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Thread: De-bunking the Myths

  1. #1
    rabbit Guest

    De-bunking the Myths

    So what are all the Myths about OW/YM relationships?

    Add the ones you know to the ones I know & we can start debunking together.

    Myth #:

    1. Younger men want older women because they have a "mommy complex"

    2. Older women who date /have relationships with younger men are predators;;;The "C" word..cougars

    3>Older women who Date/have relationships with younger men are unintelligent or imature..can not relate to men their age on the same level

    4. Older women who date/have relationships with younger men..fear aging...are going through a midlife crisis.

    Add yours & lets start debunking.

    Rabbit

  2. #2
    Charlotte's Avatar
    Charlotte is offline Every day is a new one.
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    Quote Originally Posted by rabbit
    So what are all the Myths about OW/YM relationships?

    Add the ones you know to the ones I know & we can start debunking together.

    Myth #:

    1. Younger men want older women because they have a "mommy complex"

    2. Older women who date /have relationships with younger men are predators;;;The "C" word..cougars

    3>Older women who Date/have relationships with younger men are unintelligent or imature..can not relate to men their age on the same level

    4. Older women who date/have relationships with younger men..fear aging...are going through a midlife crisis.

    Add yours & lets start debunking.

    Rabbit
    Okay there are your myths, where are your attempts to debunk them?

    1. Some men probably do have a maternal need and look to older women for nurturing. Some don't. Preferably, I like my guy because he appreciates my nurturing maternal nature. He also respects me and wants to be an equal partner in our relationship by the time we are able to live together.

    2. Again, some older women probably are predators. Iv'e seen web sites with hints on how to be a better cougar. On this forum the women tend to be more interested in the men themselves as human beings than as young prey and I'm willing to bet that most didn't seek out their younger partner, that it just "happened".

    3. There are mature and unintelligent men and women of all ages. I think it's safer to bet on the young men who attract older women as being very intelligent and mature young men as opposed to us women being ditsy and not having any luck with men our own age.

    4. I think the vast majority of humans fear aging. Women in particular have gone to great lengths to appear younger, thus the 12 hours per day of infomercials on anti-aging creams. I don't really know what a midlife crisis consists of but I think if a woman was having one she would be less likely to subject herself to the scrutiny of a younger man than she would be to, let's say, buy a new wardrobe or that infamous anti-aging cream and possibly spend all her time at spas. I really have no idea.

  3. #3
    angelgirl909 Guest
    Here is another myth!!

    Your younger man will eventually leave you for a younger women!!!

    Thats what my Mom keeps telling me anyway!!!!

  4. #4
    Faith47 Guest
    One I heard that REALLY made me go

    "I date older women because I tought you were hungry!"
    ....

    I'm not THAT hungry!
    Want my fist as a dish side?

  5. #5
    special K's Avatar
    special K is offline dedicated member :-)
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    rabbit....
    I totally like your idea here to voice our "myth-debunkers". We ALL want to be accepted into the mainstream of what's "normal" in relationships; and I personally believe 100% that age gap relationships are viable, valid, and extremely satisfying to all involved in successful ones.
    I do tend to be a "voice of reality" here sometimes, and I have to agree with Charlotte and her assesments. Some ym ARE attracted to us for our developed maternal/nurturing aspects...or, the ones who love us at least appreciate them. It's not a "mommy complex" but more of a wider view of what makes a woman truly attractive. I have found a high level of maternal-appreciation in the ym I've been with and dated; and it's cool because it's balanced with them being strong in their manhood on the flip side.

    Fear of aging is common...I know I do what I can to "turn back the clock" on the outside and inside. That is not the impetus to preferring to date younger men for me though....I like them because they match my soul and spirit better it seems. Call it immaturity, but I still enjoy an occassional piggy back ride, being chased on the beach, listening to Indie, singing in my car louder than should be legal, etc. Although I own a business, and have raised two sons, I still like to PLAY, Darn it!!!

    And, unfortunately, angelgirl, my ex ym did date a girl his age a month after we broke up...it was easier because it was more socially acceptable, I'm sure. Others on this site and in real life that I know have had this same experience. Although our ym were genuine in their love and pursuit of us in the beginning (in others words not willfully just acting out a fantasy), in the end traditional coupling seemed more attractive to them for various reasons. It does happen.

    The myth I want to comment on is that older women seek out ym because we are "desperate". Ahemmm... for what??? Security? Financial stability? guaranteed long term companionship? Sex? The first three of those would be better met by a same age partner I would think....as for sex...at about 40 we hit our stride in that department and are -I think- less desperate because of the confidence we've gained by then to be patient for the right match sexually. Maybe I just speak for myself on that one, but sexual desperation does not fit into the picture for me at all. I DO however, find that the sexual aspect of a committed relationship with a younger man is richer, and balanced, and perfectly in synch at this stage of the game. So, maybe it's a case of having been there and not wanting to go back?
    Last edited by special K; 07-13-2005 at 11:33 PM.
    "What the caterpillar sees as the end of the world, the butterfly calls wings."

  6. #6
    rabbit Guest

    Let the de-bunking begin

    Just a note to start off, I changed my avatar so now you can see me & AL. I will change it again when we get a better pic.

    Thanks for the comments on the thread..as always, very thoughtful words

    ...so, I guess it is my turn now.


    Myth #:

    1. Younger men want older women because they have a "mommy complex"

    ..perhaps some ( but i really don't understand the mommy complex thing in the first place)..I don't claim to be an expert -or even educated- at the phsychology (sp?) of younger men who are involved with older women,, but I feel that this labeling is stereo typical. Apathetic thinking promotes stereo types and by hiding our relationships we also help promote the stereo type...Young men..speak up!!!!

    2. Older women who date /have relationships with younger men are predators;;;The "C" word..cougars

    ...this one is a real peeve of mine. The assumption that any woman who is involved with a YM is a cougar. To me a cougar is a woman who hangs out in bars looking for ym to take home for the sole purpose of sex. Now, why is the responsibility for this pinned on the OW. YM can be just as much the predator in this scenerio. but..they do not want to, nor does our society make them- take any responsibilty for their actions in this respect.

    3>Older women who Date/have relationships with younger men are unintelligent or imature..can not relate to men their age on the same level

    ....hmmmm...well now .. the statement I most often here is...what can they have to talk about...lets start with, literature, philosophy, politics, religion, history, a good joke, music....

    4. Older women who date/have relationships with younger men..fear aging...are going through a midlife crisis.

    If a midlife crisis means that I have reached a point in my life where I want to make better choices for myself, persue my own interests, demand I be treated respectfully and am a little pickier about who I spend my time with..then I say...bring it on...I want mine now.

    Fear aging...don't we all....but botox treatments would be addequate to stave that off for a while.

    Well thats all from me - for now - I'm sure i will have more to say at some other point.

    Rabbit
    Last edited by rabbit; 07-13-2005 at 11:26 PM.

  7. #7
    Desert Spring is offline Senior Member
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    "1. Younger men want older women because they have a "mommy complex"

    If so, he's an idiot, because I don't mother him. He does all his own laundry, most of his own shopping and cooks at least 1/2 the meals. I "mothered" my older husband much more (because he couldn't cook worth a ****).

    "2. Older women who date /have relationships with younger men are predators;;;The "C" word..cougars"

    I date him. I don't eat him for breakfast. I don't imagine the day to day reality of our life together (rental movies, hikes in the park etc) is any different than it would be someone his own age. And boy was I not looking for this. I wish he *wasn't* 16 years younger.

    "3Older women who Date/have relationships with younger men are unintelligent or imature..can not relate to men their age on the same level"

    I related to an 11 years older husband for 10 years. And we both have pretty darned high IQ's (lol). His friends have always said that if anybody could handle this big a gap, it's him, because he's got an old brain in the young body :>

    "4. Older women who date/have relationships with younger men..fear aging...are going through a midlife crisis"

    If there's one thing that will make you FEEL your age, it's dating someone younger. If I didn't want to think about aging, this is just about the last relationship I'd pick. I'd go out with a 50 year old man so I could feel like a youthful beauty in comparison :>

    I think women dating younger men are less afraid of aging than any group of women I've ever met. If not, this kind of relationship would be the death of them.
    LOL.

  8. #8
    catlover's Avatar
    catlover is offline Senior Member
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    desert spring a truer statement was never uttered! nothing, and i mean NOTHING can make you think about your own age more than having a younger partner.

    no matter how 'young' we may look to everyone else, every little sign of aging seems magnified. it takes a heck of a lot of confidence to risk being compared to his friends and brothers 18 to 25 year old girlfriends and sisters (no he doesn't do it-i don't think so anyway-but ya always gotta wonder if they are). At family gatherings his parents don't know whether to put you at the kids table (yes, even when the kids are grown there is such a thing--maybe not physically, but psychologically) or at their table.

    Dating a ym is not the place for anyone with low self confidence or tons of insecurities about their appearance

  9. #9
    gijoe Guest
    look I hate to sound steriotypical but what would cause a man or a women to be sexually attractted predomantly to more mature persons.
    and i am not meaning this as a sole attraction but as something that goes alongside a spiritual and emotional bonding.

  10. #10
    Bella_D Guest
    Wow, I've not heard any of those `Myths' expressed before. I find them bizzare and difficult to relate to, myself.
    Last edited by Bella_D; 07-28-2005 at 03:02 AM.

  11. #11
    Mama Guest
    As for debunking the myth that YM always leave their OW for a YW, I looked into all the research I could find before embarking on a relationship with my YM, & the research I found indicated that, of the OW & YM they interviewed, YM are LESS likely to do that, & the reasoning is that if they were obsessed with youth, per se, they wouldn't be interested in an OW in the first place.

    The same research also indicated that the men were the pursuers far more than the women were, again debunking the "cougar" myth.

  12. #12
    kittylane's Avatar
    kittylane is offline Senior Member
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    desert spring, your comment that you date younger men but dont eat them, was good.......... real good, thanks for the laugh.

    i loved your reply.

    anyway, it will take a long time for society to stop analyzing why we are in age gap relationships. heck, for me it just happened.

    you cant live your life worrying about how how the world judges your relationship. harder done than said, i realize, but i have made light years in growth in this area.

    not so long ago, interracial couples were STARED at and whispered about, i remember it in my lifetime, now it is very close to the norm, thank God.

    in time it will be more acceptable when more people are doing it, coming out of the closet so to speak.

    my marriage is traditional in many ways, my husband does the heavy lifting, fixing stuff. I like my home to be pretty. I am more into cooking and he is more into eating. thankfully he is very neat. umm.... he is my big strong man and i am his baby, his words not mine, there is some differences in money, but thats only because he is younger, i am sure at my age he will surpass any success i have had, he is just that darn lovable, i think the world will notice what i see.

    i had to debunk my own head before i got with my guy, its tough, we have made up some pretty stupid rules we humans.

    anyway, i am not sure if i debunked anything but some of us are not all that unusual.

  13. #13
    babybee Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by rabbit
    Just a note to start off, I changed my avatar so now you can see me & AL. I will change it again when we get a better pic.

    3>Older women who Date/have relationships with younger men are unintelligent or imature..can not relate to men their age on the same level

    ....hmmmm...well now .. the statement I most often here is...what can they have to talk about...lets start with, literature, philosophy, politics, religion, history, a good joke, music....

    Rabbit

    Oh gosh, just about everything that comes out of his mouth is interesting to me, its just like a whole new philosophy on life. Older men of my own aquaintance have been so bogged down in machismo, that it was hard for me to breath at all, now all of a sudden I am expected to have an independent thought and sometimes I cant cope with the freedom. I find younger men so much more liberating, and more worldly, less parochial if you like.

  14. #14
    browngirl Guest

    i agree with babybee

    i am amazed by the difference in conversations i have with j (18) and the ones i remember from 29 years ago. when talking about our upcoming "first time' he said" well, if we get nervous or whatever, we can just stop and talk about it" i plan to hold him to that. as i related to him my nerdom in high school and people picking on me he wishes he had known me back then because he woould have taken care of me... very sweet...
    ok back to daydreaming about saturday.

  15. #15
    Bella_D Guest
    I don't relate to any of these `myths'. I don't know anyone who chooses a mate based on age, and if i did I'd think they were very daft.......regular, nice people seem to basically want a partner who loves them above all else, followed closely by compatibility, and then perhaps `niceties' such as being attractive and well off (as desires, not necessities).

    I winded up with a younger guy not because he was younger, but because he fullfilled all my important hopes for a life partner. I kind of wish he wasn't younger, but we both live with the age difference because it is secondary to having a good portion of our lives together, living in happiness.

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