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Thread: Is agegap relationships a "thing" or...

  1. #31
    GingerLee Guest

    It just happened

    My first husband was 4 years older, and I always thought that was about right. My second husband was 6 years younger, which took an adjustment for me.

    When I found myself single again, I joined an online dating service. MOST of the men who contacted me were younger! Some were younger than my sons. For a while I dated two men, one 6 years older, one 8 years younger. I wished many, many times I could combine their good qualities into one person.

    While dating these two men, another stood on the sidelines, waiting for me to finish with them. Because of his age, I didn't consider him a possibility, at 17 years younger. He was patient and relentless and I finally decided to give him a try. I'm really glad I did. If this doesn't work out for some reason, I won't seek out another younger man. But, I won't rule one out, either.

  2. #32
    foundmybliss Guest
    My owym relationship just happened over time. I had no expectation this was a possibility but I'm so glad it was. I have had no experience that equals it so far in my life. So far the 22 yr ag only makes us nervous about family we'll just see what develops.

  3. #33
    amhran Guest
    My first significant relationship with a YM was when I was 31. He was 19. The environment I was hanging out in was why I met such a younger man. My friend and I were really into the local music scene going to concerts all the time and running a little local music fanzine. Also I did then and still do look much younger than I am. Anyway, It didn't last because after 2 years his band was going on tour and he wanted the freedom to meet other girls. I understood, but it really hurt.

    Then not too long after that I met my (now ex) husband. He was only 3 years younger which I consider to be in essence "the same age" as me. But now, 10 years have passed and we are divorced. I didn't really think about going for younger guys again necessarilly, and I am attracted to both younger and same age-ish guys. But the thing is, I know I don't want kids and I doubt I ever want to be married again. Add to that mix my playful and childlike (at times!) personality and carefree (or at least that's what I'm aiming for) lifestyle. So a younger guy fits the bill perfectly for me right now, but I wouldn't turn down a same age-ish guy if he was truly young at heart.
    Last edited by amhran; 05-09-2006 at 07:26 AM. Reason: spelling mistake

  4. #34
    Ultima_Thule Guest
    It cqn be both because it depends on the individuals, the couple and the relationship.

    If such a relationship is a thing, it is more likely to be from the YM.

  5. #35
    kittylane's Avatar
    kittylane is offline Senior Member
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    for me it just happened, i was really troubled by it for a long time, i thought the whole world was watching me, my husband was persistant and still is in declaring his love for me.

    i have a preferance for him.

  6. #36
    nancyred Guest

    not looking

    I never had to look for a man either and usually it's the ym who find me attractive. My relationship of 2 years with a man who is 21 yrs younger has it's troubles at times, but all in all it's pretty good. If something happens to this relationship, I think I'd date men my own age or a little younger.

  7. #37
    Opalstar Guest
    My husband was 5 years older than me, and all my previous boyfriends had been 1 or 2 years my senior. After my very long and pretty miserable marriage ended, it took me 7 years to even contemplate dating again.

    Through my interests in video gaming, my webzine and live music, I gained many friends both male and female, in their early twenties. I never intended to go out with anyone that young, but loved their friendship and fun loving approach to life (still do).

    I kept being approached on and offline by young men, who 'had a thing' about older women. My response was always the same...I am a person, not a category! I turned down all offers.

    Then I started exchanging emails with a young man who seemed so very different. We arranged to meet as friends, and just hit it off right from the first moment. It is now almost 5 months after our first meeting, and we couldn't be happier.

    I am concerned about the 26 year age gap, and would never have sought such a relationship. But, I have never been happier than I am now, and hope it may long continue.

  8. #38
    dunyamelek's Avatar
    dunyamelek is offline always wondering
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    Are there Really Any Accidents?

    Yeah, I've had a couple of epiphanies over the last week. I realized that ALL my relationships have been with younger men, and I never even thought about it before! Really!

    I have to say that it just happened. I never went looking around for Trouble, are you kidding? There are really specific challenges in this kind of relationship that require a lot of patience. I think I just happened to fall in love with men that were younger.

    I've also had my heart stomped on by men who were older or my own age! They didn't like me, had lots of emotional baggage, were self absorbed, pseudo-intellectual, wrapped up in their careers, etc. Generally, pains in the a**es. I had to stand on my head to get their attention.

    The nice thing about someone younger is that he usually has TIME for me and and an open mind. He's interested in me. One of my pet peeves is a closed-minded outlook.

    So is it a preference? Or an accident? You tell me. Maybe that's the best I can do! A younger man! Oh gee, life is tough ...

  9. #39
    confused37 Guest
    Well when I met my bf he was 20 and I was 36. Now he is 21 and I am 37. I still have problems with the age gap between us. It will never go away no matter how hard I try to make it. We had to keep our relationship a secret for a while. Now my family has heard about us I am getting a lot of cold looks and ugly emails. What do you do? I know I don't have a future with him but how do I tell him. He will never be accepted in my family. He gave me a promise ring to be faithful to me forever, I took it because I didn't want to hurt him, and I know leading him on isn't good either. HELP!

  10. #40
    TrueHeart Guest
    For me it's a preference.

    I don't think I would consider dating a woman who is older than me or even my own age. I prefer to date YW.

    Prior to my current relationship, I didn't "go looking" for a YW. I really wasn't looking for anyone at all. We just met and it happened.

    But it isn't just a matter of chance that she is a YW. I probably wouldn't have been open to anything else.

    To anyone who objects to this, I remind them that love and attraction isn't regulated by the EEOC (yet anyway).
    Last edited by TrueHeart; 08-20-2006 at 08:42 PM.

  11. #41
    tinydancer Guest
    First off, if my marriage ever broke up.........I don't think I would have the energy or courage to start ANY love relationship for a very long while.
    As for my preference, hmmm, I do not have one. I like men and that's all lol.
    However, anyone would have to be blind to not see very real concerns in ANY kind of relationship that is out of the societal "norm". It is hard, at least for me to see my sking changing, etc... 20 years before his does.
    I do love the energy and open mindedness of youth but it does, like anything else, come with it's own set of problems. And, I do not like more problems than I already have. I also love the comfort and stability that a man my age or older can offer but I would never compromise my heart or values just to be comfortable. Like the old saying "It is just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as a poor one",
    however, a strong person will love who they love. So there you go.
    Having said all of that, my husband of 4 years and I do alright and I wouldn't change that for anything in the world. He loves me. Menopausal, difficult, 46 year old skin and all! I love him. Opinionated, know it all, baby fat still on him and all.
    It is poison for me to question and get upset over things I cannot or don't want to change.
    Blessings, TD
    Last edited by tinydancer; 08-20-2006 at 10:04 PM.

  12. #42
    Bob's babydoll's Avatar
    Bob's babydoll is offline Love is patient...
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    Even though I've always been attracted to older men, falling in love with an older man just happened for me. Bob and I met on-line and for awhile he hid his true age from me. I fell in love with him when I thought we were closer in age. When I found out his true age, it didn't lessen my feelings for him one bit. So for me, it didn't matter how old Bob was.

  13. #43
    satya Guest
    I don't seek out younger men, but I do attract them for some reason. I started out slow with my husband being a year younger. When that broke up I saw someone for a year who was 6 years younger.... I met him at a party and he actually looked older than me so no one even realised there was an age gap.

    When that finished I tried internet dating and all but one guy that I met were younger. Even in clubs it was always younger guys approaching me.

    I have always been told I look younger than I am so I guess that's why it tends to happen.

    I am now engaged to a 23 year old (and living together) and we are very happy.

  14. #44
    Buttercup53 Guest

    Talking

    Quote Originally Posted by thesedays
    I never imagined myself in an ag relationship. And to tell you the truth, if this doesn't last / work out. I won't allow myself to enter another one ....

    The insecurities I have drive me crazy. The thought of when I'm 40, 50, etc, what I'll look like, what he'll look like ........will he start looking for women his own age, etc. ........it drives me nuts.

    I have become obsessed with exercise, working out, eating right, wrinkle cream, etc. And I honestly do not believe I would be doing these same things with someone my own age.

    I know it's not about "looks" or the outside, but it still bothers me.

    Yep ......if this doesn't work out, I'm running from any men younger than me !!
    I have been in this OW/YM relationship for almost 2 months, and I feel on top of the world. He just turned 25 and I will turn 53 next month.

    I was unwelcoming at first of such an age-gap and tried to put barriers which he wouldnt hear of. I would say it was him who pursued me but I was surprisingly receptive in time. He is adorable and I just loved everything about him, although I didnt think that the relationship would be THAT serious. My kids are his age, and I adore them.

    It seems that this is the real deal. I feel that he loves me more every new day. I am in heavens. But I always think of a day when he will probably think that I have aged and he may also want kids although he seems to be surprised from the way I am thinking. But I am enjoying every minute of every encouter and will not waste any time thinking other than of today.

    I also exercise on a regular basis and watch my diet. This helps me feel and look younger

  15. #45
    Harrison Guest

    Thumbs up How it started....

    Quote Originally Posted by joelstrouble
    did it just happen that you fell in love with someone that were a lot younger or a lot older than you.I have been wondering about this for a while and I see that there is some people here that say have the preferance on someone younger or older than themself.
    But is this like a "thing"??? [...]

    Any thoughts?
    For me personally, it definitely began as a Thing.

    I remember being a high school student absolutely mesmerized by an attractive substitute teacher.

    I later went off to university and on one of my very first nights out with my buddies at a pizza joint, I met a nice older lady who just wanted to talk.

    She was friendly, nice-looking, probably had sipped a couple glasses of wine, and said something like "Hey, come and talk with me!" and invited me to her table. She must have easily been 34 or 35, and she had a couple of kids with her. We chatted about politics and so on, until I had to go.

    It was my bad luck that I had poor social skills. No one had taught me to say things like "Well it was nice talking to you... Can I call you later?" or "What's your number?" I also didn't have an automobile OR a driver's license, nor did my parents think it important for me to have those things when I left home. So, I wasn't in a good, "adult" position to take things further....

    BUT if I could have, I would've LOVED TO!

    But that experience taught me a lesson right there just a few months after high school graduation:

    1. Harrison, it CAN happen.

    2. Harrison, there are women out there who WANT IT to happen just as much as you do.

    Great lessons for life! After that, I always kept an eye out for OWs.

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