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Thread: uncertainty?

  1. #1
    maryb is offline Member
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    uncertainty?

    Ladies were your guys hesitant in the beginning about the age difference, guess I'm thinking more than 15 years, and guys, did you feel there were issues to come to terms with, or was it more that this is too good to miss out on? Is/ was the kid thing a big issue for anyone? Thanks, Mary

  2. #2
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    Hello Mary,
    Nick was the one who originally pointed me to Ageless Love to calm my fears about the age difference. I guess that when you start a long distance relationship, you do not worry about the age difference because you do not think the relationship will be long term. So why bother? Before Nick I had other online "relationships" that lasted a few weeks or months and were just fun enterntainment. But then with Nick things were different, and at one point I did get concerned. His favorite phrase was "ride it until it crashes".
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  3. #3
    maryb is offline Member
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    Hi Shelia,
    Thanks for your reply. Love that, "ride it til it crashes." Nick sounds like he was very sure from the beginning, which is wonderful

  4. #4
    Bella_Grl is offline Neophyte
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    Hey Mary,

    My partner was even more enthusiastic about this relationship than me (he is 12 years my junior). Frankly, at first I was a bit surprised that he was so interested in this relationship, but then I realized how lucky I was.
    SheLikesKitties likes this.

  5. #5
    maryb is offline Member
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    That's great, Bella_Grl, guess when they know, they know

  6. #6
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    Pickles is offline Senior Member
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    My partner is 22 years younger. Most of his uncertainty stemmed from his honest assessment that his family would likely freak and he didn't know if he could take the drama while still living under same roof and that being as close to his family as he was he didn't know if his strength of will could weather it out.

    His personal uncertainty was that I first would find him unattractive in real life.... (he started video skype to constantly throw his troll like visage at me (lol)
    then... That I would find him a dull and tiresome person(was a dull ray by satellite laser going to hit him after a couple years of acquaintance because he was love interest?)
    then... it was bout his stature......... (he is still taller than me ... problem -solved)
    then that he wouldn't up to par for performance (that was solved admirably and then some)
    then .. I would hate his family, specially his mom who is totally psychotic by very idea of me. (well disappointing and rather sad. But he came to bat for us. That is what counts in end)
    now it that he might be a failure in his chosen profession or not a good breadwinner... or give me what he could had he been older

    gonna have to ride that one out...lol

    But once he committed he has not minced backward once, even in bouts of ... "I don't want to fail you!" *sigh*
    Daisypath Friendship tickers
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  7. #7
    maryb is offline Member
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    That's a different kind of uncertainty, from the younger guys perspective that he won't in some way measure up. Guess I don't really think of it in those terms, more about the uncertainty of a younger guy in getting involved with an older woman. But it's good to hear the other side and to know that love conquers

  8. #8
    Kariya is offline Member
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    I'm 24 years younger than my SO. She was the first older woman I had ever had interest in. We had gotten to know each other before I knew her age. I knew she was a bit older, but when I found out how much older, I was unsure. What would my family think? What would my friends think? It didn't occur to me at that time that she was probably feeling the same uncertainty.

    When we both realized we had feelings for each other, she immediately back off and tried to cut it off because I was too young (a couple years younger than her son).

    I respected that, but could not and would not let go. I told her that I wanted her in my life, and whether that would be as a friend, or more, or any which way she would have me.

    That eased the tension a bit and we continued to spend time and get to know each other on a deeper level. Which in turn broke down the barriers and grew from there.

    The next couple years were full of.. uh.. growth (many a many fights.. misunderstandings, miscommunications, unspoken insecurities) which nearly ended us a few times. Every hurdle we got past, stayed behind us and we were that much stronger.

    So now, 8 years in, the age thing isn't a thing anymore. For me anyway. I know that some days it comes up for her, but I do believe that's somewhat normal. Usually just craving affection and reassurance <3



    tl:dr (too long:didn't read) = As with anything new, there will be a little bit of hesitation from both sides. After enough time, the novelty goes away and it becomes just like any other relationship They key is to be open minded
    fiorinda and LunaLove like this.

  9. #9
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    fiorinda is offline Senior Member
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    I don't recall that Lee was any more hesitant at the start of our relationship than it's normal to be at the start of any relationship. Certainly not more so because of the age gap. He knew exactly how much older than him I was before we met, and actually before he even first contacted me (we met on a dating site). He wasn't bothered what anyone might think, that's for sure. If he had reservations, they were because being with me meant that he would have to move to the other side of the country (not quite such a big deal here in the UK as in many other places, but a deal nevertheless). I don't think he was even put off by the fact that my daughter (who is older than him by a couple of years) was having a baby so I would become a grandmother not long after we got together. I'm not saying that was easy for him, but it didn't put him off.
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  10. #10
    maryb is offline Member
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    Kariya and Florinda, thanks for your replies. Kariya it's good to read the younger guy's perspective. I'm glad you worked things out together and are happy. Florinda, it's great to know that age gap relationships do work and that when the heart is sure, it's sure
    fiorinda likes this.

  11. #11
    Harmony 7 is offline Senior Member
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    It never mattered to me. I had been in a few relationships with older women, so I guess I was used to it!

    I have always been attracted to older women and feel that I learn so much from them.

    But she was very uncertain and mentioned it as things got more and more serious. She is 7 years older than I am. She thinks it is a lot. I think it is nothing.

    My only concern was kids: I wanted them, but was willing to accept that she did not want anymore, nor could have any more by that time.

    Just take it one day at a time.

  12. #12
    Ellethe's Avatar
    Ellethe is offline Ex-Marcy'd
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    Quote Originally Posted by maryb View Post
    Ladies were your guys hesitant in the beginning about the age difference, guess I'm thinking more than 15 years, and guys, did you feel there were issues to come to terms with, or was it more that this is too good to miss out on? Is/ was the kid thing a big issue for anyone? Thanks, Mary
    I panicked and freaked out initially and for years after lol. He's been a rock on the issue since day 1.
    Angel likes this.
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