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Thread: Separate Vacations

  1. #1
    Lilybart is offline Member
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    Separate Vacations

    Ladies and gents--
    On the issue of taking separate vacations...what has been your experience? Positive, negative, somewhere in between?

    Our situation is that we've only been in relation for a few months and both he and I have been planning 2013 vacation destinations since before we met. We don't have the vacation time or budgets to do both and frankly, I don't think either of us is ready to do an overseas trip together.

    That said, we are both uncomfortable with the idea of the other being away in some exotic foreign land alone. We've not actually talked about it in detail, but we have communicated as much to one another.

    Insights?

  2. #2
    Slow Worm's Avatar
    Slow Worm is offline Senior Member
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    My wife & I sometimes end up with leave at different times, and then the one off work will sometimes go away. This has usually been for just a few days but two years ago she went to Australia for a month, to accompany her mother going to visit relatives there.

    We prefer going together when we can, unless the trip is over some special interest the other does not share (but we don't have many of those).

    SW

  3. #3
    NY10's Avatar
    NY10 is offline Senior Member
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    We have never taken separate vacations and to be honest I don't think we ever would. We have done trips with friends (he will go with the boys and play golf or baseball or whatever it is they do) I go with the girls (spas, beach trips, girl time) but that is not alone without the other.

    When we first started dating I had a trip already booked (with an ex actually) me and my ex were going on a trip with mutual friends. Me and my SO had just started seeing each other maybe a month or so into the relationship I went on the trip. I tossed with the idea of not going but I spent a lot of $ and being me and my SO were only a month into the relationship I didn't think much of it. It was not the best idea, my SO was not pleased what so ever and I did not find myself having the best time. I couldn't wait to get home to him and that won't ever happen again.
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  4. #4
    chi77 Guest
    i am all for separate vacations, maybe just 3 or 4 days.

    i think spending time away from each other is as important as spending time together. i think it helps you to remember to not take each other for granted.

    how great is it to miss each other and be super happy to see each other again?
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  5. #5
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    thatoneperson is offline Senior Member
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    I've been dating my OM for almost two years. We don't live together. We've done some vacations together. But since he makes more money than me and his work schedule is more flexible, he takes trips by himself. He took trips by himself before he dated me, so I guess I don't see why dating me would change that. It's good for him to go out and do things to come home and tell me about.
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  6. #6
    MissMuffins's Avatar
    MissMuffins is offline Senior Member
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    So long as you're careful about the company you keep while on vacation, I see nothing wrong with separate vacations.

    Yes, you'll miss your sweetheart while the two of you are apart, and vice-a-verse-a. The great thing about technology is that you can touch base via email, text message or even picture messages. My only caution would be to stay present in the moment and enjoy your vacation, instead of spending your entire vacation texting, etc.

    MM
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  7. #7
    pinkunicorn's Avatar
    pinkunicorn is offline Senior Member
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    For some couples, it works. Some couples actually need the time apart. Other couples couldn't imagine taking separate vacations. It comes down to the two of you and your personalities. If I were to tell my husband that I am going to fly to Phoenix next weekend and hook up with some old friends I haven't seen in a while, he'd tell me to go and have a great time. Likewise, he is going to retire in May and has plans to go on a couple of motorcycle trips to visit some old friends and family he hasn't seen in a while. I'm encouraging him to go. Of course, we would miss each other greatly during the time apart, but we both cherish our own (and each other's) individual needs On the other hand, my ex husband would have NEVER let me take a vacation on my own, and wouldn't have thought about going on one without me (of course, there were underlying issues there, so that may not be the best example.)

    Only you and he can decide if you two are cool with you taking your planned vacations, if you want to choose just one or the other and go together, or if both of you want to scrap your plans and do something totally different.

    You say you haven't actually talked in detail about this--I think it's time you do!
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  8. #8
    AmandaAlice's Avatar
    AmandaAlice is offline Senior Member
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    I would never do it myself. If I'm going somewhere, I want my OM with me, and I would be a wreck the whole time he was gone if he went somewhere without me. Not to mention I'd be jealous as all heck if I was stuck at home like always while he went someplace cool. I don't even like the rare 1 day trips he has to take for work. Back when we first got together, he and his brother went to their sister's for a week to hunt, and I couldn't get time off work, so I stayed home with his brother's wife and daughter, it was so boring. Then I had to listen to his drunken phone call when he did call, because hunting is just an excuse for them to drink a couple cases of beer a day. So I was not happy. I'm not necessarily worried he'll cheat on me or anything, it's mostly like he gets really stupid if he's drunk, and if he's with his brother and brother-in-law, it's like that Jack@ss show, only even worse. Like Jack@ss multiplied by 1000. So I'd rather be with him reminding him that just because those idiots jumped off a bridge doesn't mean he needs to too. Plus, with us having a little one, in my eyes, he doesn't need to go out doing stupid frat-boy crap with his brother, he needs to be here with the kid, especially because the age thing. He needs to take every moment with our kid that he possibly can. Maybe if I had friends of my own nearby instead of just online people I talk to, it'd be different. But I doubt it. Heck, when we first got together, I went out with the one friend I did have for dinner and some drinks, and my OM drove his self crazy thinking me and her were out picking up young studs, and he couldn't handle it. I ended up having to call my little brother to come pick us up because my OM wouldn't, he was certain I'd be leaving him for good to go party and hooch around with her. Took us all night to talk through that one.
    But, back on topic... yea, I just wouldn't want to go anywhere without him. The whole fun of vacation to me is spending time with your loved ones exploring new places, visiting all the museums and historical points of interest, going to the parks and hiking around, etc. Sure I could do it alone, but it wouldn't be anywhere near as fun or special. But I'm travel obsessed anyway, heck I get jealous when my parents get to go somewhere and I don't. I don't even like reading the vacation brag section in the newspaper, just ends up making me mad that I can't afford to go anywhere...

  9. #9
    MissMuffins's Avatar
    MissMuffins is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lilybart View Post
    Our situation is that we've only been in relation for a few months and both he and I have been planning 2013 vacation destinations since before we met. We don't have the vacation time or budgets to do both and frankly, I don't think either of us is ready to do an overseas trip together.

    That said, we are both uncomfortable with the idea of the other being away in some exotic foreign land alone. We've not actually talked about it in detail, but we have communicated as much to one another.

    Insights?
    I think you should talk about it.

    My SO and I were together for 3 years, and had lived together for 6 months, before we went on a vacation--really an overnight trip--together. I was stressed out about it.

    If you don't think you're ready for it, then you're not.

    MM
    "Our past is a story existing only in our minds. Look, analyze, understand, and forgive. Then, as quickly as possible, chuck it." ~ Marianne Williamson

  10. #10
    VenusDarkStarLA's Avatar
    VenusDarkStarLA is offline Senior Member
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    One of my brothers was married to a girl he met when they were both very young. OMG...I realize now that I wasn't any older than 23 at the time, so my brother was only 18 and his girl, 16. They dated for many years before they finally married, and during the term of their relationship, they would often take separate vacations. She would spend time in Denver with her best childhood friend, and they would ski...I think. My brother would occasionally run off to Big Bear with his buddies to do the same. Ironic that he was the one who coaxed her onto the bunny slopes in the first place.

    While there is certainly nothing wrong with spending some time apart, there is a huge difference between what my guy would do....head for the mountains for the weekend with his guitar to get drunk and tell stories with his buddies....and a European vacation. That might work for a chosen few, but I would find it alienating. Sure, Joe could be gone for days at a time just with his work...but that's different. When we choose our recreation time as a couple, I would think we'd spend it with each other if it runs past a couple days.

    By the way...this is something we've already discussed. I would never want him to feel stifled by telling him he can't go out and play with his friends, and he wouldn't do that to me either. But extended travel...that's for us as a team.

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  11. #11
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    Most of my vacation travel is just staying an extra day or two after a business travel, so I can see the country, and not just the hotel's conference room. My best gf is single and we have been discussing going to Italy for a week or me going with her to Puerto Rico (she is Puertorican). I don't know, I think that it's fun to travel together and it's fun to travel alone... Our relationship started online and we were an LDR for 2 years before he came here, so being apart is not a big deal, it's like a recharging batteries and finding our beginings kinda thing.
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    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  12. #12
    chi77 Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by SheLikesKitties View Post
    it's like a recharging batteries and finding our beginings kinda thing.
    That's what I'm talkin' about.
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  13. #13
    VenusDarkStarLA's Avatar
    VenusDarkStarLA is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by SheLikesKitties View Post
    Most of my vacation travel is just staying an extra day or two after a business travel, so I can see the country, and not just the hotel's conference room. My best gf is single and we have been discussing going to Italy for a week or me going with her to Puerto Rico (she is Puertorican). I don't know, I think that it's fun to travel together and it's fun to travel alone... Our relationship started online and we were an LDR for 2 years before he came here, so being apart is not a big deal, it's like a recharging batteries and finding our beginings kinda thing.
    I can see how this would work for you and your husband....everybody's needs are different. As long as Joe is in the Army, there will always be times when we are separated for days at a time. There's always the possibility that he could be deployed a 5th time, although not in the near future. As long as it wasn't an extremely dangerous situation (he said Afghanistan was very bad last time) he would want me to tag along.

    Yes, we met online and are currently in a long distance relationship, but we both hate it. For us, taking separate vacations longer than a weekend getaway would be like sleeping in separate beds. My last marriage was all about doing things separately and even sleeping in different rooms. We hardly ever did things together, and we never even took a mini-vacay. So my personal needs, and that of Joe's are different. I suppose that could change when he retires from the military, but this is how it is now.

  14. #14
    gorillagirl Guest
    @venus- when will you finally meet in person?

    i'm single now but during the 13 years i lived with my YM husband, i often took separate vacations. mostly as a gift to him. he needs/needed alot of space and i had more fun without him.
    Last edited by gorillagirl; 03-17-2013 at 10:51 PM.

  15. #15
    VenusDarkStarLA's Avatar
    VenusDarkStarLA is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by gorillagirl View Post
    @venus- when will you finally meet in person?

    i'm single now but during the 13 years i lived with my YM husband, i often took separate vacations. mostly as a gift to him. he needs/needed alot of space and i had more fun without him.
    We will get together in June. His drill sergeant training will be completed end of May, and after that, he has a month leave. He won't move from Ft. Bragg, NC to Ft. Jackson, SC area until just before his leave is over, so I will probably be visiting him the early part of June. The army will move him, but he needs to find a place, and he doesn't like being too close to post.

    So yeah...June.
    gorillagirl and laurad121 like this.

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