Thread: Wisdom from the Experienced

Polly said:

The last hurdle was the physical meeting. You never know how that will go. We were so extremely lucky that we were physically drawn to eachother and the sex was good. I still can't believe how perfectly I fit under his arm, like we really were made for eachother.

I think the comment that you never really know how its going to go is really, really true. That's why its so scary. Maybe its just me, but I would rather go into a first meeting with this thought very clearly planted in my head, rather than blissfully optimistic that because we'd shared such a great online relationship it was going to be everything I'd dreamed of.

I think the physical meeting is critical.

Maybe some of the members who have had disappointing experiences can chime in here with their thoughts on their experiences.

I would never meet someone I never spoke to - either phone or way better webcam! That is the best thing to get to know a person and no one can hide anything from a webcam.
Online dating is the new way of getting to know people and I think that webcams should be part of every online date.

Hope it all works out for you.

I am new to this forum and this is my first post but this subject is near and dear to me as I have been in a long distance age gap relationship for several years.

I met my YM online playing a game 6 years ago, it wasn't long before we were inseparable and spent every minute possible together. I was stuck in a bad marriage and he was my emotional support as well as my best friend for the first several years. As soon as I made the decision to divorce our relationship moved to a more serious relationship. He has now flown here several times to visit me. He is attending a 4 year college, pre med. He has flown here 3 times in past year, spring break, winter break and the entire summer he lived here and did some shadowing for college.
We have had to struggle with distance for years now as he has 40k a year in scholarships to #2 undergrad college in the US and I have 2 children that are in school here. I have also spent the last 2 years dealing with very ugly nasty divorce and custody trials.
He made the decision this year to graduate a year early so he will be moving here in 8 months! This year will be very difficult as he has a huge class load at college but he is dedicated and devoted and he is doing so much extra work just to be done a year early.

No one in my life has ever made me as happy as he does and I have never been so certain about anything in my life. My children adore him and miss him almost as bad as I do.

Our age gap is 35/23 I believe with any long distance relationship, you have to have trust. Some days that is easier said then done but its a must.
On top of our long distance and age gap we also have some interracial issues as well. He is Asian and comes from a family that is not so accepting of him being with someone who is Caucasian. His sister is ok with our relationship but his parents are definitely not. I hope in time they will change their mind about me.

I am in such a good place in my life and I look forward to each and everyday!

So this song comes on the radio tonight and suddenly I'm transported back in time, 7 years ago, when my husband and I were a long distance relationship hoping one day to come to fruition. As I listen to the lyrics I realize the reason I loved this song so much was that it perfectly captured that desperate feeling we were experiencing. The Romeo/Juliet effect I mentioned earlier in this thread.



No one has ever moved my soul, my heart, my beliefs like he has. It's funny how I can suffer all the flaws of my past and yet have such a fulfilling happy relationship. As cliche as it sounds, he makes me want to be a better woman. We are no longer those lovers in turmoil or facing perceived pending doom, though I guess if we are determined to suffer we could turn back the hands of time. I can't imagine ever enduring another LDR, but I would for him, a thousand times over.

Years later the wisdom I'd give hasn't changed much. DEMAND HONESTY. GIVE HONESTY.

Yeah, you'll make mistakes. Yeah, you'll give/take too much. People get so overwhelmed with how it should look or what path leads to success, but I can tell you I've watched couples make all the right choices fail and relationships, like mine, that made several naive mistakes endure. So I'm telling you...STOP. No one would have ever banked on an 18 year old virgin male living at home with his mom in California and a 32 year old divorced depressed mother of 3 living in the same house with her Ex in Pennsylvania meeting online in a game, and making several errors of judgement enduring but here we are happily married several years later.

If you remain realistic (NOT WISTFUL) about what can go wrong and accept full consequence if it does go wrong, a couple committed to each other will overcome the missteps along the way. Even a Romeo/Juliet mentality.



(...and Romeo/Juliet have nothing on us!)

I am in a long distance online relationship with a younger man. We met in chat room in late feb 2015 and became friends. I am 45/he is 21. He is not like anyone I have ever met in my life. We did have strong romantic feelings but we also argue, because we are polar opposites.

He is a very busy, passionate, smart and talented person I love him but is love enough when the age gap is that big? I think he is struggling too make sense of our feelings too. We are friends but could so easily be more.

Our gap 50-26.

We were very casual friends for aa year and a half before something in our dynamic changed. Skype kept it stable. Physical meeting calmed fears of lack of chemistry of real us/vs camera us.

We are polar opposites in 1-2 things mostly because he is European, I am Texan. But actually very inline for most everything important. I think personally that too many opposite traits are dealbreakers in long run, though exciting in the dating and honeymoon stage.

Is Love enough? if it is love with sound foundation, yes. The LDR part, it takes a lot of work and suffering so you have to think each other is worth that empty be spot while the wait stage is progressing. Your question could have been mine 4 years ago.

Originally Posted by Pickles

Our gap 50-26.

We were very casual friends for aa year and a half before something in our dynamic changed. Skype kept it stable. Physical meeting calmed fears of lack of chemistry of real us/vs camera us.

We are polar opposites in 1-2 things mostly because he is European, I am Texan. But actually very inline for most everything important. I think personally that too many opposite traits are dealbreakers in long run, though exciting in the dating and honeymoon stage.

Is Love enough? if it is love with sound foundation, yes. The LDR part, it takes a lot of work and suffering so you have to think each other is worth that empty be spot while the wait stage is progressing. Your question could have been mine 4 years ago.

Back in October of last year we had a horrible disagreement and did not speaks much. We finally became friends again this past February. Being polar opposite is not the only thing making it hard, distance, and also his life is insanely busy (he is a public figure). He is seeing someone but still wanting me. I am glad he has someone rather than us being miserable for not being able to be together. If he and I were together right now I would wreck his life by throwing it off course. Its is overwhelming and I have no idea how this thing will resolve it self. All I know his feelings for me run very deeply and it feels like some unstoppable force that is only being delayed LOL. I am also going thru my own thing with and ex. bf who just will not let go after 18 years together. It is an impossible love ....but he is an very strong willed person and impossible things do not frighten him off. I feel cell shocked by this whole situation lol. He is young but his ways and mind seems as old as time. No man ever has open his heart to me the way he does and we have never met in person or touched. Your words do comfort me. Thank you.