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Thread: Guess who's back!

  1. #1
    walkersam is offline Senior Member
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    Guess who's back!

    So ladies, I may be back....lol. So I was dating this 53 yr old chef but he broke up with me 3 weeks ago because he went back to his ex gf. Things were going really well and he had asked me out that fri night but I had other plans so saturday morning he cancelled which was out of character especially after we had talked friday and he said he couldnt wait..... turns out he ended up meeting her for dinner and they talked and decided to try again. He wants to stay friends...ha.

    Anyway so a few weeks ago I was looking at profiles and noticed one that looked familiar but read it and moved on. After the guy broke up with me I was looking online and ran into it again but didn't pay much attention. Saturday night as I was looking, I looked to see who had viewed me and that profile had so I looked at it again. Between the two times, the profile had been rewritten. It now contained a story about something that happened on a date we had and no way it made sense to anybody but me.

    I emailed him and checked back later and he had responded. We talked for 2 hours Saturday night and a little yesterday. Just like old times. There are no promises and no idea what will happen but a weight has been lifted off my heart just getting to apologize for saying hurtful things. All I can say is we are going to take it slow and try to see what happens. I am happy no matter how it turns out just to not have this hanging over me anymore.

    Anyway, I do still love him and I hope we do get back together.

    What I need now besides prayers is some tips on how not to screw it up. I know I can't look at it as the same because we are not the same people. Tips or advice?
    debralee and pinkunicorn like this.

  2. #2
    chi77 Guest
    Welcome back walkersam...good to see you.

    I'm confused by your post though. Who is it you spoke to for two hours like old times?

  3. #3
    VenusDarkStarLA's Avatar
    VenusDarkStarLA is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by chi77 View Post
    Welcome back walkersam...good to see you.

    I'm confused by your post though. Who is it you spoke to for two hours like old times?
    I too am happy to see you back, riding on a cloud, but that makes 2 of us confused. Who is the mystery man?

  4. #4
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    I wish you wisdom, and I am glad you are back with good news.
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  5. #5
    gorillagirl Guest
    it sounds like maybeWS is getting back together with her ex who she wrote about in 2012...

  6. #6
    soul is offline Senior Member
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    Hey WS good to see you.


    I agree with GG sounds like WS ex who did a dissapearing act.


    As for tips, if it is the same ex, then start as you mean to go on. Set some requirements upfront you won't negotiate on. So regular contact via phone or text when you dont see each other physically. Regular sex and to see each other at least twice a month minimum. Ive just picked out things from memory you had issue with before
    laurad121 likes this.

  7. #7
    laurad121 is offline Senior Member
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    Welcome back! Go slow with your ex and protect your heart. I wish you happiness and agree about setting ground rules for the relationship if you are going to try again. You deserve a man who will give you what you want and need in a relationship. Love ya and have your best interest at heart of course...
    MissMuffins and karlsgirl like this.

  8. #8
    walkersam is offline Senior Member
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    Yes, I am sorry I posted on here again that it was my ex but I guess I didn't do something right. idk

    My ym and I have been talking since Saturday. we are going to take things slow for now but he seems different now in a good way....more open. I can tell he really has missed me a lot.

    I know him well enough to know it was a huge decision for him to do this cause he would never even take the chance.....its just not who he is.

    Ground rules are a must, that is for sure.

    How do we handle the fact that both of us may have seen other people while we were apart? It doesn't really bother me and I get the impression, he hasn't but well.......I have. He can be very jealous sometimes and this could be an issue if not handled properly.

  9. #9
    soul is offline Senior Member
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    I wouldn't mention anyone you've met while you were appart. If he asks then keep the info to a bare minimum and be very matter of fact about it.

  10. #10
    gorillagirl Guest
    WS- i hope this works out for you.
    i reunited with my most cherished YM for 4 months after 8 months apart. it was lovely in the beginning but it ended again before xmas and i'll probably never see/speak to him again because it went down so badly. he's still not ready or capable. go cautiously. the honeymoon is great but in the end, you're the same two people who had the same ol' issues as before...so just protect your heart and make him do the work for the relationship this time. my VYM said blah blah yadda ya but in the end, it was all words and it didn't work out and it actually hurts worse waaaaaaaaaaay worse the 2nd time around. xo
    Last edited by gorillagirl; 04-03-2013 at 12:31 PM.
    Angel, MissMuffins and karlsgirl like this.

  11. #11
    MissMuffins's Avatar
    MissMuffins is offline Senior Member
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    Welcome back, ws!

    I'm in the same court as laurad and gg...go slowly and guard your heart. He's the same guy you broke up with, and you're the same woman who broke up with him. People aren't static, though--we *do* grow as we go through life. Maybe this is a big enough deal to him that he underwent some meta-cognitive change as a result, and maybe you're willing to put up with less BS this time around.

    I broke up with my SO two years ago and initiated a reconciliation within 6 weeks. The breakup was a big decision, so was the reconciliation. Even though we've gone through PLENTY of crap since, the relationship is better now than it was before the breakup.

    I saw other people while we were not dating each other; he did not. He's never asked and I've never mentioned it. It's none of his business, and telling him would serve no useful purpose.

    MM
    "Our past is a story existing only in our minds. Look, analyze, understand, and forgive. Then, as quickly as possible, chuck it." ~ Marianne Williamson

  12. #12
    VenusDarkStarLA's Avatar
    VenusDarkStarLA is offline Senior Member
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    Sam, I hope things are better for you the second time around. There's an old song about that. I think people...including myself....tend to base their responses on their own experiences, and I don't think that's fair. Just like nobody knows my Joe like I know him, nobody knows your guy the way YOU know him.

    If we walk through life with a shield in front of our hearts, we might never know love. Nobody likes to hurt, but I wouldn't give up the thrill of being in love for anything. You just pay attention to what your heart says and never mind the opinions of others.
    karlsgirl likes this.

  13. #13
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    Quote Originally Posted by soul View Post
    I wouldn't mention anyone you've met while you were appart. If he asks then keep the info to a bare minimum and be very matter of fact about it.


    I wish I could give this piece of advice more than one LIKE! Total wisdom!
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  14. #14
    walkersam is offline Senior Member
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    thanks guys, I intend to go very slow and be careful but he had already hinted around as to whether or not I had been good so I know its a matter of time before he just comes right out and asks.

    And I realize that could really cause problems if not answered just right.

    The best thing is no matter what, I got to apologize and that weight is off my heart.

  15. #15
    chi77 Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by walkersam View Post
    thanks guys, I intend to go very slow and be careful but he had already hinted around as to whether or not I had been good so I know its a matter of time before he just comes right out and asks.

    And I realize that could really cause problems if not answered just right.
    ws i know this is what you wanted so badly, so i really do hope it works out for you. i'm sure both of you have learned some life lessons. they say you don't know what you've got til it's gone.

    it's really presumptuous of him to ask if you were "good", don't you think? i mean, he might not have seen anyone else, but he definitely wasn't good when he treated you the way he did. i would be as diplomatic as possible and give it some thought ahead of time as to what you will say when he asks, but i would let him know in no uncertain terms that it really is none of his business what you did during the time he wanted nothing to do with you.
    degausser, Angel, Stiletto and 3 others like this.

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