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Thread: Great OW/YM articles

  1. #1
    Kristin's Avatar
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    Great OW/YM articles

    Know of a great article about OW/YM relationships? Post an excerpt and a link here! If you need help, PM me the article and I'll post it for you!

    NOTE: Please be sure to post a link to the original article, too, to give the author & website proper credit.
    Last edited by Kristin; 09-11-2005 at 02:33 PM.

  2. #2
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    Older women, younger men! The love that dare not speak its name

    by Leanna James

    Do we dare date -- or better yet marry -- a younger man? You bet! Writer Leanna James shares her experience.

    Can it work?
    I couldn't resist the headline: "Older Women, Younger Men: This Year's Hottest Trend!" I plucked the magazine from the stand near the checkout counter and flipped to the article. The photo inside featured a stylish woman of about 35 in a cherry-red power suit clasping hands across a restaurant table with her dinner date. He was a clean-cut, clearly muscular young man wearing a snug white shirt and a satisfied-looking smile. A half-finished bottle of wine and a slender vase holding a tropical flower rested on the tablecloth, still-life fashion, between the glowing pair.

    There was nothing else in the photograph. No other diners sneaking glances, no waiters raising eyebrows, no former spouses or lovers storming into the restaurant to stage a jealous scene. A snapshot of my own life three years ago would have included all the above in the first take. And that would have left 23 more exposures on the roll, each documenting another reaction, another consequence, another sea change flowing from the choice I made.

    I skimmed the article, looking for any parallels between the women I was reading about and me. "Fabulous sex!" the first woman, "Geri," announced. I could almost hear her contented purr. "Barbara," a 30-ish accountant who had dated a 22-year-old lifeguard, confessed: "My affair with Steve worked wonders for my self-esteem!" "Revitalized my life!" a therapist called "Karina" exclaimed, who went on to describe scuba-diving and motorcycle adventures with her 20-something sugar. All this checked out with my own experience -- the sexy parts especially -- but it was still too tame for me.

    Wait a minute: tame? Harleys, coral reefs, Olympian sex-a-thons? How much further can you go? I'll tell you how much: I broke a taboo none of these women spoke about. None of them mentioned, God forbid, love. None talked about a future. And none were so extravagant, so wild, so foolish as to marry the guy … and then have a baby with him. I did.

    The roar of social approval dies down awfully quickly when your "wild side" turns into a wedding -- and less than a year later, a brightly painted nursery. I was supposed to have had my fun and moved on. What woman in her right mind would choose a man not quite old enough to rent a car to be the father of her child? Or, as my best friend put it: "How can you be serious about a guy who was just learning the alphabet when you started college?"

    When I met D, I was 36 years old; he was 24. I had been married once before; he had lived with a girlfriend for two years after college. Our experiences were not comparable. Nothing in our backgrounds suggested our paths would ever cross, much less merge: D grew up in the South Bronx, where life unfolded (and sometimes exploded) on the streets, the stoops and the asphalt lots. I grew up in a Southern California suburb, where life was contained within beige-colored walls and plushly upholstered cars, and walking anywhere was considered as uncivilized as cleaning your teeth with a twig.

    D won scholarships to Ivy League schools, studied economics and went to parties with the sons of senators. I went to a liberal women's college where I studied feminist literary theory and performance. At our parties, people drank wine and debated sexual symbolism in Victorian women's poetry. When we met, he was working at a bank and I was working on a novel. He knew how old I was (he looked up my statistics in the bank's database); I thought he was older, or at least old enough to have a cup of coffee with. When he told me, I almost spilled my latte in his lap. "Twenty-four! But … you're a baby!" I thought.

    He was, by definition, emotionally immature, reckless, unwise about women. How could he be otherwise? He probably thought dating meant splitting a pizza and rolling around on the couch, and kept nothing but beer and mustard in his fridge. I pictured evenings watching The Simpsons reruns with his roommates and crossed his name briskly off my list.

    Read page two of this article.

  3. #3
    Kristin's Avatar
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    Older woman, younger man relationships

    Women have more options than ever - including men!

    By Star Lawrence

    Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher. Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins. These pioneering couples are just the most visible December-May hookups of older women dating younger men.

    Braving "robbing the cradle" jokes, almost one-third of women between ages 40 and 69 are dating younger men (defined as 10 or more years younger). According to a recent AARP poll, one-sixth of women in their 50s, in fact, prefer men in their 40s.

    It's not what you think -- the stamina or "re-boot" ability of the younger male. The women like the flexibility and sense of adventure of their more spontaneous, younger companions, Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., a licensed family therapist in practice in Long Beach, Calif., and author of "The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again", tells WebMD. For their part, the men like the sophistication and life success of their older mates, she explains. The much touted idea that women peak sexually in their 30s and men in their teens does not enter into it -- most of these couples are beyond both those age periods.

    Other reasons behind this trend
    According to Tessina, other reasons underlying this expansion of everyone's dating choices include:

    <li>Older women are looking better every day, thanks to creative medical advances and a gym on every corner.
    <li>Women are more likely to come back on the dating market because of divorce and a longer expected life span.
    <li>Not as many women are looking for the picket fence and two cars. Now companionship, travel, and fun are coming to the forefront.
    <li>Women may also want a man with a less-developed career who could follow her or take care of children, if that is a factor.
    <li>For their part, younger men often find older women more interesting, experimental, fun to talk to, financially settled, and more adept sexually.

    But what about the notion that men are "hard-wired" to seek a smooth-faced, curvy receptacle for reproduction and thus are drawn to younger women? "Humans are relatively flexible species," Michael R. Cunningham, Ph.D., a psychologist in the department of communications at the University of Louisville, tells WebMD. "Factors other than biological can be attractive. You can override a lot of biology in pursuit of other goals."

    Interestingly, Cunningham did an unpublished study of 60 women in their 20s, 30s, and 40s, who were shown pictures of men aged to those decades. "The women," he says, "were more interested in men their own age or older."

    As for the men, he says: "I guess it could be nice not to hang around a ditz with no knowledge of music or something like that."

    Getting over the "shoulds"
    "We have strong 'shoulds' on ways of partnering up," Kathryn Elliott, Ph.D., assistant professor of psychology at the University of Louisiana at Lafayette, explains to WebMD. "We are victims of inner-critic constrictedness. We think we should only weigh 120. We should marry people within two years of our age. We pathologize anything that isn't within those shoulds."

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    Older Women, Younger Men-It Works!

    Kristen Houghton

    The bride is glowing. Her dress is sleek, stylish, and white with a low-neckline. Instead of a veil she has chosen to wear sprays of white and blue flowers in her upswept hair. She looks beautiful.

    Her groom is handsome and his hair has the blonde “surfer” streaks. He wears a modern tuxedo with a vest and without a bow tie.

    Everyone is smiling as the new Mr. and Mrs. enter the reception. Typical wedding? In all ways but one; the bride is 48 and the groom is 31. Older woman, younger man.

    Attitudes about May-December marriages have been around forever it seems, but usually the “December” part of the duo was an older, well-to-do man, sometimes referred to sarcastically as a “Sugar Daddy.” Not any more. Women are just as likely as men to be the older partner in a marriage but their “December” is usually anything but old; they are healthy, fit, sexy, and glamorous. While they may have a better income than their younger husbands, they’re not necessarily playing “Sugar Mommy.” But still, many wonder, what is the allure of an older woman?

    “I was attracted to my wife not only because of her beauty,” said Brandon, 26, of his 43 year-old spouse, Deidre. “It’s the way she carries herself, the confidence she has when meeting people, and her powerful sense of self that intrigues me. I find that to be sexy.”

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  5. #5
    SinfulWays Guest

    Exclamation They made it... kids and all!

    Older Woman Younger Man

    By Kay Kopit,

    I Survived: One Woman's Journey of Self-Healing and Transformation

    Kay Kopit is an accomplished artist, actor, writer, speaker and gifted teacher.

    My husband and I have been happily married for 17 years. What makes our relationship unique is that Bryan was born in 1960 the year after I graduated high school. He is 19 years my junior; I am older than his mother. The secret of our success is a deeply committed love for one another. Ours is a passionate romance. Each of us is whole, happy and healthy. Bryan and I have a love that keeps my spirit young. I am sharing our story to give older women hope that they too can find peace and love with a younger man.

    We met in 1985 during a rainy winter in San Francisco. We were neighbors on a tiny street near the historic Mission Dolores. The worst storm of the season was on its way and my roof was leaking profusely. I was in dire straits financially, having been newly divorced. I was preparing to fix it myself. Unfortunately my ladder wasn't tall enough. I needed help. None of the folks I knew were home that Saturday morning but I noticed an open door directly across from my house. I hurried upstairs to the second story flat in the azure painted duplex and walked down the long corridor to the living room. There on the sofa was a guy watching the football game on T.V. I introduced myself and then proceeded to ask for his assistance. He looked at me like I was crazy. The silence was deafening. How often does a stranger enter your apartment with a request for help with a major repair? I was flushed with embarrassment but was in too deep to recover. Fortunately he agreed to help me.

    This uncommon beginning signaled the magic that lay before us. The sparks flew. We went on our first date within days of this meeting. Bryan's car was broken so we took the bus across the city to an authentic Moroccan restaurant where we sat on paisley cushions and ate with our fingers. I remember clearly how primitive this felt and how natural it was to be with him. He didn't seem the least bit concerned about my age. I, on the other hand, was more sensitive. I was healing from a codependent relationship of 12 years and had never experienced true intimacy. I wasn't sure it was the proper thing to do but I couldn't help myself; I was falling in love. I was scared because these feelings were coming so quickly.

    Bryan moved in with me within weeks of our first meeting. I remember thinking if it didn't work out it would be easy to ask him to leave because all he owned was a T.V.

    For Valentine's Day he created a hanging wire mobile in the shape of intertwined hearts and presented it to me with flowers and chocolate.

    This type of thoughtful gesture is typical of Bryan. He has never missed a special occasion and has often surprised me with jewelry when he returns from a business trip.

    One evening in the spring we were waiting to board a dinner train in Mendocino. A drunken man approached us and said, "How come you two are dressed up? Are you getting married?" Bryan looked at me and said, "Yes, we are aren't we?" That was his proposal. It was decided we would plan a wedding for later that year. But, first I needed to meet Bryan's mother.

    Just the thought of it terrified me! Bryan and his mother, Sharon, have a truly special bond. He insisted he would not tell anyone about our engagement until she and I met. We drove to southern California where Sharon was visiting her sister, Bryan's aunt. I felt sick the entire trip. I knew in advance he was going to take his mother shopping the next morning alone to break the news to her. I couldn't sleep at all that night. What felt so "right" to Bryan and me was unusual, especially in the eyes of a parent. When they returned from their excursion Sharon looked like she had just come from a funeral. Fortunately, for me, Aunt Toby accepted the situation and eased the tension by giving me a white angel ornament. His mother is a wonderful woman. In spite of her disappointment, she welcomed me into their family. Over the years our relationship has evolved into a unique friendship, a cross between a peer and a sister.

    December 7, 1986, dressed in an ivory colored Victorian gown, I was driven to our wedding in a horse drawn carriage. I remember the sensation well. As I heard the clip-pity clop of the hoofs hitting the pavement I felt it was the happiest day of my life. The ride was several miles long and I enjoyed cars honking loudly at every turn. When we arrived at the elegant Alamo Square Inn Bryan was waiting to escort me inside to the nuptials. It was a good thing he took my hand, for as I exited the carriage, my knees collapsed from shaking so hard. The day was spectacular marking a lifetime of love.

    Both Bryan and I had always wanted kids. By the time we met my biological clock had run out. He told me he would rather marry a woman he loved deeply than to wait for someone to bear his children. For several years we were content to be a unit of two. After my dear Aunt Letha died in 1992 I longed for a child. I knew we would be good parents. Bryan agreed to adoption. It was an arduous experience requiring patience and resilience. We had several birthmothers who changed their minds for different reasons. This process took three years and a great deal of money. Ultimately we were blessed with a baby girl we named Mariah. Our daughter is now 8 years old and the light of our life.

    Bryan continues to be my rock, strength and loving support. During our years together I have had many tragedies including: my brother John's suicide in 1988, my ex- husband Joey's death from alcoholism in 1989, and my girlfriend Debra's suicide in 2002. I was hospitalized with a potentially life threatening blood clot in my lungs in 1998. Bryan stood by me through all of these. I married a great guy! I am a fortunate woman to have found true love in the heart of a younger man.

    Age is but a notch on the tree of life. Does it really matter that I have more than he. We are all on a spiritual path. We choose lovers, friends and family to mirror our soul's development. Partners of different ages can accelerate this growth. These diverse emotional experiences are opportunities of a lifetime. Let's enjoy them.

  6. #6
    chouchoute Guest
    I think this one is really sweet.

    Check it out.

  7. #7
    chouchoute Guest
    Great idea Kristin,


  8. #8
    chouchoute Guest
    Thank you SinfulWays for a very nice article.

  9. #9
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    Part I: Confessions of a Younger Lover

    by Chris K. Olander

    Barbara Lovenheim, author of Beating the Marriage Odds When You Are Smart, Single, And Over 35, asks, "Why would a tall, successful, good-looking man commute 1,000 miles to take up with an older woman when men in their fifties were looking for women who were 25?"

    I can answer that. I was powerless to do otherwise. Falling in love with an older woman is the best thing I ever did. I discovered what true love was and could no longer live without it. Like an addict looking for a fix, I would go anywhere, do anything, and spend any amount to be with her.

    When I met Beverly, I was an athletic, competitive, thirty-four year old foundation executive with a dream job giving away other people's money and an apartment overlooking Manhattan's Central Park. I didn't realize how lonely I was until an older woman showed me what I was missing. Bev, who lived in Seattle, was different in a way I couldn't describe; sexy, but motherly; mature, but playful; worldly, but down to earth. I was immediately attracted to her warmth, experience, and openness. Loving her was so unexpected and exciting, like falling in love for the first time.

    Bev's caring love gave me one of life's greatest gifts-the freedom to say what I was really thinking and feeling instead of what I should be thinking and feeling. I discovered that a mature woman can help a man explore his inner self, decide what he wants in life, and develop as a human being. With an older friend and lover, I found it easier to accept aging and to win the battles that were killing my contemporaries.

    Middle-aged men face an internal combat zone of stress and hypertension that shortens their lives. They are far more likely than women to die of heart disease, commit suicide, or be institutionalized. As one man put it, "I feel like I'm running, but I don't even know what I'm chasing any more." Men often seek younger women, but they'd do so much better with older ones. Women of a certain age have great resiliency, capacity for intimacy, and social skills. Men need these emotional strengths.

    Younger men see older women differently these days because they are different. More women than men are graduating from college, entering professional careers, and starting their own businesses. Their beauty is enhanced by an inner glow of accomplishment, independence, and self-assurance. Gail Sheehy, the nation's expert on mid-life passages, notes, "Fifty is what 40 used to be; 60 is what 50 used to be."

    Like most women, Bev was concerned about loving a younger man. "What about when I get older?" she asked one afternoon, "Will you still love me?

    "I'll always love you," I said. "I don't love you despite your age; I love you because of it. I've been talking with couples like us, and time after time, younger men appreciate what older men don't."

    "Why are younger men interested in older women?"

    "For the same reason I'm interested in you. Because they're exciting and experienced. Because they..."

    "Have wrinkles?" Bev interrupted, "And cellulite? Look at this," she demanded, pointing to a deep scar on her side from the kidney operation that almost killed her. "Isn't it disgusting?"

    I smiled as I bent down to kiss it.

    "You're not paying attention," she said, beaming.

    "Younger guys already have their own youth, so they don't need to recapture it," I pointed out. "Older men attract younger women because they can. Older women will attract younger men when they believe they can."

    "It's not that easy," Bev declared, "Men hold all the cards. They're still in control."

    "Things are changing," I replied. "Madonna and Tina Turner aren't the only ones with younger guys. Almost a fourth of all women are marrying younger men and women marrying for the second time are seven times more likely to have younger husbands. Besides, men decline sexually faster than women. Instead of chasing sex symbols, a man with an older woman is one."

    The first time we made love, it was unbelievable. "Finally," I thought, "A woman who wants me as much as I want her."

    Afraid that we'd awakened the entire inn, I asked, "What if someone calls the police?"

    "All right Olander, we know you're in there," Bev teased. "Come out with your hands up."

    "I'll never come out alive, copper," I hissed. "You'll have to come in and get me."

    Holding her tightly, I continued, "Everyone talks about how women reach their sexual peak in their '40s. You just proved it."

    She caressed my face, looked into my eyes, and replied, "I've never given myself to anyone like I have to you, Chris. I'll never love anyone like I love you."

    Read More->

    Read Part II: The Woman's Guide to Younger Men ->

    Read Part III: The Zen of Older Women & Younger Men ->
    Last edited by Kristin; 09-22-2005 at 12:50 PM.

  10. #10
    kathyw Guest

    Thumbs up Can we do a sticky?

    Kristin...Can you get a sticky put on this...or perhaps you already have...that way we can access it much easier. I would do it...but don't have the capability...perhaps Trace or Whiterose could?

    P.S. This is a great idea btw Kristin...

  11. #11
    Kristin's Avatar
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    Hi Kathy, there is a link to this thread at the bottom of the "Common OW/YM Questions" thread, which is stickied at the top of the "Relationship Support" forum. Will that work?

  12. #12
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    Where the Boys Are! Great Article!!

    Inspired by Hollywood, increasing numbers of New York women are aiming younger -- and scoring higher.

    By Sarah Bernard

    When Jessica first met Nick at a friend's party, it felt like the perfect fit. She was a divorced former model, now working for a white-shoe law firm, and though he was vague about what he did for a living, the chemistry was there. She thought he was around 30, and he made the same assumption about her. It wasn't until three months later that they discovered each other's actual ages. He was 24 and she was 37.

    "When I found out how old he really was, I wasn't sure I even wanted to be friends," Jessica says now. As it turned out, though, the thirteen-year age barrier wasn't as daunting as she thought: Today they are married and raising a 3-year-old in their Upper West Side apartment. Still, Nick can't forget her first reaction when she learned how young he was. It was like a brick wall going up, he says.

    Now, nearly a decade after they first met, the gap seems, if not normal, at least far more acceptable than it once was. (Although Jessica still avoids discussing her age with her mother-in-law.) And judging from what's been going on in yoga classes, Soho lounges, and the celebrity-gossip pages this summer (not to mention movie screens), the long-standing taboo against older women dating younger men is finally losing much of its primal power. New York women in particular are openly dipping into lower age brackets in numbers that would have been unimaginable in the past.

    Thanks to their increasing financial independence, women are freer to consider romantic options once filed under INAPPROPRIATE. And thanks to the ruling gym and fitness craze (not to mention Botox and plastic surgery), they hardly look their age anyway. "Women have to stop thinking guys under 35 are not an option," says Jessica, "or that it will make them look foolish."

    Take Justine, a makeup artist in her mid-forties who first started dating younger men last year, after a twelve-year relationship with a man twenty years her senior. She had previously dated only older guys, but now the ones she met were either attached, too involved in their work, or just plain unappealing. Luckily, she noticed a strange thing happening: Many of the men who approached her were half her age. Her Chanel boots and leather pants might have had something to do with it. And her devotion to Pilates. When a friend had a costume party, she says, "the theme was 'Bond girl,' but I just showed up in my usual Friday-night outfit, and everyone said I had the best costume in the room."

    At another friend's birthday party, a restaurateur named Paul, who was only 34, kept wanting to dance with her. "Every time I turned around, he was there," she says. They danced, they drank champagne, and she kissed him good night, but the next morning she congratulated herself for not giving him her phone number. Then the phone rang at work.

    Justine tried to get rid of him by insisting she was too busy to talk. "Can I call you at your other numbers?" he asked.

    "Which numbers did I give you?" she shot back.

    "All of them," he said. And with that, Justine gave in -- at least for a drink. "I wondered if my subconscious wasn't trying to tell me something," she says.

    Then came the orchids. And the caviar. Paul talked about their future together. "I found myself getting involved in the dreams I thought I had passed," she says now. "He re-instilled in me the sense that it's not over yet."

    In the past, when people thought of older women with younger men, they usually pictured a widow of a certain age with a mother-obsessed gigolo, or a past-her-prime movie star with a muscle-bound stud of ambiguous sexuality and unambiguous greed. But the new dispensation isn't about Leona Helmsley or Mae West. It's about Madonna, 43, marrying Guy Ritchie, 33; or Sandra Bullock, 38, who's seeing Ryan Gosling, seventeen years younger. Daryl Hannah, 42, has been spotted around Paris and London with David Blaine, 29. And Janet Jackson, 36, made "Page Six" two weeks ago by canoodling with Justin Timberlake, 21.

    Message boards on MSN and iVillage, and sites like

    Read Full Article->

  13. #13
    kathyw Guest


    Quote Originally Posted by Kristin
    Hi Kathy, there is a link to this thread at the bottom of the "Common OW/YM Questions" thread, which is stickied at the top of the "Relationship Support" forum. Will that work?
    Yep...sounds good! Thanks Kristin.

  14. #14
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    Love conquers age

    Thanks to Whiterose for finding this article:

    Posted on Sun, Oct. 16, 2005

    By Johanna D. Wilson

    The Sun News

    Maryanne Robinson lives life off the cuff. She is lively, lovely and a soccer mom who fell in love with her kids' soccer coach.

    Neal Robinson is a pudgy-face Englishman - her self-proclaimed teddy bear - who isn't afraid to show his sensitive side through passionate words and heartfelt tears. And a single trip to their Forestbrook community home reveals that much easily.

    "I can see the essence of his soul," said Maryanne Robinson, who will celebrate their third year wedding anniversary Oct. 19. "I could see the person inside."

    Scrutiny, however, does not reveal another reality, which is that she is 13 years older than her husband.

    "The English weather put a few years on me, and the American sunshine has allowed her to blossom," said Neal Robinson, 30, about his Noxzema-skinned wife.

    The Robinsons believe love is ageless, and they are not alone. Long before Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore caused a brighter spotlight to shine on the so-called May-December romance, older women and younger men have been falling in love and have stayed knee-deep in love's creek.

    "Older women find that younger men are a useful elixir," said Deborah Leask, 37-year-old owner of Froo Froo The Boutique in Myrtle Beach, who dates 23-year-old Moti Kobin, a fashion designer who has smoky good looks and deep olive skin.

    "Younger men have more stamina sexually, and they are not set in their ways."
    Leask, who is also a writer, interviewed 67 couples in which the women were older than the men.

    Leask said she talked to the women to help calm her anxieties about dating a man 14 years younger than she.

    "Younger men find older women more mature and less demanding than their younger counterparts," Leask said. "Younger men find older women more trustworthy - the twentysomething females still feel the need to establish their sexual identity."

    On the Grand Strand, there are numerous women, of various ethnic backgrounds, dating younger men.

    Older women contacted by The Sun News, although they declined to be interviewed because their boyfriends or husbands didn't want them discussing the relationships, dated or married men 14 to 23 years younger.

    "I think women are starting to say, 'Wait a minute! What is fair for men is fair for us!,'" said Dr. Robert Butterworth, a Los Angeles-based psychologist who deals with relationships. "And it is powerful. ... Life after 30 doesn't have to be miserable. People don't look at age as the taboo it used to be."

    Butterworth said part of the attraction is sex, although sex, as it is in other relationships, is but one part a multifaceted partnership.

    "Men nowadays don't have to feel so inferior about not being the one who brings the most money home," Butterworth said. "Men like that used to be called gigolos. Women were taking care of the guys, and the guys were made to think they should be ashamed. However, women have been taken care of for years by men, and they have never been ashamed."

    For instance, Neal Robinson, who is a stepdad to his wife's two sons and daughter from a previous marriage, said if he never has a child with his wife he is happy and feels blessed to already have "three beautiful children."

    Still, like all other relationships, certain aspects aren't rosy.

    Cathy Battle, a licensed marriage and family therapist of Cathy Battle-Family Counseling in Conway, said challenges can and do arise for couples who ignore the gap between their ages.

    Battle described a scenario in which a woman eight years older than her husband began getting wrinkles and was concerned that her husband would not be as attracted to her as she aged.

    "There is a certain pressure for women because the emphasis is on looks and being appealing," Battle said.

    "Couples can work it out, however, and gain an open trust and honesty."

    Such challenges, however, are dismantled when the two people in love know what really matters, according to the Robinsons, whose faith in Christ and love for one another keeps them from faltering.

    Neal Robinson said he wanted a mature woman because he has always been an independent, mature person.

    "She is energetic, exciting and never boring," he said. "I was attracted to her smile. I get warm feelings every time she smiles."

    Brittany Pecora, Robinson's 19-year-old stepdaughter who plays soccer at Presbyterian College in Clinton, thinks her mom made a good choice when she chose Neal Robinson.

    "I gave her a high-five," Pecora said.

    Here's a link to the original article:

  15. #15
    Kristin's Avatar
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    Moms look good to guys

    Thanks to Kathyw for finding this article:

    - Jane Ganahl
    Sunday, October 9, 2005

    So Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore have gotten married -- spoiling the fun of those who dismissed the relationship as being the union of a cradle robber and a boy toy. As descriptions of the ultra-private wedding trickle out, we learn that she wore a cream-colored Lanvin gown and that he wept for joy. And although Moore, 42, did not smudge her mascara by weeping, she did one better by telling Harper's Bazaar magazine that Kutcher, 27, is her "soul mate." She also implied that they wanted to be in the family way as soon as possible.

    Could this be ... true love? Why the heck not? Love is available in all genders, colors and age differences these days.

    The Moore-Kutcher nuptials indicate a couple of things to me. One: We need to get over ourselves as a culture if we still think the older woman-younger man syndrome is somehow weird. Two: The perception of single women with children is shifting from undesirable to desirable -- even glamorous.

    It's about time. That's never been a fair stereotype, and besides, how can you generalize about 10 million women? Yes, that's how many single mothers there are in this country, according to the most recent stats from the U.S. Census Bureau. And not surprisingly, that number is up from only 3 million in 1970. While teenage pregnancy is responsible for some of this increase, so is the divorce rate. And the picture of the harried unmarried mother balancing baby and briefcase is no longer in focus.

    Single women -- especially those of a certain age -- are smarter and savvier and in better shape than ever before. Why, then, should single mothers not follow suit? (Well, OK -- besides crummy economic conditions and horrific hours worked in a day?) Unmarried moms can be -- if not movie-star-devastating -- sexy indeed.

    I am new to the term MILF, but now it seems to be everywhere. Heard first in the film "American Pie," that landmark of raunch, it means "mother I'd like to ... ." As an illustration, imagine being a teenage boy who goes to school with Demi Moore's teenage daughters and sees her pick them up from school (assuming she ever does such mundane things). Zing! Can I carry your groceries for you, Ms. Moore? Mow your lawn? Meet you at midnight in the toolshed?

    But teenage boys are one thing; it's a big stroke for single moms that someone as dishy as Kutcher could meet Moore, with her brood of three girls, and not see a barrier to their relationship. Not dishy enough? How about Brad Pitt? After vocalizing in interviews how he craved becoming a father, he's been seen all over the world cuddling Angelina Jolie's adopted boy, Maddox, and even went to Ethiopia with her to pick up her second baby, Zahara.

    Madonna made single motherhood look hot and was swept off her feet by Guy Ritchie -- who is, incidentally, a decade younger. Matt Damon just proposed to a single mom, Luciana Barroso. Matt Le Blanc recently married a former model and mother of two, and singer Seal married unwed mother Heidi Klum.

    OK, but what attracts normal men to normal women with kids -- women who don't look like Heidi Klum? I have no scientific evidence to back my notions, but having been a single mother for most of my daughter's life, I think it's fair to say single moms have a lot to offer in the dating department. Many of them have no need to procreate again; their biological clock has stopped ticking. This is very appealing to men who are ambivalent about becoming fathers themselves, but think they might have room in their hearts for a child.

    Single mothers don't seem to be in a rush to marry or remarry. They either have been there/done that, or are now concerned about introducing their children to a new man too quickly. Most single mothers I knew when my daughter was young would date privately for weeks, if not months, before introducing the suitor to their kids. And women in their 40s generally have their lives running pretty well, balancing home and kids and career. It makes dating something they do for fun -- not for life support.

    Single mothers have also undergone an image change in the media. Remember when former Vice President Dan Quayle all but blamed the TV character Murphy Brown for the decline of Western civilization when she opted to have a child out of wedlock? Since then, shows like "The Gilmore Girls" and "Friends" have made mothering without a father seem positively fun.

    And as a survivor of single parenthood, who raised a child almost single-handedly, I can say that it can be very fun. And rewarding, and full of love and joy. And if Ashton or Brad had come knocking on my door, that would have been icing on the cake.

    E-mail Jane Ganahl at

    San Francisco Chronicle

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