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Thread: A few questions for the ladies

  1. #1
    dark poet is offline Neophyte
    Join Date
    Mar 2013

    A few questions for the ladies

    Firstly, I've been reading many of the threads here on-and-off for a couple of months now and have been really moved by so many of them. Many others have provided great insight into the rewards and challenges of age-disparity relationships.

    So, onto my questions, which are pretty much purely hypothetical as I'm not the sort of person that acts on their feelings very often anyway. My situation is that I'm 30 although I look a fair bit younger and the woman I'm attracted to is - I guess - in her mid-to-late-40s. She's divorced with teenage children, single (I think) and I see her one or two days a week at work. We haven't spoken much and when we have it's been about work but she always seems really pleased to see me. Mostly I reckon because I'm pretty quiet and she wants me to feel involved.

    She's funny and playful, smart and attractive but in an understated way and were she my own age she would - in theory - be someone I would ask out. To be honest, I'm surprised she is divorced but maybe that's my own naivety - I just can't imagine her in full blown arguments but nor is she anyone's doormat. I guess people split up for all manner of reasons.

    Anyway, I've fallen for her pretty hard in as much as you can with someone you don't know that well. After this month I'll probably see her much more rarely (if at all) and even though I know I won't, what if I told her how I felt? I would be almost certain she'd reject me in the nicest way possible with the age gap the probable primary reason. I'd be fully prepared for that but there's always the chance she'd be shocked, offended and/or weirded out and even though that's not in her nature from what I can tell, I'd hate for that to happen. On the other hand (and maybe this is my silly male ego talking) would she not be left feeling flattered (not necessarily due to the age difference) but as a woman generally?

    My guess is she'd be surprised, a little flattered and would probably feel a little sorry for me and that leads me to my second question since she always does seem pleased to see me in a way she wouldn't somebody older unless she fancied them - I don't think anyway. It's more in a "yay, you're here" way and almost certainly because she probably perceives me as a lot younger than I am. Does this make sense to anyone?

    My other question is more of a general one and it's asking what older women look for in partners that younger women don't. In an example like this one the time-honored attraction to procreate wouldn't apply for instance. Of course it depends on the individual but are older women, especially those who've been divorced, looking for something in particular?

    Anyhow, like I said, nothing will come of this in all likelihood (Im in awe of all of you that have made it work or even just tried to) but ití was good to get it off my chest (however common and mundane a situation like this).

    Thanks for taking the time to read

  2. #2
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    What I would do is ask her out for lunch or for coffee, and see where that takes you. Maybe next invitation could be to the movies or something.

    What I want from a partner, young or old
    1. Intelligence
    2. Good conversation
    3. Lack of personality issues/baggage (not implying at that all older men have those or that all younger men are problem-free)
    4. Faithfulness
    5. Last but not least, good sex
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  3. #3
    chi77 Guest
    i'm an "older" woman and i look for....not necessarily in this order

    1. respect
    2. admiration
    3. sense of humor
    4. compassion
    5. intelligence
    6. and yes, last but not least, good sex

    dark poet you're shooting everything down too soon and reading too much into every little thing. ask her out for coffee so you can really talk to her instead of putting thoughts in her head....
    Stiletto and VenusDarkStarLA like this.

  4. #4
    VenusDarkStarLA's Avatar
    VenusDarkStarLA is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    What I want....

    1. Friendship
    2. Good communication
    3. Honesty
    4. Compassion
    5. Humor
    6. Good sex

    Just ask her out! By now you must know a little about what she likes. If you're too shy to ask her out for coffee right now, get an extra one when you go to get your favorite beverage. Buy a cookie too. Just say you thought of her when you were getting coffee for yourself...and then LEAVE, so she doesn't have time to feel awkward! I would definitely translate this as a flirt, and figure the ball was in my court.
    SheLikesKitties likes this.

  5. #5
    soul is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    I'm not sure as someone who is older, that we are looking for anything different than someone who is younger.

    I guess if anything it would be stability, usually by your 40's you're kinda done with jumping from one relationship to another. My wish list hasn't changed from when I was 20 ( 45 now). I always will fall for man who has a great sense of humor and / or is very intellectual.

    It's funny, I was just thinking how we go through time lines of ages and when exactly do we go from one phase to another. Although you are young, most people I think would refer to you as a man rather than a young man. I guess when you hit the big 3 0 would be that turning point. You will probably hold that mantle until around 45 - 50 when you will take on the new reference of middle age man ( Don't panic, you don't get to be called a miserable old f'ker until you're about 75 ) lol.

    Ok joking aside, what I'm trying to say is, I believe your age relation to your love interest is within the same perameters * Just* and really even by Joe publics scathing eye wouldn't have a high shock factor. So don't be too dismissive.

    It's extremely unlikely she would be offended or weired out. It's much more likely at the very worst case, she's going to be highly flattered but not open to the idea. Best case, highly flattered and ready to do a Mrs Robinson on you.

    I'd ask her out for a coffee definately.
    mickysixtynine likes this.

  6. #6
    NY10's Avatar
    NY10 is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    New York, NY
    What I want:

    1. Sense of humor (it's very important for me to have someone who can make me laugh and who I can laugh with)
    2. Confidence (It's a major turn on for me to be with someone who is confident and sure of them self. I do not like cockiness but a strong sense of self is important)
    3. Respect (must have respect for me them self. I see how they treat their family and friends and I want that same respect for me, my friends and family as well)
    4. Intelligence (You don't have to know everything about everything but I must be able to have a conversation and be able to speak to my partner.)
    5. Good sex (self explanatory really but I enjoy sex very much and even if the man has all 4 of the above if the sex is not good than I loose attraction and that is a problem, sex is an important part of a good healthy relationship)

  7. #7
    kitkat620's Avatar
    kitkat620 is offline wishful thinker
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    This is one of those posts, that when I read it I want to say "awwww". In just that you sound so sweet.

    Anywho, I am a divorced 52 year old woman who is attracted to younger men. I hope I don't sound too superficial, but physical attraction is very important to me. Then, in no particular order; sense of humor, wiseness (beyond his years?... maybe.), creative/artsy, a little rough (such as tattoos/piercings, jeans & t-shirt type, blue collar), animal lover (compassionate). And a quiet, honest, charm seems to get me every time.
    "We must become the change we want to see."
    Mahatma Gandhi

  8. #8
    brinparker's Avatar
    brinparker is offline Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    United States
    What is important to no particular order
    1. Faithfulness
    2. Humor
    3. Confidence
    4. Positive personality
    5. Sexual chemistry

  9. #9
    Stiletto's Avatar
    Stiletto is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    West Coast British Columbia
    Sense of humour
    Fair minded
    Joins in when silliness erupts, or instigates aforementioned silliness.

    and the superficial.. I love long hair, blue eyes, british accents, slim build.. hello have you met my husband?

    Deal breakers: MUST be kind to animals and accept snakes as pets. Can NOT be sexist or homophobic.

    May attempt to tell me what to do but not be shocked when this fails to have the desired effect nor surprised when this in fact has the opposite effect.
    chi77, Mebel and mskitty like this.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    Age gap: 22 years, 6 days.

  10. #10
    martin18 is offline Neophyte
    Join Date
    May 2013

    Thumbs up Very helpful

    Very help full, going on my second date with a very nice OW. She has told me that physical attraction is very important to her as well as I am kind of more mature than my age. many thanks again

  11. #11
    dragonflysky is offline Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    I'm pleased to see so many people mention "good sex". I'm 58 years old. I would say that the majority of men I've dated around my age up to 10 years older, have some problems with erectile dysfunction or lower sex drive. That can happen sooner or later for all couples, but darn, I feel like I've just come into my sexual prime in the past 10 years and it sure would be nice to have a partner to share that "prime" with!
    martin18 likes this.

  12. #12
    Pickles's Avatar
    Pickles is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    United States-East Coast
    1) Friendship
    2) Communication
    3) Honesty
    4) Complimentary values
    5) Humor
    6 )Sexual chemistry

    I figure friendship covers the respect, which covers fidelity especially since the person shold ideally have similar values.
    Physical peripherals are not what marks a "keeper", so I won't list them
    Daisypath Friendship tickers
    ............Unexpected pleasures are sweetest

  13. #13
    martin18 is offline Neophyte
    Join Date
    May 2013


    Ha, ha....we discussed this today, we will make form an opinion and reply!!!!

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