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Thread: The baby issue

  1. #1
    ladymacgyver Guest

    The baby issue

    Hi everyone, glad to see so many open people to get some good advice from.
    I am 36 dating a 24 yr old. Everything is just perfect...except... the baby issue. I cannot have any more children...have 10 yr old twins and a 14 yr old. My "YM" as you all say...wants children some day although not at this time. I have never met anyone so kind and that I am so compatible with. I think I am falling in love...against my better judgement due to the baby issue. Anyone know...can this work? Should I bail? HELP!!! My heart tells me to roll with it...destiny works in strange ways. My head tells me there is one collosal heart break coming for both of us. I have broken up with him once over the same issue but we got back together because we both could not bear to be apart. Any thoughts?

  2. #2
    Charlotte's Avatar
    Charlotte is offline Every day is a new one.
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    Quote Originally Posted by ladymacgyver
    I cannot have any more children...

    My "YM" as you all say...wants children some day although not at this time.
    Is this a non-negotiable issue for him? Is he willing to consider adoption of a baby? Are you?

    How long have you been together with him?

    I assume you are not married already....

    I really don't know what to tell you other than he's made it clear he wants something you don't have. Unless there is an alternative that you're both willing to compromise upon then I see this as a determining factor in the longevity of your relationship.

    How important is it to him that he's the paternal father of his child?

  3. #3
    DarkestHour5 Guest
    Well....If he honestly wants kids and you dont...and your 100% sure on what both your choices are..then yes why bother only going to end in heart break.....but then again if you honestly love someone wont you be willing to do anything for that person? i mean its 1 thing if ur not able to have children its another if your not willing...if your not willing explain to him why you dont want to rather then why u wont,,, or dont want too remember to always be honest speak from your heart or else what is even the point?...basically what im saying is if the person your with cant even respect let alone accept your wishes about a matter such as children....then no you have no point in your relationship unless either 1 of you changes your mind which again is why i ask if your 100% sure..make sure you are before you think of ending something you may think will turn out to be something wonderful after all is having another little child some1 to love hold care for and have in your life really that bad?...then again i am not a female nor have i ever endured labor....so what can i say on the matter besides what i think and what i would think i'd have on the matter....maybe when he is saying he wants to have your children he is also saying he wants to feel a bond with you he wants to be with you for ther person you are.....meaning some men have trouble with expressibng themself.....i know i have trouble with expressing how i feel some of the time...other times i feel great...what im saying is be sure your 100% informed on the subject...all it takes is time..and u can come up with the answer bty ur heart heart be Darkesthour you not uer mc?..

  4. #4
    ladymacgyver Guest
    Thank you for responding to the question.

    Yes, not married. We have been together for only 3 mos.

    I guess it is the determining factor and I need to ask more questions of him. We are just so good together...it seems a shame to ruin it all with confronting the issue now
    .
    I see now that not wanting to deal with this issue comes from my desire not to acknowledge my shortcoming of infertility however dysfunctional this attitude may be. I have never met someone so caring as he and feel the need to relish the experience however destructive it may be in the future.

    There are so many unknowns...as you have so wisely pointed out...I need to question him some more. I guess it really could work if he is willing to try other methods of having a child.

    I am scared to go forward with the inquiries.

    Thank you again for a third party point of view!
    Last edited by ladymacgyver; 07-26-2005 at 03:35 AM. Reason: Easier to read

  5. #5
    Sdoah1972's Avatar
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    Okay, I'm going to throw this out there at the risk of not being what you need. I had my tubes tied after my second child because my ex and I decided that two was plenty and he was a big wimp when it came to a vasectomy. (I also got pregnant very easily and was having some difficulty with birth control after some pregnancy complications) I regretted the decision within a week of having it done. So, then I find out my ex-husband has been cheating along with this abuse, therefore he was kicked to the curb.

    Here I was at 31 years old and still very young, but can no longer have children. I didn't find it a huge deal as I'm extremely satisfied with the two wonderful girls I've got, but then I got involved with a YM. So, I started to research. Actually, I found this doctor the week after my tubes were tied.

    There is a fabulous doctor in Chapel Hill North Carolina that does tubal reversals with a tremendous success rate. The procedure is costly, but half the cost of one IVF treatment AND you get to try for a baby the old fashioned way, which is always more fun. My cousin even got the DVD showing the entire surgical procedure, it was fascinating.

    I'm not saying I'll do it, but if my YM and I decide to marry and his need for a biological child is great then we will go forward with this procedure. Like I said, I don't know if this is the situation, but I thought the information may help.

    Dr. Berger http://www.tubal-reversal.net/
    Last edited by Sdoah1972; 07-26-2005 at 11:52 AM.

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