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Thread: Advice/help?

  1. #1
    spring.annie's Avatar
    spring.annie is offline Neophyte
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    Advice/help?

    Hi everyone

    This is my first time posting on this board. I've been reading the posts on it the past few days. I am in a bit of a pickle of sorts. I'm 25 (and the girl, if that wasn't obvious I'm in the OW section) and there's this guy, and he's 18. Now I know, 7 years, isn't as big of a gap compared to some of you, but to me it is. I've never been into younger guys, ever, I've always dated guys my own age or older. I'm not currently dating this guy, but we're friends, and we're very flirty, have a lot of inside jokes, he likes to tease me (playfully) all the time (as I do him), he remembers what we talk about, likes to use my name, looks for any excuse to come talk to me (we work together). I didn't know where else to turn to. I feel like I can't talk to my friends or family at this stage because nothing is set in stone, and I feel they might be a bit critical (even if it wasn't intentional), and other websites have been nothing but useless (looking at you Yahoo Answers). So when I come across this one I was so impressed, because I thought you guys could understand how I feel. So if anyone can offer any advice, or support that would be great. I am really really smitten with this guy, I really cannot stop thinking about him, and I don't know what to do because he's only 18 years old. Help?

    Thanks in advance xx
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  2. #2
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    Some 18 yr olds are very mature, and like "older women" as in 20 or eary 30 yr olds. Don't worry about the age difference, it's really small, you are both young, enjoy and see how far this goes.
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    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  3. #3
    Faith's Avatar
    Faith is offline Some assembly required
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    Since you work with him, you should be well aware that this flirtation is obvious to your co-workers. Believe me, even if you think you're being discreet, your co-workers can see it. True, it's not a staggering age gap, and it's none of their business, but flirtations in the workplace always attract gossip. Does that worry you? If that's not a concern, enjoy it.
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  4. #4
    gorillagirl Guest
    i would not take a work relationship into the personal arena...it can go really bad including one you having to quit your job....be careful.
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  5. #5
    spring.annie's Avatar
    spring.annie is offline Neophyte
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    We don't have any rules in my workplace about dating, in fact one of supervisors in in a serious relationship with a friend of mine who also works there, and it's not a problem for the company.

    I have just not long had a shift with him. He remembers literally all the little things I tell him, even the things that aren't important. He likes using my name, and looking at me, even when he's talking to a group of people. I noticed him blushing quite a few times too, which has to be a good sign.

    Thanks ladies so far for your help and support, it's all so helpful xx. I've been reading quite a few of your stories on how you met your YM and such, and you all seem like really nice people

  6. #6
    pinkunicorn's Avatar
    pinkunicorn is offline Senior Member
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    If you're interested and he's interested, why not go for it and see where it leads? I would guess that would be much better than wondering "what if..."
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    Never try to fit in when you are meant to stand out.


  7. #7
    maryb is offline Member
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    I'm with Pink. While it's true it can be risky playing off piste (workplace), we're a long time dead and unless you're being really physical in a broom cupboard or something, people might notice but so what? If it works out, great; if it doesn't, at least you tried and can do damage limitation if needed afterwards. Office romances are very common so I'm not sure it would be a big deal, just a bit of titillation for bored workers, maybe... but that's for you to find out. My mum always says today's gossip is tomorrow's chip paper - chips are fries in the uk and they used to wrap them in newspaper, in the way back when.

    My only caveat would be if office romance is banned where you work, in that case think very carefully.

  8. #8
    thatoneperson's Avatar
    thatoneperson is offline Senior Member
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    Is there any chance that you would become his supervisor? If so, tread carefully. But it sounds like dude is totally into you. Ask him out for a cup of coffee and see where it goes.

  9. #9
    Slow Worm's Avatar
    Slow Worm is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by spring.annie View Post
    I am in a bit of a pickle of sorts.
    You do not sound as if you are: nothing seems to have gone wrong at all so far, by your account.

    I thought you guys could understand how I feel.
    There isn't anything special to understand. You like this guy, he seems to like you. You have not explained why his age might be a problem. Is there a reason why it might?

    if anyone can offer any advice, or support that would be great.
    You have not identified any problem calling for advice or support.

    I don't know what to do because he's only 18 years old
    What difference does it make?


    Sorry if this sounds unsympathetic but you are making a catagory error here. You are telling us you like this man but he is younger than you, and you imply that his age is a problem in some unexplained way, and expect people here to work out what that problem is. If you think about it, we are the last people to work that out: we are in AGR's (age gap relationships) because we don't assume that there is any problem in them. If you think that there is one, you need to tell us what it is before we can suggest anything.

    SW
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  10. #10
    spring.annie's Avatar
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    Sorry I haven't been posting on here, I've been away and then I've been busy. Thanks to everyone who took the time to read this! You're all too kind! Nothing much else has happened, well, I guess a little has happened.
    We've been talking more and more, outside of work, and things are getting more flirty, with lots of implied content. Still remembers everything I tell him and such. I still haven't had the courage to tell him how I feel... I know it's stupid not to, I am just hoping he would make the first move. I've dropped plenty of hints I just wonder if it's because of the age gap keeping us both nervous? Did anyone else encounter this sort of hesitation at first?
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  11. #11
    pinkunicorn's Avatar
    pinkunicorn is offline Senior Member
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    Ask him? There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking the first move!
    VenusDarkStarLA and mskitty like this.
    Never try to fit in when you are meant to stand out.


  12. #12
    trolleycar's Avatar
    trolleycar is offline I still play with trains
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    Hi spring.annie
    Don't let the age gap get in the way. As Is said age we just a number.
    I think the big question is do you like him? and the guy you are interacting with seams to like you.
    As long as you two are not troubled by what your co workers think and kid you two about your friend ship go with the flow and see where it leads.
    I myself can not see the problem with some companies not wanting dating among coworkers?
    I have a small company . And I know about one relationship in my company. I do not have any problem with there relationship at all , just as long the work they are doing is done on time and correctly. I would rather have happy employees then two employees that were sneaking to spend time with each other.And to get back to the age gap .
    I am in a AGR my self. I am 72 and my YW is 36. In the beginning of our relationship I was worried about the age gap
    as that she may have have problems with the relationship dealing the age. Well Let me tell you the age gap has not been a problem for us after three years we have been together. We think of our relationship as two people in love as god had planned.
    Our biggest problems has been the fact the I live in the US and she Lived in the UK. and the second problem was the five hours between the US and the UK.
    Well those problems have been removed she has moved to the Stated on November 1st of this year. we are finely together after three long years. It may be only 8 days but they have been the happyest 8 days of my live to date. As an old commercial said Try it you may just like it.
    LoisLane and pinkunicorn like this.

  13. #13
    gorillagirl Guest
    since you ruled out "NOT GOING THERE" in the workplace then for sure ask him out. you're the older/wiser person. he's waiting for you to ask...
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  14. #14
    RadoG60's Avatar
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    I waited for my man to make the move, I got sick of waiting so I did it.
    He wanted too, but thought because I was younger I wouldn't want anything to do with him.

    He may feel like you wouldn't want to be with someone younger, so he won't ask.

    Just ask to go do something casual together!
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  15. #15
    spring.annie's Avatar
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    Thanks for the quick replies again guys! You're all so lovely I actually sit here and smile when I read what you write I was afraid you would all say what I had been thinking, that because I'm older he may be waiting for me to ask him out. I'm getting there slowly. We literally talk all the time. When we aren't at work together being silly (but doing our jobs) with our little in jokes we are in contact with one another. I can't stop thinking about him, it's driving me mental.
    How did any OW ask out YM on here? Or confront them about their feelings?

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