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Thread: telling your age

  1. #1
    maryb is offline Member
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    Feb 2007

    telling your age

    Hello everyone,
    I'm in a dilemma, probably a common one on here. A younger guy I like, we hang out sometimes, but so far no romance, though there is flirting... He keeps trying to find out my age. It's a big difference to me, not as big as some on the board who're in happy long term relationships, but still, for me it's big... about 15 + years. I'm dreading telling him, because I'm scared that will be the end of any hopes of romance with him. Equally, I know that at some point it's going to come up. What's the best way to tell someone, how did some of you do it? Thanks all, Mary

  2. #2
    theREALTrish's Avatar
    theREALTrish is offline Senior Member
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    Mar 2006
    Rhode Island
    Just tell him. It's better to be honest and up front about the age difference in the beginning. Then if he has a problem with it, you'll know before things go any farther. If it is
    a big deal to him, then it wasn't meant to be in the first place.

  3. #3
    LoisLane's Avatar
    LoisLane is offline Member
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    Feb 2013
    United Kingdom
    I first got to know my YM as a friend, we used to hang out frequently and he had no idea how old i was then. But once i realised i was interested in him i dropped in casually into relevant conversations how old i am and also how old my kids are, that way i felt that if anything happened between us he would be making an informed decision. For me 13 years seemed huge (and still does at times but i am getting used to it) but he says he really hasn't ever been bothered about it.

    Just put it out there when the next opportunity comes up and see what happens.
    mskitty likes this.

  4. #4
    pinkunicorn's Avatar
    pinkunicorn is offline Senior Member
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    Oct 2010
    Just tell him!

    Any time you feel you need to hide an aspect of yourself in a relationship, whether it's your age, your natural hair color, or the fact that you collect Furbies, you should question yourself and your motivation for wanting to hide these aspects.

    You want him to like you for who you are, right? Well then let him know who you are--age and all! If you hide parts of yourself from him, he will draw his own assumptions. If he does fall for you, he will only end up falling for the person he thinks you are rather than the person you actually are.

    While stuff like that makes for awesome romantic comedy movies, it doesn't work out so well IRL.
    Stiletto and mskitty like this.
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  5. #5
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    Dec 2008
    I have seen the age thing handled in different ways with different results.
    If someone asks me my age I am normally honest about it, but if I do not feel like telling I tell whoever that I am 15 yrs old.
    During the time I was doing the chat-room scene, I would lie about my age, name and location. So when Nick met me, I lied about my age. Eventually I told him that I had lied and he told me he had lied about other stuff too, so no big deal.

    Some people do not mind being lied to about age, but for some people that's a deal breaker, and cause for ending a relationship.
    mskitty likes this.
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  6. #6
    maryb is offline Member
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    Feb 2007
    Thanks for replies, all. Some wise words and things to ponder. Guess I'm going to have to bite the bullett

  7. #7
    soul is offline Senior Member
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    Apr 2011
    Unless you think you look 15 years younger than you actually are - no offense this is unlikely, then what's to worry about. He's probably already got a good idea how old you are, so it's not going to be a big shocker for him anyways. Then he comes down to 'oh 39 sounds better than 42' ( I don't know how old you are) but it's those little numbers shaved off can make us feel better. The least fuss you make of it, less he'll think about it too
    mskitty and degausser like this.

  8. #8
    Pickles's Avatar
    Pickles is offline Senior Member
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    Jun 2012
    United States-East Coast
    I didn't show any discernible age til about 43 because some rough years after 40 (my avy is this past April- only weight makes huge dif in my look)
    but have always laid it out on the table toot sweet. Prevents any scuffles later. Seen it go south too many times with friends who liked to pursue younger men on purpose and in my own case I've had men who were my peers get turned off when I was older than I appeared. : \
    So I get out of the way fairly early : AGE- School age child in house(aka responsibility)- Christian. And then go from there (even a F buddy would need to know so they don't ring up a booty call that wakes my whole house or want to go out

    My own problems with my few age gap elation ships came from the other end lying.
    Most the time I could guess and nip it in the bud. I was not interested in the concept.
    My Ex-monster is 6 years younger than me. He padded his age by 3 for a year.
    I had a relationship with someone 17 years my junior who looked older than me and it was a disaster. And he KNEW my age early on. Meh...but in the end when I was honest, it wasn't about age so much as compatibility and all the aspects he lied about.

    My darling and most precious best friend, my "Hunny" I KNEW was younger. And had to really be convinced to continue past acknowledging attraction.

    And even Hunny had padded his age when we first were just game-mates... not sure why though it was not just to me. He said he was 25 when he was still 22. never admitted why but I would assume he wanted his opinion to have weight since most of our SG ( a guild/association of the in game characters) were hitting their early 30s. My age announced often in shut ups "shut up about 'old'..Im older than you by 'x' years!"
    mskitty likes this.
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  9. #9
    mskitty Guest
    Doesn't sound like he has brought up the AGE question except in a teasing manner... I would just enjoy the flirting first and if it gets to the point of serious interest then cross that bridge.. most likely he already realizes that there is an age difference.
    Last edited by mskitty; 08-30-2013 at 09:06 AM. Reason: adding to clarify

  10. #10
    maryb is offline Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Thanks everyone for your replies. I've put so much emotional energy into this it's not good.
    Please close the thread. I'm going to just let it go and what happens, happens. Thanks again for your replying, much appreciated. Mary
    Last edited by maryb; 08-30-2013 at 11:25 AM.

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