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Thread: its been over a month

  1. #1
    walkersam is offline Senior Member
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    its been over a month

    Hi guys, i have heard nothing from him yet and its been over a month. I haven't managed no contact yet but I am getting better. I left him a voice mail at the this morning asking him if we could get together and talk and at least end things differently. Last week was a rough week and I cired alot but I have tried to stay busy. I am not harassing him on his voice mail but just thought I would give it a shot and hope he was finally able to tell me what happened.

    I have been taking ambien at night to help me sleep so last weekend I sent a couple of "drunk" texts to him that were not even understandable but I don't think he saw them cause I think he blocekd me from texting him when he disappeared or at least i hope he didn't see them. I didn't even know I had done it until the next day. Apparently and I did not know this unntil somebody was telling me you can take that to sleep and stil get up and do things and never remember.

    I did go out with a guy I met online thoday for lunch and it was nice. Cheered me up a little but there was no chemistry I didn't think. He was really nice and he knew upfront I just broke up. I told him before I agreed to go out that I could only be friends right now and didn't want to really see anybody yet because it wasn't fair to somebody else. It was a step anyway.
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  2. #2
    Blue-Angel75's Avatar
    Blue-Angel75 is offline Blue Angel
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    Drunk texting never fails hahahhaha I don't drink thank God!


    You seem to be holding your grounds with pride and control..for the most part.

    I remember reading your story and the active thread you started about your break up.

    hang tight would ya!?? I heard that with time the breakup pain will only get better.----I take 9mgs of melontonin. Our body produces this hormone...there are no recorded side effect.
    I absolutely love your idea about having better closure though, I hope this works for you, and that it allows for a new channel of energy to flow.


    Blue Angel
    "Mimic what successful people are doing, copy it, practice it, costumize it so that it suits you, I promise you this: you will not fail!"
    "If you don't create an opportunity, you will never experience failure--therefore never really experience successes" Both by me!

    If you flirt with me, I may just flirt right back at ya!

  3. #3
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    Having closure is nice, but not everybody gets it.

    I promise you that the no-contact, or the practically-no-contact will get easier every day.

    When you decide to go out on a date, do it for friendship, not for love. Try and find in the other person all the great things that could make this person a friend. At least you will end up with a couple more good friends from this difficult time.

    Big hug
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    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  4. #4
    gorillagirl Guest
    hi from europe. ambien and other sleep meds can be really dangerous and cause forgetfulness and depression. please try to deal with this break up without medication.
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  5. #5
    walkersam is offline Senior Member
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    Hi gg, hope your trip is going well!
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  6. #6
    soul is offline Senior Member
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    To be honest WW even if you got a reply back in any form from him, the only answer you would get is ' I don't know why I do/did it', true to his old form, he won't ever give you the closure you're seeking and honest answers. He's never it seems been truely open with you about his behaviour. You only lasted as long as you did, because you're a forgiving soul always looking for the good in him and tried to empathise.

    I know everyone says 'you deserve better' as stock line to feed someone when they're feeling heart broken, but you genuinly do deserve better. You haven't done anything wrong here and he's just shown himself to be the spineless twit he obviously is. Not even after two years you had together? with you the innocent party in all his f'ked up world and patience you've shown him is he even willing say goodbye.

    I'm glad you're going on dates, it will at least take your mind off him
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  7. #7
    walkersam is offline Senior Member
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    As bad as it hurts, I am not sure its done. I realized that whatever is wrong with him, he isn't doing it on purpose but truly can't talk to me right now. That doesn't make it right or better but that realization did make me realize that every time I try to contact him, I am not helping either of us. So I am giving up trying to get any kind of answers or trying to apologize for going off on him. I ran into him on the dating site we met on a few ngiths ago showing he was available to chat and I tried to get him to talk to me but he wouldn't answer yes or no he just got offline. Whatever is going on with him, I can't help him. Anyway, I am on day 2 of no contact at all.

    My date Sunday was nice but no chemistry. I am meeting a soldier from Ft Campbell tomorrow night who is 40 and so handsome. He is hispanic and has the best smile that just lights up his pics. I can't wait.

    The guy I was in an ldr with is also back in the country. He got ahold of me not too long ago and we have been keeping in touch. He says he is retiring next year.

  8. #8
    gorillagirl Guest
    i had no contact with a friend for 8 months. it was incredibly difficult. we connected again and now we are best buddies again. sometimes alot of space is required for perspective. trip is going well. will be back in the usa a week from now.

  9. #9
    maryb is offline Member
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    Really sorry for your pain, honestly, but contacting him right now is a bad idea. Men and women process things differently; women for the most part want to talk and discuss, men don't, and when they think a woman is going to get emotional they head for the hills. They also feel flooded because they can't really handle emotions and discuss at the same time; of course there are exceptions but for the most part that's how it is. Apart from that, maybe he's just not worthy of your time and emotional energy. Give yourself time to heal and leave it. Maybe (a friend told me this) try a bit of cognitive therapy for yourself - have a jar and some pebbles, every time you think of him put a pebble in the jar, and then go and do something else. The pebbles will soon add up and you'll stop feeling less like a victim of his decisions, and that in itself will make you feel stronger. It will get better, just now it's going to be a bit turbulent and you can expect that. Best wishes.
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  10. #10
    walkersam is offline Senior Member
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    hmmm, I renamed him cowardly chicken**** in my phone so when I decide I need to talk to him, I will remember why I can't.

    I had a very nice date tonight with a 41 yr old soldier stationed here. A little chubbier than his pics online but he was really nice. He is retiring from the military next year and has done two tours in Afghanistan and one in Iraq. We had a nice time and he was very pleasant. Anyway, I enjoyed it so I have went out twice this week
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  11. #11
    chi77 Guest
    hi ww. once again sorry you are going through this pain. so many of us have been there and we are pulling for you.

    when you feel like you "should" or "need" to talk to him, because you want to apologize, or want closure, or whatever you are telling your self to justify it, think hard about why you are really wanting to talk to him.

    soon you will begin to see that you are actually feeling better without him in your life, and the thought of jumping back on that emotional roller coaster will sound like a really bad idea.

    until then be strong and force yourself to stay away. you are an awesome lady and will find an awesome guy who appreciates you. give yourself some time and take care of yourself.

  12. #12
    walkersam is offline Senior Member
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    thanks guys! good call gg! I saw my therapist today and told him what was going on and that my dtr had given me ambien to sleep. He said the ambien had to go because it would make things worse and I think I was feeling better before I started taking it. I would never had ask him if it wasn't for you pointing it out.

    I am going to get some melantonin this weekend and see if that helps any.
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  13. #13
    Blue-Angel75's Avatar
    Blue-Angel75 is offline Blue Angel
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    Quote Originally Posted by walkersam View Post
    thanks guys! good call gg! I saw my therapist today and told him what was going on and that my dtr had given me ambien to sleep. He said the ambien had to go because it would make things worse and I think I was feeling better before I started taking it. I would never had ask him if it wasn't for you pointing it out.

    I am going to get some melantonin this weekend and see if that helps any.
    Great decision!
    In Canada this supplement comes in 3mgs per tab.
    I find that 9mgs puts me down 30 minutes later and I can generally sleep for at least 6 hours or more.
    No drowsiness, no mood swings, or water retention, head aches, or any other negative side effect from usage or long term usage.


    Hugs!


    Blue Angel
    "Mimic what successful people are doing, copy it, practice it, costumize it so that it suits you, I promise you this: you will not fail!"
    "If you don't create an opportunity, you will never experience failure--therefore never really experience successes" Both by me!

    If you flirt with me, I may just flirt right back at ya!

  14. #14
    walkersam is offline Senior Member
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    thanks Blue Angel. I didn't take the ambien last night and did ok though I was restless. The big thing was I wasn't weepy today and felt happy most of the day. That was huge!
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  15. #15
    christina923 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by walkersam View Post
    hmmm, I renamed him cowardly chicken**** in my phone so when I decide I need to talk to him, I will remember why I can't.

    I had a very nice date tonight with a 41 yr old soldier stationed here. A little chubbier than his pics online but he was really nice. He is retiring from the military next year and has done two tours in Afghanistan and one in Iraq. We had a nice time and he was very pleasant. Anyway, I enjoyed it so I have went out twice this week

    WHY would you keep him in your phone????
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