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Thread: Do YM's share anything in common that draws them to OW?

  1. #1
    kacadac Guest

    Do YM's share anything in common that draws them to OW?

    I was just wondering if there's something guys who are attracted to OW share in common? Is it how they were raised, or the things that interest them? Do YM's have a need to be mothered (I'm not saying this to insult anybody...so please don't take offense...just want to understand better). Do any of you or have any of you ladies felt used at all in a YM/OW relationship? I was upset to read about the couple who broke up because he was going to Arizona. She was so brave and unselfish to let him go and truly she loved him deeply, but the synic in me thought how unfair that she has supported him through his studies all this time and now that he's done...he's gone. Maybe there's nothing in common with YM's but this is all new to me and I'm just trying to understand better. Thanks.

    Karen

  2. #2
    GoldieCat Guest
    The only thing I can say I've seen that tends to be common to SOLID YM (not the immature ones, who want to sample us like some kind of exotic dessert and only want sex) is that they are often very smart and have sophisticated minds, so they seek sophisticated partners. They are often too emotionally mature to want to put up with the manipulative games that are common among younger prospects.

    I can say without any doubt that my man is NOT about needing mothering. He has a mother already, and is FAR maturer a partner than my ex-husband was, who was 11 years older than me.

    Not that that guy needed mothering either, I'm just saying that contrary to what a lot of people think, a YM may feel that only an older woman can be his EQUAL. I don't understand why that isn't people's first thought, rather than that he wants to be controlled or coddled.

    Lots of YM should be admired for being able to handle someone with this much experience, instead of assumed to be submissive and childlike.

    Oh...and no feeling used around here. I wouldn't stay anywhere I felt that way, period.

  3. #3
    kittylane's Avatar
    kittylane is offline Senior Member
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    personally i think many of the younger men are looking for love and stability. my husband has a very good relationship with his mother who is 15 years older than i am.

    my husband was a bit of a player when i met him, very miserable.... we started as "just" friends and i kept asking him why was he constantly jumping from this girl to that girl, if what he really was looking for was love? he would have all kinds of exploits and be miserable afterwards....

    he knew me a year before we became intimate i was divorced and NOT jumping from guy to guy, the girls he met were needy, dramatic, beautiful and hopeless and helpless in the same breath. he admired my morals and my stability, he used to come to me for advice.

    my husband loves my grandkids and keeps pictures in his walet but my big strong army guy is knocked out when they come to visit... when they leave he is asleep on the couch, yes, my 7 year old wears him out but as much as adam adores zacky he always says he is so glad that i am his only baby.

    we enjoy the same things, something i have never shared with a partner.

    i am more settled now than i was when i was 20 or 30 and i think that is something he likes also, he knows where he stands with me, he knows i treasure this relationship and cherish him, i learned this from having little love in life. i learned to put importance on things that i used to shrug off in my younger days... i learned from my mistakes and he is smart enough to realize this and is grateful he is the one who reaping the benefits of my new found maturity.

    maybe our younger men are attracted to our stability. plus, i put much importance on his needs and take that responsibility seriously as he does the same for me.

    i dunno....maybe we both just grew up.

  4. #4
    Sdoah1972's Avatar
    Sdoah1972 is offline Freckle Face
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    I agree with Goldie, I think that YM's who are serious and not just out for the sexual aspect of a OW/YM relationship have highly sophisticated minds. Not to say that other YM's or OM's aren't intelligent, but I've noticed a high correspondance of YM's involved with an OW to be highly intelligent and free thinkers. They are often involved in hobbies or careers that were once considered 'geeky' like computer engineers, but are now all the rage. I've also noticed that many are very well read and well educated. *shrugs* This is just what I've noticed.

    I've also noticed that many YM's are involved in gaming, which could or could not be of importance, which is the case of Goldie's YM and my YM. For the most part they seem to be level headed and are not prone to following societal norms. They don't care if they're cool, popular or what anyone thinks of them. They've made decisions based on what they like and want and not what society tells them they should like or want.

    *sighs and fans self* And that just makes them sooo hot!

  5. #5
    D503 Guest
    I also consider myself someone who isn't concerned with social norms. I live a rather bohemian lifestyle and work to live rather than vice versa. Beyond that, I was raised by a group of rather strong and independant women. And I think that the strength and independance of older women in general and mine in particular are what draw me to them.
    I'll also echo Sdoah's point about intelligence/maturity. It can be murder to have conversations with women my own age. I don't tend to find many who are very well rounded (i.e. not well read, not well traveled). And for me it often isn't worth the effort. I need someone that I can have more than simple conversations with and who enjoys debate and discussion.

  6. #6
    GoldieCat Guest
    Very well said sdoah! ...they are hot aren't they?

  7. #7
    Charming_Paul Guest
    I've been dating OW for more that 10 years now, so I consider myself a 'connoisseur' (poor me, God only knows how little I know about this subject) and I know a good amount of guys who share the same preference.

    Some of them

    1. Are tired of empty-headed young girls (and sometimes end up with an empty-headed-grown-up-woman).

    2. Have little self-confidence or low-self-esteem, so they turn to older women expecting to be treated like a God or a gift by someone with little range of choices left (but what they don't know is that these women are usually more selective, demanding, interesting and often have lots of men chasing after them all the time).

    3. Want a second mother in their lives, since the first one don't stand them anymore.

    4. Like the 'status' of being with a mature someone so they can feel superior to their 'buddies'.

    5. Love the way a mature woman dresses, moves, talks (and most of them know how to seduce men, oh my...)

    6. Want to drive a car and sleep on clean sheets.

    7. Are attracted by experience and sofistication.

    8. Are looking for easy sex. (that's something many of them told me, but personally, I think it's easier to get younger girls on bed these days).

    I'm not saying all YM are included in one or more of those categories.
    Personally, I love the aroma, sofistication, intelligence, maturity, the whole set of attributes, and the LAWS of PROBABILITY tell me to search for those things among older women, plain and simple.

    Just my 2 cents

    (well, two cents of our Brazilian currency are exactly...let me see... US$0,08...so these are my 48 cents).

    Paulo

  8. #8
    wcoloto Guest
    is that they are often very smart and have sophisticated minds, so they seek sophisticated partners. They are often too emotionally mature to want to put up with the manipulative games that are common among younger prospects.
    I agree here, some of the reasons i'm attracted to older woman I really can't put my finger on yet, but a couple of them are exactly what you just said, some of the older women i've met had a certain sophistication and character that some of these young girls lack. That to me is very appealing.
    Last edited by wcoloto; 07-12-2005 at 11:23 PM.

  9. #9
    wcoloto Guest
    I'm with Charming Paul on #'s 5 and 7. I don't know about anybody else but some of the so called flaws that some women worry about can actually turn me on.

  10. #10
    littleowl's Avatar
    littleowl is offline Senior Member
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    Siblings

    Does your YM have many or any older siblings?
    Nobody ever told me, I found out for myself. You've got to believe in foolish miracles. -Ozzy Osbourne

  11. #11
    kacadac Guest
    Thanks for the info all. Very interesting stuff. I'd say my YM is most like Kitty. He's a player still in the player stage. To answer Little Owl's question, he has 1 older brother. The big thing was that he was raised pretty much by his mother. He told me how beautiful she is and that his friends used to drool over her when he was a kid. She is also very sophisticated (speaks multiple languages and her father was Ambassador of Czechoslovachia sp?).

    My YM asked me to spend time with him this past afternoon because he needed to talk. I thought maybe we were going to finally have that breakthrough but not to be. He told me again that he's just not meeting the right girls. He complained about 2 more girls that he recently dated that didn't work out because one smoked and the other had a child. I asked him where he met them...he said the bar...and I said maybe that's the problem. He said to me point blank he wants someone he has a connection with (like we have). He's told me there's no other woman that he's ever been able to talk to like we do. But I feel he can't bring himself to go the next step...he's really resisting. He does care what society thinks and he also cares what his friends think. Am I doomed? Kitty...you said you and your YM started as friends like myself...what happened and how long that all of a sudden your YM viewed you differently and put aside the player? I don't know what I can do to get through to my YM. What we have is special and it doesn't matter what our ages are but he doesn't see that. At the end of our conversation I asked him what worldly advise would he give me and he said I can't have it all (based on his experience). I said does that mean that I can't have passion and that I have to settle???


    Karen

  12. #12
    kacadac Guest
    PS to WC:
    Thanks for your comment that some of our so called flaws are an actual turn on. You get a big hug for that one.

    Karen

  13. #13
    marcy Guest
    I don't think age gap relationships are for everyone. Not every man or woman is going to be comfortable in one... period.

    I think that relationships where the younger man is the one resistant and concerned have enormous red flags for heartbreak. They just seem to end miserably so darn often. You can't really convince them that they should look past their deeply ingrained socialized ideas about men/women/relationships. I base this on my membership here at AL and seeing TONS of these end badly.

    I realize you really, really, really care for this young man. Consider him a friend and move on and I honestly hardly ever give that advice...

  14. #14
    GoldieCat Guest
    I agree with Marcy and think you should move on.

    The YM who work well for us are the ones who have a very good idea of what they want. See above. This CAN be true of a VYM, but...most of those need a good deal more time to ripen.

    If they are still very immature about their approach to relationships (like thinking bars are the best place to find relationship material, and telling you that in effect they're still shopping around) then they need years of development you probably don't want to hang around for.

    (And if they are still immature and lost about relationships in their late 20s or even into their 30s...run don't walk, as they say.)

  15. #15
    kittylane's Avatar
    kittylane is offline Senior Member
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    kacadac. when i first met my husband i was only willing to be his friend, i really was just giving him advice and friendship, Marcy makes a very interesting point regarding a common thread that seems to be present in most YM/OW relationships, it was my husband who one day "dropped the bomb" and told me he wanted to see me romantically, my responce was not romantic to say the least, i made a terrible joke and told him i didnt want to go to jail for child molestation, he was 22 at the time and when he collected himself after my stupid statement, very sternly he reminded me that he was a man... i still did not see it that way.

    it was ME who was all of a sudden consumed with what societyand my family would think of my relationship with him, all of a sudden i was aware of being seen with him in public, i just FREAKED. i told him that i would never consider such a relationship and that his fantasy of sleeping with an older woman was not going to be with me, i saw him then as just a horny little boy.

    well, months go by and our friendship resumes during which time my husband acts with dignity and still persues me but on my terms and never trys to push hard. it is during this time he enlists in the army while i was holding him at arms length and it was during this time i had yet another birthday come and go and still have not dated anyone in one year, the emotions of his enlistment and my birthday came together in my emotions breaking down and i fell apart. i decided that i deserved a "fling" i told him repeatedly that i was afraid that it would ruin our friendship and finally found the courage to take our relationship to next level.

    never have i been talked to and treated the first night we were together, where as i was always nervous about being undressed i was told by this YOUNG man how beautiful i was, how sexy i was, his favorite word, AMAZING i was.

    the backdrop of this story is that i was married previously to a man who said i reminded him of a mother and was unbeautiful and not fun and would not sleep with me, if there is poetic justice than i have to say that i really did deserve it, but it is so much more now we have a beautiful love for eachother, i am in love with my husband and he with me, we courted and i made him chase hard, not intentionally but because i was not ready, i am so glad that God has given me this gift and everyday wake up grateful.

    no one ever knows who will be together and who will not.... my advice is to pray ask God to send you the right man but just dont be surprized if he comes in a package that you would never expect.

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