AgeMatch.com - the best dating site for inter-generational lovers!  

Results 1 to 9 of 9
Like Tree2Likes
  • 1 Post By Row
  • 1 Post By Mebel

Thread: Moving?

  1. #1
    Row's Avatar
    Row
    Row is offline Neophyte
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    16

    Moving?

    Hey all!

    I hope to get some interesting advice/stories again, as I always have!

    On to the topic: my boyfriend asked me whether I would be interested in moving in with him next schoolyear (he studies at university). It's still almost a year from now, but he likes to plan and talk things over. We'd have to decide by May, because then the contract on my current flat would need to be renewed for a year.
    I would certainly like to move in with him by then (we'd be a couple for more than 1,5 year at that time). We've started discussing possible problems, and we'll also certainly talk about our financial situations and how we both want things to be arranged and probably anything more we can come up with. Like I said, he loves (over)thinking these things. And so do I for that matter...
    I'd also like to add that I have lived together with my ex for about 10 years while he has never even had a roommate before. On the positive side, we spent a week together in a tent on a rainy and muddy festival this summer (his first festival! Made me feel so old already ) and he spent 2 weeks with me in my tiny one-room flat and he said he loved it. He'll also be coming over for 2 weeks right after Christmas and with some luck I'll have a job by then so he can see what it's like to live with someone who's never home and completely exhausted in the evening

    The main issue is that he lives in a different country. I've always wanted to move to a different country at some point, so that's a positive (my parents and other relatives are also well aware of this) and I'll be moving from one EU country to another, so there won't be too much paperwork involved. I'm fluent in the language they speak there (English) and though I may have a disadvantage for finding a job there because I'm a foreigner, I hope the fact that I have work experience in international companies and speak two other European languages (apart from English) may help a bit. I realise I'd have a lot of things to arrange and I may be leaving behind more than I think (though I wouldn't move a huge distance away either). While we're from countries that are practically neighbours (apart from the sea in between ), there are differences in mentality and culture that I noticed already.

    I know there are some couples here who started out as LDR and have moved in together. I'd like to get some stories from them especially but if others have some input, I'd be more than happy to read about that. After all, moving in together is a big step, even when it doesn't involve moving to a different country.
    What were the most difficult things about moving to another country or having someone from a different country move in with you? What were things you would have liked to do differently maybe? Were there issues that you didn't think of before arranging the move? I know my boyfriend probably wouldn't be talking to me about this already if I had lived closer and was able to see him often but he's sure he wants to at least try this. What were the reasons you decided to live together? Perhaps there were things that you thought would be more difficult than they turned out to be? Everybody's different, so it would be nice to hear about different people's experiences.

    Thank you!
    Mebel likes this.

  2. #2
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Panama
    Posts
    4,054
    I think that the main problems that my husband and I had when he moved here will not apply to you. These problems were: the migration/labor situation, the language issue, the HUGE cultural gap.

    What issues could you possibly face...? Hmm. Not knowing your way around town. Small cultural differences. A certain vulnerability concerning your living situation. After all it's not like you can just pick up and move back to your own country.

    I think that what you could do is to visit him for a shorter period to see if you like the feeling.
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  3. #3
    Row's Avatar
    Row
    Row is offline Neophyte
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    16
    Quote Originally Posted by SheLikesKitties View Post
    I think that what you could do is to visit him for a shorter period to see if you like the feeling.
    That is something we thought about, but it would be hard to do. I have visited the country a few times for a few days and I like it mostly, but I was a tourist. For the moment he lives in a small student dorm room with a single bed so if I visit him for more than a short weekend, I would need to stay at a hotel. Unfortunately I don't have the money right now to visit him as I'm currently unemployed. If we decide not to move in together yet next year, he said he'll rent a small flat with a double bed so I can at least stay over for longer.

    I realise the change for me won't be as big as it was in your situation. I don't know how I'll cope with not being able to rely on my family. I don't ask them for help often, but for the moment it feels safe to know that they're close. I think I'll need to be sure I can count as much on my boyfriend as I count on my family.

    I also wonder if it won't be annoying for my boyfriend to have to help me understand his country, the customs and the laws there. I hope I don't annoy him too much with that.

  4. #4
    gorillagirl Guest
    I'm wondering which two countries you two are from. Might help us to make some suggestions.

  5. #5
    trolleycar's Avatar
    trolleycar is offline I still play with trains
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Glenford, NY
    Posts
    292
    I would say that Row is living in the UK at this because she called the home the Flat and that her Male friend (he studies at university).
    My girl friend lives in the south east part of London uses the terms Flat and at university a lot. Where here in the US we would say apartment not Flat and we would say going to collage not going to university.
    One other thing I believe any person how will move the another country is a lot braver the I am. My Girl friend is going to move to the States shortly.
    And I keep Telling her she in a lot braver then I. When I moved out of New York City ( Queens County) up to the Catskill Mountains of New York State was a major tremor for me.
    And just the idea to moving to an other country well may be Canada I could handle.
    My family have lived in the United States from before it was the United States. One of my relatives was killed at the Battle of Breeds Hill better know as the Battle of Bunker Hill for the folks that are not from New England.
    I do not think I would move to a country where I did not speak the language.
    As Winston Churchill once said the Americans and the British are separated be a common language.
    What ever you desire to do about moving to be with your your guy. Take it easy and it will work out.

  6. #6
    Mebel's Avatar
    Mebel is offline OWYM AG 29 yrs
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    609
    Quote Originally Posted by trolleycar View Post
    I would say that Row is living in the UK at this because she called the home the Flat and that her Male friend (he studies at university).
    My girl friend lives in the south east part of London uses the terms Flat and at university a lot. Where here in the US we would say apartment not Flat and we would say going to collage not going to university.

    In my country, in dutch language, we also use these words; flat(English) or appartement(French) and universiteit (Latin)/university.
    Research universities in the Netherlands are institutions of tertiary education. Their focus is towards academic education and scientific research. They are accredited to confer bachelor's, master's and doctoral degrees.

    Universities of Applied Science in the Netherlands is the official Englisch term for institutions of tertiare education that in the Dutch are called "hogeschool". Their focus is towards professional education rather than scientific research.
    They are accredited to confer bachelor's,masters and professional engineer's(abbreviated ing.)degrees.
    While the literal translation of hogeschool is "high school" the level is equal to that of a Vocational University. They can also be compared with colleges, polytechnics, and universities of applied arts.
    I have received my education and degrees on such hogeschool.

    Row I wish you a lot of succes with all your plans , and crossing the Noordzee!
    Last edited by Mebel; 10-18-2012 at 07:04 AM.
    Row likes this.

  7. #7
    Row's Avatar
    Row
    Row is offline Neophyte
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    16
    Quote Originally Posted by gorillagirl View Post
    I'm wondering which two countries you two are from. Might help us to make some suggestions.
    Yes, that makes sense I would be moving from Belgium to the UK (Sheffield). It might not seem like a big distance, but it is a completely different country. I would be a lot less worried if I was moving to a different country in Western Europe, because it seems to me that the UK has quite a different mentality (in general of course) than the mainland of Europe.

  8. #8
    Row's Avatar
    Row
    Row is offline Neophyte
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    16
    Quote Originally Posted by trolleycar View Post
    I would say that Row is living in the UK at this because she called the home the Flat and that her Male friend (he studies at university).
    My girl friend lives in the south east part of London uses the terms Flat and at university a lot. Where here in the US we would say apartment not Flat and we would say going to collage not going to university.
    One other thing I believe any person how will move the another country is a lot braver the I am. My Girl friend is going to move to the States shortly.
    And I keep Telling her she in a lot braver then I. When I moved out of New York City ( Queens County) up to the Catskill Mountains of New York State was a major tremor for me.
    And just the idea to moving to an other country well may be Canada I could handle.
    My family have lived in the United States from before it was the United States. One of my relatives was killed at the Battle of Breeds Hill better know as the Battle of Bunker Hill for the folks that are not from New England.
    I do not think I would move to a country where I did not speak the language.
    As Winston Churchill once said the Americans and the British are separated be a common language.
    What ever you desire to do about moving to be with your your guy. Take it easy and it will work out.
    Thank you for the encouragement! I'm from Belgium, but my English teacher used to fail us if we used "American English"

    How does your girlfriend feel about moving to a different country?

    (Can I also add, while this is not relevant to the thread, that I'm always amazed at how much people in the US know about their family history? I find that fascinating and I wish I knew some more interesting stories about my lineage )

  9. #9
    Harp girl's Avatar
    Harp girl is offline Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    Norway
    Posts
    74
    I moved from the US to Germany to be with my ex. To be completely honest the first two years were hell. Reasons: I was learning the langauge, culture shock, difficult to make friends with the culture of the region I lived in and in denial about my depression.

    When you move to another country you will have a bit of culture shock, regardless. However the more flexiable and outgoing you are the easier it will be. I moved with my ex to Norway two years ago. Again, culture shock, but it was slightly easier this time around.

    What you have going for you: you know the language. That will be very helpful. You're already EU so visas and that @#$%!@% won't be a problem.

    Living in another culture is an enriching experience and I wouldn't give up my time in Germany or Norway to spite the rough start.

    Best of luck to you!

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •