Thread: Can a OW be the pursuer in a OW/YM Relationship?

Well...if the YM is already interested in OW then I don't see why it would have less chance of working.

In our case we both knew we liked OWYM from past experience, so it was mutual from the beginning. It probably does help when nobody has to do any convincing..

Originally Posted by kacadac

It's interesting and heartwarming to read how many of you who are currently in OW/YM relationships met. But it seems in most of them the guy was the pursuer or took it to the next level from friendship. I can see where it would be less common for the OW to pursue because of insecurity issues (the old body thing again). I'm wondering though if these relationships can start when the woman makes the first move? How do you know that a YM is interested in such a relationship because unfortunately it still defies the odds?

Karen

I think insecurity can happen to anyone, and definitely relationship can start and lasting regardless of who pursue it initially. Like any other relationship, you just have to find out if he is interested or not.
If you know he is interested, go for it Karen.

Cheers

Seascent

I wouldn't have any issues with being pursued at all. I'm secure with myself so I wouldn't have any ego issues or anything like that. I've heard of women pursuing men and wish it would happen to me! I'd love to be pursued--and I'm available to boot!

I think it's easier these days, post Demi and all...but there still is a bit of a stigma if an older woman "goes after" a younger man. She gets labeled pretty quickly. You have to be able to handle the potential criticism if you are the pursuer... that said, I don't think it's any different than taking up a relationship with ANYONE. You're interested, you show it, and see where it goes...

I don't know if this counts as pursuing, but I flirted with Remi first. But that was before he saw me on cam. Right after that, I pulled back out of fear of the age gap, but when I got a cam and he saw me, he began pursuing me.

I think what matters most is how committed both parties are to making the relationship work. If both are equally committed, it really shouldn't matter who pursues whom.

i really think that men naturally are the pursuers, i know that alot of people would argue this point, that men like to be the objects of desire also, but for the deep passion stuff i believe men have to work for their love, if we are to give our hearts and souls and bodies i believe in making them work for it, regardless of the mans age. i treated my body like it was the most beautiful body ever created and was quite stingy in allowing casual encounters, i have a heck of alot to offer in a relationship and i know it. for the record i am far from the most beautiful woman but my husband thinks so.

i believe in standards, i also believe in self worth, if some ladies are the type to persue a man than thats ok with me, different strokes for different folks, for me i like to be chased.

when i was 18 i was pursued by a woman 35.
and when i was 25, a woman who was 45.

In both cases, the woman watched me from afar for awhile.
Then approached me with friendship.
And quickly displayed she wanted a deeper relationship.
Which was fine by me.

the answer is yes OW can pursue YM
it is a good thing

Not that I go around pursuing younger men or any men for that matter, I'd have to know there was interest then I might act on it even if it was to let that person know I was available, however covert that signal might be. I've never been into a chase, or playing hard to get, or any games of the hunt.

Originally Posted by ruthie

I've never been into a chase, or playing hard to get, or any games of the hunt.

Yeah me either. I don't see why we need any games or gender-based "rules" of behavior. As far as I'm concerned, one deals with the INDIVIDUAL who is of interest and what he or she seems to respond best to, period.

Guys will come here and ask "what's the best way to approach older/southern Asian/younger/purple/red-haired/all women?" And I'm like...umm....we aren't some kind of species that you can just lure with...umm...a well-tied fly , it's not like we all fall for the same thing. It's not like we're like the "aliens" in the science fiction shows, all dressed in the same outfits and same hairstyles 'cause we're all some homogeneous group. Why is that so hard for some guys to figure out?

And I have pointed out before, speaking of "fishing" - that the KIND of bait you use DOES affect what you catch! An example: if someone is the type to try "impressing" women with a red sports car and diamond gifts - then they will ATTRACT a woman who values THOSE things - but probably not someone who doesn't. The funny thing is, the guys who use these types of "lures" frequently later complain that they have a materialistic princess of a girlfriend...well what do they expect??

(Hey...no offense to ladies who like that sort of stuff. But some gals DO like those things for what I would say are the wrong reasons.)

So...it is wise to consider the kind of person you wish to find, and then tailor your approach so that you truly connect with them. Stereotyping doesn't really help no matter if you are a gal or a guy. Just notice the individual with whom you are dealing - everyone appreciates being seen for who they ARE, rather than whom you assume they could be.

i believe in standards, i also believe in self worth, if some ladies are the type to persue a man than thats ok with me, different strokes for different folks, for me i like to be chased.

I'm with Kitty on this one. Since the ym who are interested in ow are really in the minority, I can't be bothered with pursuing ym who may just feel flattered that some Hoochie Mama is pursuing them, and at least playing at Joe-Blow is an open invitation.

And of cause one can argue that the ym pursuing the ow could be construe as doing the same, and I have come across those kind of ym. But you can really see them a mile away, if we aren't caught up in the giddiness of being pursue BY an attractive ym it can be avoided. I find that that small percentage of ym who are really, really interested in me or ow, have had long term relationships prior and he knows what he wants and he's aware of what he wants. It is those ym that I have more interest in. They are almost shy about their pursuit and humble to a fault and appreciate the friendship above anything else. Its what I see here. They will wait for a ow to be ready for the relationship, and they don't easily jump ship when she's not.

and that in turn, turns me on enough to see this ym for his sincerity for which I then show interest. It separates him from the rest and shows his quality.

Paris

Originally Posted by irparis

I can't be bothered with pursuing ym who may just feel flattered that some Hoochie Mama is pursuing them, and at least playing at Joe-Blow is an open invitation.

?

I don't think anyone else here would be bothered with that kind of YM either...was that under debate?

You are saying not to pursue because you might be giving some guy the wrong idea? I sure wouldn't be recommending that anyone pursue OR ALLOW oneself to be pursued by *that* type of YM.

There shouldn't be a question of who pursues whom in such a case, just don't go there in the first place, it's that simple.

My g/f pursued me. Well, she was the one who sort of 'tried it on' hen we first met. I backed off (not because of her age) but we kept in touch and I realised I was being a dumbass and we agreed to meet again, which was months later. Does that count as her pursuing me? I guess so because nothing would have happened if she hadn't done anything the first time we met.

Anyhow, I've always been the one to be pursued by women, and they've always been (apart from a couple of years either way) my age, so it has nothing to do with that. I just am not confident enough to do the pursuing, every time it's ended in failure! Besides, I think there might be something about the personality of women who are prepared to do the pursuing that is appealing to me.

So, yeah, women (of all ages) can pursue men and it can work.

You are saying not to pursue because you might be giving some guy the wrong idea? I sure wouldn't be recommending that anyone pursue OR ALLOW oneself to be pursued by *that* type of YM.

I'm saying I won't pursue, not for anyone else to not pursue...there is a difference.

Let's face it, this new trend of ym/ow fits right in with alot of ym...heck, if I were an ym it would fit perfectly if as an ow who 1. is not looking to get marry, 2. don't want or can't have any children, 3. financially/careerwise set 4. have my own place.

I'm looking for the small minority of ym who ARE seriously pursuing a real, long term relationship and not a pit stop because they feel as an ow I'm an easy conquest. I get this plenty from ym online, as it happens in clubs and bars. The only good thing out of this is that for the most part, they are upfront and that saves us both alot of wasted time.

Paris

Originally Posted by irparis

I'm saying I won't pursue, not for anyone else to not pursue...there is a difference.

But...see...the pursuit isn't the issue, if the YM is the kind of jerk you mention. I was saying that this type of YM shouldn't be in our picture at all, so no pursuit.

If there is a YM who is the "right" kind and who won't be a jerk, then why not pursue? I mean, who cares who makes the first move? Someone said it earlier, if two people have a good possibility of relating well, then what's the difference?

The trick is to know whom to start something with, and whom not to. The thing is, our society has the idea that two people should start cold, complete strangers, and one decides to convince the other (usually based on how the other one LOOKS). That's just the most RANDOM (and rather controlling) approach to relationships there is. How is that supposed to lead to success?

If two people really get along well, and they think there is a possible great relationship they could have (they have to be smart about what makes them think that and THIS stage is where a lot of people get into trouble...), then again I say who cares which one makes the first suggestion? Every relationship attempted is a RISK TAKEN. That's life. The best way to start relationships is SLOWLY by getting to know someone, so you have a sense IF you want any more with them.