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Thread: Happy OW/YM Stories

  1. #91
    mskitty Guest

    Marriage expectations......

    Hi... I too, and attracted to younger men and have given much thought to the Why's Where's and What's of the expectations surrounding the relationship with a man much younger than me... Right now I have just started a 22 y age difference.

    It is funny how our minds work to justify what our desires are..or perceived expectations...and the image /view of marriage can be distorted due to old reels that spin in our emotional make up..or past experiences....With the ym it is a new path... Although I have seen on AL many couples having children , and just being in a regular relationship with all the joys and problems that go with it...

    Sometimes I think too far ahead and miss the day to day wonderful feelings I receive from my new love...... and in that moment ....I put myself in the here and now ......and I am smiling ......and that is what counts......Today!!

  2. #92
    Angel's Avatar
    Angel is offline Anger Thrives In A Fool
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    Richpam, marriage isn't for everyone. The weight of success in a relationship is based on the couple involved, not some arbitrary length of time, age, or piece of paper. Since I've been here I have never felt there was a push to marry here, though recently a bunch of weddings did happen. Most marry to please themselves, not because they are seeking approval from society. For many it's just an expression of what felt was the natural next step to expressing the commitment the couple feels. If it didn't have that type of effect, the LBGT community wouldn't be pushing for those same rights. Sometimes it is the only way for an international couple to end the long distance part of their relationship. It doesn't mean, though, that it's the only way to live. Bella, a long-term member of Ageless, has been with her guy for 10 years. They are not married, have no intent on marrying, and I doubt the majority here see their relationship as any less successful than those who have married. Another member, Eponavet, is in an open relationship for 6 years or so now, and again, I doubt the majority see her relationship as less significant than those who are monogamous.

    Should we use age, alone, to base a relationship's shelf-life on? Or that a piece of paper, alone, gauges another's success? Or that my experience is yours, yours mine, and theirs ours? All seem silly, and the first a bit ageist. Anyone I've ever been involved with, I've believed to have been a rarity from the norm, regardless of age. My prior relationships ended because they stopped being that exception in my world, for whatever reason.

    Having multiple boyfriends, a different set of beliefs, whatever, is not taboo here. You may not find a lot of people who relate, is all. Even the subject of Cougars or women who proudly claim to be a Cougar is something people here tend to disassociate from. There are many "Cougar" sites, but not many sites that promote that AGRs are healthy natural options. Too often OW are portrayed as nothing more than teachers or sexual. That OM are nothing more than sugar daddies. That VYw/m couplings are unnatural. That a younger partner has 'issues' or is only with a Mrs. Robinson or daddy figure until they grow-up or something younger comes along. ...and on and on. It doesn't mean those comments don't ring true for some, but that those here would like people to know they aren't the only things an AG couple can be.

    So, those associations are the real underlying drivers that the members here will fight against. Not whether you marry or not or have multiple partners or not. The experiences you read about, which you say are different to your own, are because most here found ourselves here looking for reassurance that long-term connections work too. We already knew we could do the short-term thing, but we needed to know we could dream bigger.
    Last edited by Angel; 01-07-2012 at 05:47 PM.
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  3. #93
    LaRomantica's Avatar
    LaRomantica is offline Senior Member
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    Wow Angel, (standing and applauding) that was a great reply, thanks! It's too true, who doesn't know that the short term thing is "out there"? Shoot, that goes with men of any age, really. But I too desired to "dream bigger" and that's why I keep coming here.
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  4. #94
    notsure Guest

    marriage

    Hey. I came to the website in need of reassurance and support for my OW/YM relationship. Needless to say, we went away this weekend and my YM proposed. I said YES. I have never been in a more mature, honest and happy relationship in my life. This will be my third formal marriage, I was in a relationship for nine years that qualified as common law. So I'm not a rookie when it comes to relationships.

    We have 22 years age difference. I thought my oldest son would have some reservations, he's two years younger than my YM, but he was so supportive. My younger son was taken aback, he didn't think I would ever remarry... because I said I wasn't. But I guess it's a never say never thing. All my children love him, and they treat him with respect. I thought I was in a summer fling... now I have a partner that I'm head over heels for, and that loves me unconditionally for the long haul. We didn't enter into this lightly. We talked about it. I'm happier than I've been in a long time, I will and always do just take it one day at a time... This day is specatular!!!

  5. #95
    whiterose's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by notsure View Post
    Hey. I came to the website in need of reassurance and support for my OW/YM relationship. Needless to say, we went away this weekend and my YM proposed. I said YES. I have never been in a more mature, honest and happy relationship in my life. This will be my third formal marriage, I was in a relationship for nine years that qualified as common law. So I'm not a rookie when it comes to relationships.

    We have 22 years age difference. I thought my oldest son would have some reservations, he's two years younger than my YM, but he was so supportive. My younger son was taken aback, he didn't think I would ever remarry... because I said I wasn't. But I guess it's a never say never thing. All my children love him, and they treat him with respect. I thought I was in a summer fling... now I have a partner that I'm head over heels for, and that loves me unconditionally for the long haul. We didn't enter into this lightly. We talked about it. I'm happier than I've been in a long time, I will and always do just take it one day at a time... This day is specatular!!!
    Congratulations!

  6. #96
    LaRomantica's Avatar
    LaRomantica is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by notsure View Post
    Hey. I came to the website in need of reassurance and support for my OW/YM relationship. Needless to say, we went away this weekend and my YM proposed. I said YES. I have never been in a more mature, honest and happy relationship in my life. This will be my third formal marriage, I was in a relationship for nine years that qualified as common law. So I'm not a rookie when it comes to relationships.

    We have 22 years age difference. I thought my oldest son would have some reservations, he's two years younger than my YM, but he was so supportive. My younger son was taken aback, he didn't think I would ever remarry... because I said I wasn't. But I guess it's a never say never thing. All my children love him, and they treat him with respect. I thought I was in a summer fling... now I have a partner that I'm head over heels for, and that loves me unconditionally for the long haul. We didn't enter into this lightly. We talked about it. I'm happier than I've been in a long time, I will and always do just take it one day at a time... This day is specatular!!!
    Oh wow, what an inspiring post! I feel SO happy for you and I want to wish a lot of happiness "forever after", I hope you stay positive and never, never waste time worrying but stay in the moment just like you are doing now.

  7. #97
    JTB5424's Avatar
    JTB5424 is offline 17 Year Age Difference
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    35/19 Love IS ageless!

    First, let me tell you that I can't tell you how happy I am to have found this site! I have a story to tell!!

    When I was 14, I met a boy 2 years older, fell madly in love. He was my first everything, my first kiss, my first boyfriend, my first holding hands.. and I lost my virginity to him at the young age of 14. I loved him with everything I could at that age.

    Fastforward 19 years later, we had still kept in touch throughout the all of those years but we had gone down very different paths in life. I was married with 3 kids of my own and 2 step children. He was still running through women like hot water. I did find out that he had recently learned about a son he had conceived while we were in high school. I briefly met his son once when he was 14. It was a quick passing and I barely remeber.

    In May of 2010, my first love passed away in a terrible car accident. It broke my heart into a million pieces. Even though I was married (and headed for a separation) I couldn't function. I couldn't believe that someone I had loved so much was gone without me getting the chance to say goodbye. As I walked into the funeral home I was overwhelmed with emotion and had to run out. I don't like to cry in front of people and so I needed to get away. As I stood out on the sidewalk sobbing into my hands, I felt arms wrap around me. It felt good to be held and at the time it didn't matter whose arms they were. "My dad loved you" I heard whispered into my ear. As I began to get myself together, I looked up and into the eyes of the most beautiful human being I had ever seen in my life. It was my first love's grown son. He was 17 and he was stunning. I felt embarrassed and completely shocked... but I continued to cry in his arms and he let me. We didn't speak much more that day, but as I was leaving I remember looking over at him and he was looking into my eyes, deeply. Almost as if he was looking right into my soul. I felt claimed. He completely took my breath away at that moment and I wondered what could possibly be wrong with me. I blamed it on my vulnerability and I tried to forget about it But a year and a half later, I have still not forgotten. I was 33, he was 17 then.

    Him and I kept in touch through email and through facebook a little here and there. I would check on him and he would check on me. I wanted to enourage him and support him. I felt responsible for him in some weird way. I don't know why. A year later, I was separated from my husband and I found out he was engaged. I remember feeling a sickness when I heard he was engaged. I didn't understand it. 6 months later, he contacted me. He asked how I was doing and I asked how he was doing. He was single! His fiance' had aborted their baby and he was heartbroken over losing a child. So I asked if he wanted to grab coffee sometime. I wanted to be an ear to listen. He sounded as if he needed to talk so, We met for coffee. I has just turned 35 and he was 18. As I sat there listening to him, and as we shared stories about his dad.. I realized what an incredibly smart, creative and mature man he had become. I was in awee of him. There was obvious chemistry between the two of us, more than I had ever felt with any other person in my lifetime. I kept trying to get myself in check, because I felt stupid feeling this way for an 18 year old! The night ended and we said our goodbyes. We continued to keep in touch and a pretty strong friendship grew.
    One night I asked him if he wanted to go to an amusement park with me, ... and he agreed. We had the best time! We laughed, we talked.. we got pretty close. I remember feeling like I wanted to kiss him, but I felt like it was all wrong.. but the chemistry was undeniable. AND, I didn't know if he felt the same way! But as we exited an elevator alone into a dark area. He grabbed me and pulled me close to him and kissed me like I had never been kissed before. His kiss was completely magical, and I was smitten. There was no going back! I was completely addicted.We didn't stop kissing for hours. Everytime we would try and walk, we'd stop to kiss more. We finally called it a night and made out like 2 teenagers in my car. In some ways, I felt rediculous, and in other ways... I felt better than I ever had. As time went on, I began to wonder if this was just all lust, and sexual chemistry. I started to try and push him away because it was starting to scare me, and I kept wondering if there was something wrong with me. I felt ashamed in alot of ways. SO many people would not approve. I always wondered if people were staring at us. (They never were) If I am being honest, I look pretty young, maybe 27ish.
    Anyway, as I pushed him away, I began to miss him dearly.. and so I went to visit him one day after ignoring him for a couple of weeks. Upon seeing him.. I melted. I realized I was in love with him. He grabbed me in his strong arms and he held onto me and kissed my forhead with such agression. He missed me. He loved me. I could feel it without him even saying a word. The love that radiates around us, is undeniable. Two people would be completely blessed to have what him and i have. I have finally submitted to it after 6 months of fighting it. My daughter is 3 years younger than him and could not be happier for me. She said she loves seeing me so happy and she especially loves seeing someone treat me with such love and respect.
    We still have not told our families. We're not sure how they will react. His family is already like my family... because if you remember I was in love with his dad and spent alot of time with them. I am not sure how they will feel about this... I KNOW my mother will have a heart attack.. but I am hoping that I can express this love in a way that she will understand. I am also hoping that as she observes us, she will see that her daughter is loved, for who she is. I am so blessed. Love IS ageless. Thank you for letting me share my story.
    richpam1963 and Kristin like this.

  8. #98
    LaRomantica's Avatar
    LaRomantica is offline Senior Member
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    I cannot tell you how MUCH I enjoyed your story!!! It was like watching a movie or reading a romance novel, sooo romantic! The part about the funeral and him coming like out of nowhere to comfort you! How did he know who you were? Had his father shown him pics of you? Well, the whole thing is uncanny but beautiful, like it was meant to be, and I'm sincerely happy for the two of you.

  9. #99
    JTB5424's Avatar
    JTB5424 is offline 17 Year Age Difference
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    Quote Originally Posted by LaRomantica View Post
    I cannot tell you how MUCH I enjoyed your story!!! It was like watching a movie or reading a romance novel, sooo romantic! The part about the funeral and him coming like out of nowhere to comfort you! How did he know who you were? Had his father shown him pics of you? Well, the whole thing is uncanny but beautiful, like it was meant to be, and I'm sincerely happy for the two of you.
    Thank you!! That means the world to me!! He knew me because we had met once before and his dad and I had kept in touch and his dad talked about me.. so he know who I was. Upon arriving at the funeral home.. he said he spotted me walk in and talk to his grandmother (my first loves mother) ... so I guess he was watching me, and watched me walk out the door! I cannot get enough of him. He's truly an angel.

  10. #100
    laurad121 is offline Senior Member
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    Wow what a romantic story. I am a total romantic sap and love hearing about true love. I am so happy that you stopped fighting the feelings and went for it

  11. #101
    richpam1963 is offline Neophyte
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    Ow vym

    Angel, I really appreciate your thoughtful reply. I don't think of myself as a "cougar" or any of that nonsense. For me it is very straightforward: I'm 49 (now), I know what I want, and I'm happy I've found a place where it is OK to be who I am and to talk about it. I'm valuable, beautiful, looking only for informal commitments, and have a lot to give in a trusting relationship. My heart, mind, spirit, and body are aligned and comfortable, and my friend and I agree that we enjoy the energy, presence, companionship, physical potential, and personal development potential of men 18-19 yo.
    Angel and Mebel like this.

  12. #102
    Kristin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by richpam1963 View Post
    Angel, I really appreciate your thoughtful reply. I don't think of myself as a "cougar" or any of that nonsense. For me it is very straightforward: I'm 49 (now), I know what I want, and I'm happy I've found a place where it is OK to be who I am and to talk about it. I'm valuable, beautiful, looking only for informal commitments, and have a lot to give in a trusting relationship. My heart, mind, spirit, and body are aligned and comfortable, and my friend and I agree that we enjoy the energy, presence, companionship, physical potential, and personal development potential of men 18-19 yo.
    Honestly, no offense intended at all, but you pretty much fit one of the accepted definitions of a "cougar." A woman who seeks out casual, sexual relationships with men many years younger than herself. That's not a bad thing - it is what it is. You shouldn't be judged on that any more than a man who seeks the same with younger women!!

    Personally, I hate that there is even a name for it just because it's an older woman vs. an older man - especially given that the original definition usually meant "a woman over 40, pathetically desperate to recapture her youth by trolling college bars; in tacky clothes and makeup, for a night of hot sex with different college men." Lovely, right? Now, "cougar" can even mean a 30 year old dating a 21 year old, even if she didn't "chase" him! (They called a young Cameron Diaz a "cougar" for her relatively small 9 year age difference with Justin Timberlake.) But usually they pin women who seek out and serial date younger men, with or without expectation of a commitment, with the "cougar" label.

    As Angel explained, many, if not the vast majority, of the women on this site were NOT seeking relationships of any kind specifically with younger men. By the way, "VYM" here means "VERY young man/men" and tends to mean 18-20 years old, depending on personal opinion. Otherwise, a lot of women here would consider anything more than 10 years younger than herself a "YM" or "young/younger man." That could even mean a 40 year-old man with a 50 year old woman and some even freak out over as little as 2 years difference, because they always thought the man should be older. Anyhow, most of us here were just going about our lives and found ourselves pursued by a much younger man or attracted to a much younger man (much to our surprise.) These young men are not usually looking for a "hook up." They saw us as a potential long-term commitment, which I think is what throws a lot of us off so much!

    In my case, my YM pursued me for nearly a year asking me out and I kept pushing him away (I was 36 and he was 23.) When I finally "gave in," I figured he saw me as some kind of challenge and it would never go beyond maybe one night of fun. But that first night together, he stopped, looked at me directly in the eyes and basically said, "If this is just a one night stand for you, I don't want to do this. I want to be with you." (He admitted later that he was already falling in love with me by that point.) Suddenly, my expectations of "a little fun that's good for my ego" turned into a man 13 years my junior having his own expectations of a long-term relationship! That is what brought me here.

    So, Ageless Love tends to be made up more of women who unexpectedly found themselves in relationships with younger men, not so much women who are actively seeking any kind of relationship with much younger men. It's not that marriage to a younger man was a goal before we met them, but that many serious relationships of any age tend to go that direction. And since so many of the women here are finding themselves in a serious relationship with a younger man, weddings just tend to happily happen.
    Angel and Mebel like this.

  13. #103
    Bumblebee is offline Neophyte
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    From Africa

    Like djacynth, I also met a younger, Muslim man in Africa over the Internet (Gambia) and he would like for me to meet him there. But I have to overcome my fear of flying first! I met him 2 years ago and he is adorable, and very sweet. I have not told my family yet because I know my mother is going to go crazy when I do; I don't know what my daughter's reaction will be, although she is bi-racial (half Asian) and has dated black men herself; just not from another country. djacynth, would you like to share with me, where your man is from? I would love to talk to you.

  14. #104
    BAX
    BAX is offline Neophyte
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    A different kind of question

    Hi everyone,

    My situation is happy, but I looked around this website and couldn't find a similar situation. Hope no one has asked this already.

    My girlfriend and I have been together almost two years. I am 19 and she is 43. We've known each other longer but were not boyfriend and girlfriend before, but she did tell me a bit earlier it was what she wanted later.

    We both would like to get married. Just for background, I come from a bit of a messed-up home and she has really helped me.

    But, she also wants to adopt me. She just thinks it would be cool - she wants to be my mom and my wife, both.

    I don't have a problem with it (since it's just a paper thing, she's not related to me of course). Apart from the age difference and this idea, our relationship is perfectly normal.

    Can we do that?

    The other thing is, we are trying to have a baby. This is one reason why she is with me (I mean, she loves me too but, just saying) - she is near the age where she might not be able to have another one and she felt with a teenage boyfriend her chances to conceive would be best, just for physical reasons.

    What would happen legally if we did have a baby and she were my mom and my wife both?

    Thanks
    B.

  15. #105
    Azureth is offline Banned
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    Quote Originally Posted by BAX View Post
    Hi everyone,

    My situation is happy, but I looked around this website and couldn't find a similar situation. Hope no one has asked this already.

    My girlfriend and I have been together almost two years. I am 19 and she is 43. We've known each other longer but were not boyfriend and girlfriend before, but she did tell me a bit earlier it was what she wanted later.

    We both would like to get married. Just for background, I come from a bit of a messed-up home and she has really helped me.

    But, she also wants to adopt me. She just thinks it would be cool - she wants to be my mom and my wife, both.

    I don't have a problem with it (since it's just a paper thing, she's not related to me of course). Apart from the age difference and this idea, our relationship is perfectly normal.

    Can we do that?

    The other thing is, we are trying to have a baby. This is one reason why she is with me (I mean, she loves me too but, just saying) - she is near the age where she might not be able to have another one and she felt with a teenage boyfriend her chances to conceive would be best, just for physical reasons.

    What would happen legally if we did have a baby and she were my mom and my wife both?

    Thanks
    B.
    Obvious troll is obvious.
    Angel, Ellethe and SheLikesKitties like this.

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