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Thread: Parents that defend their kids no matter what.

  1. #46
    NY10's Avatar
    NY10 is offline Senior Member
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    I think you are clearly missing the point that people including myself are making. NO ONE is saying what this good did was not a big deal. Drinking and driving is stupid, reckless, careless, selfish. Getting behind the wheel while drunk is probably the worst idea a person can have, killing an innocent person is NEVER something that should be taken lightly. No one is saying the girl should be let off, set free, forgiven. She and her family will have to spend every single day of the rest of their lives knowing that one night and one bad choice took an innocent person off this earth and away from their family. HOWEVER. The point you don't seem to get is that the girl who made the mistake also has a family. As a family, as parents exactly like SLK wrote. If it was my child I too would do everything in my power to get the sentence as low as can be. It is your job as a parent to fight, kill, die if need be for your kid (when you have a child of your own you will understand that love and need). To stand behind her as she goes through this is what HER family chooses to do and if it was one of my young cousins, I would stand by them 100%. Not making light of what they did, not saying they are innocent and should be cleared of everything but they will have ME behind them, supporting them and letting them know that even in their worst possible moment I love them and I will go through hell with them so they are not alone.

  2. #47
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by theREALTrish View Post
    Well, I'll agree with you, Azureth, that a person should face the consequences of their actions. If one of my children committed a crime, I would also want them to have the best legal
    representation possible. I'd want them to have counseling, if necessary. However, if they were guilty of the crime, I would also want them to face the criminal justice
    system and the penalties that the law would compel them to serve. I'd also be there to support them. I might be sad, disappointed, and feeling guilty myself, for possibly failing
    in raising them. But, I wouldn't stop loving them.
    Exactly.
    If my son killed someone while DUI, I would definitely not advise him to run, or to deny his crime, but again, I would do all in my power to help him get the minimum punishement possible.

    And sorry to digress, but this is a true story... my grandfather was hit by a car when coming from church one Sunday. My grandpa only suffered a broken leg, and the judge ordered the driver to pay the medical expenses. The driver was very poor, and the judge advised us to accept a payment plan. The driver told us that he had a farm and that he would bring us products from his farm every week until the debt was paid. So my family agreed. Every week he would bring vegetables, corn and a live chicken. We asked him if he could omit the chicken and limit his payment to the vegetables but he said that the chicken was more valuable and that way he would pay his debt faster. So after live chicken #5 we just told him it was ok, that the debt was paid. Even then he knew that he had not covered the full amount and kept calling us for a couple more months to see if we wanted a chicken.
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    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  3. #48
    soul is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by SheLikesKitties View Post
    Exactly.
    If my son killed someone while DUI, I would definitely not advise him to run, or to deny his crime, but again, I would do all in my power to help him get the minimum punishement possible.

    And sorry to digress, but this is a true story... my grandfather was hit by a car when coming from church one Sunday. My grandpa only suffered a broken leg, and the judge ordered the driver to pay the medical expenses. The driver was very poor, and the judge advised us to accept a payment plan. The driver told us that he had a farm and that he would bring us products from his farm every week until the debt was paid. So my family agreed. Every week he would bring vegetables, corn and a live chicken. We asked him if he could omit the chicken and limit his payment to the vegetables but he said that the chicken was more valuable and that way he would pay his debt faster. So after live chicken #5 we just told him it was ok, that the debt was paid. Even then he knew that he had not covered the full amount and kept calling us for a couple more months to see if we wanted a chicken.


    Not a good day to be a chicken.
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  4. #49
    soul is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Azureth View Post
    And I am not Christian but Atheist.
    Just to momentarily derail the topic of this thread. I clicked a link you provided once which was about your dad and I remember he's a very active Christian right? preacher or something ( along with being an Artist). So I had assumed you'd be part of the gang too. So I'm just intrigued how that came about, that you're an Atheist after such religious upbringing.

  5. #50
    Azureth is offline Banned
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    Quote Originally Posted by soul View Post
    Just to momentarily derail the topic of this thread. I clicked a link you provided once which was about your dad and I remember he's a very active Christian right? preacher or something ( along with being an Artist). So I had assumed you'd be part of the gang too. So I'm just intrigued how that came about, that you're an Atheist after such religious upbringing.
    He is, he's not a full-time preacher but he does get asked to preach now and then at various churches. I became an Atheist when I was 17 and though I still am I still hold many of the views/values of it even if I don't personally believe in a God.

    My gf is religious however but it's not that big a deal since we really only ever really talked about our beliefs once and pretty much just decided to not push our beliefs on each other and respect each other.

  6. #51
    soul is offline Senior Member
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    When I was 19 years old, I was attacked by two men one night on my way home (who happened to be brothers). The attack was quite serious and both brothers got jail sentences. Anyway, the point of my regaling this little bit of history of mine is that, the mother of the two men actually phoned my home ( I've no idea how she got our number as my identity was kept hidden because of the nature of the attack) and she spoke with both my mum and me, pleading for me to withdraw from the case so her sons could be set free or get a lessor sentence. There wasn't anything I could do to help them, the police and judges were the ones playing god, not me, I couldn't even if I had wanted to, the evidence was there for all to see.

    The thing is, even though what they did to me by most peoples standards was pretty horrendous, I understood perfectly even at my tender age of 19, why their mum was trying to defend them and my mum understood too. As it turned out one of the brothers who when released after x amount of years, went onto commit the same crime again to other women, he actually became quite prolific, heading national news papers and TV news at the time and I'm sure his mum still loved and supported her son.

    The thing is you can love the person, that doesn't mean you love what they do.
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  7. #52
    Azureth is offline Banned
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    Wow, sorry that happened to you. For me, if I were attacked I'd try to find a sharp object to stab them in the neck or something. If that didn't work but I was alive I would try to get them arrested asap and if their parents called me up I'd tell them their kid(s) can rot in hell for all I care. I'm not near as nice and forgiving over something like that.

  8. #53
    mskitty Guest

    my ex now widowed ..

    My ex hit a kid on a motorcycle late one night after leaving a big hoopla in LA... he did plead guilty to the charges of vehicular homicide and served 2.5 yrs... that is when he found out he had Mesothelioma was in prison. He had gotten away with anything that happened most of his life due to the influence of his father who was the west coast regional director of the AFL-CIO.. Todd shipyards...I sincerely believe that if he would have had to pay for some of the messes he got into instead of being bailout all the time he would not have been such a mess/addict/drunk/womanizer/derelict father... he never learned to take responsibility for his actions... the only reason he got jail time this last episode was because his parents were dead.

  9. #54
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
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    I am very forgiving concerning things done to me.
    Rape, strangulation, physical abuse... I can say those words with zero emotional content. However when someone hurts a loved one of mine, I am completely unforgiving.
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    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  10. #55
    soul is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by SheLikesKitties View Post
    I am very forgiving concerning things done to me.
    Rape, strangulation, physical abuse... I can say those words with zero emotional content. However when someone hurts a loved one of mine, I am completely unforgiving.
    I feel same as you SLK, not sure I actually forgive in the true sense of the word, but it doesn't stir retribution in me. If someone hurts someone I love then I go into complete bunny boiler mode.

  11. #56
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    Question...

    For those who've said if your child committed a crime that took the life of another, or a reckless act that permanently injured someone else, you'd do what it took to get your child the least severe punishment possible. Then you go on to say, if someone harmed someone you love, you go into "mama bear" mode.

    If the situation were reversed and your child/family member was the one killed or injured, would you plead for the least or the most severe punishment possible for the person who'd committed the act?

    I was the victim of years of sexual abuse by my father. My mother and grandmother pleaded with the court that my father receive the lightest possible sentence, and he did. He also went on to re-offend.

    My ex husband's father is a horrible driver and should not have a license or be allowed to own a vehicle--not even a mobility chair. His abstract--list of driving offenses--is longer than I am tall, and I am not a short woman. He has been involved in many accidents, "totaling" many vehicles. In the worst instance, he crossed the center line and struck an oncoming motorcyclist, killing the driver instantly and putting the motorcyclist's 12 year old daughter (who was a passenger on the back of the motorcycle) in intensive care with multiple injuries, including a traumatic brain injury. She was not well enough to attend her father's funeral, and will never be the same physically or mentally. My ex FIL was never charged. Even though my ex FIL was at fault, the motorcyclist had traces of TCH in his bloodstream. It was a minimal amount, probably not enough to have impaired his driving. To this day, my former MIL, ex husband, and his siblings defend my ex FIL and blame the accident on the motorcyclist "who was high and killed himself on" ex FIL's automobile.

    Unfortunately, my sons have grown up knowing that loving a person doesn't mean loving their actions. Sometimes, people you love do things that are wrong.

    When someone you love has committed a crime, you are probably not the best person to be giving input or who most needs to be heard when decisions are being made regarding what is or is not a fit punishment for their actions.

    MM
    "Our past is a story existing only in our minds. Look, analyze, understand, and forgive. Then, as quickly as possible, chuck it." ~ Marianne Williamson

  12. #57
    Azureth is offline Banned
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    Quote Originally Posted by MissMuffins View Post
    I was the victim of years of sexual abuse by my father. My mother and grandmother pleaded with the court that my father receive the lightest possible sentence, and he did. He also went on to re-offend.
    I'll never understand why we let pedos live, or rapists for that matter. To me they are lower than dogs and should be taken out back and shot. At least pedos usually end up meeting bubba in prison
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  13. #58
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    I think that the reason I would side with my son no matter what, is because I raised him to be a good man. He is a good driver, he does not drink and drive, he helps people who need help, he is honest and hardworking. If he misses work one day I do not automatically assume that he is a lazy bum, but I get concerned because he may be having a problem or be sick.

    What I see today in my son is the RESULT of NOT taking his side when he misbehaved when he was in his formative years. During those years, I would side with the teachers or the people in authority.

    I suppose that every parent thinks they did the best job possible and that by supporting their children, they are actually reafirming that they did a good job as parents.

    And yeah, I think pedos and child molesters should be executed.
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  14. #59
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    Quote Originally Posted by MissMuffins View Post
    For those who've said if your child committed a crime that took the life of another, or a reckless act that permanently injured someone else, you'd do what it took to get your child the least severe punishment possible. Then you go on to say, if someone harmed someone you love, you go into "mama bear" mode.

    If the situation were reversed and your child/family member was the one killed or injured, would you plead for the least or the most severe punishment possible for the person who'd committed the act?

    I was the victim of years of sexual abuse by my father. My mother and grandmother pleaded with the court that my father receive the lightest possible sentence, and he did. He also went on to re-offend.

    My ex husband's father is a horrible driver and should not have a license or be allowed to own a vehicle--not even a mobility chair. His abstract--list of driving offenses--is longer than I am tall, and I am not a short woman. He has been involved in many accidents, "totaling" many vehicles. In the worst instance, he crossed the center line and struck an oncoming motorcyclist, killing the driver instantly and putting the motorcyclist's 12 year old daughter (who was a passenger on the back of the motorcycle) in intensive care with multiple injuries, including a traumatic brain injury. She was not well enough to attend her father's funeral, and will never be the same physically or mentally. My ex FIL was never charged. Even though my ex FIL was at fault, the motorcyclist had traces of TCH in his bloodstream. It was a minimal amount, probably not enough to have impaired his driving. To this day, my former MIL, ex husband, and his siblings defend my ex FIL and blame the accident on the motorcyclist "who was high and killed himself on" ex FIL's automobile.

    Unfortunately, my sons have grown up knowing that loving a person doesn't mean loving their actions. Sometimes, people you love do things that are wrong.

    When someone you love has committed a crime, you are probably not the best person to be giving input or who most needs to be heard when decisions are being made regarding what is or is not a fit punishment for their actions.

    MM
    I hope I didn't give the impression that I would want my child to receive the lightest possible punishment for a crime. I did say I would stand by my child, however, I also said
    that I would want them to receive the sentence that the criminal justice system would deem fit. Although, I do have to say that I believe there are people in prison for victimless
    crimes (such as drug possession) that are serving harsher sentences than those who commit murder.

    MM, as a mother, I would want my husband or son to be harshly punished for what your father did to you, and others. Of course, I might just kill him myself.....of course, I also
    know that wouldn't be the answer.

  15. #60
    soul is offline Senior Member
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    I agree with you MM, close friends and family are too biased. I was about to say, Thankfully we have Judges and Jury systems to eliminate that, but as you've proven with your own case and your FIL, they aren't the best decision makers either . I should re - phrase what I said actually, to be a little clearer. I would be a bunny boiler *if* the intent to was to harm, if it was an accident, genuine one that is, of course I'd be very upset, but I would understand, I certainly wouldn't be petitioning for the longest sentence possible or d/p.

    With this topic in mind and reference to your situation with your dad that you mention. By looking at peoples answers here in this thread, your grandmothers reaction isn't a total surprise. It's within my grasp of concept to see why she did that, even if it was ill founded and obviously hurtful towards you. What makes your situation I feel more unusual is your mother pleading for leniency too. That in itself is going against what were actually talking about in this thread. The bond between a child and parent is usually a lot stronger than that of spouse. On face value sounds like both were in denial. Either way kudos to you for managing thus far, I can't imagine how shyt it must be to have that as a constant reminder in the form of a family member. At least with the rest of us who are hiding some skeletons, they can be just that, skeletons hidden away.


    @ Those who think pedos and rapists should be executed. I personally don't agree with the death penalty, but that's another debate, den anyone ?
    Last edited by soul; 07-17-2013 at 04:00 PM. Reason: My TERRIBLE typing

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