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Thread: Marriage

  1. #1
    Dil
    Dil is offline Neophyte
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Posts
    16

    Marriage

    It has been few years since I posted in here. This form has helped me in the past to accept the tiny age gap in my relationship. So I thought I will do a update and maybe some advice.
    We are both Indian, both of us were born in India and moved to the USA. I just turned 33 years old, and he is turning 29 in October (born 1989). He had the issue with his driver license birthday being wrong because his mom had issues with his birth certificate as a kid and birthday was translated wrong. His driver license birthday shows year 1991. We are celebrating our 6 year anniversary this year.
    So now onto the real reason. We are getting married this year, have not set a date yet. His parents found out about me and they are okay with me now. Initially, they were incredibly mad that he was dating a christian girl. and they threatened to disown him. We kept it a secret afterwards till we were done with school and when he started receiving marriage proposal this year but they have finally come around to kind of accepting me. Lot of work on our part to be patient with his parents. I hated being treated like a bad person without them even meeting me. I also have to thank his younger brother to help break the norm in the family and date a non Indian women and move out and get his own apartment with her.
    Now here is the real issue they do not know my age. They think I am 1 year old than him. I do not understand why they would make a big deal of 4 years (or even 6 years if you use his fake age on his driver liscence). But I know they would make 4 sound like 60 years apart. But they asked for my vedic astrology chart and I used my real birthday and I gave it to them. But if it don't match up with the fake birth year if they took the time to calculate it. I feel like i am venting, that this should be happy time for me but it seems like i have to jump through hoops with his family just to accept me fully. He is trying to play the peace maker but all i ever wanted was full acceptance. They also want to speak to my mom to ask if she is okay with marriage and I have to hope they do not bring up the age. Like i have no say in any of this. I just wish his family would get to meet me and know me and understand me as a human being. Before asking my mother for permission, asking for a vedic chart, and all this stuff. Part of me want to be truthful but the other part of me that they are so stuck in their way that truth will only hurt and cause more issues. This will be my first marriage and hopefully my last and I wanted this process to be happy.
    Inamorata likes this.

  2. #2
    Inamorata is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Toronto, Canada
    Posts
    111

    Congratulations!

    Congratulations on your upcoming marriage! I do understand the issues and don't want to make light of them but always keep at the forefront of your mind that you are marrying the man you love and you will be spending the rest of your life with him.

    Four years is nothing. I was 15 years older than my husband and it was an extremely happy marriage that ended only after he got brain damage. We are still good friends. I'm dating a man right now who is 30 years younger than me. Maybe you can let his parents know about all the successful marriages where the woman has been much, much older than the man.

    If they don't change, that's their loss. Just be constantly upbeat when you're with them and things may smooth over with time.

  3. #3
    Dil
    Dil is offline Neophyte
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Posts
    16

    Thanks

    Thank you. I am so sorry for you loss. My step dad passed away unexpectedly last year and it made me realize life is short no matter how old we are. There was a song in a Hindi movie that I loved, "Bas wohi sabse hasin hai", Live every moment here to your heart content. I just have to learn to apply that to my life.
    I just wish older Indian generation understood that love is marrying your best friend and not some set rules, age, religion and family standing in society. They have finally agreed to meet me, but have not set a date. I am just hoping that they will see me and not some checklist they are trying to fulfill. If they do not, you are right, it is their loss. But, thank you for listening to me vent. I wrote that in the middle of night depressed and filled with grammatical and spelling mistakes.
    Inamorata likes this.

  4. #4
    Inamorata is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Toronto, Canada
    Posts
    111

    Support

    No worries. When we are stressed, grammar and spelling can mysteriously disappear. Happens to me too.

    When you meet the family, just try to be as positive and welcoming as you can, no matter how they react. I have seen cases where Indian families came around to accept their daughter or son's partner although it sometimes takes awhile. Never grovel or act like you are desperate for their acceptance. Just let them see your sweet wonderful self and time may do its work on them.

    Always seek out support and help wherever you can find it. I'm wishing you and your love a wonderful future and all the best.

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