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Thread: She's looking old -- I didn't ask for this

  1. #1
    purplemagi Guest

    She's looking old -- I didn't ask for this

    We met when I was 22 and she was 35. I was straight out of college, for some reason we clicked and despite her reservations I was persistent and we started a relationship. 13 years later, we have a wonderful 7 yr old, but my SO is looking wrinkly and has less energy. Part of me wants to leave to find someone my own age whom I find more attractive, yet I do love my SO and don't want to break up my family--I love my daughter dearly. We had a long discussion today in which she said we don't have sex frequently b/c I don't make her feel attractive. And part of it is that I don't find her as attractive as I do women my age, even though I do love her and enjoy having sex with her.

    I really feel I'm at a crisis point. Either I stick this out and accept that she is aging and find something attractive about her daily and communicate it to her, or leave and find someone else. Either option seems less than ideal, b/c if I stay I'm giving up opportunities, and if I leave I give up my family.

    Anything that would help me get more clear about this would be helpful. Thanks.

  2. #2
    thatgirl Guest
    Has she stopped taking care of herself?

    Also, when was the last time just the two of you did anything together?

  3. #3
    yellowrose's Avatar
    yellowrose is offline Texas Gal
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    So what are you going to do if you find someone 'more attractive' and they become 48 and 'wrinkled'? Leave them? You sound awfully shallow. Sorry but that is the best I can do.

    Tell the truth... you have met someone that you are more attracted to.
    mskitty and kilny like this.

  4. #4
    Phillippides Guest
    Hopefully she is taking care of herself, but if she isn't, that could be easily remedied. You should also do your part to help her feel more attractive.

    Aging is also something that needs to be accepted. If you ditch the woman you have now, and get with somebody your own age (let's say 33), then in 20 years she's going to be 53, her body will start to sag, and she'll start getting wrinkles too. What do you do at that point, stick by her, or look for somebody else that's younger looking (who will also, short of plastic surgery, get wrinkles as well). This is just a part of life, and hopefully looks isn't the only thing you're looking for.

    Is your SO being good to your and your daughter? Is she being affectionate, romantic, and accepting responsibility when she needs to? Is she, personality wise, what you are looking for in a SO? If she isn't, it needs to be discussed, and if she is, you need to do some deep soul searching. Either way, this issue does need to be addressed.

  5. #5
    Sdoah1972's Avatar
    Sdoah1972 is offline Freckle Face
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    I....you...you.....grow up!

    *growls and walks away*
    mskitty likes this.

  6. #6
    Rozie Guest
    Being a woman who is hypercritcal about her own appearance, I can tell ya that 48 just isn't old and wrinkly! I would also ask the question about whether she is taking care of herself, ill or just plain exhausted!!

    No surprize to me that she doesn't want to have sex as much because you don't make her feel attractive. You just admitted as much!
    but my SO is looking wrinkly and has less energy. Part of me wants to leave to find someone my own age whom I find more attractive,
    I can't give you much support. I think the problem is YOURS. I can tell you as a woman that when you aren't noticed, don't feel attractive to your spouse, it is reflected in the way you dress, you move...you start feeling old and dressing the part. So...just maybe this is why you are noticing the wrinkles! I vote you take your own advice!
    Either I stick this out and accept that she is aging and find something attractive about her daily and communicate it to her
    Last edited by Rozie; 08-15-2005 at 03:07 AM. Reason: can't do math
    CrazyLove likes this.

  7. #7
    Tinkabell Guest
    I don't know Purples....

    But I DO empathise with you....Its the world we live in unfortunately..,.,and no matter what we may say..,,,we are influenced by looks and we cannot help it....

    I shall go away and think about this one....

  8. #8
    thatgirl Guest
    I'll explain why I asked the question about you two doing things together...

    Many times couples, especially when there are young children in the picture, stop kind of functioning like a couple. Instead, they fall into a routine that pretty much excludes one another. Yes, they still live together but that's about it.

    When we regularly share pleasant experiences with our partner, we continue to have feelings of endearment for them. When the shared times are lacking, any little thing can start to look bad--the extra wrinkle or two, the extra ten pounds, the balding....

  9. #9
    Epsilon Flight Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by purplemagi13
    years later, we have a wonderful 7 yr old, but my SO is looking wrinkly and has less energy. Part of me wants to leave to find someone my own age whom I find more attractive, yet I do love my SO and don't want to break up my family
    Could be worse, what would you do if you left her for a younger girl and she got into a car accident, ending up a paraplegic ? If she has no energy then you guys need to work out, sports or something...Just my $0.02...
    Last edited by last1standing; 08-15-2005 at 09:18 AM.

  10. #10
    LADave is offline Born 200 years too late
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    Hate to break it to you, my man, but men age too. When you're 48 you'll have some wrinkles and creases. Hope you're with someone who doesn't mind.
    mskitty and kilny like this.
    "You've got to dance like nobody's watching, and love like it's never going to hurt."--Anon

  11. #11
    may50 Guest
    This is just the thing that some of us OW fear. Hopefully our YM will not be so hung up on our physical looks. I'm sorry. but I do agree with yellowrose, you do sound superficial. Is it worth giving up a good relationship and your little girl just to have someone with a better body and younger looking face?

  12. #12
    kittylane's Avatar
    kittylane is offline Senior Member
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    i dont understand your comment that "you didnt ask for this" you did ask for this and got it.

    time to grow up.

    if you cant find beauty in the woman you are with or the mother of your child, then let her go.

    you annoyed me which is something i dont normally admitt.

    for me, you have not the faintest idea of what love is, is is not a tight ***.
    mskitty and kilny like this.

  13. #13
    LADave is offline Born 200 years too late
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    Quote Originally Posted by dmjoy

    no one told me I was all old and stuff
    Well, it's because you're not.
    "You've got to dance like nobody's watching, and love like it's never going to hurt."--Anon

  14. #14
    irparis Guest

    I'm 46...

    I must look old and wrinkly too, dang, how did I get so old so far...oh yeah, my husband stopped believing in me, in us, and started believing in his own inflated ego.

    I'm with Yellow/R, Who is she, what young hoochie mama blink her eyes at you that caused your stick to strike "bing bing" and now you think your all that. I hate to tell you this but come on, you're not 22 anymore.

    Remember you wanted her, YOU...if you cannot be her hero and take the higher road, then, yes, do leave her. You really don't deserve her and you know it. She loves you and made a covenant to you and God to be your beacon of hope no matter what your circumstances should be, in sickness and in health. You made that pledge too, I promise you, if you turn your back on your family, for such shallow reasons...karma will come and kick you up your **** so hard the pain will be unbearable.

    You don't know what that karma might be, you may be with a yw who will not accept your daugther and/or treat her badly, you may be with someone who has no care about when or in what situations she may believe affairs are acceptable, you may be someone who is so needy, she won't let you breathe. She may leave you for a ym herself. Life has a way of teaching us hard lessons so that you will stop procrastinating and learn attributes like selflessness, honourable, kind, exceptional. You can learn to be the best husband for your wife without resorting to making decisions that will hurt your family. I hope you think this through thoroughly. This is not just about you...as I said you're not 22 anymore, don't devalue yourself and your wife and family for a shallow piece of ****. Its really not worth it and think of the message you will send your daughter about the one man who is HER hero.

    Paris

  15. #15
    Bella_D Guest
    She's looking old -- I didn't ask for this

    Um...what did you think would happen?


    Don't worry, I found the perfect girl for you. I wish you many fat babies together.

    <img src="http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b166/zoeluvsmusic/jessica.jpg" alt="Image hosted by Photobucket.com">

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