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Thread: How to talk about illnesses?

  1. #1
    ButterflyEffect is offline Neophyte
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    How to talk about illnesses?

    Both my OW's parents are suffering Alzheimers. Father is 83, now he's almost not able to recognise people, has problems with speaking and most of the time he spends laying in bed. Its highly probable that he's going to die in a year or two.. Mother, 75, recently have started forgetting names and dates as well as what has she been doing yesterday.
    I don't know how can I support my OW, "everything's gonna be OK" wouldn't work here.. She's strong, but sometimes she brakes down and cry, I don't know what to say then (if there is anything to say). How do you act when it comes to such hopeless matter?

  2. #2
    gorillagirl Guest
    old age, sickness, death is inevitable and just a day-to-day part of the human condition. face it directly. ask her first how she might want to plan for any future caregiving needs...if she can't handle this discussion, bring in family to assist but i can't imagine any grown woman being unable to honestly discuss the truth of her own parent's health conditions and future death. we're all dying... it's just life.

  3. #3
    ButterflyEffect is offline Neophyte
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    That's what I'm used to say, actually. But somehow I don't feel it's enough.

  4. #4
    gorillagirl Guest
    you can certainly add "i love you and i will be here to help." but she needs to face reality, if she hasn't already. are you sure this is a problem for her? is she in some kind of denial or unwillingness to discuss this?

  5. #5
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    Just offer your help, and be there. That's all one expects from a loved one. There are no words that will ease the pain of seing your loved ones die, so don't worry, pain happens. Just be there.
    christina923 likes this.
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  6. #6
    ButterflyEffect is offline Neophyte
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    She always cut the talk in some moment saying "oh please, let's not talk about this now". I can see it makes her uncomfortable, but on the other hand I can also see that it is bothering her. Seems that she's not ready to face the fact that we all die, or maybe simply doesn't want to.
    So I'll be there for her.
    gnothiseauton likes this.

  7. #7
    ultimatelove is offline Neophyte
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    That's really a very sad situation. And I understand what you must be going through. May be, you could just be there always. I mean, at times, actions speak better than words.

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