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Thread: Am I Worrying About Nothing?

  1. #1
    TMAN is offline Member
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    Am I Worrying About Nothing?

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    Hey, Everyone

    I haven't posted here in a while, but am back now for a little encouragement. As many of you know, I'm currently involved -- albeit very slowly and cautiously -- in a long distance relationship with a terrific OW (she's 60; I'm 43) whom I met at a family friend's wedding back in June. She's in Nashville where my parents live; I'm in NYC where her sister lives and we're planning to see one another again in a couple of weeks over Thanksgiving while I'm there visiting my family and will also get to spend time together over Christmas & New Years when I'll be there for about ten days each.

    We last saw one another back in early October and since then we've been talking about 3 or 4 times a week (with her initiating most of it) because I have been very cognizant about giving her space and allowing her to take the lead, especially since she still has some misgivings because of our 17 year age difference, though they seem to be subsiding.

    At any rate, over the past week or so we haven't talked as much -- namely because we've both been super busy with our respective careers -- and the last time we spoke was this past Sunday night when I called her. I should also note that while she hasn't been the one initiating in the past week that when I did call Sunday she was very happy to hear from me even though I haven't been initiating with as much frequency either because I've been so caught up with work.

    All that said, however -- and I know this sounds crazy and unmerited -- part of my is starting to wonder if her not calling as much means she's loosing interest and is having second thoughts again as opposed to just being swamped when I am as well.

    Again, I know it sounds crazy, but I can't help wonder and part of me fears that when I see her in two weeks that she'll be hesitant because of the age thing even though there's really nothing whatsoever to suggest that at this point.

    Am planning to call her tomorrow night if I haven't heard from her by then, but could use a little encouragement in the meantime.

    Thanks.

  2. #2
    gorillagirl Guest
    she's likely swamped but if any of your insecurity/nervousness is showing through, it could be a stressor for her also. instead of asking us (strangers) who have no clue how you two interact, i think you need to have a discussion with her during your next conversation about phone calls: what is too much and what is too little, how to balance initiation, etc.

  3. #3
    TMAN is offline Member
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    Thanks for Your Response

    Quote Originally Posted by gorillagirl View Post
    instead of asking us (strangers) who have no clue how you two interact, i think you need to have a discussion with her during your next conversation about phone calls: what is too much and what is too little, how to balance initiation, etc.
    Sounds like a plan, although at this point I think it's just the fact that we are both extremely busy right now more than anything else.

  4. #4
    gorillagirl Guest
    then why are you worried?

  5. #5
    TMAN is offline Member
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    I'm Really Okay

    Quote Originally Posted by gorillagirl View Post
    then why are you worried?
    In all honesty, I'm really NOT that worried at all. In fact, I haven't picked up the phone to call her once since Sunday because I've been swamped and preoccupied with work; I suppose it's just light jitters because of previous relationships gone bad. That's all.

  6. #6
    Faith's Avatar
    Faith is offline Some assembly required
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    Pick up the phone.

    Speaking for myself, I prefer it when the man takes the lead slightly more often than me.
    gorillagirl and Mebel like this.
    "Leave the gun...take the cannoli."

  7. #7
    TMAN is offline Member
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    Good Point!

    Quote Originally Posted by Faith View Post
    Pick up the phone.

    Speaking for myself, I prefer it when the man takes the lead slightly more often than me.
    Thanks for the advice. I plan to call her tomorrow.
    gorillagirl likes this.

  8. #8
    MissMuffins's Avatar
    MissMuffins is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by TMAN View Post
    In all honesty, I'm really NOT that worried at all. In fact, I haven't picked up the phone to call her once since Sunday because I've been swamped and preoccupied with work; I suppose it's just light jitters because of previous relationships gone bad. That's all.
    I think your friend is the kind of woman who understands grown-up men have jobs and work-related commitments. If you had enough time on your hands to be at her beck and call 24/7, that would be a bad thing. If I were in her place, considering this is early stages of the relationship, I'd be relieved that you didn't have time to be too clingy.

    MM
    Last edited by MissMuffins; 11-13-2013 at 11:27 PM.
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    "Our past is a story existing only in our minds. Look, analyze, understand, and forgive. Then, as quickly as possible, chuck it." ~ Marianne Williamson

  9. #9
    thatoneperson's Avatar
    thatoneperson is offline Senior Member
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    You might want to think about emailing each other back and forth rather than calling. Email gives you time to think and respond on your own time. A phone call demands the other person's attention and time. Something to consider. My OM and I got to know each other well through email.
    Mebel likes this.

  10. #10
    Mebel's Avatar
    Mebel is offline OWYM AG 29 yrs
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    Quote Originally Posted by thatoneperson View Post
    You might want to think about emailing each other back and forth rather than calling. Email gives you time to think and respond on your own time. A phone call demands the other person's attention and time. Something to consider. My OM and I got to know each other well through email.
    Exact as we did, we wrote eachother and still send text messages daily (after 5 yrs) these days via whatsapp.
    We communicate perfect, but not via phone. So we do not do that at all anymore, did that 5 times in total. ((btw we see eachother every week at his or my house for 2-3 days.
    Last edited by Mebel; 11-14-2013 at 05:25 AM.

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