake with him, though, about a month ago, when he invited me to his D&D group when I discovered he plays and I said I've always wanted to, but never got invited to one. I mistook it as a date, and he corrected me, saying he only sees me as a friend. (I'm not that good at starting relationships with guys, cuz I was with my ex from age 18 to just about a couple of years ago) Over Facebook messenger, I confessed my feelings, apologized, and expressed all kinds of regret, humiliation, grief, etc. But fortunately, the timing was such that he was going to be out of town for 4 days, so that allowed the dust to settle. When he came back, and he saw me at the store, he had a hug for me, like nothing ever happened. His only response to what I wrote was to reiterate that he sees me no differently now than he did when we first met, that I'm a friend, and that was all he said about it. Short and sweet. After expecting him to back away and ghost me, the way Chris did, I told him he ruled and thanked him. Short and sweet. We haven't discussed our feelings ever since then. And this Wednesday will be the 3rd D&D game we're attending together

    I've been making overtures to him in subtle ways, but mostly trying to be a good friend. He's occasionally flirted with me and/or given me hugs or snuck up behind me when I'm working, things like that. Today he's driving me in to work while the car's in the shop, which is nice. He's being a good friend, but he's extremely guarded. I know why, and it's largely because he ended an engagement about a year ago, where she was cheating on him, using him, lying to him, etc. It ended badly and ugly. So he's pretty much focusing on himself and his goals right now. He needs a friend more than anything, so I'm right here giving that to him as much as I really want more. For the most part, we are compatible, and I'll wait as long as I can for something to change in a more romantic direction. If it never happens, I'll continuing being his loving, supportive friend. He's that much of a good guy.

    So that's what's happened

    Here I go again!!
    Inamorata likes this.

  10. #10
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    My advice to you would be to take his words seriously. He likes you and wants to be your friend. Period. If you feel romantic about him, maybe it is you the one who has to step back for a bit, until the feeling has passed. The world is full of opportunities for sex and romance and so few for true friendship, and you should value that. Open your eyes for someone who wants you romantically, and let him take the initiative, since your romance radar needs a little tuning at the moment. Mine was always completely off, so that is what I used to do.

    Hugs and have fun!
    Slow Worm likes this.
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

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