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Thread: Is agegap relationships a "thing" or...

  1. #46
    jeffy-weffy Guest

    Smile

    Well I never intended for it to happen. The reason behind me and my fiancee falling in love was due to the fact that we have many things in common.

  2. #47
    Annie8 Guest
    This is a very interesting topic, one which I have thought about a lot. Mostly I have thought about it because I have recognized that I do have preferences, as most people do. There are many kinds of preferences. I have a cousin who always fell for tall guys. Every single one of her bfs was a very tall guy. I do have a preference for younger guys. I also have other preferences as well. For example, I really love long hair on guys. I definitely have a long hair thing. However, I can only think of three guys in my life who I fell for who had long hair. I can also think of LOT of guys who had hair that I thought was super hot, who I was never interested in as a bf.

    Now, some preferences are very strong, and some are not so strong. Some preferences may be so strong as to be an absolute requirement. My love of long hair FEELS like it is really strong, but I know that it is definitely not a requirement, based on who I have fallen for. I also have a preference for very thin guys, yet I have fallen for guys who had a few extra pounds before. Since I have left my husband, I have not fallen for anyone less that 20 years younger then me. Does that mean that it is an absolute requirement for me? I honestly don't know, but I doubt it.

    To fall for a guy, it takes the right mix of personality, interests, and a whole lot of other things that make up the whole person. There is no one right mix that works for me. Ultimately, personality is the most important. An attractive exterior may draw my attention, but it is not what will make me fall.

    I actually have never actively tried to find a bf. I meet people, and if the mix is right, I fall, and sometimes this happens quite a long time after I first meet them. The last time this happened was a guy I met online. Something just clicked in that first conversation, and had a huge crush before I ever knew what he looked like. Was he younger? Yes, by 22 years. Is that what attracted me to him? Not the blunt fact that he was younger, but a personality changes by nature of the number of years they have lived, and so do the person's interests and exposure to the world's culture. I believe all that definitely played a part. I don't tend to fit my age group when it comes to a lot of that stuff, and often I have more in common with younger people in general. There are not too many 50 year old men who are going to want to come into the arcade with me and play DDR for an hour, and are they going to know what I am talking about when I tell them I am excited that Sims 2 Seasons will be coming out soon?

    Man, I am writing too much, haha. Well, one more thought.. One thing that really bugs me.. Sometimes a guy asks me what my preferences are. So I tell them the ones I have identified. Then if they fit most of them, they think I am AUTOMATICALLY attracted to them. WRONG! They better learn how to talk to me and engage me in interesting conversation, because it is the things I learn about them that way that are going to make me interested or not.

    ok, hehe, I am done.. for now

  3. #48
    isitlove Guest
    very well said.. I so agree with you 100%.. I'm still struggling with my relationship.. There are alot of issues... Yes I'm 40 and he's 18 (legal).. its very complicated.. But wow.. we are amazing together.. I'll let you all know in detail of what is going on.. I'm very happy I have found this site as I need lots of advice and support..

  4. #49
    isitlove Guest
    TRUST ME............. it just happened... Because of all the issues I would never ever choose to be in a realtionship with such an age gap........ No way....

  5. #50
    goldengrl Guest

    I don't think it's my thing....maybe it's his thing

    I seem to end up with a guy that pursues me with persistance. Maybe that is a youthful thing. Maybe older guys won't do that because of pride or something.

    This time it's 15 years difference. Last time (a 10 year relationship) he was 8 years younger than me. Could that be a coincidence? Why have these two younger guys pursued me? I do not know. Both times I have gone into it thinking it will be a lighthearted fling (and told them so) then over time it grows into love.

    I would like to know if it's my guys "thing". I would be more relaxed it it was.

  6. #51
    Alawiy Guest

    Definitely not a thing

    Reading through this thread, I have thought a lot about who I was attracted to at different stages of my life. I can honestly say that for most of my life, I was attracted to same age guys or older (sometimes a couple of years, sometimes by 30 years or so).

    I remember once when I was around 20 and my best friend's 18 year old brother hit on me. I felt very weird... thought that was just .. well I thought something was wrong with him. I thought at that time that was just completely wrong and disgusting. I had no attraction to him even, although, I guess he was nice enough looking, and his personality was okay, too. Of course, just 4 years later, I was 24 and in love with a man who was 52.

    I can say over the later years I have NOTICED younger guys, but never did it ever enter my mind to have any relationship with one. If I thought in those terms at all, it would be something maybe like, "Gee... wish I was younger and had met that guy back then."

    Still, if I think about people that I find attractive, they are of ALL ages. Truly, the qualities that I find attractive are ageless. I'm talking about personality traits like generosity, warmth, humor, strength, intelligence, wisdom, common sense, etc.

    If we're talking about physical traits... I've always been attracted to tall, dark, and handsome men with long hair, big brown eyes with long lashes, a certain type of facial structure, strong hands and arms, etc... I could go on. Almost none of the people I ever dated fit that bill. My young man now does...hmm.. in every way. (Except he's got short short hair right now, but he used to have long curls... yum!)

    But I fell for my young man before I knew his true age, and also before I had even ever seen a picture of him. Now that I know what he looks like.. wow.. what a nice surprise! Icing on the cake!

    By the way, I like cake without icing, too.

  7. #52
    Snohma Guest
    I've never been in a relationship with an OW before, always been attracted to one or another though. I've dated my own age group (18~20) for the past four years now, and have never felt a click. Recently I have felt a connection with a woman, who just happens to be older than me. I know it is not the age that attracts me, but I know if she were my age she would not be the same person, would not have had the same experiences and life lessons, and so would in essence not be the woman I have fallen for today.

    It is not a "thing" for me, you love who you love.

  8. #53
    wildberryblue05 Guest
    I had never dated a younger man before and frankly when I first met my boyfriend I pretty much laughed in his face when he told me how old he was. He has always prefered "older" women.

    If this relationship doesn't work out, I would probably not do it again.

  9. #54
    OldSoul Guest

    Prefer older women

    I've always preferred and been attracted to older women. Not sure why, they just seem more "real" and interesting to me. When I was in my teens and 20s (most of) the girls my age just seemed sort of "one-dimensional" and not very interesting. They might be sexy, but I just wasn't attracted beyond that. Usually the women I admired, liked, had crushes on, etc., were older by 10 or more years.

  10. #55
    moniqueander Guest
    For the last 3 years all the men I dated have been 10 to 15 years younger than me. I do not pursue younger men they pursue me. I have a hard time wiht men 35 and older because I have a very bubbly playful personality and they do not view me as a serious mate. I was not going to give up only love because it was not born during the same time frame as me.

    I actually have more in common with younger men. Although I will be 36 next month, I just completed graduate school because I recently career changed. I am still building my career, and pretty much love the same music and pop culture as younger people. Also, I am bursting with energy and full of life.

    I am a teacher, presently substituting, and many of the teachers my age think I am in my mid 20s for some reason. I think it is funny because I am using eye cream and anti aging face cream for the parenthesis around my mouth.

    Age is nothing but a number. I say live life to its maxium potential.

  11. #56
    Perthgirl1 is offline Neophyte
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    Quote Originally Posted by joelstrouble View Post
    did it just happen that you fell in love with someone that were a lot younger or a lot older than you.I have been wondering about this for a while and I see that there is some people here that say have the preferance on someone younger or older than themself.
    But is this like a "thing"???
    I mean, for me, if the realationship between me and my YM doesn't work out, I know that I will not start looking for a new YM (I have never looked for men before either, though).
    I fell in love with my guy cause of who he is, not his age.
    And I think that if I ever will fall in love again ,it might as well be with someone my own age or someone older than me...

    Any thoughts?
    I had absolutely no intentions of ever falling in love with a younger man. It just happened. And i could not be happier. He is amazing. I fell in love with him because of the wonderful person he is - not because of his age. If things don't work out I definitely wont go looking for another YM. I really can't see myself with anyone but him....
    SheLikesKitties likes this.

  12. #57
    SummerBob is offline Super Moderator
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    Quote Originally Posted by joelstrouble View Post
    did it just happen that you fell in love with someone that were a lot younger or a lot older than you.I have been wondering about this for a while and I see that there is some people here that say have the preferance on someone younger or older than themself.
    But is this like a "thing"???
    I mean, for me, if the realationship between me and my YM doesn't work out, I know that I will not start looking for a new YM (I have never looked for men before either, though).
    I fell in love with my guy cause of who he is, not his age.
    And I think that if I ever will fall in love again ,it might as well be with someone my own age or someone older than me...

    Any thoughts?
    I know this is an old message, but I want to re-address it for the new members.

    I think you have to be careful when judging someone who has a preference, (or a "thing") for different aged people. There is nothing wrong with having preferences. People have all kinds of preferences (for tall men/women, blondes, dark-hair and dark eyes, etc.). For some reason, when it comes to age, people think that people who "prefer" younger people have some kind of a "sex addiction problem" and people who "prefer" older people have daddy/mommy issues. These stereotypes are harmful to everyone in age-gapped relationships, regardless of the reasons they are together.

    At some point we have to be honest about human nature and admit that, for whatever reason, some people have age preferences just like they have height preferences, hair preferences, facial feature preferences, and so on. That obviously doesn't mean everyone with an older or younger person had that preference. It just is what it is.
    ukfireball and Angel like this.
    Like Abraham Lincoln once said, "You can't believe everything you read on the Internet."

  13. #58
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    Quote Originally Posted by SummerBob View Post
    At some point we have to be honest about human nature and admit that, for whatever reason, some people have age preferences just like they have height preferences, hair preferences, facial feature preferences, and so on. That obviously doesn't mean everyone with an older or younger person had that preference. It just is what it is.
    As long as it's not like the joke "I like college girls, because I get older, but they stay the same age".
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  14. #59
    fiorinda's Avatar
    fiorinda is offline Senior Member
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    With preferences, what I find negative is when someone has one but will not even consider someone who doesn't fit that preference. We all have preferences, of course. We might prefer tall partners, or people with dark hair, or arty types or whatever. But we need to recognise that people are far, far more than their 'type' and the best person for you might be nothing like the kind of person we think we're looking for.

    Personally I always preferred 'pretty boys' who were musical or arty. The father of my oldest child was this 'type', he was also an alcoholic, violent, abandoned his daughter at age 4, then drank himself to death before his 40th birthday. I married a 'manly' bloke who was into sports, he was an excellent father to our son. Not such a good husband, but there you go. I never even considered that much younger men might be interested in me, younger men were not a 'type' I was interested in until I met one who WAS interested in me.

    From then on I can honestly say that I began to 'prefer' younger men, because I found them generally more aesthetically appealing but also because I found them generally more interesting and more fun (and more likely to be able to cook or willing to learn to cook!!!). BUT I also dated peer-aged men (give or take a few years, which when you're over 40 are irrelevant!). AND I recognised that it was much more important that the man I was thinking of dating was on a similar wave length as me, had similar interests and tastes and similar political views than that he fit a type.

    My new husband is not a 'pretty boy'. Neither is he an arty type or a musician. He is much younger than me. He is also much more caring and loving than my peer-aged ex-husband ever was, and much more of an equal partner in our relationship. I didn't choose him because he is young. I chose him because he's the best person I've ever met! If he'd been peer-aged, I would still have chosen him.
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  15. #60
    Pickles's Avatar
    Pickles is offline Senior Member
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    I usually dated older guys, my Xhusband was "younger" but only by a couple years. I got involved with a guy 15 years younger,,,ugh it was dismal but more his actions than his age. Then I said never again. Dated a little, tangled relationships with a couple Xs. Hunni was NOT expected/ Yet I am so very glad. This is the third longest relationship Ive had.
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