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Thread: New Here and What a Ride so Far.

  1. #1
    brinparker's Avatar
    brinparker is offline Member
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    Exclamation New Here and What a Ride so Far.

    Hi everyone. My name is Sabrina and I am a 32 year old mom of 4. I am currently getting a divorce from my husband of 10 years. About a year ago I met my boyfriend, Jimmy (19 in March), thru my kids karate school. He is their instructor. I never thought of him romantically, but always felt a very strong pull and connection to him and he to me. When he found out I was seperated this summer he told me how he felt about me. I was apprehensive about a 13-14 year age gap, but eventually I simply fell for him. He is one of the kindest people I know. He is strong, thoughful, protective, and of course attractive I do not believe I have ever been treated so well before. he adores my kids and they love him too!Not many people know about us as I have been trying to wait until my divorce is over.
    My mom came into town and I asked her to not tell my dad as I didn't want him to judge but actually meet Jimmy first. I knew if he met him he would like him. Well she did and this weekend I received a string of hateful emails and in the end he wants nothing to do with me. ( And yes he means it. he stopped talking to his dad six years before he died over a small argument and didn't even come when grandpa died. I have a very very toxic family) The nice thing is that Jimmy's family is so sweet and supportive of us and my kids. It is very refreshing! Thanks for letting me share. I appreciate any feedback as I am adjusting to the rejection and trying to become secure in a OWYM relationship.
    Mebel and sunny_88 like this.

  2. #2
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    I think my father would do the same thing if I was in your situation. I understand the term "toxic family" quite well!

    Welcome here This is a very warm community and I'm sure you'll find the right advice whenever you need it.
    Blue-Angel75 likes this.

  3. #3
    gorillagirl Guest
    Sorry your dad was such a meanie. Hopefully, he will get a grip once he realizes how happy you are!

  4. #4
    NY10's Avatar
    NY10 is offline Senior Member
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    That's tough, I wish that people would be able to accept people and their relationships regardless of age or anything else that is just not important, it's even harder when your own family has issues with it and resort to mean and nasty fighting. I always say I am for whatever makes someone happy, I don't begrudge anyone happiness, as long as it's legal and no one is getting hurt than what is the problem. Hopefully in time your dad will come around, once he sees that you are happy and Jimmy is a good guy and he isn't going anywhere he might realize that instead of loosing a daughter based solely on who you are dating he can gain a new member of the family (of course down the road being this relationship is still somewhat new).

    I think that when things are new like this (OW/YM) relationships it sometimes takes families and parents sometime to adjust and accept it, I am sure that many members feared telling their families at first and some may have even dealt with what you are dealing with.
    debralee and Mebel like this.

  5. #5
    Sophia is offline Neophyte
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    Hi,
    I'm in a very similar situation to you, but I'm lucky I don't have a judgemental family. I left my husband, I have three children with him, and am now with a man who is 10 years younger. We have been together for two years now and it's the best thing that has happened to me in a long time.

    Please don't let your father's bad behaviour influence you.
    Redhead likes this.

  6. #6
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    I just want to say WELCOME!
    I am glad you are happy with your guy.
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  7. #7
    brinparker's Avatar
    brinparker is offline Member
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    Thank you all so much. I emailed my father yesterday and basically said I am a grown woman who makes choices that are always with my childrens' best intrests in mind. He doesn't have to be my biggest fan nor support me, but judgment is unfair. I left it at that and do not expect to hear anything. Still the email gave me some closure for the time being so I can focus on being happy. I really and thrilled to have found this site with so many happy stories ans stories I can relate to.

  8. #8
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    debralee is offline Senior Member
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    I know you will love it here and I am so happy for you and your YM.

    The issue with your father is sad but I hope you don't allow it to mar or ruin your relationship with the one you love. Abusive emotional manipulation is so painful to deal with from a parent or any loved one for that matter. I am sorry you have to deal with that.

    I have no advice to give. I wish I did. I do hope you won't allow your father to force you to make a choice between a healthy and loving relationship with your YM or an unhealthy emotionally manipulative one with your father.
    Blue-Angel75 and chi77 like this.
    ​​"Life is an adventure, not a prison sentence."

  9. #9
    Blue-Angel75's Avatar
    Blue-Angel75 is offline Blue Angel
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    Hey Debee!! Nice to see you come out for air




    Welcome to the club bringparker!!

    Daphne hit it on the nose so I X 2 her comment



    Blue Angel
    debralee likes this.
    "Mimic what successful people are doing, copy it, practice it, costumize it so that it suits you, I promise you this: you will not fail!"
    "If you don't create an opportunity, you will never experience failure--therefore never really experience successes" Both by me!

    If you flirt with me, I may just flirt right back at ya!

  10. #10
    Angel's Avatar
    Angel is offline Anger Thrives In A Fool
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    Hi Brin! Your age gap is same as my YM and mine. We met (online) when he was 18 and I was 32. I was going through a divorce after 10 years of marriage (though the last 3-4 years we only occupied the same home). I come from a toxic family, too, but my YM's family is extremely nurturing and supportive. I think their support is a large part of the reason our relationship has done so well; not just because of their support, but also the type of man they raised. We are now 25 and 39, married, and have a daughter together. I think dating anyone younger is a scary venture, but when my relationship was new I was particularly scared to be dating someone *so* young. I didn't need anyone to tell me what our chances were, I was well aware how minuscule they felt. I went in without any expectations of longevity and have been pleasantly surprised with the most fulfilling relationship I've ever had. Definitely a "life has bigger plans than I had for myself" moment.

    I'm sorry your father is not accepting of this relationship. It's a shame when parents project their prejudices onto their children instead of being happy that they are happy. Have you considered emailing him back? How do you feel about your Mother's slip? Do you feel it was intentional? Sometimes when someone is toxic their partner will "sacrifice" a child to take the heat off of them (my Mother did it over and over again to me). How do you feel you should move forward with your family? None of these questions require an answer. I'm just putting them out there for something to mull over in your own head.

    The only advice I can give you is that you should live well in spite of what has happened. You deserve that.
    Mebel, Sophia and debralee like this.
    there before the threshold, I saw a brighter world beyond myself

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  11. #11
    brinparker's Avatar
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    Hi Angel, yes by all means it was intentional on my Mother's part. She spent some time giving personal info to my ex as well. Thankfully he and I are on good terms and he came to me with the information and did not automatically believe what my mom said. My mother has played this game many times growing up and you nailed it, "Sometimes when someone is toxic their partner will "sacrifice" a child to take the heat off of them (my Mother did it over and over again to me)". My father was an alcoholic my whole life ( now a "dry drunk") and my Mother an enabler. She did many many times over the years try to cause problems between him and I. As for moving forward i decided to write them both an email. I addressed my mother's actions and well as my father's disapproval and unkind words. I explained to them that as I am a 32 year old woman with 4 children of my own and living a healthy lifestyle I no longer need acceptance or guidance from them and they can no longer speak to me as they did when I was a child, which was emotionally abusive. I have no plans on contacting them at all until they get help and I have received a full apology, which I know may never happen. I will still allow them to correspond with the kids. As for seeing them, they live far away and rarely see them anyway, so that won't be an issue.

  12. #12
    Angel's Avatar
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    Good for you Brin! You deserve happiness and the best thing you can do is embrace it and not allow them to continue to manipulate you. I think emailing them back is a good choice and I agree to cut them out of your life as much as possible, for now. Maybe down the road some bridges can be mended.

    When our relationship first began a lot of people didn't think we would last and I think that includes much of his family. They were supportive of him and never said anything but it always felt like they were patiently waiting for our relationship to run its course. I'm not sure when that feeling changed (before we got married), but now I feel if we'd split up the reaction would be the opposite and they'd all be shocked. I think your family will come around. Time usually has a way of fixing things our words can't.
    there before the threshold, I saw a brighter world beyond myself

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  13. #13
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    In my case it was my father in law. My husband came home on leave and wanted to get married. The father created such a stink, I said NO. I told my husband I had enough wacked out men in my past and I did not need the drama. Hubby left very sad.

    I told him I would "see" how it would work out in the end. Well, around 6 months later he was home on leave again and we got married without anyone's permission or invitation. We had upset people on all sides of the equation.

    Fast forward.....11 years, married 8 1/2. The only one who continues to TRY and throw a wrench in the works when life gets stressful is my husbands father. So he has not been part of our life. I am protective over my husband and marriage and will knock the head off anyone who thinks they have the right to interfere.

    However, in the beginning I played it smart, very low key and calm. But did not include anyone who was against us.

    My daughter broke my heart for nearly two years about this but that is very old news now.

    Soooooo if it is meant to be, it just happens. Don't sweat the people who think its ok to be hurtful, mean or cruel. Even if they are family.
    18inches24years likes this.

  14. #14
    farzana is offline Neophyte
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    Hey..sabrina, i am also same condition as you are. Mine is even worse. I am married also. I pray u will get a happy ending.

    Plss pray for me . I started a post, you can view my problem in that post.

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