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Thread: What Do You Think of This Statement?

  1. #1
    lily is offline Member
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    What Do You Think of This Statement?

    I have not been to this site in a long time but your feedback would be greatly appreciated!

    What would you think if the guy whom you're dating stated, "You will get exactly what you put into this relationship."?

  2. #2
    Redhead's Avatar
    Redhead is offline Senior Member
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    I am afraid when you just mention this one sentence and no context then nobody is really going to be able to help you. In what situation did he say this to you?
    Had something gone wrong?

    He may be testing the waters or he may feel that he is doing more than you. But - again - without a context these are just wild guesses.

  3. #3
    lily is offline Member
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    We are both in our 40's. Knew each other in college. Many years later, he contacted me during his very acrimonious divorce (now divorced). Please note that the term "dating" is used very, very loosely. I should say it's a telephonic/texting association.

    He and I were arguing about his perception of my response to something he said. It was the second time that he made that statement. The first was sometime ago. He says that he loves me but I don't believe him because there are no actions to support his statement. Apparently, I should just take him at his word.

    (BTW - he lives on the west coast and I on the east coast.) He says that he loves me and that's why he does not pursue me. CRAZY!!!! The first time that he made that statement, he stated, "You want me to pursue you but do you pursue me? Do you send me flowers?" [Is he for real?]

    The second time was shortly after he indicated that he would include me on a contract if awarded to him. [I actually have one contract that I was going to include him on but changed my mind.] He later made the comment, "then you will be left behind." My unspoken view of this is xx% of $0 is $0. I HAVE a contract>>>> xx% of $xx is $xx. I will appreciate your feedback - as far as I am concerned, he is dishing major crap! He says that I give up on him easily and sees me as being unreasonable, illogical!

    BTW:

    Birthday - no card, flowers, nothing.
    Xmas, New year - nothing
    Visits - none

    Is this madness?

  4. #4
    soul is offline Senior Member
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    You kinda lost me on the explanation. But just going by the first entry you made, he's right and that applies to anyone.

  5. #5
    Blue-Angel75's Avatar
    Blue-Angel75 is offline Blue Angel
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    Quote Originally Posted by soul View Post
    You kinda lost me on the explanation. But just going by the first entry you made, he's right and that applies to anyone.

    I am with you on that one too Soul.


    But going on forward it would be really hard to break down a msg like such, because it really depends on what context it has been said.
    Also, text is one of the best yet worst form of communication, since there is no entonation to words. Words have no life, so an expression can mean many different things.

    The fact that you have not kept in contact with this man for so so many years...well it's going to take some investment in your part to get to know him and what he is about.



    Keep us posted would you!!



    Blue Angel
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    If you flirt with me, I may just flirt right back at ya!

  6. #6
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    Quote Originally Posted by lily View Post
    I have not been to this site in a long time but your feedback would be greatly appreciated!

    What would you think if the guy whom you're dating stated, "You will get exactly what you put into this relationship."?
    No matter the context, to me, that sounds like the expression of a petty accountant.
    We seldom get EXACTLY what we put into a relationship. Sometimes we get more, sometimes we get less, sometimes we get more of this, but less of that.

    There are times in our lives when we have more to give, but there are difficult times in our lives when we need to receive. And/or, sometimes some people just have more to give, because their lives have always been more full of love and positive moments than the life of an unfortunate partner.

    I would not get into a relationship where books will be kept about what we each put into the relationship. This sounds like:

    Flowers for $25 for valentines should get him a $25 silk tie.
    A BJ with a street value of $10 should get you a $10 pizza dinner at Pizza Hut.
    gorillagirl, lily, Redhead and 5 others like this.
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  7. #7
    gorillagirl Guest
    The Beatles said this: "And in the end, the love you take, is equal to the love you make."
    Maybe he meant it in this way? Instead of dwelling on a statement that isn't clear to me, I always tell my dude "I don't really understand what you mean. Can you please explain that in another way?" It's helpful because it makes him re-think his own statement and it gives me another opportunity to deepen my understanding of his thought process/feelings/intentions, etc. Maybe you can go back to your guy and ask him. Or use that in the future.
    kitkat620 likes this.

  8. #8
    lily is offline Member
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    Thank you all for your response. It is indeed appreciated! SheLikesKitties, that's my sentiments. Let me try to be clearer because I truly need some objective feedback on this issue.

    He made the statement, "You will get exactly what you put into this relationship" on two occasions.

    First time:

    He told me that he loved me. I told him that I did not believe him because there were no "actions" that supported his declaration of love. He told me that I should take him at his word and that he knew that I wanted him to pursue me. He then asked me, "Do you pursue me? Do you send me flowers? You will get exactly what you put into this relationship."

    [P.S.: This is coming from someone who has NEVER sent me a birthday/Xmas/New Years card/telephone call or flowers. This is coming from someone who told me that he DOES NOT pursue me because he loves me. SMH]


    Second time:

    He made the same statement last night. During a telephone call he told me that he plans to submit a proposal to the federal government and, if he is awarded a contract, he will include me. I said "Fine!" A couple of minutes later he said, "You may be left behind!". I asked him what did he mean, he said, "You will get exactly what you put into this relationship."

    [Here's a little background info: a few weeks ago I received a contract and wanted to include him on the team to provide IT services. Certain events occurred and I changed my mind because I don't trust him.]

    Here's hoping that my summary above is now clear.

  9. #9
    chi77 Guest
    sounds more like a business transaction than a love affair.

    where is the passion, kindness, generosity?
    lily likes this.

  10. #10
    gorillagirl Guest
    IMHO, if you're not having visits, you're not in a successful relationship.
    SheLikesKitties, lily and Redhead like this.

  11. #11
    lily is offline Member
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    sounds more like a business transaction than a love affair.

    where is the passion, kindness, generosity?
    Exactly!


    IMHO, if you're not having visits, you're not in a successful relationship.
    I concur!

  12. #12
    Redhead's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SheLikesKitties View Post
    No matter the context, to me, that sounds like the expression of a petty accountant.
    We seldom get EXACTLY what we put into a relationship. Sometimes we get more, sometimes we get less, sometimes we get more of this, but less of that.

    There are times in our lives when we have more to give, but there are difficult times in our lives when we need to receive. And/or, sometimes some people just have more to give, because their lives have always been more full of love and positive moments than the life of an unfortunate partner.

    I would not get into a relationship where books will be kept about what we each put into the relationship. This sounds like:

    Flowers for $25 for valentines should get him a $25 silk tie.
    A BJ with a street value of $10 should get you a $10 pizza dinner at Pizza Hut.
    This statement is so brilliant. Every word of it. SLK, I wish I could triple-like your statement. It sure would be worth it.
    When I have read the entire tread, I will post a comment. I am still not done reading, but I liked your comment soooo much. You rock!

  13. #13
    Redhead's Avatar
    Redhead is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by chi77 View Post
    sounds more like a business transaction than a love affair.

    where is the passion, kindness, generosity?
    Exactly!!!
    And I went out with a petty accountant for half a year. It was hell.

  14. #14
    Redhead's Avatar
    Redhead is offline Senior Member
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    Hi, sorry for not responding to your post earlier. I am on vacation, and I was running errands outside the house.

    You said "He told me that he loved me. I told him that I did not believe him because there were no "actions" that supported his declaration of love. He told me that I should take him at his word and that he knew that I wanted him to pursue me. He then asked me, "Do you pursue me? Do you send me flowers? You will get exactly what you put into this relationship."

    This sounds so sick and sickening. If a guy talked to me like that, I would bolt for good. He should want to pursue you front the bottom of his heart instead of ranting about what he wants you to do. He obviously wants you to invest the same kind of money that HE THINKS you hope to get out of this. It sounds like a business deal.
    In connection with the context in which he said this sentence the second time, to me it sounds like he is looking for a woman on whom he surely does not have to spend one cent more than she spends on him (--> in reality he hopes the woman will spend more on him than he does on her, but he does not have the balls to speak that out aloud).

    In your statement you have found the solution to this yourself: he does not love you, because his actions do not show it!!
    You will meet in your life many people who talk a lot and don't do much, but actions are all that matters. Many people know what other people want to hear and therefore say just that, but as long as the actions are not matching, the words are worthless.

    I am appalled by this guy, and I hope you will reach that point, too.
    SheLikesKitties, Stiletto and lily like this.

  15. #15
    Stiletto's Avatar
    Stiletto is offline Senior Member
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    I have to agree with the above statements that he sounds like a petty penny counter. I'd be long gone if I were you.

    Maybe he does love you, but his idea of love may be something completely incompatible with your idea of love.
    SheLikesKitties and kittylane like this.
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