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Thread: my friend and house mate died right in front of me early this morning.

  1. #16
    YesToLove is offline Neophyte
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    I know it's hard to see this right now.
    You are in no way responsible for her death.
    One day, you will realize that "survivor's guilt" is a devastating and useless emotion, and you will let it go.

    One thing you can do, is to look at existence from a larger frame of reference, and realize that each of our souls travel individual paths through this physical existence, and that this is the path that her soul has chosen to leave this earth.

    (Coming from my own experience of my husband's death.)
    Angel, Percy and pinkunicorn like this.

  2. #17
    Faith's Avatar
    Faith is offline Some assembly required
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    GG, you had a horribly traumatic experience and it's going to affect your body as well as your state of mind. I know you already know this advice for other people, but for yourself, please get some deep massage work done asap, to help release the toxic feelings.

    In my experience, the final verdict from the medical examiner is very slow coming, so don't hold your breath waiting. And meanwhile, don't hold onto those toxic emotions where they can fester. Get them worked out of your system starting now. It may take a while, you went through some awfully heavy stuff.
    mskitty and Angel like this.
    "Leave the gun...take the cannoli."

  3. #18
    gorillagirl Guest
    Thanks so much everyone. I did get a deep massage today plus steam/sauna. Thai style. It was really painful and I cried. Good release. Coroner report came out and they decided it was deep vein thrombosis/pulmonary embolism (meaning blood clot) which choked her oxygen and caused brain death. Unbelievable. She was a very sedentary person. I begged her for 14 months to exercise with me. Not even a short walk. So, plans have changed for tomorrow/Thursday and my dad arrives for a visit and her family will be here clearing out some of her things (it should take them several weekends, she had alot of stuff). I have to keep my dad away from them- he can be blunt and "retired doctor know it all" and he just can't be around them. So we will greet them briefly and then leave to give them privacy and to avoid any "going-senile-old-man-opens-mouth-inserts-foot" issues. It's so tragic and I'm so exhausted but thanks for being so uplifting, y'all. Now that I now it was DVT/PE, it seems she would have died anyway regardless of if I arrived 10 minutes or 10 seconds sooner. My boss brought me flowers and vegan chocolate. Yesterday, I had 2 in person visits with gal pals. I wish I had a man to cuddle up with and cry into his hug but ...oh well. Gal Pals are coming thru for me and I feel much better tonite knowing her death was inevitable regardless of my response time. RIP to my lovely roommate. xoxoxoxoxo
    Mebel, mskitty, Faith and 1 others like this.

  4. #19
    gorillagirl Guest
    Ugh. My roommate's sister and dad are coming soon to take some of her belongings (several day trips required). My roommate was highly emotionally abused by her father her entire life. She feared him, hated him and rarely saw him. Same abuse for the sister who is coming today with the dad. There also 2 teen half sisters who fear and hate their father and they live with him. Parents divorced years ago and all the girls have been emotionally brutalized/bullied by the dad. She told me all the time. He is the LAST PERSON that should be going through her things. But this was the decision the family made. Her wonderful mom just couldn't deal with the task. My roommate would NEVER allow her father into her room if she had the choice. EVER! Ugh.

  5. #20
    Faith's Avatar
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    It can't be helped. As you say, this is the family's decision. So all you need to do is just step aside.
    gorillagirl and Angel like this.
    "Leave the gun...take the cannoli."

  6. #21
    gorillagirl Guest
    Yup. Stepped aside.xo

  7. #22
    Air
    Air is offline Senior Member
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    Must be an overwhelming time for you, great that you had a massage and suppose faith has right here..... there really are nothing to do at this moment about how the family decides to take care of her belongings even how hard it is though you knew here feelings towards her dad. If your roommate is around up there somewhere I'm sure she appreciate your care and dedication about her. You seem to have a big heart Gorilla Girl
    Navigare necesse est!

  8. #23
    whiterose's Avatar
    whiterose is offline Administrator
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    I'm really sorry you had to go through that GG and sorry that you lost your friend. . What a horrible experience. Glad you aren't beating yourself up anymore over it. You did what you could. When someone has a pulmonary embolism, there is not much hope for them. By the way, obesity really doesn't have anything to do with it. Even thin people can blood clots. An example is my brother was diagnosed with a condition that predisposes him to blood clots even though he is not obese. Thankfully, his situation was diagnosed in time.
    mskitty likes this.

  9. #24
    Percy's Avatar
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    I can't add any more than what has already been said.....So sorry for you for what you and your pop have been going through......I know how resilient you are.....I know you will be ok GG
    gorillagirl likes this.


    Live life...instead of trying to control it......through non resistance...non judgement and non attachement.

  10. #25
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    Oh, GG. Big, massive HUGS to you! I'm so sorry you are going through all of this. Not only did you have to watch your friend die in front of you, watch the paramedics try fruitlessly to help her, but now you have to deal with her stressed out and grieving family coming into your home to collect all of her belongings.

    You are a strong person, but I'm glad you have friends that you can fall back on to help you deal with all of this stress.
    Never try to fit in when you are meant to stand out.


  11. #26
    legallyblonde Guest
    Dear GG
    I am so sorry about your roomie! Please please please don't blame yourself. The bowel movement all over the place could be a sign that she was suffering from food poisoning and had a heart attack because it was simply too much for her system. I doubt anyone could have done anything. When someone gets so suddenly and fatally ill, it's cause to think that it's unlikely any intervention would have stopped it.

    I'm so sorry.

    Ali

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