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Thread: Age Gap Adopters' Facebook Group

  1. #1
    fiorinda's Avatar
    fiorinda is offline Senior Member
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    Age Gap Adopters' Facebook Group

    I've been searching and searching the web for some kind of forum or support group for couples in AGRs who are trying to or already have adopted, but I can't find anything, so I've set up a Facebook group.

    Please, if you're in an AGR and thinking about or in the process of adopting or have already adopted a child or children, do join the group.

    This really came about because I recently spoke to a social worker about adoption, and she said that she was concerned that, as my much younger husband does not have fertility problems, he might leave me in order to have biological children one day. I was too stunned by her saying that to really think through my response, but afterwards I realised that what she had said was discriminatory towards age gap couples. Because I could be 25 and infertile. I could be in a same sex relationship. In any situation where one person is able and would be willing to have biological children and the other isn't or doesn't want to (for whatever reason/s) surely there ought to be the same concern. And for many, many prospective adopters, infertility on one side or the other must surely be an issue. This is not something that is peculiar to couples where the woman is post-fertile and the man is younger!

    We've been advised to wait until October to apply anyway, as we had a previous application refused because we hadn't lived together long enough - on paper only, we've actually lived together for going on for 4 years, and their minimum is 2 years. But it was complicated (again, on paper) so we are prepared to wait a few more months. However, if someone says that to me when we go back, I will have my reasoned response ready!!

    There seems to be a lot of support around at the moment for LGBT adopters (which is great) but perhaps AGRs are the last taboo!

    Anyway, once again, if you're adopting or have adopted or if you know anyone in an AGR who is or has, please come and join the Facebook group, or let them know about it.

    https://www.facebook.com/groups/agegapadopters/
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  2. #2
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    Good luck with your adoption process. When I was married to my first husband, we tried to adopt a child, because we had fertility problems and could only have our one son, but it was quite difficult, despite the fact that we were the same age. Priority was given to couples without children.

    In Panama, it is very difficult to adopt if you are single. I know that the stability of the couple was considered important for placement. Sadly AG couples are not perceived as stable. AGRs are indeed the last taboo.

    What may improve your luck is to try and adopt an older child, maybe 5, or 7 years old.
    There is less demand for non-babies.

    Have you considered adopting abroad?

    Nick and I discussed children in the past, and I told him that if he ever decided to adopt or have a child through IVFS, I would raise him/her as my own, but as years go by, I do not think I am willing to start from zero anymore. He does not seem to want children, but is rather looking forward to being a grandpa.
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  3. #3
    fiorinda's Avatar
    fiorinda is offline Senior Member
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    To adopt from abroad here in the UK you have to go through an approved agency and fufil the same criteria as for adopting from within the UK. However it's a much more expensive process, obviously.

    I don't think the social workers are actually allowed to discriminate against us as an age gap couple here. I imagine if I put my argument to the woman who asked me the question she would be forced to admit that she hadn't really thought it through before she said it. It made me really angry at the time, but if it's mentioned again I now know exactly what to say to counter it.

    There's no upper age limit for adopters in the UK. Agencies generally prefer there to be an age difference of no more than 45 years between the parents and the child being adopted. However they're more likely to take Lee's age as the point of comparison than mine, especially as I'm in good health and come from a family who are long-lived.

    We are keen to adopt as young a child as possible, under 2 preferably, though we'd consider up to 3 years old. Our age gap hasn't been considered a problem for adoption, or for a younger child, by anyone else but this particular social worker. She did however go on to say that if we reapply in October she can't see there beng any probelms in us being accepted into the first stage of the process.

    Agencies here in the UK don't mind if you have children of your own already, whether still living at home or not, or whether you don't have any. Their only preference is that where you have children still at home, the youngest is at least 2 years older than any child you are to adopt.
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    christina923 is offline Senior Member
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    good luck!!
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