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Thread: Those in AGRs for a long time, what are the top 3-5 tips you can offer?

  1. #1
    whiterose's Avatar
    whiterose is offline Administrator
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    Those in AGRs for a long time, what are the top 3-5 tips you can offer?

    Even though the site has been slow for a while, we still have new members who enroll all the time. There are still people out there who need help and support. Those of you who have been in age gap relationships for a while who still stop by the site, please share for our new members the top 3-5 (or more) tips you can offer to those who may be on the fence about whether to proceed with an age gap relationship.
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  2. #2
    Inamorata is offline Senior Member
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    My Top Tips

    Hey everyone!

    Well I'm not in a long term AGR anymore but I was in a very successful one for a long time and I'm still dating guys a lot younger. Here's my list of tips, for what they're worth:

    1) Treat it like you would any relationship because, in the end, it IS like any other relationship. We all have differences - hair colour, eye colour, skin colour, our occupations, our education, our upbringing, our values, our goals, our sense of humour, how many cats we need to be happy.... It's what's at the core that matters. It's what holds you together.

    2) Keep your sense of humour. When other people make remarks about your age gap, treat it like a joke. It is. When someone tells you you're robbing the cradle, say, "I know! I had to hire a transport truck to do it 'cause he's 6'4" and almost 200 lbs!"

    3) Think of your relationship as a role model for others. I once heard from my mom about a couple who were deeply in love. He was in his twenties and she was in her forties. His parents refused to allow the relationship to continue. He never dated anyone else. Finally, when both his parents were dead, he went back to her and told her of his love. She had felt the same way and had never dated anyone else either. They married and were blissfully happy but because he was now on in his 60s and she was in her late 80s, she died soon after. What a sad comment on living your life based on other people's expectations. They could have had a lifetime of happiness together. When you defy the gossip and spin, you help others to do the same.

    4) Treasure what you've got. This is true for every relationship but we often focus on others' negative remarks about our AGR. So forget about that. When you spend less time thinking about other people and more time thinking about how you can make your partner feel special and treasured, you'll be on the right track to keep your relationship going and growing strong.

    5) If there are problems related to your relationship that you think of as "age-related," realize that they are not AGR problems but just problems. For instance, let's say you're past menopause and you think he might want children later. Well there are lots of younger women who can't have kids because of damage done by chlamydia, or an operation that removed their ovaries or a genetic condition they were born with. There are also plenty of younger women who don't want kids EVER, or who had kids when quite young and don't want more, so being younger would not necessarily solve the problem. There's also the possibility of adoption if he changes his mind and wants kids. The wanting/not wanting kids dilemma can be a problem in any relationship. Don't make everything about the AGR just because society does.
    whiterose and SheLikesKitties like this.

  3. #3
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    1) It takes a bit of time to get used to be in an AGR, so do not worry if you do not feel 100% comfortable at first. Trust me, the discomfort will pass and you will forget there is an age gap.
    2) As said before, treat the relationship like any other relationship. Most relationships require work and compromise to make them work, some relationships are worth all the effort, some are not. Do not take the age gap as a factor when deciding if you want to persevere or not.
    3) Have fun and forget what other people may think.
    4) Do not worry about who will die sooner or age sooner. We all die, we all age. Just take care of yourself as best as possible.
    5) If your relatives or friends do not approve, give them time, it will pass, they will get used to the relationship.
    6) I am a separate finances kind of girl. I think that is a good idea, age gap or not.
    7) I personally believe that if one person wants sex, and you are not in the mood, at least give him/her a chance to put you in the mood.
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  4. #4
    Slow Worm's Avatar
    Slow Worm is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by whiterose View Post
    tips you can offer to those who may be on the fence about whether to proceed with an age gap relationship.
    Depends why they are "on the fence" about it. If they think there is something inherently wrong with an age gap, we here are probably the least able to help, as we would struggle to comprehend that being a problem. It would be a bit like someone who believed in astrology and was worried about a relationship with someone with a supposedly incompatible horoscope seeking advice from someone who thought astrology was a load of nonsense, who thought the problem was non-existent.

    SW
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  5. #5
    Corsair is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by whiterose View Post
    Even though the site has been slow for a while, we still have new members who enroll all the time. There are still people out there who need help and support. Those of you who have been in age gap relationships for a while who still stop by the site, please share for our new members the top 3-5 (or more) tips you can offer to those who may be on the fence about whether to proceed with an age gap relationship.
    I wonder why someone would be on the fence about it and if they are would that be enough reason to not decline any interest in them? I don't think relationships of any kind can be entered into half halfheartedly. I also feel if someone has reservations than they will keep coming up with problems and road blocks no matter how hard you try entice them.

    I have chatted with and dated a lot of older women and of the ones who were "on the fence" as such they tended to only see it as a short term sex thing if that at all.
    Inamorata likes this.

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