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Thread: Having Children Older than your YM

  1. #1
    kmvalade Guest

    Having Children Older than your YM

    Hi All! I'm new to the site and have been reading non-stop for 3 days! What a wealth of information. The openness and vulnerability you all share has touched my heart in a profound way...and I thank each of you deeply for being courageous enough to share your very personal experiences.

    I'm just starting a relationship with a VYM that i've known for almost 2 years. We met while playing an online role-playing game. He is a phenomenal person. We recognized our love within a short amount of time as we were able to talk about everything in a very genuine and authentic way. He expressed his desire to have a relationship with me and I told him, over a year ago, that there was no way that we would ever have a relationship. I had children older than him! LOL

    Well as life would have it....my brother is going through a divorce and moved in with me. We've been talking about soul connection and what is LOVE? While exploring this I realized that I was experiencing real love with JC. Once I realized this I could not pretend that it wasn't the truth. So I told JC, again, that he exemplified what love was for me. He is 21 and I'm 48. We've decided to move forward with our relationship and he is coming out here in a couple of months and probably moving here.

    My son, who is 26, has spoken with JC several times during the course of the gaming experience. They hit it off well and my son even started calling JC "Pops" when I shared with him that I thought JC was very special. I also have daughters 28 and 25. I have always been very open with my children and we share a very close relationship. There is nothing that I can not discuss with my children, and vice-versa. This has brought up an interesting dilemma.

    My choice to have a deeper relationship with JC is bringing up many thoughts and feelings. Many of which have been addressed here. However, I have not found anything about the significant AG's that address when the YM is younger than the OW's children. It would be helpful to hear any similar experiences.


    I just want to add what I see as a gift in creating this relationship with JC......I get to make a positive difference in someone's life whom I love deeply, passionately, unconditionally. He offers me the experience of showing up in life from a place of love. How bad can that be?

    JC'sBabe

  2. #2
    Softsong's Avatar
    Softsong is offline Senior Member
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    I had a relationship for three years with a ym who I loved dearly. He was younger than both of my sons. Seven years younger than my oldest and one year younger than my youngest. Like your kids, mine were just interested in their Mom being happy. My youngest had a good gaming relationship with my boyfriend.

    Eventually my ym moved in with us and it was so cute. We'd go grocery shopping together and he'd see something and say, "Let's get this for the kids, I think they'll like it." LOL

    And he was so good with my grandson.

  3. #3
    Rozie Guest
    Welcome to AL!! Wish I had some words of wisdom. I am still trying to figure out how and when to talk to my grown son about my YM. Your question is an interesting one and I am sure someone here has some experience with this. Honestly, I wouldn't worry too much about what they will think, until you have had the opportunity to explore this relationship further in the real world. BTW, I also met my YM in an online game.

  4. #4
    snowkyst Guest
    Hi kmvalade and welcome to ageless...

    Not sure if this will help you, but my YM is younger than my oldest son, the same age as my middle son and a few years older than my daughter. When we first started dating I told my kids nothing about him, they knew his name and thats it. BUT they saw I was happy and looked forward to going out with him. (No clue why they never asked for more details about him)... anyway, after about a month or so I decided to invite him over for dinner and movies (too soon for some maybe, but its not like I have little ones at home who needed to be eased into this), my thinking at the time, I pay all the bills why cant I use the comfort of my own home? It's not that I didnt care what my kids thought, but I knew if I was going to continue this relationship it was going to come out sooner or later anyway.
    When Sean came over I kept everything matter of fact, like this wasnt out of the usual. Wednesday ended up being the night best for both of us to have dinner and watch some movies...now you have to understand, my kids are all older, they eat out all the time with thier friends and are never home for dinner any more, so it was kinda funny when they all started to be home and at the dinner table on wednesdays. Its not that they just all up and accepted Sean, but they were raised to be respectful of others and they did treat him well,and it wasnt too long before we all looked forward to this night together. It was nice to hear my kids ask *is Sean coming over tonight?*
    Wednesday nights dont happen too much anymore (both our work schedules have changed), but now on the weekends, we usually go out to dinner with my daughter and her bf (or is it they come out with us cause I pay for them? haha) When we get home its not unusaul for my daughter and her bf to hang out with us for a bit and talk, or watch a movie together. The standing joke in our house is, *I cant believe my bf is older than yours* (said by my daughter). My middle son and his gf thinks it awesome we are together...
    I guess what I'm trying to say (the long way) is I didnt make a big deal about any of it. It was all just casual, matter of fact and my kids accepted what my lead was. I think if I had approached this with a *what do you think* attitude, maybe it wouldnt have gone so smoothly...I dont know.
    No one knows your kids like you do, for me it was just this is how it is and there ya go...
    Not that their opinion didnt matter, but like my mom said...*what happens when you alter your life to please your children and they go off to live their lives and your left sitting home alone because you passed up happiness for them?* Doesnt mean you dont love or respect your kids...just means sometimes you have to love yourself first too.

    Best of luck to you...

    Eileen

  5. #5
    Bella's Avatar
    Bella is offline Senior Member
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    Hi, my guy and I have been together over 5 years now. Also met online, in-game.

    He's 23. My kids are 32, 30, 28, and 12.

    My 28 year old daughter was always our biggest supporter. Her husband, not so much, but he's great now. My 30 year old son and his wife are our best friends. My kids are just glad that I'm happy, and as my son said, that they won't have to take care of me when I'm old, since I have him.

    My 12 year old loves him, well, as much as she loves either of us these days, the age of eye rolling has begun.

    It is a gift. And if you're lucky, those who are closest to you will also see it as that.
    OHJA likes this.

  6. #6
    kmvalade Guest
    Thank you for the welcomes!...and for the insights. I appreciate your sharing Eileen, nice to be reminded that all I have to do is keep things matter of fact and it will work out.

    I'm pleasantly surprised at those comments of having met your YM's through online gaming. It is an interesting way to get to know someone.

    Cheers to all!

    JC'sBabe

  7. #7
    marcy Guest
    Hey JC... I also met my hubby in an online game, There. I have 4 kids, 2 very close to my hubby's age and 2 young children. I am 38 and he's 21. We've been together 3+ years.

    I laughed when I read about the standing joke Snow posted. My daughter's b/fs have all been older than my hubby and we often joke about that too.

    The kids were great and supportive.

  8. #8
    kmvalade Guest

    update on telling the kids..

    Well, I am totally surprised. All the energy I was putting into worrying about telling my kids.... All great responses. My son, who is 26, is the only one who showed a bit of concern. They just want to see me happy! I also told my mother who didn't even bat an eye.

    I feel more confident now. JC is such a phenomenal person! He offered for me to give my family/friends his phone number as he would be happy to talk with them.

    JCsBabe

  9. #9
    earl_wh is offline Senior Member
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    Congratulations, Kmvalade!

    It sounds like you've got a great mother, great kids, and a guy who makes you happy and whom you make happy in return. You're a very lucky person, and it sounds like your YM is a very lucky guy as well.

  10. #10
    kmvalade Guest
    Thanks Earl! I feel very blessed =)

  11. #11
    mawma7 is offline Neophyte
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    My daughter's thoughts...

    One of my daughter's just turned 42, the age of my YM... she said "Mom, I'd be embarrassed to have any of our friends see you and Christopher together" and I asked her, because he's black, she said "No, because he's my age" .... what does that matter if he makes me happy?? I don't understand some people. Also, my youngest daughter has dis-owned me because I choose to date black men, she changed her phone number even and de-friended me on FB, and hasn't spoke to me or let me see my grandchildren for 8 months now... who can figure?? Shouldn't they just want their Mother to be happy? I raised 6 kids and buried 2 husbands, now this should be MY TIME, shouldn't it? It's too sad, but I wouldn't trade my YM for anything... He is awesome and treats me like a queen.

  12. #12
    adbmon21 is offline Member
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    Talking

    Quote Originally Posted by mawma7 View Post
    One of my daughter's just turned 42, the age of my YM... she said "Mom, I'd be embarrassed to have any of our friends see you and Christopher together" and I asked her, because he's black, she said "No, because he's my age" .... what does that matter if he makes me happy?? I don't understand some people. Also, my youngest daughter has dis-owned me because I choose to date black men, she changed her phone number even and de-friended me on FB, and hasn't spoke to me or let me see my grandchildren for 8 months now... who can figure?? Shouldn't they just want their Mother to be happy? I raised 6 kids and buried 2 husbands, now this should be MY TIME, shouldn't it? It's too sad, but I wouldn't trade my YM for anything... He is awesome and treats me like a queen.
    Mawma, enjoy youself cause you deserve it.

  13. #13
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    I am older than my mother-in-law and father in law.
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  14. #14
    Belisama's Avatar
    Belisama is offline I love being a redhead!
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    Gotta admit, the timing of this thread's revival couldn't be better. I'm being pursued rather relentlessly by someone who's more than 20 years younger than I am and, after a two year long relationship with a man my own age, I find all of the same old questions I had when I first joined Ageless resurfacing.

    He's young, gorgeous, hard-working....he watched his father die when he was 7, took on the "man of the house" role and then took on the task of being a single dad to his little brother when his mom (who never really got over her husband's death) walked out on her sons 11 years later. He is seriously a one-in-a-million guy. And he thinks I'm one in a million, too.

    I can't quite put a finger on why but the prospect of this terrifies me. I think it's because, after all these years, through trial and error (with a little daydreaming thrown in), I finally have a list of "everything I could possibly hope for in a guy" and he fits like a glove. I guess I forgot to add an age range to my list. I think, if some sort of crystal ball could tell me he really would stay by my side til death do us part, I wouldn't be so nervous. That's not so much to ask, is it??

  15. #15
    truckman Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by Belisama View Post
    I think, if some sort of crystal ball could tell me he really would stay by my side til death do us part, I wouldn't be so nervous. That's not so much to ask, is it??
    There are two broad categories of "relationship mindset" - Those who focus on "destinations" such as marriage, children, till death do we part, i.e. milestones - and those who focus on the journey and progression rather than specific destinations.

    All of us have elements of both, and to varying degrees of course. Which we are depends on our own psychological make up.

    Neither is right or wrong, just something to think about.

    I'm recently turned 44, and my girlfriend recently turned 21. We're both journey people, and that's good for us because "'til death do us part" really means *my* death at least statistically for all the obvious reasons.

    I have generally found through observation and experience, that dissimilar-minded people (in this regard) struggle a bit more than like-minded people. Not saying it's impossible to mix - of course not - but it does add a little "stuff" to the mix, that's all.

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