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Thread: The "Mid-Life Crisis"

  1. #1
    msc423 Guest

    The "Mid-Life Crisis"

    Originally posted by littleme
    [He's] probably going through midlife crisis.
    I love when I hear mid-life crisis comments. For us older men, saying he's ďgoing through a mid-life crisisĒ is like explaining an angry woman by saying she's "on-the-rag." Didn't mean to be offensive, but the respective sayings create the same type of feelings.

    One thing I'd like to do, in my new attempts to be non-condescending, is to help you understand men better, especially older men. I'm 42, so I qualify, plus I've thought about things like this a lot.

    There is no "mid-life crisis." That's a myth created by women to explain why a guy in his forties will divorce his wife, buy a corvette, move into a single's building, buy a gold necklace and start hanging out in bars trying to pick up women. We all know this stereotype and sadly, for many men, the stereotype tends to fit. But itís not really a mid-life crisis.

    What happens is this. A man reaches middle age and suddenly wakes up and realizes his life sucks. Heís in a marriage to a woman he doesnít like. He probably has a miserable sex life if he has any at all. He hates his job. He looks back and thinks he wasted the best years of his life. Heís miserable and lonely and he decides to make a change.

    The problem is he has no clue how to truly change his state of happiness, so he buys the car and gets himself a younger girlfriend and runs around looking like an idiot. Or he does all these things and doesnít find a girlfriend, and now heís even more miserable. He still has to pay for the car, but now thereís child support (and he doesnít get to see the kids), heís still not getting sex and he still has no idea about what to do to help. Welcome to the real world of an older man.

    Maybe it is a mid-life crisis, but itís not a crisis because it predictably happens in mid-life, itís a crisis because heís unhappy and he doesnít know what to do to change how he feels. The problem lies within him, not in his surroundings.

    So donít casually chalk things up to a mid-life crisis. When you see the stereotype, realize that this guy is trying to make his life better and give him credit for trying. Heís just not very good at it.

  2. #2
    Softiee19's Avatar
    Softiee19 is offline The softest of them all:D
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    meh, I appreciate the clarification on the statement of a "mid-life" crisis...

    But when Im mad at T and he's moody I still will tell him he's going through one, even though Im joking abou it :**

  3. #3
    SomeNightSW Guest
    I like to think of it as a mid-life celebration.

    I'm 39 and guess I'm in the middle of it, complete with Corvette and all!

    I've been divorced for 8 years now. I raised my son alone and he recently turned 18 and moved out so I'm truley alone for the first time in 18 years. I did my duty as a parent for so long (putting my wants and needs second) that now I feel it's my time.

    The Vette - I'm at a stage in my life where I can finllay afford some of the toys I've wanted forever. The Vette was number one on the list.

    Somewhat harder to find is that one woman that's a lover, best friend and partner.

    My younger woman (19) just left - we just decided to part ways because - well this week she just doesn't feel the same, she feels like she misses the freedom she had before we started to get serious. Our three month relationship has had so many highs and lows I've lost track.

    It's raining and gloomy here in Texas - what a perfect day to say goodbye.

    Just a few rambelings from a bummed out guy in Texas with a Corvette.
    Last edited by SomeNightSW; 10-15-2003 at 10:54 PM.

  4. #4
    Softiee19's Avatar
    Softiee19 is offline The softest of them all:D
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    Aww I'm sorry to here that SomeNight

    Alot of relationships seem to be falling apart right now Life's so crazy sometimes...

    You said she missed left beacuse she missed her *freedom* its king of ironic Im 19 and dating someone who is 41, and his #1 fear is that I will miss my freedom with the age gap..... and i don't feel that way at all....

    I hope things brighten up for you!
    Love in it's truest form has no language or words,
    it just has a thousand and one actions
    we all wish we could describe.



  5. #5
    msc423 Guest
    Originally posted by SomeNightSW
    I like to think of it as a mid-life celebration.
    Bingo. Me too. I love what I have as an older man: more money, better friends (case in point [pointing at the computer screen]), BETTER SEX. I'm just a better person than I use to be.

    I've been getting the mid-life crisis comment quite a lot over the past couple years (usually from older women about the younger women I'm seen with.) It really came down hard when I bought my first motorcycle about a year ago.

    Mid-life celebration. I like that.

  6. #6
    GreeneyedWoman Guest

    Re: The "Mid-Life Crisis"

    Originally posted by msc423


    What happens is this. A man reaches middle age and suddenly wakes up and realizes his life sucks. Heís in a marriage to a woman he doesnít like. He probably has a miserable sex life if he has any at all. He hates his job. He looks back and thinks he wasted the best years of his life. Heís miserable and lonely and he decides to make a change.

    Maybe it is a mid-life crisis, but itís not a crisis because it predictably happens in mid-life, itís a crisis because heís unhappy and he doesnít know what to do to change how he feels. The problem lies within him, not in his surroundings.

    I have to agree. It's not a Mid-Life-Crisis. It's not just a man thing either. I was 34, in a marriage to a man I wasn't in love with and hated my life. I knew who I wanted to be with I just wasn't sure what I was going to do. I didn't want to have regrets. Life was passing me by.

    I knew what I needed to do. So, I did exactly that. I contacted the man I had been in love with since I was 16. It was like we had never been apart. I divorced and 6 months later Randy and I were married.

    We've been married 7 years in June. We have a beautiful daughter who is 7 months old and a 19 year old daughter.

    So I understand perfectly where all of this comes from. You wake up one day and know you have to do something or it just isn't worth it.

    I'm your age MSC. My husband is 57. The 15 years between has become insignificant. So for us age is truly only a number. It only means he was born first. Nothing more or nothing less.

  7. #7
    rollsharley Guest
    Actually I had the Jaguar at 35 and got so sick of hearing 'mid life crisis' after my wife left and I got a 19 yr old GF I decided to do something about it..........lol. I sold the Jag!

    Works for me

    Don

  8. #8
    SomeNightSW Guest
    Seems like everytime someone says Mid-Life Crisis and I respond with Mid Life Celebration it shuts them up.

    I even made my own joke about it....

    Q. Why do men around 40 buy Corvettes and date younger women?

    A. Because we can!

  9. #9
    MerAlove23 Guest
    Same thing of a OW/YM though... THey go thru it also and usually go shopping and date younger men.....

  10. #10
    datura81 Guest
    I'm not sure I follow this thread. So all of the behaviors you've described aren't actually a "crisis", per se, but they might be? Or they're a celebration?

    I don't see why people have labeled a sudden renaissance of childish, selfish behavior a "crisis". Hell, sounds like throwing yourself a party. In fact, it sounds downright all-American. Funny thing about it is that for my generation, we don't need to label it. It's just our way of thinking. No "mid-life" tag needed. No "crisis" about it. It's called immaturity, and it's usually something people tell us we'll get over.

    Why do anything?

    Well, Bob. Silly question! Just because- I CAN!

    How kindergarten is THAT?

    Why do men assume that if they're in an unhappy marriage, it's completely not their fault, and that their wife should be some hot sex-mongering goddess who expects nothing in return? A marriage is a partnership, and that means TWO people, so if you don't want to have to answer to another person about buying your little toys and so forth, then you're best to stay single. But why insult younger women by assuming that they're naive enough to let anything go? If you were to MARRY a younger women, chances are she'd have the same objections as any older woman. (Assuming she has two brain cells to rub together.) This is exactly the kind of mind-set that makes OM/YW relationships so repugnant to the general population. A man gets sick of his demanding hag of a wife, and he wants HIS life back. So suddenly he starts doing whatever the hell he pleases, which are usually alarmingly trivial and impractical things, and he picks up a young fluff-head to circle around him like the moon to the sun, to worship him and accept all his "experience" as holy wisdom. Nice fantasy, but girls eventually grow into women, and then little boy is back at square one. I think men actually expect an unrealistic level of coddling and catering, and they become unhappy when they don't get it. Ironically, they will usually do nothing to coddle or cater to their wives, and then they wonder where the sex life went! (Yes, the SEX life, that all-important indicator of life achievment!)

    It's funny how the "mid-life crisis" is a relatively new invention. I wonder how many Depression-era dads ran off and bought themselves new cars and ditzy girlfriends when they got sick of it all. Maybe men used to be men, a long time ago. Maybe the media and advertising didn't stress the importance of instant self-gratification every second of every day. Maybe it used to be expected that one day, the things that thrilled you as a teenager would someday lose their lustre.

    Why do people wonder why my generation is living at home longer than any other? Why we're so jaded and bored and spoiled rotten, and so reluctant to grow up in so many ways? Is it any wonder at all? What's the point? Why pretend to grow up for 15 or 20 years, assuming you last that long at that whole "marriage" thing, when you know most people hate responsibility that doesn't always directly benefit them or make their lives fun and sexy and full of never-ending excitement? Why get married at all? Why raise a bunch of little brats, when they'll have to come before YOU? Hell, why did anyone leave their mom's basement? It didn't get any more cake than that! Oh yeah, except you couldn't afford a Corvette then. So now it's time to re-awaken your inner *******, your inner 16 yr old. Yep, the one that no one really liked or understood, the one who jacked off a lot, listened to loud music, and was a total ingrate, because now he's got MONEY. Let's resurrect our basest, most materialistic inner child, and let's CELEBRATE.

    Hell yeah, dude. Rock on. Maybe real adulthood doesn't kick in anymore until the deathbed.

    When you're joining the me-me-me squad, don't you dare be surprised when the other me-me-me's leave you in the cold, searching for their-their-their happiness someday. This is the sterling-silver lining beauty of the "mid-life crisis".

  11. #11
    PinkPanther_04 Guest
    Um, Datura, not meaning to be a ****** here, but do you like men at all, or people in general for that matter?

    I know you listen to Andrea Dworkin and that sort of feminist stuff, but do you really have this negative a view of people?

  12. #12
    littleme Guest
    "midlife crisis" is a phase which many men go through. A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. I really don't see any differences midlife crisis or midlife party or whatever.. it is the same thing.

  13. #13
    datura81 Guest
    That's really laughable. Because I've mentioned reading ONE BOOK by a feminist author, I HATE PEOPLE. Thank you, Phyllis Schlafly.

    Note, I'm not a disciple. I don't like, rally for women's rights or any of that stuff that's intolerable if you really like MEN.

    What I do hate is people that make excuses for their stupid behavior. You can call it what you like, but the outcome remains the same. I don't care if you call it an "I Love ME" party or a psychological breakdown. I think it's completely ridiculous, which you should find just peachy, since you're so conservative. But if you want to keep that burr up your *** about the Andrea Dworkin thing, be my guest. Ride 'em cowgirl. Just don't put your twisted perceptions in my mouth and confuse them with things I actually said.
    Last edited by datura81; 10-06-2003 at 12:21 AM.

  14. #14
    PinkPanther_04 Guest
    Just don't put your twisted perceptions in my mouth and confuse them with things I actually said.
    You calling me conservative and suggesting that I don't care about women's rights just because I think men are as deserving of respect as women is the same thing. I just thought your post came off (to me) as rather condescending and self-righteous, and I was concerned that you seem to be pretty down on people sometimes.

    Sorry about the Andrea Dworkin comment, but I just can't believe that someone as intelligent as you seem to be would buy any of that. I do apologize though, and I won't bring it up again.

    I don't want to hijack this thread with petty bickering so I think we should just call it a draw, okay?

  15. #15
    msc423 Guest
    Originally posted by datura81

    I don't see why people have labeled a sudden renaissance of childish, selfish behavior a "crisis". Hell, sounds like throwing yourself a party. In fact, it sounds downright all-American. Funny thing about it is that for my generation, we don't need to label it. It's just our way of thinking. No "mid-life" tag needed. No "crisis" about it. It's called immaturity, and it's usually something people tell us we'll get over.
    Hit the nail on the head with this one. Insightful.

    It seems like a lot of people don't "wake up" until mid-life. I think it's a step toward maturity to wake up, and that can happen at any age (men and women). I think it is a crisis though, because when you wake up, you have to decide what you're going to do about it. Do you do nothing and remain beaten by life? Do you shuck it all and bail? Maybe you'll decide to split up a family. Maybe you'll decide to change careers. Maybe you'll buy a corvette or a farm or raise your own food. Maybe you'll look for the opportunities that are already surrounding you but you just haven't noticed.

    The question of maturity or immaturity lies in how you handle waking up.

    Why do anything?

    Well, Bob. Silly question! Just because- I CAN!

    How kindergarten is THAT?

    I don't think that's kindergarten, I think that's as mature as a person can get.

    The other day I was thinking about this very thing. One of the issues that has been evolving in my thinking surrounds the question of personal power. Someone told me some time ago that, "Scott, you're the only one that dies in the end." I've thought about that, and it's true. When someone dies around me, I go on living. That person is the only one who's journey in this life has ended.

    That made me think about my values in life, and I realized the only real power I possess is my ability to make choices. I can't control other's choices. Sometimes I can't control how their choices affect me (i.e. divorce, break up). I can control how I choose to react. I can control what I focus on. I can focus on the loss; I can focus on the next person. I can focus on becoming a better person. I can learn and grow, or I can retreat from the fear and pain. It's all my choice, and I can't surrender responsibility for the consequences of that choice onto someone else.

    Datura, I think you're on to something here. Realizing and accepting that YOU CAN is very mature. How you handle it from there? Well, I suppose THAT can be childish.
    Last edited by msc423; 10-06-2003 at 03:38 AM.

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