Thread: Is it bad not being very social?

Originally Posted by Azureth

Unfortunately, since my DUI I have lost my license for the time being so I can't really go anywhere. I just completed my required DUI classes so hopefully I'll get it back soon enough. It's just hard finding something I can do.

Imteresting. Here in NJ they have what they call "Access Link" which offers free bus service to those with disabilities. They also have lots of social events for the disabled young adults such as dances, mall outings, special movie events and other events. They are free to those with disablities and if a family member or friend without a disability attends then the extra person pays a small fee. I get a monthly mailing from the department of developmental disabilities with the events. It only took a phone call to sign up. I don't know what state you live in but I would be very suprised if they don't offer the free rides and social events in your state. If you wish to tell me what state you live in I would be happy to find out for you. You can PM me your state if you wish. Since I am a mom of a disabled child as well as an occupational therapist I am very adept at getting this info through collegues and other contacts.

These events are great and my daughter has a great time. There are museum outings, trips to the zoo, lazer tag, etc. The free rides allow disabled people in our area to work where they otherwise couldnt b/c of lack of a ride. Also there are social skills groups as well that are free for the disabled if they wish to become more comfortable interacting with others and job coaching opportunities ( not saying this is your issue). There are tons of resources out there. PM me if you are interested but to be honest from the tone of your replies to others I don't think you are interested but if I am wrong then I look forward to hearing from you.

excellent suggestions, laura!

Originally Posted by Azureth

Even after getting my DUI and being on probation where I'm not supposed to drink at all my peers kept saying stuff to me like "Oh, they're just trying to scare you, it's not a big deal" "They'll never know, let's go to the bars" etc. etc.

You can go to bars and have fun without drinking. I do not drink, not because it is a sin, or for fear of a DUI, but simply because I do not like the taste, and also because I like to be alert (and not miss the fun) with my full 5 senses. My friends know that and do not make it a big deal. Sometimes I order a glass of red wine and leave it there for the duration, sipping every half an hour or so, but only if I like the taste. I may order virgin pina coladas.

But hey, when it's time to be wild and dance and shake my booty, I will do it with as much abandon as the girl who is completely wasted.

I disagree that going to bars is fun if you're not drinking because I don't like being around drunk people. LOL! Personally, bars are the last place I would ever go to enjoy myself or meet anyone decent. I would certainly have a cocktail with a friend every so often but hanging out for even an hour in a bar is just obnoxious. If I were in Azureth's position, I would take Laura's advice and meet up with folks that were more likely to fully accept me because they have true empathy since they are also struggling with living in a world not well set up for folks with differentabilities/disabilities. Aside from just overall more acceptance/empathy, it seems to me that a woman with a disability might consider Azureth a "great catch" more than a non-disabled woman might since she (realistically) has a wider pool of lovers to choose from. No offense meant, Azureth. My favorite dude has autism. It's pretty rare that he would meet up with a neurotypical woman who found him to be a suitable best buddy and/or lover. Doesn't matter how good looking he is, he's still spectrum-y and very few women could/would choose to deal with his level of reclusiveness/shut-down-ness and his rigidity in routine for very long. Hookup, sure, he's very handsome. But long term, he's just too difficult. So he would be best with an Aspie girl who also shuts down and needs to be alone 85% of her week. I'm not hating on anyone with differentabilities, I'm just saying, you'd probably fare better seeking out platonic friendships and romance within the disability community. Not because you're "lesser than" or "incapable" at all but just because it's probably a more kindred community in a harsh world where most people never find their soul mate. One of my very best friends, a woman older than me, was born with 1 full arm and 1 arm that stops at the elbow. She says she never feels more loved/accepted/understood/respected as when she is around other folks, especially men, with an amputation. She just feels so much more at ease and not self-conscious so she can relate without being fearful, nervous, insecure, feeling like an alien, etc. Like I said, I'm most comfortable around veggiefolk. There's just a baseline acceptance and deeper understanding that cuts through alot of social uneasiness.

Originally Posted by gorillagirl

I disagree that going to bars is fun if you're not drinking because I don't like being around drunk people. LOL! Personally, bars are the last place I would ever go to enjoy myself or meet anyone decent. I would certainly have a cocktail with a friend every so often but hanging out for even an hour in a bar is just obnoxious.

It depends on the bar, there are nice bars, where nice drunks go.

Originally Posted by SheLikesKitties

It depends on the bar, there are nice bars, where nice drunks go.

Well, part of my probation is I can't be around bars or liquor stores etc. so it's kind of moot.

I tend to attract social men. I call them social butterfly's. Hubby is a SOCIAL butterfly. Its a good thing to get me out of my head and a good thing that I maintain a homelife that is very important to me.

So. we are going to this big concert thing in a few weeks. (Kinda hate it) BUT, when it is just me and him exploring we are lost in our own world. We make excellent travel buddies and seem to be very patient with each other.

To go out for the sake of it...... boring to me! BUT it means so much to him when I do go that on certain events I will suit up.

In my work (Real Estate Broker) I have very personal relationships with clients. At the end of a very busy week I just want to hang out at home with the family and no outside people. In fact I love my job as it does take me out of my comfort level. If any of my clients knew I was really introverted they would not believe it. I am very informative, helpful and warm.

In reality I am polite and as a kid I was very quiet. So sometimes taking yourself out of a comfort level is a good thing. Believe me, dating a guy 20 years younger nearly exploded my head but goin on 11 years later.....best move ever.

Originally Posted by Azureth

For me, I really don't enjoy getting out and doing things that much, except now and then. I prefer to focus on what my interests are and don't enjoy "partying" or activities that involve lots of people. Being around lots of people I get anxiety and I hate it. Often I get made fun of for it and I find it really frustrating, my roommate bugs me about it all the time saying stuff like "Why don't you ever want to party?" or "Why don't you get out and do more?" etc. Now keep in mind he's completely opposite of me, he is one of those guys that is VERY extroverted, always jokes, talks to people etc. etc. so as you can imagine we clash a lot. But is it bad that I really don't enjoy it, especially considering the anxiety I get when I'm around lots of people?

:there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with it if that’s what YOU like.NO need whatsoever to have to defend or be diagnosed with a 'so called' ailment just because you don't want to 'party' like 'some' people do.
just because you do not have a cookie cutter mentality and believe all people have to be one and the same and all act the same way or if they do not they must have some type of ailment. it use to be people could just like different things without society having a stupid need to diagnose everyone that may actually not be a drone or robotic or doing the same thing just because the media and society tells us how we all must be now.

just keep doing what YOU feel comfortable and in time it will work out just fine when you least expect it.