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Thread: Texting/trusting/breathinnnnng

  1. #1
    RocketGirl's Avatar
    RocketGirl is offline Neophyte
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    Texting/trusting/breathinnnnng

    Good morning, new friends. Tryin' to get a handle on this age gap dating-I'm 43, he's 21. There's also a small distance involved, as we live about 3 hours apart. I haven't dated anyone seriously in a few years, but I'm used to the "old school" dating rituals like, oh having grown up in the same era, living in close proximity, talking on the phone etc. I'm also a very careful thinking, methodical person not prone to moments of impulse.

    I'm not much for extended phone convos, so I'm ok with the texting thing as the main form of communication. But! I find myself checking my phone for his text messages and if hours go by and I don't hear from him, I go into, "Holy crap" mode...HC, has he changed his mind? Met a younger chic? Did he tell someone about us and they told him he was making a mistake and convinced him not to be with me?

    Are these insecurities normal?? How in the world do you deal with them? I don't want to come across as being paranoid or naggy.

    With the younger guy, I know I'm dealing with an entirely different dynamic. Just trying to wrap my own head around it. I wish there was an instruction manual for this sort of relationship LOL

    Thank you for any advice you take the time to impart!

    RG
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  2. #2
    Sophia is offline Neophyte
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    my thoughts

    Keep a track record, write it down if you have to, and see who texts more. You might be suprised to see its actually you that texts him less.

    I can totally relate to the insecurities you talk about. But I don't think the way you feel is necessarily age gap related, but rather something everyone goes through, especially at the beginning of a relationship.

    Easy to blame everything on the age gap

  3. #3
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    Not everybody is into texting. Maybe he is less into texting than you and it does not have to do with the relationship at all. I personally hate texting with a passion and when my friends text me I usually reply with as few words as possible and cut the convo short. I never initiate a text convo.

    I was in a LDR (long distance relationship) for a couple years, and at the time I thought that what mattered was how much prime time he invested in the relationship. And by prime time I mean social prime time, nights, weekends, times when a guy is usually taking a date out.

    A guy could be the most attentive creature during the day, but if he is AWOL every Friday and Saturday night, I know the relationship has not yet reached the serious stage.

    If the relationship is just starting, avoid anything that could be considered nagging. Go out of your way to find fun things to do with your friends or by yourself so your life does not revolve around him (that helps cut down the impulse to nag). Men expect women to nag, so surprise him by not nagging at all.

    Try to switch your mode of communication to phone conversations at night when you both have more time and are relaxed. I am not shy to confess that we were both into hott phone convos.

    PS. Insecurities are normal, and the only way to cure them is through time. The age gap does not have anything to do with it.
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by SheLikesKitties View Post
    Try to switch your mode of communication to phone conversations at night when you both have more time and are relaxed. I am not shy to confess that we were both into hott phone convos.
    This is what me and my OM do. And we let each other know when we won't be online so we don't feel insecure like that

  5. #5
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    I can relate to what you are saying, I think that in any new relationship regardless of age or distance the fist few months can be filled with this, of course you worry about the what if's and what he's doing or not doing. I still find myself checking my phone to see if my SO has contacted me and we've been together for years, every time my phone rings or beeps I hope it's him and if it's not I get a slight disappointment.

    When you do speak how do the conversations go? When you text does he reply back right away? Like someone else said, pay attention to the times and days of the texts. Long distance is also an added stress factor, even though you are only 3 hours apart it's not like you can see each other every day or that much during the week. Are his work hours different than yours, maybe he is busy during the day to text so much.

  6. #6
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    Quote Originally Posted by thatoneperson View Post
    This is what me and my OM do. And we let each other know when we won't be online so we don't feel insecure like that
    This is sooooo important, also out of politeness, I would say. Online meetings should be treated like a date, and if you are going to miss a date, the least thing you can do is tell the other person that the date is off for this or that reason.
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  7. #7
    Stiletto's Avatar
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    I was in a very LDR (Canada - UK) for two years before he moved here for keeps. In the beginning I found it helped to keep track of who initiated contact, and make sure I was not doing it more than half the time. Also, if he takes some time to text you back, do likewise. Don't make it look like you have nothing better to do than check your texts every 5 minutes.

    Just my two cents.

    The insecurity fades with time, and the way he looks at me.
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  8. #8
    Slow Worm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RocketGirl View Post
    I'm 43, he's 21. <> I find myself checking my phone for his text messages and if hours go by and I don't hear from him, I go into, "Holy crap" mode...HC, has he changed his mind?
    No, he is just a normal 43 year old. We grew up without the mobile telephone or the widespread use of e-mail and don't tend to feel the need for frequent electronic contact with the same intensity that seems common in your age group.

    I teach older teenagers and have several times had students pleading to be allowed to keep mobile telephones switched on during lessons because 'I've got a new boyfriend/girlfriend and he/she will think I'm not interested if I don't answer his/her texts' for a whole two hours.

    SW

  9. #9
    wvdreamer's Avatar
    wvdreamer is offline US Navy Retired
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    Red face Text messages

    Quote Originally Posted by RocketGirl View Post
    I'm not much for extended phone convos, so I'm ok with the texting thing as the main form of communication. But! I find myself checking my phone for his text messages and if hours go by and I don't hear from him, I go into, "Holy crap" mode...HC, has he changed his mind? Met a younger chic? Did he tell someone about us and they told him he was making a mistake and convinced him not to be with me?
    It's okay. I just turned 50, and like him I grew up in the snail mail era. However, as I got more acclimated to the technology I actually enjoy it now. He will too.
    John & Stephy - married since November 4, 2003


  10. #10
    Blue-Angel75's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NY10 View Post
    I can relate to what you are saying, I think that in any new relationship regardless of age or distance the fist few months can be filled with this, of course you worry about the what if's and what he's doing or not doing. I still find myself checking my phone to see if my SO has contacted me and we've been together for years, every time my phone rings or beeps I hope it's him and if it's not I get a disappointment. slight

    When you do speak how do the conversations go? When you text does he reply back right away? Like someone else said, pay attention to the times and days of the texts. Long distance is also an added stress factor, even though you are only 3 hours apart it's not like you can see each other every day or that much during the week. Are his work hours different than yours, maybe he is busy during the day to text so much.

    Its so amazing seeing that magic exists past the initial 'honeymoon' phase.

    For me the so-called huney moon phase never dies...of course I have to be head over hills for the phenomenom to take place


    Blue Angel

    P.S. I usually make a special beep or ringer tone for my other significant.
    "Mimic what successful people are doing, copy it, practice it, costumize it so that it suits you, I promise you this: you will not fail!"
    "If you don't create an opportunity, you will never experience failure--therefore never really experience successes" Both by me!

    If you flirt with me, I may just flirt right back at ya!

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Slow Worm View Post
    I teach older teenagers and have several times had students pleading to be allowed to keep mobile telephones switched on during lessons because 'I've got a new boyfriend/girlfriend and he/she will think I'm not interested if I don't answer his/her texts' for a whole two hours.
    SW
    Do you ever respond to that with "omg, tell them you're in class and the instructor requires you to switch off your phone!"?

    For two semesters, I facilitated a 1-credit, Pass/Fail college course that met once a week Attendance was 50+. Students could have their phones on in my class, provided I could answer the call or text if the phone went off during the class period. I got to answer it once.

    After that, whether or not we'd turn off our ringers and not text in class was a moot point.

    MM
    "Our past is a story existing only in our minds. Look, analyze, understand, and forgive. Then, as quickly as possible, chuck it." ~ Marianne Williamson

  12. #12
    Stiletto's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Slow Worm View Post
    No, he is just a normal 43 year old. We grew up without the mobile telephone or the widespread use of e-mail and don't tend to feel the need for frequent electronic contact with the same intensity that seems common in your age group.

    I teach older teenagers and have several times had students pleading to be allowed to keep mobile telephones switched on during lessons because 'I've got a new boyfriend/girlfriend and he/she will think I'm not interested if I don't answer his/her texts' for a whole two hours.

    SW
    I should point out here that RocketGirl is the 43 year old, her YM is the 21 year old. She grew up without the mobile telephone
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  13. #13
    Slow Worm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stiletto View Post
    I should point out here that RocketGirl is the 43 year old, her YM is the 21 year old. She grew up without the mobile telephone
    Ooops. Quite so. Reading in a hurry!

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