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Thread: Will Our Age Gap Ultimately Proove Too Much?

  1. #1
    TMAN is offline Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    New York

    Will Our Age Gap Ultimately Proove Too Much?

    Not to put the cart ahead of the horse here, but the recent turn of events with this really awesome OW I've been hanging out with named Susan has me thinking.

    I'm a 37-year-old writer and public relations consultant in New York who has always dated older women with varying degrees of success. Anyway, Susan is an absolutely adorable 60-year-old artist who could easly pass for 45 and we met at a restuarant in our neighborhood on Valentine's Day. After a few dates, she started putting on the breaks and I backed off, but luckily she came around and we've been seeing each other again (an average of three or four times a week for the past month).

    Nothing at all sexual yet mind you (and I'm not pushing), though it's clear there's a mutual attraction, we both dig each other and she is a wonderful companion. In fact, for my 37th birthday last week she told me that she was giving me a drawing of myself, which touched me beyond words and I'm going over to her place to pose for it tomorrow and then were having dinner. She also touched me very deeply today when she called to ask if I'd won a new client for my freelance PR busines, which I did.

    Long story short, it's really turning into something very sweet and tender, and my question is whether or not it can ever be romantic given our 23 age difference.

    Again, I'm really not trying to put the cart ahead of the horse here, but it's got me to thinking--especially since none of my other OW relationships have ever really worked out because of the age difference--plus the fact that she's leaving for Vermont where she spends her summers in six weeks.

    Her leaving isn't the part that worries me (she's already invited me to come see her, which I will and I'm going to be getting her mail and looking after her apartment here while she's gone). Rather, it's the age difference and whether or not it can ever work long-term, which I have issues about, too, plus the fact that I have a number of other OW friends, particularly Sharon (the lady 17 years my senior I've posted here about before whom I share dogs with). FYI, Sharon who has always thought I was too young for her and has a long history of going out with loosers her own age has just broken up with yet another guy who turned out to be wrong for her, and in the meantime I've met this wonderful person named Susan whom I probably wouldn't have met at all had Sharon not been going out with yet another bum.

    But back to Susan, I'm here again more than anything else for moral support and understading because she and I do have a BLAST together and as of now it's a very positive thing regardless of what the future holds. One thing I do know for sure is that I don't want to just have a fling with her and that I'm trying to keep my concerns at bay and my feet on the groud.

    As always, any thoughts would be most appreciated.

  2. #2
    Inahnia Guest
    Hang in there TMAN...just continue to take it slow and see what happens. Sheila gave good honest with yourself and with your lady friends.

    I'm quite sure if you do a little digging around on this site you will find age gaps like yours that have worked/are working. If it's right for you, you won't have any doubts, or at least they won't be big enough to make much difference.

  3. #3
    ROSEBUD Guest
    It sounds like you are allowing your fears and insecurities to dictate your feelings. Allow things to develop and the universe will tell you what it right. Don't resist and don't push...just be open to the experience and where it naturally will lead. It's not going to be the actually number of years in the age gap..23 vs. 17 vs. 10 vs. whatever that is the's ultimately going to be about two people connecting, trusting, committing and loving...and accepting all that goes along with it.

    Keep in mind that there are scores of couples who get married every day who look great on paper. They "should" be living happily ever after, but we know that many will not. So it's not always what's on your resume that counts or will determine what will work.

  4. #4
    earl_wh is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2005

    Rosebud gave you some excellent advice

    You're obviously attracted to each other, are good friends (which in my opinion is the MOST important thing in any relationship that has any real chance of lasting), and seem to bring out the best in each other. That's a pretty solid basis for a relationship.

    Do yourself a favor, and stop letting fear run your life. There are plenty of relationships here where there's a bigger age gap than the two of you have, and some of them have lasted a long time. Take a look at the recent post on the thread about how big is your age difference, where the guy is 46 years younger than his lady, and they've been together for 7 years now.

    You're probably not the only guy who finds Susan attractive, so don't wait too long to let her know that you're interested in her as more than a friend (although I suspect she already realizes it at some level, and that the attraction is mutual). And realize that the burden is going to be on you to make your interest clear. Most women who are attracted to a significantly younger guy are afraid to make their interest too clear, for fear of being thought an "old fool" if they're mistaken, and it's not reciprocated. And many women are insecure about whether they could REALLY be attractive to a significantly younger guy. In addition, there's the fact that for people Susan's age (and I'm within a year of her age), it's simply expected that the man will be the "pursuer," much more than I gather is the case with most people of your age.

    And finally, don't worry about the effect on the possibility of a relationship with Sharon. Anybody can make a mistake (or even more than one), but anybody who is in their 50's and has a long history of being attracted to losers probably isn't going to break out of that pattern anytime soon.

  5. #5
    Belisama's Avatar
    Belisama is offline I love being a redhead!
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Feet firmly planted on the ground
    One step at a time, TMAN, one step at a time. Yes, it can work... I cannot stand my ex mother-in-law but I do thank her for one thing. That woman showed me that 60 is FAR from being near the end of life's journey. So. That said, if this really turns into something genuinely romantic and tender then who knows? you could easily have another amazing 20 years (or more!) together. Then again, who knows? Something could happen to either one of you next week. Don't "what if" yourself to death - life's too short to waste it on the things that might be. Enjoy what is and take it from there.

    p.s. okay, I can't stand it. you're a writer and a PR consultant, man! It's "prove" and "losers" (one 'o,' not two! ...and I won't say anything about the punctuation... isn't that terrible of me?? mea culpa - I'm sorry!)

  6. #6
    Gabby Guest
    Actually, your age difference is about the same as Mary Tyler Moore's and her doctor husband...

  7. #7
    special K's Avatar
    special K is offline dedicated member :-)
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Pacific Northwest
    Actually, your age difference is about the same as Mary Tyler Moore's and her doctor husband...
    and mine and my husband's:

    Jake= 28 (29 next month)
    Me= 51 (52 in October)

    23 years.

    If the commitment is there to see it through to the end regardless of what life, health, etc. brings along the way, it can definitely work. BOTH partners must be on the exact same page about their dedication and love for one another...and when that is in place, it is a wonderful thing.
    "What the caterpillar sees as the end of the world, the butterfly calls wings."

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