Thread: Herpes (again)

I counsel many people on various health issues including herpes. I can tell you that the frequency, intensity and duration of the breakouts are different for everyone, and can change throughout an affected persons life. Generally they are brought on by three things, one of which applies only to females. The other two are diet and stress. Has his diet changed? Has anything happened in his life that is a major event, such as a new job or promotion, family issues, other health issues, his relationshiip with you...? What about medications? That's part of a persons's diet and can affect breakouts. I can recommend lysine, which is an otc vitamin. He could try taking 500 mg a day (unless he's already taking a prescription medication, in which case he would want to get his lysine only from diet.) It's found in fish, shellfish, bean sprouts, brewer's yeast, beans, and fruits and vegetables. Let me know. I can give you more specific details about diet and stress and it's role in the onset of herpes.

Either way, I wouldn't worry about it. It's something that herpes sufferers have to deal with. Unless the two of you are going through relationship problems, I'm sure it's not related to you.

My ex had the same condition. His outbreaks were typically caused by stress, and sometimes due to being run down. Work pressure or relationship stress was most often the cause. However, he also traveled for work and would often work extremely long hours during the day and stay out with his co-workers until all hours. A few days or a week or more of this and he usually came home broken out.

Lysine is a common preventative, and I believe that he said that when he took it regularly he felt that he didn't break out as often. You can pick this up at the health food store. Also, I've heard DHT is good. [Please don't take my word for it. Everyone is different.]

My ex also had a prescription that would clear up his outbreaks much faster - especially if he started taking it right when he felt the outbreak coming on. There are also medications that can be taken on a daily basis as a preventative.

You can live with this; we did. My belief is that his overall health and how he takes care of himself (diet, exercise, stress management) are important considerations in regard to this issue.

Thank you for your replies, and I apologize for being so slow to respond. I'm just do darned busy!!

My bf has a rx that he takes at the first sign of break out, and it clears him up pretty quickly, and in fact, this last outbreak only lasted 2 days. Never having had experience with this before, I admit to being a little freaked out, but he's been very good about it....he answers all my questions very openly and directly. After you all mentioned stress as a factor, I gave it some good thought and realized that his break outs DO seem to be triggered by that. The 1st one, back in April, was 2 days after he shot himself in the finger with his nail gun (he's a carpenter). The next 2 were within a few days of us having big arguments. Fortunately he's very conscientious about it and knows immediately if there's anything happening....and he lets me know right away.

I'm going to mention the lysine to him, but I doubt that I could get him to take it regularly. This is a man who resists taking motrin unless he's absolutely dying from the pain. But it's worth a shot.

Thanks again for all your input. I really appreciate all of it.

Originally posted by Atheena
The next 2 were within a few days of us having big arguments.

I'm going to mention the lysine to him, but I doubt that I could get him to take it regularly. This is a man who resists taking motrin unless he's absolutely dying from the pain. But it's worth a shot.

Yep, big arguments triggered episodes for my ex, too.

Maybe remind your beau that lysine is an essential amino acid, not a medication.

If he has already been to the doctor and has a prescription to help control the outbreaks, I don't know if this will be an option for him BUT...

I do know there is a drug out now that will suppress outbreaks and make them less frequent. I can't remember off the top of my head the name of it...I think it might be Valtrex? (sorry, don't have my book right here).

As it has only been two outbreaks, you might wait a bit and see if they continue to recur so frequently, but if they do, you might want to check into suppressive therapy as a tool to help have breakouts less frequently.

He sounds like he is handling it responsibly....which is a really good thing.

I know this is for herpes questions, but it is the closest to my problem that I could find to talk to someone about my issue. 6 months ago I was in a relationship with a ym that ended after 2 years. We had broken up a couple of times during the course of our relationship. The one of the timeshe had slept with another woman. He contracted genital warts from this woman. Before we found out, he had already given the virus to me.

Now that our relationship is over I am finding myself very angry over this. I have always been very good about getting checked regularly, even if there was no need to. But to find myself at this age, and now contracting an STD that will never go away is mortifying to me. Not only this fact, but now I am terrified that I will give the virus to someone else, coupled with the fear that I will never be accepted in another relationship because I have this. I would feel absolutely horrible if I gave this to someone that came to care for.

I know that the doctor said that I am not contagious unless I have a breakout, but being a woman a breakout can happen within. I can never truely be sure all the time that I don't have a breakout. I feel doomed to be alone now for the rest of my life out of fear and rejection for having this, and even though it was given to me during a relationship it makes me feel like now I would be considered a nasty, diseased person. How did you and your partners deal with these issues? Does the fear subside?

-Terribly Afraid

Number Cruncher, I'm fortunate enough to have not had this problem. But, I wanted you to know that when I read your post, my heart went out to you. I am so sorry that you were put into that situation. But, I also feel that if a man loves you, he can understand that this isn't something that you asked for, but instead, was inflicted upon you without your choice.


((( hugs )))

Do some research on genital warts. The HPV Virus is unfortunately carried by a VERY high percentage of people, most of which have no idea that they even have it. Most people discover they have it when they get a "bad" pap back. There is no cure but it's certainly not the end of the world as you know it. I had a bad pap at the end of last year, and it was caused by this. My doctor said it can lie dormant in your body for YEARS. You may have already had it for months or even years and never known about it until now. It's hard to pinpoint where you contracted it if you have had more than one sexual partner.

Knowledge is power.

"Most people discover they have it when they get a "bad" pap back. There is no cure but it's certainly not the end of the world as you know it. I had a bad pap at the end of last year, and it was caused by this. My doctor said it can lie dormant in your body for YEARS. You may have already had it for months or even years and never known about it until now. It's hard to pinpoint where you contracted it if you have had more than one sexual partner."

This is why I know exactly who I contracted this from, plus a few other detailed reasons. As I stated I get my check ups faithfully, and have for years now. I have never as you said had a "bad" pap. To speak frankly, I have had to have a blood transfusion in my life time, and I will be honest when I was a lot younger I wasn't safe all the time. But since I have gotten older, these things came to worry me since the AIDS virus had been born. So I have made sure that I get my female check-ups, and STD check-ups regularly.

It is not that I haven't sought out knowledge of the subject, but more of the mental aspect. I know there is a large percentage of people that carry this virus, but still how do you say "I have this"? Do you? And depending on the response how do you risk dealing with being treated very poorly because of it or dealing with the rejection if it isn't something they are willing to understand and possibly risk themselves?

"Number Cruncher, I'm fortunate enough to have not had this problem. But, I wanted you to know that when I read your post, my heart went out to you. I am so sorry that you were put into that situation. But, I also feel that if a man loves you, he can understand that this isn't something that you asked for, but instead, was inflicted upon you without your choice."

I never would have thought that this would have ever happened now at my age. When I was younger I could have seen it possibly happening. I had considered myself very lucky that I had not contracted anything then. To now have one of my worst fears come to life. I know if I met someone and they really do love me they would understand, but how do you tell someone that? I myself feel ashamed even though I contracted it from someone I loved and not from some unsafe one nighter. This is very upsetting to me, and I just am not sure how to handle all that comes with it.

Being "safe" doesn't prevent HPV -- a condom can't cover every single part of your body that touches another person's body, and HPV is contracted from skin-to-skin contact. You should talk to your doctor and get more facts. If you have had sex with anyone - even one partner - you are at risk of this and many other STDs. I hope you can mentally get a hold of it - it takes some time to get over the initial shock and hurt - but honestly, as I said - it could have been dormant in your own body for years and years. My doctor is a sweetheart and she had a long and frank discussion with me. I had the same thoughts about this happening "at my age." I've had my checkup like clockwork, too. This is WHY everyone should have that checkup every year. It's VERY important. Good luck and I'll be thinking about you - because I've been there / done that.

"Being "safe" doesn't prevent HPV -- a condom can't cover every single part of your body that touches another person's body, and HPV is contracted from skin-to-skin contact."

Well that just made my fear worse. I was informed that it is "Only" contagious with an outbreak, and that it is "Only" passed through sexual contact. This is horrible.

That is my understanding of herpes -- it's contagious with an outbreak. With HPV - that's not the case.

You might want to PM Whiterose about this because she's an RN. I bet she could tell you a whole lot more than me.

I got Herpes from my long time BF in 1988. He had a cold sore on his mouth (a type of Herpes) and of course he gave me cunnilingus and later I had a weird sore on my chocha, but didn't pay it much mind until the next week HE had the same kind of sore - we were fighting accusing the other of cheating - silly - until we got tested and the nurse explained how we had Oral Herpes and how he had given it to me! (first - I passed it back to him).

Anyway, outbreaks were horrendous. Now I can feel them coming a mile away and take 4 of the 500mg LYSINE pills, and Emergen-C packages of Vitamin C, and everything is fine. I can avert them.

Also - red wine seems to bring them on, although sangria made with red wine doesn't seem to bother me.

Chocolate is also a trouble-maker. L-arginine is an amino acid that brings it on - so I looked up all foods that are heavy in it and stay away form them.

As for telling someone, so many people suffer now from STDs that your new partner will probably be relived and make a similar confession.

As for feeling a stigma with it - look at it like this, if you had an ear infection, diabetes, or arthritis - would you be ashamed? So hold your head high, and when the time is right say - hey, I just want you to know, that since .......... I have had this "condition" and I have it under control. I can tell when it is going to flare up, and I would NEVER let you get close to me if I felt one coming on.

If your partner freaks out, good riddance. I have NEVER had that happen to me, and I have had PLENTY of partners since. PLENTY!

Also, I have NEVER given it to anyone.

Good luck with everything -= hold your chin up! (It took me ten years of living with Herpes to learn to do that!)

xx besitos!

Originally Posted by Atheena

As some of you may remember, my ym told me of his herpes back in April, which was 10 months after we'd been together. I've gotten past all the issues of betrayal and such, but since then, he's had 2 breakouts. about one every two months. Prior to that, he hadn't had a breakout for over a year. Does anyone have any experience with this, as far as why the breakouts are so erratic? He says he hasn't had them this frequently since he first contracted it, over 10 years ago. They are minor, but I'm still a bit concerned that they are coming so frequently now.

Hello
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