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Thread: Trying to Bite My Tongue About My GF's Terrible Boss I Used to Work For

  1. #1
    TMAN is offline Member
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    Trying to Bite My Tongue About My GF's Terrible Boss I Used to Work For

    Hi Everyone,

    I haven't posted here in a while, but was hoping to get some advice about what is really the only issue in an otherwise ideal relationship with my 22-year-years-older girlfriend whom I've been dating blissfully now for over a year and a half.

    We're both writers and met nearly two years ago at a third-rate trade magazine where we were both editors and the publisher is scum to put it mildly. Just to give you some history, the reasons why we both took the job in the first place is because we both really needed the money at the time albeit for different reasons. My girlfriend took the job after being laid off from a national women's magazine where she was making a six-figure salary and had worked for nearly twenty years less than six months after her husband died suddenly and her world had basically been turned upside down. I, on the other hand, took it because I needed some income while I was trying to sell my third book, which I did and will be published next year.

    In any event, we started out as friends and then one thing led to another until I finally asked her out and we began a wonderful relationship that is still going strong after nearly two years. I'm 46, she's 68 and our friends and families, including her adult son and my parents (I don't have kids) all like us because they see how happy we are together, which we are in every way except for one thing that is causing friction between us: her boss and my old boss who I like I said is a scumbag, not to mentioned being extremely cheap and exploitive, which is why I left so I could work on my book.

    Unfortunately, my OW GF is still working for her for a fraction of what she's worth, including many weekends to the point where it's physically making her sick not to mention exhausted to the point where she fell asleep while we were at the movies last night. He also has no appreciation for her time, calls her constantly, etc. and as her boyfriend it makes me crazy to see her being taken advantage of like this even though I know she needs the job and is afraid she won't be able to get something else because she's older, particularly in magazines, which is a dying industry.

    On top of that, is the animosity I still have towards this guy because of what he did to me--not only creating significant financial problems because he was paying me so little, but also trying to sabotage my book--which just creates another layer because I see what he's doing to her and when I try and tell her what a scumbag he is it upsets her.

    I've tried--and am still trying to bite my tongue and keep my feelings to myself about it--but every time she ends up working longer than she should it upsets me because I know she's being exploited and I feel powerless to stop it. However, when I try and say anything it upsets her. Any advice? I'd really appreciate it.

  2. #2
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    Keep biting your tongue. In the meanwhile, pretend you are her, and explore what's out there, what opportunities are available for women her age. Maybe even reinventing herself in the new technology field of social media manager, or online editor.

    Let's first see what you find, and then come back and tell us. Because if she cannot move out of her awful job, then she must take steps to be more assertive and demand respect, if not with a bigger salary, at least with decent hours. Women are more prone to be exploited than men.
    debralee likes this.
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  3. #3
    whiterose's Avatar
    whiterose is offline Administrator
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    If it upsets her, I wouldn't bring it up but do let her know that if she ever decide's she needs to talk about it that you are there for her.
    SheLikesKitties and debralee like this.

  4. #4
    degausser is offline Senior Member
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    You need to drop it. If your comments upset her, stop making them. It really is that simple. I remember you posted about this earlier this year - you still haven't mentioned how she feels. Does she like her job? Does she enjoy working there? I enjoy my job even when it leaves me stressed and exhausted. I'm also underpaid for my work. But, I still enjoy my job.

    It doesn't matter in a way, because your comments upset her and that's all you need to know in order to stop making comments. But I think you need to think about this from her perspective. Her actual perspective, not your perspective of her situation. If she likes her job (despite all of the downsides), you criticizing it must be annoying and make her feel like you don't support her. If she's unhappy with her job, but needs it and is worried about being able to find another job in her industry due to her age, you criticizing the situation is just going to make her feel worse. That isn't being supportive.
    debralee likes this.

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