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Thread: Baby in your 40's????

  1. #1
    windspinner74 is offline Neophyte
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    Baby in your 40's????

    Hello,

    I was wondering if anyone has experienced being pregnant/having a baby in your 40's? My Bf and I have a 17 year age gap (Im 40, he is 23) and if we ever wanted to have children I know the time is coming to make that decision. We have been together for about a year and a half. I already have 3 children, youngest is 9, oldest is 21 and has moved out already. He has no children and this is his first real relationship..any advice? I am not opposed to another child, but was wondering what kind of a toll it takes on your body, etc.

  2. #2
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    I think that a doctor would be the best source of information regarding what to expect physically from the pregnancy. He/She can also give you an idea of your hormone levels, etc. You may have to monitor that closely.
    Medical questions aside, there are tons of questions that you have to ask yourself before going for it.
    How stable is the relationship, financial planning, housing considerations, if you had to raise the child on your own, would you? If he had to raise the child on his own, would he? External resources for childcare. Compatible parenting styles.

    I do not want to sound like a blah poster, but I think that "i"s and "t"s should be dotted and crossed as much as possible before making such a decision of love and responsibility.

    Wisdom and best wishes.
    theREALTrish and degausser like this.
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  3. #3
    SummerBob is offline Super Moderator
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    I'm actually on the other side of that equation. We had our youngest when my wife was 32 and I was 46.
    Like Abraham Lincoln once said, "You can't believe everything you read on the Internet."

  4. #4
    gorillagirl Guest
    with all the gruesome news about climate change, being in the 6th mass extinction, etc..., i can't imagine how anyone can be hopeful enough about the future of our planet to have a baby....

  5. #5
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    Quote Originally Posted by gorillagirl View Post
    with all the gruesome news about climate change, being in the 6th mass extinction, etc..., i can't imagine how anyone can be hopeful enough about the future of our planet to have a baby....
    If only the climate-change-extinction-resource-scarcity-UNAWARE people reproduce, then there is no hope for the planet. More aware people should reproduce to raise environment-aware children that will grow up, become leaders, and make a difference in their respective countries. Just one per couple though.
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  6. #6
    gorillagirl Guest
    SLK, it will not happen because aware people do not want their "future unborn" children to suffer the future. only the climate change DENIERS and those folks who are completely unaware will have kids. anyone who watches the scientific news with any frequency will decide against it. we are ALREADY in the 6th mass extinction and multitudes of experts fear that we will destroy our habitat by 2070-2100. it's going to be an ugly ride.

  7. #7
    windspinner74 is offline Neophyte
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    I guess the good news is that none of us will be around to see that mass extinction :-)
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  8. #8
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    fiorinda is offline Senior Member
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    Windspinner74, are you actually making plans with your partner now for a baby, or just wondering about the future? Whilst you're considerably younger than I was when my husband and I decided we would love to have a baby together (sadly it was too late), you're still not young, in the baby-making sense of the word. I'd say, if you are very certain of all the things Shelikeskitties mentioned, and fully aware of all the potential problems with being an older mother, then if I were you I'd make a start on that ASAP.

    My best friend got (accidentally) pregnant at 40. She and her partner both already had 2 children each so hadn't planned for any more, but they went ahead with it. She had a fairly easy pregnancy, although she suffered gestational diabetes which is common in older mothers, she delivered by caesarian, no complications. Her boy is now nearly 5. She is constantly exhausted. He's an early waker and still often gets in bed with them in the night. They lead this complicated, ultra busy life where they both work, her partner usually working away, and they often have 3 children to deliver to 3 different places (her 2 other children are adults and live away from home) but thats more because of their family set up (his kids live with their mother but spend alternate weekends and half weeks with my friend) than to do with their age. There are plenty of parents of all ages in a too small house living on too little money.

    Looking after babies and small children in your 40s and 50s is physically exhausting (I've got 2 grandsons, I've put my back out lifting them off the bed!) but made considerably easier by having a young person around to help out.

    I wish you the very best of luck!
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  9. #9
    SummerBob is offline Super Moderator
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    One of the problems with modern society, and I attribute this to human greed and human selfishness, is the ever escalating requirements placed on people before they can be "families" and "heads of household".

    When I was 8 years old my parents bought a 3-bedroom house in a nice suburban neighborhood for $27,0000. When I was a teenager that house was worth $150k. Today a house like that would sell for a minimum of $800k. When the cost of living escalates like this, you can't expect a young person to take on the responsibility of father and head-of-household on what employers are willing to pay him at 21 out of college. But his biology doesn't wait for his salary. We were designed (in my opinion, by God -- but I won't bring religion into this) to mate and have children at the age that our biological bodies are ready for it. Our genes weren't programmed to wait for college degrees, company seniority and average salaries. We were programmed to be adults when we become adults, independent of some artificial, man-made "standard" of when people are ready to "pay for" adult responsibilities.

    Sadly, many people finish school, build their careers, and wait till they're "ready" for children, only to find that it's too late for their bodies.
    Last edited by SummerBob; 07-24-2015 at 06:46 AM.
    Like Abraham Lincoln once said, "You can't believe everything you read on the Internet."

  10. #10
    windspinner74 is offline Neophyte
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    Yes, well I certainly did not wait..I had my son at 19 and my other two in my early twenties/thirties. During this time I also obtained a masters degree and have a career that I love. I guess I just did not anticipate meeting someone that did not have any children or that would want children of their own one day or that is 23 years old when I am already 40. But I did. The good news is that I love children, I work with children (behavior therapist) and would be happy to have more. I would also love to adopt or foster children one day.

    One of my friends works in the mother/baby unit of a hospital here and she said it is now the norm to see 40-45 year olds pregnant for the first time. That to me is a little sad only because I know I want to be able to enjoy my grandchildren, see them grow up, etc. but my partner will and that makes me happy again :-)

    I am nervous on the toll it will take on my body, I guess I could just be waited on hand and foot....

    Thank you for your input!
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  11. #11
    gnothiseauton is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by SheLikesKitties View Post
    If only the climate-change-extinction-resource-scarcity-UNAWARE people reproduce, then there is no hope for the planet. More aware people should reproduce to raise environment-aware children that will grow up, become leaders, and make a difference in their respective countries. Just one per couple though.
    I totally agree! except I used to say it more crudely: "You can't let the stupid people have all the children."
    SheLikesKitties and Pickles like this.

  12. #12
    gorillagirl Guest
    LOL. stupid people...and smart folk's kids saving the planet....HA! good luck with that. the extinction has already begun and the damage from the CO2 is 40-years-in-the-making and irreversible with today's current technology. all forces are full system go for a complete eco-meldown. all the new humans born and their descendants will be in a world of hurt so what, really, is the ultimate point? do smart-folks-in-the-know really want their (future) kids and grandkids to live through a 2-4 degree celsius planetary warming and permafrost melt with methane release? i think not. better to adopt the children of refugees who just drowned trying to get from africa to europe...before you breed, google "6th mass extinction" and read the mainstream press articles...focus on the reality, not the happily-ever-fantasy...intelligent, educated folks with their heads in the sand...nothing their future kids can do to stop the onslaught.
    Last edited by gorillagirl; 08-30-2015 at 03:09 PM.

  13. #13
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    A comprehensive population management strategy has to be implemented. Reproducing below replacement rate brings its own set of problems. All human groups are not identical. Diversity is guaranteed by balancing the reproductive rate of different population groups.

    The video below is more related to the effect of Global Warming on some coastal regions of Panama, still, people do not equate what is happening with the need to control their population. As you can see, this group of Panamanians is just going to move inland, destroy primary forests and continue their existence/breeding patterns.

    gnothiseauton and gorillagirl like this.
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  14. #14
    truckman Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by gorillagirl View Post
    LOL. stupid people...and smart folk's kids saving the planet....HA! good luck with that. the extinction has already begun and the damage from the CO2 is 40-years-in-the-making and irreversible with today's current technology. all forces are full system go for a complete eco-meldown. all the new humans born and their descendants will be in a world of hurt so what, really, is the ultimate point? do smart-folks-in-the-know really want their (future) kids and grandkids to live through a 2-4 degree celsius planetary warming and permafrost melt with methane release? i think not. better to adopt the children of refugees who just drowned trying to get from africa to europe...before you breed, google "6th mass extinction" and read the mainstream press articles...focus on the reality, not the happily-ever-fantasy...intelligent, educated folks with their heads in the sand...nothing their future kids can do to stop the onslaught.
    I have a brilliant idea that will solve many problems at the same time.

    I will build computerized suicide chambers and those who want to eliminate their carbon footprint can do so immediately.

    Step inside, insert a dollar, push the big red button.

    Patrons will be vaporized and the nutrients trapped in their body, released.

    No refunds.

  15. #15
    SummerBob is offline Super Moderator
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    Quote Originally Posted by windspinner74 View Post
    Yes, well I certainly did not wait..I had my son at 19 and my other two in my early twenties/thirties. During this time I also obtained a masters degree and have a career that I love. I guess I just did not anticipate meeting someone that did not have any children or that would want children of their own one day or that is 23 years old when I am already 40. But I did. The good news is that I love children, I work with children (behavior therapist) and would be happy to have more. I would also love to adopt or foster children one day.

    One of my friends works in the mother/baby unit of a hospital here and she said it is now the norm to see 40-45 year olds pregnant for the first time. That to me is a little sad only because I know I want to be able to enjoy my grandchildren, see them grow up, etc. but my partner will and that makes me happy again :-)

    I am nervous on the toll it will take on my body, I guess I could just be waited on hand and foot....

    Thank you for your input!
    If we would return to an economy where people could make a living at 20, then we wouldn't have so many first-time pregnant women at 40 - 45!
    EMT and gnothiseauton like this.
    Like Abraham Lincoln once said, "You can't believe everything you read on the Internet."

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