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Thread: I'm Too Old

  1. #1
    jellybean400 Guest

    I'm Too Old

    Well, i dont really feel it, or act it... but i guess its the reason i cant have a REAL relationship with my "S/O".

    I'm 46 ... the guy i'm seeing is 27. It was friendship, and then sexual, and now its both, and i'm getting more feelings for him.

    We had a talk last nite, and he said he REALLY wants a relationship with someone closer to his age...he wants to have kids eventually...etc.

    So, i guess i go on with it until i either get TOO deep of feelings, or am able to distance myself enough to just enjoy him, and the fun we have. We have ALOT of fun together.

    He didnt end it or anything...it was just a talk that came up...because i said that MAYBE women take these "sexual friendships" with more responsibility than the guys do. (I dont want to see other people, IOW.)

    I guess i'm just venting... i appreciate his honesty and i guess its up to me to hold back as much as i can...which sucks, but i'll never regret our (2-yr so far) relationship.

  2. #2
    greeneyedgirl's Avatar
    greeneyedgirl is offline Senior Member
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    ((((((((hugs Jellybean))))))

    vent away gal

    Trace
    ~Stupid people shouldn't breathe~

    ~Denial is the first step toward recovery~

    ~It will feel better once it stops hurting~


  3. #3
    ~Guinavere~ Guest
    If you have already invested 2 years and now he says he wants someone younger, why hasn't this come up before? Why wasn't all of this discussed before? Or is it that he has recently changed his way of thinking when it comes to having children, etc?

    If he is adamant that he wants children and you are not able to give him that, then I would not stay in the relationship any longer. The longer you are in it, the stonger your feelings become.

    Is there any possiblity that he has already met someone younger he is interested in and that is why this topic came up?

  4. #4
    skatergirl Guest

    No you're not!

    Girl, there are men out there who would not make you feel this way. I mean, it's fine to have fun with you etc., but when the question of real love comes up he turns a little fair weather...as long as things are the way he wants them he's down but as soon as you want to speak on matters of the heart...well...
    THAT DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE OLD! 47, in my opinion is a fabulous time for women. I think that's awesome that you've had a wonderful relationship with him for 2 years...yay! But now that you've had this heads up, maybe it's time to reassess. Personally, I would rather be alone (I have a blast alone...probably because I'm nuts! ) Then compromise my chance to find true love by hanging with someone who is not going to give you what you dream of. Don't accept the mediocre, believe in the impossible becoming possible...that's what life is about!

  5. #5
    jellybean400 Guest
    I think we always thought we were gonna be "F"*** buddies...

    He had just broken up with his g/f (his age) when it all started. Yeah, i knew he wanted kids, but it never seemed to matter in our relationship. I guess i thought it was gonna stay all fun and games. Or maybe i hoped he'd fall for me and forget the kids?? LOL (I dont have any, and dont want any at this age.)

    We havent been seeing each other "exclusively" for all this time. I had another guy i dated, and he has another girl he dates. Shes 35, but he said she wants to have more kids. She has a 15-yr old daughter.

    I just dont want to see other people anymore, because i like just having ONE person. But, i see hes not the one. Better i stop it now, i guess, before i really fall in love.

  6. #6
    ~Guinavere~ Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by skatergirl
    Girl, there are men out there who would not make you feel this way. I mean, it's fine to have fun with you etc., but when the question of real love comes up he turns a little fair weather...as long as things are the way he wants them he's down but as soon as you want to speak on matters of the heart...well...
    THAT DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE OLD! 47, in my opinion is a fabulous time for women. I think that's awesome that you've had a wonderful relationship with him for 2 years...yay! But now that you've had this heads up, maybe it's time to reassess. Personally, I would rather be alone (I have a blast alone...probably because I'm nuts! ) Then compromise my chance to find true love by hanging with someone who is not going to give you what you dream of. Don't accept the mediocre, believe in the impossible becoming possible...that's what life is about!
    I agree! If you are wanting love, romance, committment, etc. then staying with this guy is a waste of time when there are men out there who would truly appreciate you because of your maturity, your life experiences, etc that comes with the age 47! And 47 is definitely not old!! I will 49 next Sunday and there is no way I would classify myself as old! I am a goddess! LOL...And so are you! Don't settle for anything less than being treated like one!

  7. #7
    skatergirl Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by ~Guinavere~
    I agree! If you are wanting love, romance, committment, etc. then staying with this guy is a waste of time when there are men out there who would truly appreciate you because of your maturity, your life experiences, etc that comes with the age 47! And 47 is definitely not old!! I will 49 next Sunday and there is no way I would classify myself as old! I am a goddess! LOL...And so are you! Don't settle for anything less than being treated like one!
    So true! Check out the thread I posted in chit chat about Demi Moore modeling for Versace in her 40's!! Here's to enjoying your 40's and expecting the best!

  8. #8
    RobsGirl Guest
    Honey, it doesn't mean you're too old it just means that in this case, your s/o is just too young and not open to the possibilities a relationship with an older woman can open up. True, the whole having children thing can be an issue, but to that end it doesn't reflect on you whatsoever. . .{{hugs****

  9. #9
    jellybean400 Guest
    Thanks to everyone.

    And, i must take some of the blame myself.

    He knew i was independent and happy with my life, when we started out. We kinda agreed that i was looking for "fun," and not a relationship. Which i did believe at the time.

    He used to say how women always SAY that, and then they end up having feelings for the guy. Man, i hate to let him know he's right

  10. #10
    skatergirl Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by jellybean400
    Thanks to everyone.

    And, i must take some of the blame myself.

    He knew i was independent and happy with my life, when we started out. We kinda agreed that i was looking for "fun," and not a relationship. Which i did believe at the time.

    He used to say how women always SAY that, and then they end up having feelings for the guy. Man, i hate to let him know he's right

    Yeah but whatever, that's kinda mean for him to say that. Excuse you for having feelings and not just using him!!! I wonder what he would do if you said it's time for you to move on and that your not interested in being f buddies. I could never deal with that with guys; I felt it was demeaning. Hang tough girl! I remember reading something about Gena Davis getting married at 46 to a much younger man and having kids! Excuse me but WHATever to this guy! (Sorry I get riled up and I can't help it I'm a girls girl!)

  11. #11
    special K's Avatar
    special K is offline dedicated member :-)
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    It sounds like there was no deception here at all....that you two started out as friends with bene's knowing each other's intentioned investment level......at that time. Now, you want to invest more, he does not. It's not cruel of him, or dishonest, you've had an open-dating relationship from the start, so it's just the reality of the situation.

    The fact that you want him to be yours alone says that you have already fallen in love with him. If you don't back out now, you will grow to love him more as time goes on, and then resent the years you "wasted" after he leaves to be with someone younger and start his family.

    46 is not old (I'm 48 and lovin it!)....you are in a great place to have a meaningful, loving relationship with a man who adores ONLY you, doesn't want to have kids, etc. At the same time, you're not getting any younger....staying somewhere that doesn't fit now is just not worth it. Use your best years (these you are in now) to have what you truly want rather than a fantasy that can never be yours.

    Walk away... it will be hard, but so worth it in the end.
    Best,
    Karen
    "What the caterpillar sees as the end of the world, the butterfly calls wings."

  12. #12
    jellybean400 Guest
    Thanks. I think youre right. yeah it will be hard

  13. #13
    Inahnia Guest
    Been there done that...best to go ahead and get out now. It will hurt, but it will hurt more later. Don't waste any more of your time...the right one is out there..

  14. #14
    suicideblonde Guest

    Well,

    it seems that women do mostly feel that way if the F buddy system often times is more than once... I it is funny but as my students read the line from Arthur Miller's play, The Crucible, I always stop to discuss it as I think overall it does ring true no matter what century or decade or how liberated we have become. The line is : "Spoken or silent, a promise is made in any bed." And sometimes we do learn the hard way...

    My best to you and hope you do find someone who can give you that "promise".

  15. #15
    Dan Echo Guest

    Oh, how true!!

    Quote Originally Posted by suicideblonde
    it seems that women do mostly feel that way if the F buddy system often times is more than once... I it is funny but as my students read the line from Arthur Miller's play, The Crucible, I always stop to discuss it as I think overall it does ring true no matter what century or decade or how liberated we have become. The line is : "Spoken or silent, a promise is made in any bed." And sometimes we do learn the hard way...

    My best to you and hope you do find someone who can give you that "promise".
    A promise is made and should not be broken. The F buddy system, or my preferred term, Friends with benefits, really doesn't work because one party always winds up getting hurt or let down in the end.

    Dan Echo

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