AgeMatch.com - the best dating site for inter-generational lovers!  

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 43
Like Tree1Likes

Thread: Growing Old Together

  1. #1
    miss b Guest

    Growing Old Together

    Seeing Older Couples....

    I keep seeing couples in their 60ís and 70ís out and about together, happy and content. They are helping each other and look like they are enjoying growing old together. When I see these couples, I think to myself that Iíll never be a part of that kind of couple. The kind that has aches and pains together. The kind that supports each other through doctor visits. The kind that when one stops driving the other does all of the driving.

    This weekend while my y/m and I were at dinner, we saw one of these older couples, they must have been in their late 60ís, and they were having a good time together. I mentioned my thoughts to my y/m. I asked him he would miss us not growing old at the same time. He said no, it does not matter if we grow old at the same time. He said that he could see us together years from now, me at 65, him at 50. He said that he knows that I may have issues before him, but he does not think about that kind of stuff.

    It was like he really hadnt given these kind of things much thought.

    I didnt make any further comments, but am I wrong for thinking that he should give these types of concerns more thought ?

    Just wondering what you ladies think .

  2. #2
    thesedays Guest
    I'm right there with you Missb ..........kudos to those here that are able to move right past these issues and come under the thinking / belief that "age is just a number" and that "if you love someone it doesn't matter"

    However, I am UNABLE to move past into this kind of thinking. Am I ready to give up R because I can't move past it at times ..........NO. But I have alot of moments where this really bothers me.

    We had a similar instance this weekend, where I also thought I won't be growing old with someone....................I'll be growing old, while he's growing up !!!

    I get sick to my stomach and really nervous during moments like that.

  3. #3
    satinandlace Guest
    Not sure if it helps but three years ago I had no thought of growing old alone, then two years ago I lost my husband and everything changed. My point, for me, nothing is certain, save for the here and now, and my own advice is to use common sense, be practical and thoughtful but make the most of the present.

  4. #4
    bubbleee Guest
    I thought I was going to grow old with the husband I married at 19. We're breaking up a marriage that has lasted 30+ years, with the emphasis on the LASTED. He told my youngest daughter the other day that IF he had wanted to stay in this marriage with me, he would have put more effort into it. She told me she was speechless at his remarks. I've suspected that for a long time before my separation. He never had the guts to come out and tell ME that to my face.

    You know we can all spend time measuring ourselves against the "ideal". Yeah it would have been great for us to grow old together the way its portrayed in the media. No doubt there are happy, long married couples, or same age couples growing old together. Maybe they were/are our mom and dad, our aunt and uncle, our grandparents. We see them out and about in parks, restaurants, on vacations, etc. But what we DON"T see are the couples that don't go out because the man doesn't want to (know lots of them), or the women who live alone at an older age because their husband has died or left them, etc. Or the couples that put up with each other because they have been married for SO long that why break up now. It doesn't matter that they can't hardly stand each other anymore, let alone really love one another.

    There's this thing about measuring yourself against another person, or another couple, etc. Because you measure, you are going to fall short, most likely in some area... You might be less intelligent, heavier, not as pretty, rich, sexy, whatever. It really is a natural thing for all of us to do. However, it certainly isn't in our benefit to compare ourselves to others because we compare our WORST fears and features to someone else's best alot of the time. It's far better to reframe our lives based on our own experiences and avoid those comparisons that look harsh under the bright light of the day.

    Phil is 20 and I am 53. I have given him SO much on the front end of his life and maybe he's ok with giving me alot on the back end of mine. He won't grow old with me but with any luck he'll accompany me on the journey with love and respect. If not, well then at least I didn't have to go the whole journey alone.

    I was supposed to grow old with my husband. It is not to be for me. I accept my fate and take my chances on new love with Phil. We're both growing older at the same rate (scientific fact) and teaching and learning from one another as we grow. Why is this so distasteful?

    Like Tinks said in one of her brilliant posts (love ya Tink), when these thoughts come up you have to kick them away like rocks. You DO have a choice.
    Last edited by bubbleee; 07-05-2005 at 03:40 PM.

  5. #5
    manofmisteree's Avatar
    manofmisteree is offline Music Educator/Brat
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    Los Angeles, CA
    Posts
    1,543
    Quote Originally Posted by bubbleee
    I thought I was going to grow old with the husband I married at 19. We're breaking up a marriage that has lasted 30+ years, with the emphasis on the LASTED. He told my youngest daughter the other day that IF he had wanted to stay in this marriage with me, he would have put more effort into it. She told me she was speechless at his remarks. I've suspected that for a long time before my separation. He never had the guts to come out and tell ME that to my face.

    You know we can all spend time measuring ourselves against the "ideal". Yeah it would have been great for us to grow old together the way its portrayed in the media. No doubt there are happy, long married couples, or same age couples growing old together. Maybe they were/are our mom and dad, our aunt and uncle, our grandparents. We see them out and about in parks, restaurants, on vacations, etc. But what we DON"T see are the couples that don't go out because the man doesn't want to (know lots of them), or the women who live alone at an older age because their husband has died or left them, etc. Or the couples that put up with each other because they have been married for SO long that why break up now. It doesn't matter that they can't hardly stand each other anymore, let alone really love one another.

    There's this thing about measuring yourself against another person, or another couple, etc. Because you measure, you are going to fall short, most likely in some area... You might be less intelligent, heavier, not as pretty, rich, sexy, whatever. It really is a natural thing for all of us to do. However, it certainly isn't in our benefit to compare ourselves to others because we compare our WORST fears and features to someone else's best alot of the time. It's far better to reframe our lives based on our own experiences and avoid those comparisons that look harsh under the bright light of the day.

    Phil is 20 and I am 53. I have given him SO much on the front end of his life and maybe he's ok with giving me alot on the back end of mine. He won't grow old with me but with any luck he'll accompany me on the journey with love and respect. If not, well then at least I didn't have to go the whole journey alone.

    I was supposed to grow old with my husband. It is not to be for me. I accept my fate and take my chances on new love with Phil. We're both growing older at the same rate (scientific fact) and teaching and learning from one another as we grow. Why is this so distasteful?

    Like Tinks said in one of her brilliant posts (love ya Tink), when these thoughts come up you have to kick them away like rocks. You DO have a choice.
    All this time i thought phil was the older one in the relationship...
    Every journey begins
    With but a small step.
    And every day is a chance
    For a new, small step
    In the right direction.
    Just follow your Heartsong- Mattie Stepanek

    Dr. Mano...paging Dr. Mano...Code "O!"

  6. #6
    miss b Guest
    [QUOTE=bubbleee]I thought I was going to grow old with the husband I married at 19. We're breaking up a marriage that has lasted 30+ years, with the emphasis on the LASTED. He told my youngest daughter the other day that IF he had wanted to stay in this marriage with me, he would have put more effort into it. She told me she was speechless at his remarks. I've suspected that for a long time before my separation. He never had the guts to come out and tell ME that to my face.

    You know we can all spend time measuring ourselves against the "ideal". Yeah it would have been great for us to grow old together the way its portrayed in the media. No doubt there are happy, long married couples, or same age couples growing old together. Maybe they were/are our mom and dad, our aunt and uncle, our grandparents. We see them out and about in parks, restaurants, on vacations, etc. But what we DON"T see are the couples that don't go out because the man doesn't want to (know lots of them), or the women who live alone at an older age because their husband has died or left them, etc. Or the couples that put up with each other because they have been married for SO long that why break up now. It doesn't matter that they can't hardly stand each other anymore, let alone really love one another.

    There's this thing about measuring yourself against another person, or another couple, etc. Because you measure, you are going to fall short, most likely in some area... You might be less intelligent, heavier, not as pretty, rich, sexy, whatever. It really is a natural thing for all of us to do. However, it certainly isn't in our benefit to compare ourselves to others because we compare our WORST fears and features to someone else's best alot of the time. It's far better to reframe our lives based on our own experiences and avoid those comparisons that look harsh under the bright light of the day.

    Phil is 20 and I am 53. I have given him SO much on the front end of his life and maybe he's ok with giving me alot on the back end of mine. He won't grow old with me but with any luck he'll accompany me on the journey with love and respect. If not, well then at least I didn't have to go the whole journey alone.

    I was supposed to grow old with my husband. It is not to be for me. I accept my fate and take my chances on new love with Phil. We're both growing older at the same rate (scientific fact) and teaching and learning from one another as we grow. Why is this so distasteful?

    Like Tinks said in one of her brilliant posts (love ya Tink), when these thoughts come up you have to kick them away like rocks. You DO have a choice.[/QUOTE
    __________________________________________________ ________

    Thanks for a very open and honest response. So much of what you said is true.

  7. #7
    thesedays Guest
    Satin and bubble .......great posts, however, 1 1/2 years later, and I am still not able to get past the AG all the time.

    I know anything could happen in any relationship ..........that's right. However, losing someone early, break ups, etc, happen in EVERY relationship ......you go in knowing this is life and you just don't think about it.

    AG relationships (for me) bring in a whole new set of problems to worry about .........KNOWING for a fact you won't grow old with some one .........KNOWING for a fact that you will look / be WAY older while your SO does not ...........KNOWING you could be setting yourself up for heartache that your SO may decide for kids, may decide yeah .....things are differant now the age really has it.

    I don't know ..........I have SEVERE issues with it. They are MY issues and I don't always bring them up with R.

    One of the men I work with married a woman 22 years older than him. He was 24, she was 46 ..........thinking he would never care. Well, at 46 she looked great, kept active, they went places / did things .........now he's 43 and she's 65, she looks 65, she is no longer active, they don't go places, she doesn't like to do anything, etc ..................he has stated to me that he did not think about these things when he was 22 through 30. And that when SHE brought them up because it was HER worry, he dismissed he worries stating the same thing our YM state ...............the don't care, they'll love us the same, this is their choice, etc.

    It bothers me .........going into a relationship already KNOWING you won't grow old with that person is a little differant than thinking you will and having something happen.

    Yep ..........so all I can do for myself is live in today and try not to think so much about tomorrow ..............but it's so dang hard to do sometimes !!

  8. #8
    miss b Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by thesedays
    I'm right there with you Missb ..........kudos to those here that are able to move right past these issues and come under the thinking / belief that "age is just a number" and that "if you love someone it doesn't matter"

    However, I am UNABLE to move past into this kind of thinking. Am I ready to give up R because I can't move past it at times ..........NO. But I have alot of moments where this really bothers me.

    We had a similar instance this weekend, where I also thought I won't be growing old with someone....................I'll be growing old, while he's growing up !!!

    I get sick to my stomach and really nervous during moments like that.
    __________________________________________________ __________

    Thesedays.........

    This is my first ow/ym relationship, and I have to admit that I never would have pictured myself in this type of relationship years ago. However, I'm here now.

    There are days when age is only a number, but when its all said and done, there are other times when I do wonder what my golden years will be like. Will I grow to feel that he does not understand my issues? Will I resent the age difference? Will I become some jealous old woman? Will I regret not sharing those years with someone my own age?

    Yes, I know I cant tell the future. And yes I do enjoy what we have right now. But there are days when I have some uncertain thoughts when I think of the future.

  9. #9
    miss b Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by thesedays
    One of the men I work with married a woman 22 years older than him. He was 24, she was 46 ..........thinking he would never care. Well, at 46 she looked great, kept active, they went places / did things .........now he's 43 and she's 65, she looks 65, she is no longer active, they don't go places, she doesn't like to do anything, etc ..................he has stated to me that he did not think about these things when he was 22 through 30. And that when SHE brought them up because it was HER worry, he dismissed he worries stating the same thing our YM state ...............the don't care, they'll love us the same, this is their choice, etc.
    __________________________________________________ ______

    This is the exact situation that I dont want to happen years down the road. And when my y/m said that he does not think about these things that caused me concern.

    He can see us together years from now......but why would he not think about the not so positive aspects of us being together years from now.

    Is not thinking his way of dealing with it? or Is it really not an issue for him ?

  10. #10
    thesedays Guest
    I wish I knew Missb, because these worries pop up for me frequently.

    Right now, it isn't an issue and R doesn't think about it either. But hey, I'm only 34 right now ..........we still do things, I'm not old, we have alot in common.

    But when he's 34, I'll be 44 and when he's 44 I'll be 54 ...............I worry it WILL matter then.

    I also hate to say this, it's so judgemental of me and also hypocritical .......but I can't help it ............a few times we have been out and I see an AG couple where the woman is much older and it's very obvious and I think ..........that's us in a few years, when it is obvious (right now it isn't) and WILL it bother him then.

  11. #11
    Bella_D Guest
    Miss B, may I pinch you, girl ? hehe

    Heres a question for you...if your bf were ten years older than you, would you still have this problem?

  12. #12
    miss b Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by Bella_D
    Miss B, may I pinch you, girl ? hehe

    Heres a question for you...if your bf were ten years older than you, would you still have this problem?
    __________________________________________________ ___________

    Ouch that pinch hurt

    Prior to this relationship I had always dated older men or men close to my age. The oldest was 8 years my senior. Those relationships were dating and not serious. I never thought of growing old with none of those guys. We were normally doing good just to make it past dinner

    But to answer your question....I think if my man was 15yrs older than I, it probably wouldnt be such of an issue. Yes I would probably be concerned about being younger and the possibility of being alone, etc. But I dont know if it would cause me great concern. I also dont know if he would have an issue with growing old, if he were the older person.

    To sum it up... I dont know.

  13. #13
    may50 Guest
    I share your concerns. When I think about us growing older, it does make me very sad. Because I do think it will be me growing older alone. I think at some point, that we will be at different places in our lives. What happens when he is 50 and I'm 64? Will I be able-physically-to do all of the things he will be able to do? I certainly think that I will keep active and healthy but who knows what will happen. On the other hand, age doesn't guarantee you good health. He could be the one who becomes ill. Who knows what the future holds-so right now I will enjoy the wonderful, loving, caring relationship we have for as long as it lasts (it has been 6+ years) and be thankful for the love he has brought back into my life.

  14. #14
    yellowrose's Avatar
    yellowrose is offline Texas Gal
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Posts
    4,559
    First of all, the statistics for 50 year olds, are that almost a third of them, have a chronic illness by that time. So if you are worried about him being 50 and you being 64... Remember, it could be him that is limping around.

    Second, I guess I have blindfolders on, but my folks are still dating almost every Saturday night. My Mom is 80 and Dad is 83. Only difference now and 5 years ago, is that Mom is doing the driving. They sometimes drives to towns as far as 60 miles away to hear a good band (country ) and they get in at 12 or 1 AM.

    My next door neighbor is dating a younger woman too. He is 94 and she is in her late 70's. They go dancing every Thrusday night at the Senior center.

    As far as looks go, I said a million times to my YM when I was 34 and he was 20... "but will you still love me when I am 54 and you are 40?". Well, yes he did. We went back together when I was 54 and had a great 3 or 4 years, before I put my older kids before him, and did not work it out. He still thinks I am pretty 'foxy' though!

  15. #15
    Flyer Guest
    Growing old together--that certainly is an ideal that few of us are destined to live out. Reason being that there are so many things that can interefere with that dream. My mom became a widow at 37 when my dad died at 44. I remember him looking forward to them growing old together. Not to be. In my mom's second marriage, she and my step-dad did grow old together. Not quite what they had in mind. He got Parkinson's Desease and mother became his caretaker sending her to the hospital several times with high blood pressure and exhaustion. The doctors finally convinced her that she had to put him into a skilled nursing home or she would end up dying first. Don't glamorize the growing old thing too much. Personally, I don't have any role models that I can say have achieved that ideal. So, I'm thinking I'm just going to grow old doing the things I love to do for as long as I can do them with whomever is still putting up with me at that time. Point of information: when your 60 growing old means turning 80.
    Flyer
    karlsgirl likes this.

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •