AgeMatch.com - the best dating site for inter-generational lovers!  

Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 16 to 30 of 31
Like Tree41Likes

Thread: Old Friends: Do You Say Condolences When Something Bad Happens?

  1. #16
    legallyblonde Guest
    Okay, so how would you be sure that she isn't the type of woman whose husband dictates who they are friends with? I think she is!
    Like I said, I'm so sorry for what happened to her, with the death of her son. This son was the one she named after her ex, whom she said she'd never forget. Oh, well, I likely won't make her feel better anyway. Two of you think it would creep you out to have someone from the past call or write over a death, but not anything else. I'll go with the fact we're not friends anymore, and just let it be.
    Ali

  2. #17
    legallyblonde Guest
    I think if you read the thread, then you see that opinions are quite frankly split over whether it would be seen as creepy since I've not spoken to her in ten years.
    Ali
    gorillagirl likes this.

  3. #18
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Panama
    Posts
    4,096
    Quote Originally Posted by legallyblonde View Post
    I think if you read the thread, then you see that opinions are quite frankly split over whether it would be seen as creepy since I've not spoken to her in ten years.
    Ali
    So what if there is a 50% chance it is seen as creepy?

    One would think that you have not spent a few years in Ageless.

    If I worried that 50% or more of the population thinks that a 56 yr woman married to a 34 yr old man is creepy, I would not have gotten married. I am sure most of us in relationships are aware that a certain % of the population think we are creepy, or that we have some sort of psychological issue.
    degausser likes this.
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  4. #19
    christina923 is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    CT, USA
    Posts
    6,101
    if it was your son.... would you want to receive a note of sympathy? drop all your BS about time, her husband, blah, blah...would you appreciate a card.
    MissMuffins likes this.

  5. #20
    fiorinda's Avatar
    fiorinda is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Yorkshire UK
    Posts
    481
    If my son had died no amount of cards would make me feel any better and I don't imagine I'd give much of a rat's bottom who had or hadn't sent one. I think it essentially boils down to whether you WANT to send a card. Not whether you OUGHT to. Our opinions are essentially irrelevant. We only know the tiny bit of the story you've chosen to tell us, only you can make this decision. I agree that it really didn't ought to be a difficult one. You have nothing to lose by sending a card, and probably nothing to gain.
    Angel, legallyblonde and eponavet like this.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

  6. #21
    theREALTrish's Avatar
    theREALTrish is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Rhode Island
    Posts
    1,262
    I agree with Fiorinda that no amount of cards will ease the pain that a mother would feel losing her child. But, if it were me, I would be grateful to know that someone was thinking of me. I had a childhood friend that I haven't spoken to in 35 years. Not because we had a falling out but we just lost touch. If I found out her son died, I would send a card. I would, also, hope that she would do the same. Unfortunately, I have no idea where she is or how to contact her, and she doesn't know where I am or how to contact me.
    legallyblonde likes this.

  7. #22
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Panama
    Posts
    4,096
    More than a year ago, a friend of mine lost a 23 yr old son while in surgery. I went to the funeral and prayer sessions afterwards. However, she did not thank me, or contact me, or return my calls... for months. She had some of her stuff stored at my office (she was renting a cubicle from me) and sent a relative to pick them up. She did not call to thank me for keeping her stuff at my office. After a few months, I even tried to send business her way (she is a realtor), but she did not pursue the leads I sent. At one point I was trying to figure out what had I said or done that would cause such a break up in our friendship.

    A couple weeks ago she called me and apologized for her behavior. Her son and my son were of the same age, they kind of looked alike, they had the same hobbies. and even attended the same birthday parties when they were little. Her son would visit her at my office, and we all loved him. So basically me, my office and my son reminded her of her tragedy and she could not bear to contact us, or run the risk of seeing my son around.

    She started going to counselling and she finally was able to contact me. I am glad, we are once again friends.
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  8. #23
    gorillagirl Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by legallyblonde View Post
    i didn't want to be friends with her again. I simply wanted to acknowledge an awful life event.

    Ali

    then there is no point in making contact.
    SheLikesKitties likes this.

  9. #24
    legallyblonde Guest
    GG
    I'm not sure of that! There is always a point in expressing to someone you know, especially someone who was at one time so close to me, sorrow at their loss. I don't disagree with Truckman exactly, but I'm not sure that anything someone saw as creepy, would also be welcome. Ten years ago she said I could call her when her husband was out, but you know, that makes us both sound like children again, trying to get stamps and stay out of the parental line of fire. Oh, by the way, stamps are cigarettes. What I finally did was take a spot on the condolences page, and left a short I'm sorry for your loss. I did not use my last name. Maybe she'll guess it's me, perhaps she won't.

    Oh, well. The past is the past.

    Ali
    SheLikesKitties likes this.

  10. #25
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Panama
    Posts
    4,096
    Quote Originally Posted by legallyblonde View Post
    What I finally did was take a spot on the condolences page, and left a short I'm sorry for your loss. I did not use my last name. Maybe she'll guess it's me, perhaps she won't.

    Oh, well. The past is the past.

    Ali
    This sounds very sensible.
    gorillagirl likes this.
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  11. #26
    gorillagirl Guest
    i reconnected with an old friend via facebook yesterday. turns out, in 2008, his 25-year-old-son (who i had not seen in 20 years) was surfing in mexico and was bitten by a shark and bled to death. horrific. i googled it and read all about it. when i tried to offer my condolences, dad said "i don't like talking about it...would you like to come see our band play next week at xyz nightclub?'

    even though his son's photo is his main facebook banner, he did not want to discuss it at all. sad.

  12. #27
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Panama
    Posts
    4,096
    Some people are bad at receiving condolences.
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  13. #28
    christina923 is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    CT, USA
    Posts
    6,101
    GG... I think there is a difference with your friend not wanting to "discuss" it... but i'm sure he appreciated your condolences when you offered them. it had been 6 years later, of course he does not want to "discuss" it and open wounds that he is trying to heal.

    LB friend just lost her son within the month.
    theREALTrish and gorillagirl like this.

  14. #29
    theREALTrish's Avatar
    theREALTrish is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Rhode Island
    Posts
    1,262
    Quote Originally Posted by gorillagirl View Post
    i reconnected with an old friend via facebook yesterday. turns out, in 2008, his 25-year-old-son (who i had not seen in 20 years) was surfing in mexico and was bitten by a shark and bled to death. horrific. i googled it and read all about it. when i tried to offer my condolences, dad said "i don't like talking about it...would you like to come see our band play next week at xyz nightclub?'

    even though his son's photo is his main facebook banner, he did not want to discuss it at all. sad.
    My daughter's father was murdered 23 years ago, and I never want to discuss it. I don't even like discussing it with my daughter.
    gorillagirl likes this.

  15. #30
    legallyblonde Guest
    That's wonderful that you trust us enough to even mention it here, Trish!

    Ali
    gorillagirl and theREALTrish like this.

Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •